We live in a culture of unreasonable expectations.
Nearly every day, television, magazines, websites, and billboards offer us countless images of the “perfect” home.
Beaming faces, sparkling eyes, pristine decor, and bountiful tables of food are shown on media platforms of every sort. Many of these images stand side by side with corporate logos and retail stores.
It would seem, from the image on the screen, these items are essential for a perfect home. Because, obviously, the smiles are bigger, the family is happier, and the lights shine brighter—if, and only if, we buy the consumer product to make it so.
This is not a new strategy from marketers. Our entire lives, they have communicated subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages that our lives will be better, happier, and more fulfilled if we buy whatever they’re selling.
It seems our entire economy is built on making people feel dissatisfied with what they have. And nobody is immune to the meticulously crafted persuasion.
I assume one reason for the effectiveness of these ad campaigns is because we all desire a joyful home filled with love, warmth, and comfort. We cherish our time with family and want it to be picture perfect. We love our kids and want them to be happy. And we all enjoy times of celebration and desire them to be memorable.
But let’s remember one important truth today: You don’t need any of those things in the ads for a perfect home.
You don’t need new furniture or updated countertops. You don’t need the stainless steel appliances (or whatever is most trendy this decade). You don’t need the largest-screen television. You don’t need all the perfect decoration. You don’t need expensive food or drink. And you certainly don’t need a Lexus in the driveway with a red ribbon wrapped around it.
Home is about family, thankfulness, acceptance, love, and strength. It’s about reflecting on the life that was and looking forward to the life that can be in the future. It’s about counting blessings. And it’s about slowing down from life long enough to appreciate and enjoy the people who matter most.
Too often, the consumeristic promises and fake photos keep us from all that.
Instead of slowing down, we speed up. We rush from store to store (or website to website), filling our homes with all the things we think we need to make it just perfect.
We fill our schedules with increased commitments and responsibilities. We max out our credit cards. We get so frustrated and weary chasing the perfect home that we never take time to enjoy the one right in front of us.
But once we slow down enough to notice our blessings, we begin to see that we already have everything we need for a perfect home. We just need to appreciate it more.
I’m just beginning my minimalism journey and I have to say I’m so proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.
For me this started after multiple attempts to clear enough space in my garage to fit my car in! 3 days of clearing & cleaning in the Australian Summer heat (it was hot) 5 trips to the tip, 4 trips to various local charities & the rest I advertised on Facebook market place for free. My success encouraged me to look back inside my home at the multiple attempts I’ve made to declutter & now I’m working through each room to get rid of the excess household items that I know I can live without.
My journey started because I’m a single parent of a teenager, that works a lot and I was sick of coming home to a mess and spending all my spare time trying to find space to put items. I’m about 40% through decluttering my home, with a huge amount of work in front of me. I’m on a mission & determined to free myself from owning too much stuff.
You’ve been an inspiration to me!
Have you noticed how virtually EVERY advertisement says how you “deserve” whatever it is they’re selling? Get the blah-blah YOU DESERVE! Really? What did you do to deserve it? Save a drowning child? Rescue a puppy? Or just exist? I guess advertisers have decided that we’re a society of weak-minded, entitled fools. And if it wasn’t working, they would change their strategy. It’s pathetic.
Nicely put!
Well said. We must remain in check with our minds and compulsive thinking. Marketing has a way of getting at us; e.g. flavoring sweets, chips, etc. just enough to make you crave more and buy more of the product.
Being content with, and grateful for, everything I have comes much more naturally to me since getting rid of the tv and no longer reading magazines.
I agree with this post, however having lost a home to foreclosure, I can tell you that my little modest home meant a lot to me. The garden that I kept the memories of my kids, the pets, I had loved buried in the back yard… I spent a good deal of time homeless. Basic things like a home are very important to a person. We must not confuse excess possessions with a home and possessions that make life comfortable. Having a home and security is very important.
Amen Diane. Sending love and hope you are in a better position. 💗
A couple once told me that they bought their dream home despite having a huge mortgage.. they had to work 2 shifts each and mostly worked over 10 hours a day. It then hit me and I wondered when would they actually live in that house.
My home isn’t perfect and I don’t plan to retire soon in another city. We have saved for the small place where we did grow and now it is time to de clutter . I am marking my calendar for the day to make the time and enjoy 😉 better late than never ;)
I’ve noticed this with many other things as well, things like Apple watches and fitness trackers. I looked into one and decided that I really don’t use enough features to warrant spending the money for one (not to mention I don’t want email, voicemail etc following me around on my wrist)….but they market the heck out of these things. For what? They will be another fad to come and go.
Make your home and your life what YOU want it to be, not what marketers dictate it should be.
Lots of good information here, & at the end of the day to me it is about being true to myself, my little apartment is comfortable and just “enough” for me & my two cats.
This always reminds me of a funny & heartwarming movie called “Crazy People” with Dudley Moore & Daryl Hannah. It is about truth in advertising, & worth watching.
The Marketers & Advertisers do not have control over us if we don’t let them. It is that simple.
I’ve never seen that, but I am going to watch it. Thanks for the recommendation.
I got a “B” on my multi-choice Marketing final in college by asking myself, “What is the least ethical thing I could do in this situation and still be legal?” That class was one big eye-opener into the underhanded way that things are sold. And that was in the late 1970s.
I worked to market co-ops like credit unions which are good for people. And I didn’t have to feel guilty.
I just watched the movie you recommended! It was really good and very thought provoking. Thank you!
I couldn’t help but wonder after watching a few of your videos on YouTube if the reason you had so many haters is because you sort of resemble Simon Cowell (you remember American Idol?). He was brutally honest with people about how terrible they sang. Anyway, now that I got that off my chest I can say to you that the media has a humongous subconscious impact on everyone. Especially those who drown themselves out to the sounds of a bunch of people talking at once (like on CNN, for instance). Your salt and pepper hair color isn’t what truly speaks to me, like so many people think from a first impression of you. America’s Top Model has everyone on high alert of how we should be judging people – based on outward appearances x 100. Or, TLC’s What Not To Wear that was taking these dressed down women and dressing them up to prove that women feel confident based on their looks. There are so many surface messages that fill voids in people’s lives and then you come along and offer some solid substance! I can’t imagine how many people get triggered. They’re not used to it. Admittedly, I’m not even used to it. It’s good, though. It’s the kind of thing that reminds you you are alive and have purpose. It’s like, “pinch me, I must be dreaming,” as people (like me) are trying to undrown themselves in piles of stuff. ? They say a real sign of maturity is when you can laugh at yourself and even poke fun at yourself in front of others. Thanks for your reminders of what’s real. I hope to always love my living space in the ways you mentioned in this article, even if it is a small little apartment.
Amen❤️
In fact, I found that Ads are very enjoyable to me because they can be creative, fun and often exagerated. My 15 and 18 year old are getting this and as consumers can do amazingly well. at home. The challenge was removed when they have reached college and understand the words “loaning” and “credits”. They then take on the responsiblity for their spending and feel more involved.
We have also found this attitude around food. For us the traditional Sunday roast costing a huge amount of time, effort and money doesn’t actually satisfy or create the ‘dream family’ any more than pasta. Thank you for helping me switch on to marketing and having the sense to not allow it to affect me negatively. We are now on a mortgage free track. Your advice has helped us get there.
“home is where your heart is” Your work with “Hope Effect” is an important support for our community and I just can not thank you enough for what you do and for the people you help.
I appreciate those kind words Gladys. Thank you, and you are welcome.
Hi Joshua
This line of yours, ” We get so frustrated and weary chasing the perfect home that we never take time to enjoy the one right in front of us ” hit me hard.
Thank you for this article.
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Thank you for these wise words that we need to hear. We surely do not need the new furniture and the new countertops. I remember visiting with my grandparents as a child and as a teenager and what I remember the most is the feeling of being welcomed into their home. Going to the refrigerator and helping myself to a glass of tea or going to sleep in their soft bed with a warm quilt. The perfect home should be filled with what makes us and our company comfortable and happy.
What a fine message. Thank you. So true. Needed this.
Joshua, I really enjoyed reading your beautiful post! I found it from Kari-Anne at Thistlewood who suggested that we all read your post! I am definitely going to subscribe to your post because I love what you have said. We all need to take a look at how we are living life and what is important to us. We need to stop and take a look at ourselves and our home and come to the realization that “it’s about slowing down from life long enough to appreciate and enjoy people who matter most”! This has had a real impact on me and I thank you for your wisdom!
loves it! I’m an architect and I have been thinking about simplifying My life for a couple of years now… and it makes me feel so much better that now I want to talk about it with all my clients ???
Your text is just perfect!
Agreed. I am a consumer and often consider wants over need. It is driven, for me, by this unattainable perfect and also, I think, from boredom. I have so much to be grateful for. I think the COVID sheltering has given pause to some of this and being at home more – a real sense if enjoyment and gratitude.
This article really resonated with me. I have been cramming my schedule doing “research”, reading books and watching webinars on creating a perfect home for my family that I didn’t have time anymore to spend with my family. I’m so glad to come across this.
The lockdown and curfew proved it. We didnot go out for 3 months and survived without shopping in the malls.
Thanks for your piece which reflects the biblical admonition not to assume that the goodness of life is In possessing everything (Luke 12). Contentment with what we have is the remedy to our troubles today.
I agree with you. As a widow I got rid of everything I owned that was not essential. I now live in a small house and the only excess I tolerate is fabric because I make quilts.
I’m a quilter too, and I could get rid of 70% of what’s in my house but NOT my fabric and tools. There are so many thinking and planning skills, math and precision skills, and so much creativity and love that go into creating a unique quilt, I plan on this daily exercise of intellect to keep me out of the “home”… hopefully.
Happy quilting!
This is a very fine and well thought piece to present todays “standard” from the advertisements we see everyday. But it seems like since the confinement there is a “better notice in the way” we think about friends, family, community, purpose and belonging that brings us back to the basics and reminds us that we don’t always need or spend that much either.
I absolutely loved this article.
Thank you!
But, in my neighborhood, we are “suppose”to have a “perfect” home. This is in the eyes of all the neighbors in my community! Beautiful pristine lawns with in the ground sprinklers. A new car in the driveway. Updated rooms inside. All the latest and greatest. If we don’t, you are judged and talked about behind your back. Excluded from the group too! And you get “a look”!!! It’s just awful and causes a lot of stress.
I love my home And it is not updated to being the “perfect” home! But , I do not like my neighborhood because of the pressures of keeping up with everyone else’s standards. Exhausting and costly!
That’s a shame, but I am familiar with neighborhoods like yours. You might not want to do this if you love the home you’re in, but my solution to that was to move to the country. I have ‘neighbors’ but they aren’t close enough to care about what I do or don’t do or have.
The push not only comes from advertisers to have the next best thing, whether you see the ad on tv or online, but also from the peer pressure at whatever level it applies to you- like in your neighborhood as was mentioned. To have the confidence to step up or out and not conform is difficult. Trying to do so in a way that is simple and not costly might work. Having it be something your family believes in and stands firm in can help you. Living the simple, yet clean and cared for home and yard would be a way to go. You have to make the choice about “keeping up with the Jones” and believe in it.
Hi barb…I know exactly what you are saying! You must live in S.calif…I do, and that’s exactly how it is…I just look at it and say, you don’t need those superficial people in your life! There’s so much more to life than “ stuff”….
There will always be people with more, and those with less. Are you willing to sacrifice your peace of mind and pocketbook for people that really don’t even care…this is the honest truth. Materialistic and shallow people really only care about making themselves feel better, and most likely, they are miserable and in debt! If these people do not accept you for who you are on the inside, they are not worth your time or consideration. They are not true friends and will never be an important part of your life. Do not give over your power to them!
I think you are getting embarrassed about all the wrong things: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/mbarress/
Why do you care so much about what others think? Do what makes you happy, and let them talk.
It does not seem like a neighborhood that I would want to raise my children in
This has been much needed before today, today once again I am reminded that the craftiness of the wanting more comes from dissatisfaction. The cure is being grateful, thankful and counting blessings instead of how many things I don’t have/need. We truly have all we need.
At the beginning of March, my husband was recovering from back surgery and Covid-19 was changing the way we lived our lives on a daily basis. We made the decision to leave our 2500sqft home on BC’s southern coast and move up to our tiny 100 year old cabin on a tiny island . There is no electricity save a small solar panel that charges our phones. It was the best decision we could have made. Small really is beautiful, and baking bread in a wood fired oven makes me smile all day. Separating need from want changes my perspective constantly. I feel more at peace in myself and Nature provides me with all the entertainment I need. I feel blessed every minute of the day and grateful for a husband who is capable of building and fixing and enjoying the same things I do. In the words of our extraordinary Provincial Health Officer, “Be kind, be calm, stay safe.”
I am not and have never been a “shopper”, but I’m still not happy with my home. Not due to not having the latest trendy things, but just feeling that it’s not good enough or perfect enough like I envision other people’s homes (and in ads I see, too). This article helps me to appreciate what I have, thank you.
This was perfect. Thank you.
Hmm. I can see how scrolling on pinterest may contribute to this narrative of must.have.perfect.home. I appreciate your insight. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the reminder:)
Best wishes<3
I hope you have read “The Theory of the Leisure Class:” by Thorstein Veblen…
Veblen’s most famous work from 1899 and still as relevant today as ever.
I think he invented the term “conspicuous consumption.”
I am so glad you share your thoughts and ideas in this format. Most of what you write and share resonants with my life. This article captures the exact sentiment I feel. I have been and will be using this time as a blessing to keep only the journaling time, contemplation time, communications, and social media that serves me. Praying God continues to bless you and yours. Take care. Stay safe. M
Thank you so much for sharing this article. As our income has risen over the years it has become more and more tempting to move from our first home (~1600 square feet) to a larger home, as we’ve seen some friends and family members doing. We are committed, though, to living in a state of “enough” instead of maxing out our resources on bigger and better. I constantly have to work on having a spirit of contentment even despite this commitment! Thanks again for your message.
Well said! Thank you for this article.
So beautifully said, Joshua. This concept can be applied to all of life.
I, too, have an “imperfect” home. And Early Attic is a great definition — inherited furniture, thrift store purchases, items passed down for at least 2 generations. All of it means something. But the best thing I have is family. And that’s everything.
My Mom always said in the 70’s “late basement, early attic” was her style!
Yes to slowing down! Another part of that in my opinion is having a gratitude journal (or noting 3 days a day what you are grateful for) & fasting! Yep fasting!
Very timely for me. I relish my quiet time at home. We don’t have TV and it’s been such a blessing.
Perfect message perfectly stated
Yes, and yes! I live in an “imperfect” home, filled with a mishmash of inherited furniture, good books and lovely memories. Some things, I have let go of, in the interest of minimizing my possessions. Others, I will not part with. I like to refer to my style of decor as “early attic.” Some of my furniture belonged to the people who owned my house before I moved in, my grandmother’s hope chest, a treadle sewing table my mother lovingly refinished for me — none of the pieces match, but they have character and are imbued with the energy of those who used them and loved them before I owned them.
No, my home will not be featured on HGTV, but I love it more because it is imperfectly mine.
I need to deep dive into this as I am facing leaving my job due to my health and I will need to maintain my resolve to not spend on things that don’t matter. I am not one to constantly buy new throw pillows and wall decor and trinkets by any means but I have habits of stocking up afraid of running out of things like meds, make up, food and toiletries. I am sure there are things I can do to save money with those items as well. Thank you for the encouraging posts.
I would say think about whether you need makeup at all – I haven’t worn it for years and now find it a strange habit: not wearing it saves you money and time on makeup, makeup remover, cotton balls and whatnot. I buy a good, but very cheap shampoo/conditioner from a discount store and decant it into prettier bottles that stand on the bath side. Same with bath bubbles. I buy nice soap from a bee garden and it lasts for years, and I wash my face only with a face flannel wrung out in hot water – no products at all. You can get good, cheap moisturisers such as aqueous cream or aloe vera gel, in huge tubs. The only thing I splurge on is my sunblock, on my dermatologist’s recommendation.
I suddenly left the work world in 2007 for health reasons. Hurt the pocketbook, but the benefits gained from a slower pace of activities was worth it. I minimalized my house to reduce clearing time and volume of work…better for my joints. The visual peace of sparer furnishings and decor was a nice surprise.
Go for it. Minimalize to help you have time ( from cleaning) and keep your limited energy for other things
Joshua, I always enjoy reading your posts and sharing them on social media! This has to be the most beautifully written one yet and so from the heart. What a blessing to have read your books, be a lifetime member of your Uncluttered group, and a monthly donor to The Hope Effect. All have been life changing! Thank you!
Wow, thank you so much for all your support over the year Janice.
“But once we slow down enough to notice our blessings, we begin to see that we already have everything we need for a perfect home. We just need to appreciate it more.”
This is so true. Since I have become a minimalist and began practicing gratitude, I have come to appreciate the things I already have. I reuse, repurpose, and reduce the amount of items I already own. Thank you for inspiring me to become a minimalist.
I dont have TV nor streaming.
Therefore, no Ad pressure.
Easy peasy ;)
Ever know anyone that had that perfect home? Me neither. I’ve known plenty that never settled their aspirations for owning more of another special something. All thanks to marketing; part of the evils of the industrial age. Home is where the heart is, literally in the seat of our hearts. It’s about friends, family, community, purpose and belonging. A concept that’s seriously lacking nowadays.
I totally agree with this, and it’s quite well said. I’d never exchange my home–filled with antiques from great-greats, grandparents, and my parents, plus the few antiques I’ve chosen (40 years ago) to give us furniture. It’s quirky and meaningful and I truly love it!