Many people, when they first hear about minimalism, or as they begin their own personal journey towards it, typically run into this question: What do I do with the sentimental things I’ve collected over the years?
It is a question I am asked often. And an important one.
Here is my advice:
1. Remember that less is different than none.
No one is saying that you have to get rid of everything you have an emotional attachment to—but I do think you will find benefit in owning less.
Here’s what I mean by that: When my wife’s grandmother passed away a number of years ago, she came home with a small cardboard box of things collected from her grandmother’s apartment—items that reminded her of her beloved grandma. We then promptly put that cardboard box in the basement and would only notice it when we were cleaning up the basement—which rarely happened.
After we found minimalism and began getting rid of the stuff we didn’t need, we eventually ran into this cardboard box in the basement. When we did, my wife asked herself, “Okay, what am I going to do here?”
Eventually, she decided she would keep three things from the box, the three things that “most represented her grandmother.” She kept a candy dish. She kept a lapel pin, and she kept a Bible. The candy dish is now in our living room, and we see it every single day. The pin, she put on one of her coats, and she wears it occasionally. The Bible, she put in her nightstand next to her bed.
And now, because we own fewer things, they have brought a greater sense of value to that relationship. These items, now being used, serve as a more faithful reminder to us of her grandmother and her influence on Kim’s life. Less became better than more. This is often the case with sentimental belongings.
2. Your memories do not exist in the item.
The memories we cherish exist in our minds, they exist in our hearts and our souls, not in physical objects.
In our heart is where the memories live, where the influence of the person resides, or the accomplishment surrounding an event takes root. When we remove an item, we think sometimes we’re removing the memory—but we aren’t. The memories remain.
You may find it helpful to take a picture of the item before you get rid of it, just so you can look back and prompt that memory. But removing the item is not going to remove the memories.
3. Our emotional attachment to things can actually provide motivation for owning less.
Think of the sentimental things, and the things you have an emotional attachment to. They typically represent one of three things: 1) They represent an important relationship; 2) They represent an important accomplishment; or 3) They represent an important experience… so you bought the t-shirt to bring home with you.
These, you see, are the activities that add meaning, and purpose, and significance to our lives. Our relationships, our accomplishments, and our experiences. This is where the value of life resides.
But if all the things we’ve accumulated over the years are keeping us from relationships, accomplishments, experiences, then we should get reduce the number of things we own. Remove the burdens that are holding us back from those experiences, so we can enjoy even more of the things that mean the most to us.
Lastly, keep in mind, if you are beginning on your path to minimalism, and sentimental things is where you’re starting, you are going to have a hard time.
Let’s start easy, okay? Get rid of some of the things you know you don’t need. Go through your closet. Or go through your kitchen.
Begin removing some of the possessions you know don’t need to be a part of our life anymore. Remove those, and as you do, you’ll find increased motivation to own less. You’ll learn the lessons that will equip you perfectly for when you do get to these sentimental things—and you’ll be far more equipped to handle them effectively when you do.
Ivailo Durmonski says
I’m trying to convince my friends that we don’t have to exchange gifts every Christmas but they don’t share my opinion. Each year wr exchange small things for home decorations but we don’t actually need them. Do you have a tip for something like that?
Timotheous says
Hello Ivailo, if your friends insist on giving gifts, could you suggest making the gifts something consumable, like fancy chocolates, gourmet coffee, or movie tickets, instead of useless knick knacks? Just a thought.
JJ says
I agree. I used to get a lot of cutsie things from my kids for fathers day, Christmas, and birthday. As the piles grew, I asked them if they could just bake me some cookies instead. Now I love getting gifts that I can eat, and no more stacks of things piling up.
Mikky says
This is so great. I enjoy this simple gesture more than gifts. Edible and man made are best .
Alinahsa Varsnishatishemans says
What I prefer to get the most (for special days from my folks) are gift certificates for my boys then we could go to the stores together and enjoy the discounts and sometimes get nothing but only the minimum. Or, then save for the other people gifts on occasion. I also show them my CVS coupons, how to scan to get them, coupons from newspapers, online ‘cuz some of them just don’t have an idea. Just a few things they have to learn before they have their own account for deposit & withdraw.
Ashley Logsdon says
Yes, sentimental stuff is hard! I completely agree with this, though – especially the fact that it doesn’t mean you eliminate all things sentimental – but you narrow it down so that you are really intentional about it’s meaning. So often people keep their best china, fancy candlesticks and fine silver in a hutch, only to be brought out once a year for Christmas dinner, if even that. What is the purpose of it if it never is used?
I love that my mother always treated us as her top VIPs – we dined on the fine china and used cloth napkins on an average Monday. We enjoyed the items we had in our home. If we were holding on to them, we were using them and enjoying them!
When we downsized from 1450 sq ft to our 240 sq ft travel trailer over a year and a half ago, we put a lot of sentimental items in our attic to go through later. What we found is that all those things we held onto lost some of their luster once we realized how easy it was to forget them. Each time we go back to our house, we head up to the attic to sort through another box or two, and really determine if it’s worth keeping. Drawings and precious items by kids may end up getting a photo session before we throw them in the trash, and the precious items that do pass the test and prove their value to us end up having a turn to be displayed, used, cherished and enjoyed. Memories don’t do any good simply sitting in a box in the attic, so narrowing it down and then having an ever present memento that you see on a regular basis can have so much more value!
As we are currently driving to our 45th State in our travels, along the way we’ve collected many pictures – which all go into a Chatbooks little paperback flipbook – we grab a few each time we go back to visit family, and our family loves to look through and reminisce about all the places we’ve been. These are thumbed through regularly as a sentimental memento we intentionally sit down to enjoy. For souvenirs, we’ve gathered rocks from creeks across the country that now are the rocks in the bottom of our betta fish tank. Or, if it’s super awesome, we’ll look for something that isn’t so awesome in our home that we can exchange it out for. For every one thing in, 2-3 things go out. And we gather consumables – we experience local foods in each area vs. another kitchen magnet or knick knack.
For us, the pictures have been a great way to revitalize memories – and we intentionally make time to go through them. :-)
Ashley Logsdon says
Yes – consumables are great! We always gave homemade fudge and apple pie moonshine to our friends/family, and they looked forward to it every year. You could even make it super fun and have themes – like childhood/family recipes, something highlighting their cultural heritage, or picking a theme, like “Danish Desserts” and everyone attempts making or finding something to give that fits that category.
Another idea is giving to charities instead – each person gets a letter with information about the charity you donated to in honor of them. Or go to Kiva.org and each person pick a person to fund in honor of another.
If gifts are too hard to pass up, consider at least having a go-to list of ideas for people on things you really DO need. As we travel, there have been things we really wanted to get, and it’s been great having family step up and help us out with getting them. They know that flip flops, restaurant/amazon/event gift cards, quick-dry clothes, etc are things we actually want.
You can do a “stock the bar” theme and it’s all alcohol, or teas, or even a project or something they can contribute to – for example, I want to replace all the drawer knobs in our little travel trailer with different fun knobs. That’s a lot for me to buy – 20 knobs at $5 each isn’t really where I want to throw my money. But it’s a great simple and small gift for someone to get – so when a friend asks what to get me, I tell them to buy me a knob. Cheap for them, and I love seeing something that reminds me of a friend every time I go to the cupboard!
Brenda says
I told my children MANY years ago, ONLY to give me consumable items>>>restaurant gift card, bodywash/lotion etc. My children have abided by my requests. Sooooo thankful!!
Barb says
What i did was, i immediately ask somebody else if they need what i have and actively look for people to regift it within the next week, if not it goes to salvation army box. Somebody else might just love it!
Joan Nolt says
I can’t discard pictures UNLESS I’ve scanned them into my computer. (and I have back ups for my computer–just in case……..) AND I think it’s a great idea to take pictures of sentimental things before parting with them. Of course, it’s the experiences we treasure, BUT for me, the picture triggers the memory cause otherwise, I might not remember.
Lori Weber says
My mom passed away 20 months ago and it’s so hard to know what to let go of and what to keep. Especially when it gets down to just a few (less than 5) boxes. This article, so well written as usual (!) will help me as I go through her things again. There are items I will definitely keep, and others I can let go of now. Thank you again Joshua.
Jean says
It’s as if you wrote this for me! I have inherited small items from loved ones, not to mention the gifts of elderly relatives who are at an age when they want to give their possessions away to other family members. (The latter may be a cultural thing.)
I somewhat solved the problem by getting rid of stuff I bought; e.g. using the fancy salad bowl gift and donating mine. But there’s still too much, so now the hard part has begun!
pat smith says
I am very sentimental also. I had a hard time getting rid of an old rusty enamel pot that was my mother’s because it reminded me of great memories in her kitchen. I finally decided to keep just one vintage pan that we made brownies in and I’m still able to use it!
Deb says
The problem with most of us ( and your wife) is bringing the sentimental things home in a box, not doing anything with it ( like unpacking /displaying.) Out of sight, out of mind……putting things down-“I’ll do it later”, or “someday I’ll do______” ( whatever,fill in the blank.). There was a great show in the past, Clean Sweep with Peter Walsh, they would get the sentimental stuff out of box/closet/basement and display it beautifully. Honor/enjoy it, there is help if you don’t how. Sentimental items not wanted were offered to family/friends ( with context of why it is/was important). Don’t beat yourself up, every one is busy, but good project rainy/winter days.
Timotheous says
Deb, I remember that show! Still wish I could find a collection of full episodes (to rent, of course!). Peter Walsh was my favorite of the organizational experts
When I first saw the show, I was living in a cluttered, 250 sq ft studio. Peter changed my whole perception about my stuff, and how the space in my apartment is often worth more than the stuff occupying that space. I began decluttering, and was amazed at how free I felt afterwards.
Susan says
I loved that show! I still love Peter Walsh! I wish they would put Clean Sweep back on TV. It ran ( in the USA ) on cable television TLC, The Learning Channel, as it was once called. Back in the days when they actually showed informative and enjoyable programming. Nowadays, sadly – TLC stands for Totally Lousy Crap. Sigh??. Everything caters to the worst of so-called “reality television”. Anyone out there ever notice that most, if not all, of their most successful shows always end in a train wreck mess? Remember Jon & Kate Plus 8? Or more recently 19 Kids and Counting, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, or The Willis Family? I’m seeing a pattern here, and it’s not a good one…
Judy says
LET THAT SH*T GO! :)
Ruth says
I’ve come across the idea of keeping just a photo a number of times now and, although I’m sympathetic when it comes to de-bulking, and have made some progress on it myself, there is something to be said for having a physical link to someone you loved.
There is a danger of being too reductionist, as most of us don’t feel the same way about an image as we do about something tactile. Choosing the best items seems to be the best way for most people.
But I wouldn’t mind an image of something that represented an achievement, or perhaps even an experience.
charlene says
After a horrendous move to another state a few months ago, I learned that many of my family heirlooms were left behind and tossed by the new home owners. Needless to say, I was devastated. It’s not that I used these items but they represented my connection to my past: great-grandfather’s Bible from the Civil War, antique vases/books, etc.
Although the initial rage has subsided, I still feel a profound loss. In sorting it out, I realize that these items represented my only connection to my family/heritage. (I’m not close to my extended family.) W/no tangible connection to my past, I feel I have no tangible connection to my present or future.
Granted, they’re just things but things I had no desire to part with, at least not yet. Exercise caution when you part w/”sentimental” items. You may not realize how much of an emotional investment you’re giving up until the item(s) are gone.
Wendy says
I had a friend at work whose wife passed away rather suddenly last year. He was at a loss of what to do with her clothes other than send them to charity. I suggested having quilts made for him and his two adult children. He loved the idea, had them made and presented them as Christmas presents. He told me the other day that all three of them use the quilts all the time and they love having that remembrance of her in something they can use often.