It is human nature to need and desire security.
We’ve just been looking for it in all the wrong places.
A sense of security can come either from material goods or from supportive relationships. In fact, researchers point out that people who do not feel loved and accepted by others tend to put a stronger emphasis on material possessions.
Margaret Clark, a professor of psychology at Yale, writes it this way:
Humans are social creatures with vulnerabilities. Close relationships afford protections. For example, infants wouldn’t survive without other people. But material possessions also afford protection and security. Humans need food, clothing and shelter to survive. It takes a mix of things to make you feel secure. But if you heighten one source of security, people feel less concerned about the others.
This finding was based on two unique research projects she and her colleagues conducted and published in the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. The researchers conclude from the studies that those who do not feel internally secure in their personal relationships will often put a higher value on physical possessions.
This is an important reality for each of us to consider and understand.
Those supported in close relationships don’t place as much value on material goods.
In our society, too many of us believe security can be adequately found in the personal ownership of accumulated possessions. Now, there is some degree of truth to that statement. Certainly, food and water and clothing and shelter are essential for survival. But the list of possessions that we truly need for life is quite minimal.
Instead, we have confused needs with wants and security with luxury.
As a result, many of us pursue and collect large stockpiles of possessions in the name of security or happiness. We work long hours to purchase them. We build bigger houses to store them. And we spend more energy maintaining them.
The burden of accumulating and maintaining slowly becomes the main focus of our lives.
We spend our time and energy chasing things that are physical in nature. We dream of a future that includes larger paychecks and bigger houses. We plot and plan to acquire them. We go to great lengths to care for them and we become jealous when others have more of them. We seek security in the accumulation of finances and material acquisition.
But the security found in possessions is fragile and fleeting at best. (tweet that)
In our busy, hectic, run-run-run world, we are left with too little time or opportunity to develop deep interpersonal relationships. We are too distracted building our own personal kingdoms.
The research (and probably our own hearts) argue against this thinking. They call us to remember the importance of things that can not be seen with the naked eye or purchased with money: love, friendship, hope, integrity, trust, compassion. These are the things that bring substance, fulfillment, and lasting joy to our lives. These are the attributes that bring lasting security.
May we seek and pursue them. And may we provide a foundation of lasting security for our lives because of it.
Veronica says
It’s not healthy to depend on your interpersonal relationships for a sense of security either. You should be secure in yourself by basing your thoughts and actions on sound principles. Seeking outside of yourself for security will always cause you to be unbalanced.
avery says
Yes I agree Jesus Christ my faith is my security, people cant give you security, you have to be good with yourself!!!
IslandMom3 says
I have found a wonderful unexpected benefit in my path toward minimalism and simplicity. I feel more secure simply because my attachment to my material possessions has lessened to the point that I do not fear losing them. Even if a thief were to take all my possessions, I would only need to repurchase what I need to live. I know that nothing material can be taken from me that is not easily replaceable. This is in contrast to the way I used to depend heavily on locks and security systems to keep my world secure. It is a wonderful freedom from worry and fear!
ralf says
Nothing beats a secure home. One you can’t be removed from by weather, catastrophe, foreclosure, rent increase.
And on top you’ll be able to provide security to friends and family should they be in a tight spot.
Noam Lightstone says
Hey Josh, just started reading the site. Nice way to begin :).
I think really understanding how materialism hurts you is important. There are so many articles about becoming a minimalist and selling a lot of your crap (because it weighs you down). But, Western society seems to push on us that we need more of everything – new clothes, fancier cars, etc.
As you said, many people work longer hours to make more money to afford more stuff. But the sad thing is that there’s a study that shows that past around an average salary of $70,000, more money won’t make you happier (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/19/success-money_n_1608925.html).
Experiences, especially with people, make you happier… and that’s where your hard earned money should go. I’m trying to guard my time for myself (relationship with myself wise) and with my friends and loved ones very closely, because I know when push comes to shove, those are the people that will always be there for me.
I could lose my job and all my money, but if I have good people to lean on, I know I’d be OK. It would suck in the mean time, but I would eventually be OK.
ralf says
Nice. But even with both of us working full time we are below $70, 000 annually.
Kevin Calhoun says
Thank you for this wonderful, heart-opening article. It came to me at the saddest of times. A very close friend -better yet, family – unexpectedly passed away yesterday. As my heart breaks at his absence, I remember the valuable time we spent. Those moments are so much more valuable than any physical possession I can buy. This article is a loving reminder of that truth…and of my friend…
Abid Hasan says
Well said, Joshua. Yes, we have little opportunity to develop deep interpersonal relationships but we cannot help doing so.
Rosie says
Joshua, I have said this several times already, but as a fairly new reader, your writing does not cease to amaze me. What stood out to me the most was this, “We are too distracted building our own personal kingdoms.” Not only did it demonstrate the thought you have given towards writing this blog post, but you have achieved a certain level of poetry in this one sentence that will stick with me. That sentence and those words will haunt my mind for some time while I swim through a sea of an unknown future for myself, but it is in the things that you have mentioned (integrity, love, friendship) that I am finding the most fulfillment in and keeping top of mind.
Thank you for writing and inspiring.