“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” —Bernard M. Baruch
Long before becoming minimalist or embracing my love for writing, I attended a Graduate School in St. Paul, MN to major in Theological Studies. It was an intensive three-year program that focused on spiritual understanding and spiritual formation—I have since come to realize there is indeed a great difference between the two.
As part of an assignment for a personal development class, I was asked to refrain from speaking for 24 hours. “Pick any normal day,” the professor said, “and try not to say anything. That’s your assignment. We’ll talk about your experience when we return next week.”
The assignment was met with skepticism. But as I woke up on my selected day, within the first hour, I began to see the logic. By the end of the 24-hour period, my view of communication and the words we choose had changed forever. And I learned valuable truths about myself and my motivations.
It was, in fact, far more enlightening than I ever imagined.
As the professor outlined the assignment, he warned, “It’s very likely you will have to speak at some point during the day. It is difficult to make it through an entire day without communicating at all. But when you do have to speak, immediately go back to silence. Find space to dwell on the words you chose and the motivations behind them.”
This, then, became the greatest learning opportunity of the experiment. After speaking and returning to silence, my mind was left to dwell on the words I chose, my attitude in my speech, and my internal motivation behind it. Or when I didn’t speak, but really wanted to, I was forced to discover why I wanted to speak in each situation.
I quickly learned of my desire to control situations or convert someone to my opinion. Sometimes my words were motivated by love, but far more often than I’d like to admit, they were motivated by selfish pursuits, personal ambition, or a desire to impress others.
We often speak for the purpose of control: to control what people think of us or to make sure people do what we want done in the way we want it. We often use our words to cover-up or hide our mistakes or faults. We use words to explain ourselves to others. Hugh Prather may have been right when he said, “No matter what we talk about, we are talking about ourselves.”
Refusing to speak forces us to embrace silence. And in a world addicted to noise, idle chatter, and meaningless words, silence can be very uncomfortable. But there is great life to be found in solitude—if only we’d give it opportunity.
It was, indeed, a heart-revealing assignment that resulted in personal (and spiritual) development. Even 10 years later, I remember it well and I have recommended it countless times to others. Today, I recommend it to you.
To conduct a 24-hour experiment of your own, here are a few helpful tips:
1. Choose a “normal” day. For example, don’t choose a day you already planned to be alone in the woods or driving a car alone for 8 hours. Choose a day where you will engage in normal relationships with other people. Avoid excessive external stimulation: MP3 players, radio, television, video games. Provide space for your thoughts.
2. Inform your closest relationships. Tell your spouse and/or kids about your experiment. If appropriate, inform your co-workers. This will be helpful as the day unfolds—and a bit comical as they try really hard to get you to talk.
3. Don’t be rude. Don’t be unloving. Just decide not to speak unless you are spoken to.
4. Study the silence. Is it difficult? Uncomfortable? Do you feel an urge to talk just to break it? And if so, why?
5. Notice your urge to speak. They will be far more common than you expect. Investigate your intention when you feel the urge. For what reason did you feel compelled to speak?
6. When you do speak, choose words that are “few and full.” And then return to your discipline.
7. After you speak, journey inward. Wrestle with the words you chose. Why did you choose them? What were you hoping to accomplish? And what were your internal motivations in choosing the words you did?
8. If possible, choose a friend to do the experiment with you. You can send them this post for motivation and information. Afterwards, share your victories and your failures. Together, you’ll be able to process the day better.
Talking can be fun. But silence can be life-transforming. We would be wise to provide it more opportunity.
Image: John Lemieux
Mary in Maryland says
A friend who is older and unpartnered spent three weeks in hospital after major, major surgery. He asked me to sit with him to deflect company, interact with staff, and keep him company. He said he’d picked me because I could sit quietly. He was very sick. I was amazed at how often I wanted to start a conversation and had to quiet myself. I knit six pair of socks those three weeks as I sat and prayed for him.
Peggy says
Oh, this experiment is going to be good : ) Thank you for sharing.
Catherine Black says
I work for the public and often wish I could have a mute button for them. It is surprising how many people have no filters. I have purposely used silence as a mental therapy for myself, and find this positive relief as I age. Could we also have a mute button for whiners and complainers? Surely we can think up some technical advancement for this.
Kristy says
I am interested in reading more of your thoughts on this:
“It was an intensive three-year program that focused on spiritual understanding and spiritual formation—I have since come to realize there is indeed a great difference between the two.”
Not sure if you “go there” on topics such as this on your minimalist blog, but this is something that I am grappling with right now in my life and would love to get perspective. Thanks!
Jeri Pennybaker says
Funny, so many people commenting on the benefits of the 24 hour silence
exercise have extremely long posts. Hahahaha
Jeri Pennybaker says
Thank you for sharing your experience.
1) Did you also avoid posting to, or reading social media?
2) Would you consider speaking to my cat as a deviation from the 24 hour period of silence?
joshua becker says
Yes, I think I would avoid posting to social media during the exercise. I also think I would avoid speaking to your cat.
Divya says
Hi Joshua, thank you for sharing this task, I have a very bad temper and hoping this task will help me in some way, starting from today. I hope I’ll be a better person and good listener rather than having an opinion on everything.
Kevin Stoda says
When I was in college and taking an education course on special students, we were challenged to cover our eyes and go around campus for 24 hours without being able to see. It is equally insightful–and you learn to listen a bit better for a while.
Over thinker says
I would like people to take note how many times during they use the words “you always” and “you never”. That and almost anything that starts with you, (you always over think everything) (you worry too much) you just need to care more, etc. those will shut down my feeling safe to talk to you instantly. Be patient and kind. Show love and respect and offer time to listen and listen some more. Don’t tell us what we’re doing all wrong, how we ended up in this boat, how to fix it and don’t lecture us. Just
Iisten. With your ears and your eyes . Feel what we feel. Damn it hurts.
Antoinette says
Great thoughts! When greeting someone as you pass them, it is so easy to say ‘Hi, How are you?’ – without stopping to find out how they actually are. Best to just say ‘Hi’ with a smile, if you can’t really stop to chat and listen. Think about what you say :)
Bianca says
Today I started this experiment at 6.30 a.m. but unfortunately by 4 p.m. I had to stop (my husband and I received a very important news by the phone and had to talk about it in detail). Still, this experiment had been the most interesting I ever tried; have been thoroughly enjoyable and it revealed things about myself that were very useful to know of. Yes, you were right – family members will try to get you to talk but laughing was acceptable, great fun!