A few months ago, my wife and I took our kids on a short weekend trip to the mountains. As we pulled out of our neighborhood and merged onto the four lane highway, we suddenly realized an important detail for the trip had been left undone.
Kim and I both assumed the other person was going to make the necessary arrangements. As a result, neither of us had accomplished the task. And now, the trip had already begun.
The problem would ultimately be fixed with a little extra time and money. But in the moment, our conversation abruptly ended. Tenseness ensued. And both of us stared silently out the windshield in disgust.
After a few short minutes, one little voice called out from the backseat, “Umm, are you guys ever going to talk again?” The silence had become unbearable.
I was reminded again how silence has become a difficult atmosphere in our society.
In our homes, we turn on our televisions. In our cars, we turn on the radio. When we exercise, we put on our headphones. Even when waiting in elevators or on hold with customer service, sound fills the void.
It seems we have become uncomfortable with the very presence of silence in our lives. We speak of “awkward silences” in a room full of people. We fear that brief moment when we meet someone new and aren’t quite sure what to say. And I remember being on countless dates growing up where any lapse in the conversation meant the entire relationship was doomed forever.
My family even pokes fun at me when I mute the television during commercials—as if the idea of sitting in quiet for 2 minutes is too long.
But in a world filled with noise, silence becomes even more important.
It is no secret we are bombarded everyday with countless messages.
Advertisements from every flat surface and frequency tell us what to watch, where to go, and what to purchase. Countless artists fill canvases, screens, and printed paper hoping to convince us of their worldview and beliefs. Political pundits from every aisle and experts from every imaginable field speak boldly about how we should proceed on the most important issues of our time.
Meanwhile, silence quietly calls for our attention. Because only in extended periods of solitude, can we rediscover our hearts and the voice of timeless wisdom in our lives.
The benefits of silence and solitude in a noisy world are significant and life-giving. In quiet moments of reflection:
- We remove the expectation and influence of others.
- We hear our heart speak clearly.
- We reflect on our past and chart our future.
- We find rest and refreshment.
- We break the cycle of busyness in our lives.
- We become better equipped to show patience and love to others.
While anyone can experience silence at any time by finding a quiet place to sit for an extended period of time, I have found solitude does not occur naturally in our noise-centered world. It must be intentionally pursued by each of us.
But for it to be pursued, it must first be valued and desired.
Be reminded of the importance of silence and solitude. Make its presence a habit in your life—both in small ways and in big ways. You’ve got nothing to lose. And your whole life to gain back.
About Joshua Becker
I’m also a “muter”! I always mute commercials, no matter how short; I watch tv-shows streamed so I don’t have to see the ads. The woods are across the road from me, a short walk and there’s a little creek…I go there to just be, to feel and listen to myself. If the silence is awkward with people, I think for me they might be the wrong kind. I need to be around persons who can sit and read a book or do art or take a little catnap; no need for constant small-talk. Music, dancing and all combinations of the two are my great passions in life, but I also enjoy silence; it’s like ying and yang; shadow and light; one can’t survive without the other.
What did you forget?
I enjoy “outdoor silence” with the only noise being nature’s own … wind, trees, birds, animals, rain, etc.
A couple of years ago, I realized the constant noise in the world. Since that day I don’t speak except to answer questions pointed directly at me. Comments don’t get a sound from me, only direct questions. I love being in the present moment and people always want to discuss a past or future event. Keeping my answers short (but always smiling and being kind and patient, I love people) results in fewer questions.
I love this post and the responses from your readers. Looking forward to more people finding it and practicing silence more often.
I just happened to come across this web site and am intrigued. I have been pitching boxes of 35 years of accumulation and it feels great. Can’t wait to downsize. My vision is a condo where my husband and I are free to explore life rather than spending our time doing yard work and cleaning. After reading this post, I have been mulling around the silent idea. My silence can be very cluttered. I’m working on getting rid of the drama that goes on in my head. I’m wondering what silence means to you all (I mean in your head). What are your thoughts in your silence.
I work with at-risk high school students who have no concept of silence: they have earbuds in their ears and music pumping into them virtually every minute of every day–unless they are talking to one another. They insist they can study better with their music. Just one of their many habits that drive their teachers nuts. I, on the other hand, once the students have left for the day, absolutely luxuriate in the “sounds of silence.” I literally feel as if I can hear it and it is so welcome and so relaxing. At home, too, I often choose to have not even the best music playing. I need the silence to really concentrate on whatever it is I might be doing. So…bottom line: I am just confirming your words on the value in silence…and one of the ways I have come to appreciate it even more fully.
Sometime ago in the past, I developed a condition called tinnitus which is a constant ringing in my ears (apparently a pretty common condition with no real cure). Any silence I have will be accompanied by this ringing. The sad part of this REALLY is the fact that, due all of the constant noises that surround us today, I have no idea when this condition started. :-(
As someone who *absolutely* needs silence, I loved this post.
I make it a point to spend at least 1 hour a day in quiet, and alone. It’s just how I’m wired and I learned not to find myself weird for being this way. :)
Enjoyed reading this post, but the first thing that jumped out at me was the fact that the kids were responding to the silence of tension, not just silence in and by itself. The silence of tension is like a 747 revving up for takeoff. Thanks for the thoughtful and enjoyable post!
So many comments. why is everyone compelled to leave comments? silence please.
Victorious,
I enjoyed this comment. I briefly thought this same thing as I descended the page while reading.
I leave this link for you as I have enjoyed it many times:
http://mnmlist.com/
Thank you Paul. …I notice how people continue to just vomit their comments and stories. I guess they simply can’t help it. It must be deep in their DNA and conditioned minds to just blur out what’s in their unconscious mind. We need a change.
I’m chuckling at your comment. Silently.
Anybody tried,
Silence of Noise ?
Very nice and relevant topic. But I just keep wondering what task detail you forgot about that frustrated you so – lol. See the problem for me is that there is too much noise inside my own head – constant mental chatter, even in a silent place. I have a habit of wondering about things and immediately looking on line to get an answer to whatever silly question just popped into my head. I know curiosity is not a bad thing, but I constantly distract myself! I need to find away to quiet myself sometimes, even more than my environment.
Oops – I just meant to write “detail”, not “task detail.”
Very interesting post!
I think the main reason we shed silence so much is because there is a social pressure against it. We grow up learning that talking and being loud is socially acceptable, while silent people are portrayed as abnormal and weird.
This is a shame since we need a balance between speaking and silence in order to be healthy.
Thanks for this post. It put to words something I’ve been feeling, but haven’t been able to hear through all the noise.
Another inspiring article! Thanks Joshua! I’ve always wondered how it was in the past. People didn’t have to cope with so many distractions connected with noises. Were they more attentive? I think it is a good question. Contemporary technology gives us so much convenience but at the expense of silence. We live so fast that it is really difficult just to stop and hear your interior. It needs training and mindfulness, but it is worth doing it. On the basis of my own example, I can agree with Joshua’s 6 points. Unofortunately, it has been a long way for me to accomplish that (it has lasted for 3-4 years), but I was a really hopeless case at the beginning :-)
Greetings Joshua!
I forgot to add something. Sometimes people are scared at being in silence. They could feel their true feelings (usually covered by a daily rush) and it could not be very pleasant. Someone could discover that he or she doesn’t lead a desired life. The easiest escape from that is just noise (or just doing many things at the same time, too much work etc.) – sidetracking from our interior.
As the old song goes, “Silence is golden.” I get distracted easily and with all of today’s mind clutter, I have to shut the noise off when I can. Recently I have started driving without the radio in the car and just focusing on driving and thinking. I also love the fact that we do not subscribe to cable TV so NO commercials!
Thanks for this, Joshua. Because many people are forgoing silence, we forget the benefit it has on our internal growth, like how our character is shaped. I’m hoping we all learn to better embrace the silence necessary to lead more meaningful lives.
I agree. Silence is something we are so distant from now. This is also why I love the outdoors so much. ‘
Thanks for the post!
I have a 4 year old and 10 month old so silence is a rare gift that doesn’t cross my days very often. It’s a breath of fresh air when I have a moment of silence.
psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.”
I just wrote myself a note the other day to write a blog post in the upcoming weeks about the importance of enjoying silence. I’m amazed at how often people are uncomfortable with silence. I think it’s so important to consciously take some time each day away from all the noise and distractions. Even just cooking dinner with no music or tv in the background can be so relaxing and clear my head. Great post!
I was raised by a Mother who cultivated silence in our home as rejuvenation and growth time to know ourselves. She believed in a quiet home. We had a lovely quiet environment to grow up in where books were preferred We are all speed readers and as a reader I have always preferred silence in my world. It is of utmost importance to me to have silence in my life. For only in silence can you know yourself and value precious alone time. To work out your life’s issues, to meditate, to pray, to read or journal. It is the most valuable gift to give yourself.
I worked 14-16 hour days for years in a noisy police department where noise was over the top obnoxious and hard on my system. I survived by having complete quiet on days off and staying away from crowds, noisy places and traffic. In retirement I adore entire days of quiet. I watch little or no TV at all, mute during every commercial if I do, have complete days of silence without input from anything that makes noise . Nature is a great teacher of silence and I escape there often . Our homes are our sanctuary from a noisy obnoxious world that is currently overwhelming our senses from every direction. Once we leave our driveway we have no control over how noise affects our nervous systems and our brain. Our systems are on overload when we are in public. Noise has become common place and epically damaging to our health. The motorcycle that raises your blood pressure and the screaming kids in stores that give you migraines. The constant need of others to always be opening their mouths in public speaking overly loudly so we all have to listen to their vapid conversations on their silly phones. To my system noise is the difference in complete silence over what a ball game noise would be, the effect is so jarring and negative to your brain , hearing and nerves . But in our homes we do have complete control over quiet and peace of mind. its our last bastion of peace in this noisy world. mine is also a small condo, but a quiet lovely sanctuary with reverence for silence. Its one of life’s greatest joys to know and embrace silence. It is good for our health and our minds. Nothing is better then a quiet evening with a cat, good books and tea.. As my Mom believed, it rejuvenates you for challenges , teaches you about yourself and gives your mind much needed rest.
You’re speaking my language here Joshua. It took having three children to fully realise that I become disconnected from my life, without small pockets of silence to bring me home.
I’m reminded of my late Aunty, whom couldn’t bare silence and car trips with her were pure exhaustion. Intentionally creating quiet space, has become my number one self-care practice. Thank you for tackling this subject here.
So, answer the question . . . are you two ever going to speak to each other again? ;-}
Today’s post is a wonderful reminder to slow down and savor the silence. Thank you Joshua. Bravo!
I cannot get enough silence. I work 9-10 days in a very noisy environment. My home has no TV, I listen to soft instrumental jazz when doing housework, no radio is turned on in the car. The only noises in my home are from purring cats and the occasional chirp of the computer’s innards. I am lucky to live in a very quiet neighborhood. When I retire in 5 yrs I will be moving to some land I’ve purchased far off the main road in the foothills of N.C. which I hope will be my refuge from this busy noisy world. I cannot wait! :)
my favourite button on the remote is mute, the adverts drive me mad and they increase the volume, so i mute them, wish i had a toy gun would blast them off the t.v.
Mindless stuff, i love the quiet, i need some it more and more, it saddens me that libraries don,t respect that any more, it seems they are just as noisy and i know when we were kids they were a little over the top, but now they are just as bad as a cafe, or shopping centre, don,t get me started how loud and gobby people are on mobiles when you are on the bus and can,t escape, i would throw the phone out of the window and then them make them stay on the bus, or better still keep the mobile and throw the person off the bus, solution yay can,t see you posting this joshua, still my little rant hee hee
happy days Jacqueline
I have a studio hair salon. Most days I have fitting music playing but some days I just want quiet. My guest will often remark hoe quiet it is. I find it to be very important for some people to get a total sound break and just let go.
Noise is a constant battle in my home because I love silence and my husband loves TV. When we are both retired I think I will be spending a lot of time outside walking the dog or reading at the library. I have asked him repeatedly why he must have the TV on all the time and he says he enjoys the noise, which boggles my mind, but I guess we are all different.
Relate :\
Thanks Joshua.
I too treasure those times of silence during my days. I can enjoy what I am doing more(cycling, hiking, reading, etc.) without the distraction of added noise.
The power of silence has been understood for as long as history has been recorded – people going and living in the desert alone for periods, more recently (in the last 2000 years) the monasteries of both ‘eastern’ religions and Christianity have written silence into their daily patterns. Recently I note that their are silence retreats available too. I am a muter, but the rest of the family thrives on their ‘noise’.
Appreciating silence has become easier as I got older. I think there are two reasons to that: 1) I don’t need constant stimulation anymore and 2) I am not made uncomfortable by the sound of my own thoughts anymore.
I am finding that silence requires a lot of intentionality. It also requires an untangling of oneself from all that would distract. There was something that I needed to focus on that was very important the other day. It required a great amount of effort to stop doing all the things I was doing and sit down and be still and focus and think. But, when I finally did that I found that what I was trying to focus on became much clearer and deeper than it would have been with all of the noise still going on. And my study time, even though brief, was very productive.
Great post! I was recently reflecting on how, when I found out I as pregnant with my 5th child last fall, I didn’t tell anyone for 24 hours. With previous ones, at least my husband and mom knew within minutes. But I wanted that time — and am so thankful I took it — for exactly the reasons you noted. As soon as I told people, there were opinions voiced and requests being made. That silent time was all mine, and I’m grateful for it.
I want to offer just a slightly different viewpoint, as coincidentally, I was thinking about this very thing on the weekend. When my wife and I got together, we had almost everything in common–except music. She likes things I don’t, and vice-versa. We weren’t ever able to figure this one out, so we simply enjoyed what we liked whenever we were away from one another. One thing we had in common was a desire to remove ourselves from commercialism as much, and one of the steps was to never have cable, and to not listen to commercial radio. This resulted in a *lot* of quiet time. For the most part, it’s lovely, and as you say, has many benefits. This weekend I was alone for the first time in a while though, and I realized that I’d gone two days without anything on at all out of sheer habit. Seems most of my world is now silence. I thought that was a bit weird, so I put on my music and realized that I wasn’t able to sing as well anymore. A few years of not lifting up my voice or simply dancing around my house had taken a small toll. It made me think, there’s a balance to everything. Too much of anything has its bad side. So seek silence if you need to, yes. But don’t forget to also sing sometimes. :)
Beautifully said, Joshua: “Because only in extended periods of solitude, can we rediscover our hearts and the voice of timeless wisdom in our lives.” I wonder if that silence gave you both the power and wisdom to reach out to each other in love.
Sometimes what you hear in the silence says more than when there are words.
From the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I always loved quiet. We never felt the need for filling our lives with noise. Of course, we loved music and movies, just not every waking hour. We would take car rides and just enjoy the scenery and the lovely “sounds of silence”. We joked that if anyone rode with us, they needed to be quiet. Our friends and family never understood this concept. My husband of 51 years recently passed away and I am comfortable in my silence – I enjoy my peaceful time.
My heart went out to you, Nancy. I am sorry for your loss. Mostly I wanted to tell you that I am happy you had 51 beautiful years together. :) God bless you…
I always thought only young people followed this blog. I find the topics so relevant to us who are retired and trying to live a minimalist life. Nice to see someone else who is “older” reading Joshua’s words.
Why would you think that, hmmmmmm. My parents survived the Great Depression and were of very humble means, we learned to do without many material things and never felt deprived. Minimalism is not a new thing in my opinion. It helps us all to refocus on what truly matters in the scheme of what is important in life. I need refocusing big time on decluttering, it is amazing how much stuff we accumulate on life’s journey! And to the point of the post, silence is truly golden.
Just this weekend, our family experienced a period of silence – I found myself wondering how many other folks would get antsy if put in the same situation…
We were driving home from an out-of-state trip for a funeral. Both of our small children had fallen asleep, after a fair bit of convincing. We were bound and determined to maintain the sleeping, so we didn’t say a word. We didn’t turn on the radio. We sat there, driving down the country backroads, and held hands. It was delightful!
I don’t remember if it was Denmark, Norway or another country in that region. I read a travelers blog that stated silence is normal in culture. The traveler stated that is was normal for there to be complete silence during eating. He also stated that is was normal for there to be long pauses of silence during normal conversation. It seems that in that culture silence is cherished and understood.
We mute the commercials, too! I love silence.
So very true! I find myself feeling uncomfortable with silence at times as well (it makes me feel lazy at first, to be honest) but have been making a solid effort lately at trying to embrace it more. I feel as though I have much more clarity after even just 5 minutes of complete silence.
I love going for long walks (without headphones/music) for this very reason. I tend to soak up more of my surroundings and bask in the “now” a bit more.
I love silence..
as do I!
Noise pollution–it comes in many forms. The humming of machinery, the far off sound of traffic. It seems inescapable but when silence actually occurs, it is blissful.
Silence and solitude are something that I know that I need to carve out time for, but very seldom do. I guess I sometimes subscribe to the fear that it’ll only result in more ideas for me to pursue. However, I think there’s another part of me that is more realistic and knows there’s a chance it’ll do the opposite — and give me clarity on the ones I already have.
Am I the only one who is going to be singing Simon & Garfunkel for the rest of the day? :-)
: )
I just moved into my own place – its a small 500 square foot condo apartment. I am all alone in it right now and I savour the silence that permeates every corner of it. I wake up in the morning and there is no one vacuuming the floors or blending a smoothie. I sit up in my bed, and stare at the empty white walls in front of me. I haven’t put up anything on them to extend this period of silence (silence through minimalism).
I sit up after the alarm rings and I just stare at the walls for 30 minutes or so on weekdays, and longer on weekends. It is an odd feeling to be able to sit in bed, and stare at a blank wall and feel so good about it! I mean, it is just a rejuvenating experience for me. Liberating. I feel like I’m expanding – the more empty space I discover in my condo, the more I expand as a person. I have room to grow and to be.
I am so lucky to have this space to be myself in the silence. I love it! I wish this expansive silence upon everyone.
Well said! I too live alone in a small condo, and find the silence to be soothing. Hadn’t thought about staring at a blank wall. That idea I like and will try!
Hey sunny, Thanks for your comment. I have a small suggestion for you. Ensure that the wall directly in front of your bed (the wall that you face when you are sitting up in bed) is completely empty of fixtures, paintings, or whatever. So whenever you sit up in bed, or you are lying in bed, staring in front of you, you see Silence. You aren’t distracted by anything. No clothes, no pictures, nothing. This will start your day off with silent and distraction-free. Let me know how that works out for you!
Hi Joshua, silence and mental space is such a crucial factor for creating change in our lives and also for finding peace and time to think and just be. But the noise of day to day life in our society is deafening. So important that this essential but overlooked factor of a quality life is highlighted more. This is one of the reasons I love getting up really early in the mornings. Love the quietness, stillness and peacefulness of that time of the day. Food for the soul and always starts the day off well.
I like your site very much but thought you might like to edit what I think is a the double negative in the second sentence. Sorry to notice! We are also “muters”!
I agree with the sentiment. Reminds me a bit of a beautiful scene in Babylon 5:
“In here, Mr Garibaldi, you can not hide from yourself. Everything out there has only one purpose, to distract us from ourselves, what is truly important. There are no distractions in here. We can learn much from silence.”
G’Kar to Garibaldi, in a prison cell, in Babylon 5: “Messages from Earth”
Luckily, it doesn’t require a prison cell (although that might help). And given that ear plugs are a thing, I have hope that this view isn’t that rare.
As for silence in conversations … how was it?
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Silence is so unbearable for many people that you can use it to exert pressure in conversations. Just look at the person and say nothing. Many people fold quickly. Of course, it also puts a huge strain on the relationship when used this way.
BTW, another issue that might be interesting to write about is unresolved stories … I know it isn’t the point, but what exactly did you two forget? ;-)
Hi Dan,
I love your comment. I know exactly which scene in Babylon 5 you are talking about. I just watched it the other day when I was googling something about silence. I had to watch it 2 / 3 times because it was so profound… (G’Kar was a wonderful philosopher in the making.)
Speaking as an introverted, right-brain creative-type silence is a most welcome tool for us. It is in those times when the most inspired ideas come through.
But, in regards to relationships (not angry silence, just silence) it is the blessed moment when you can hear and take measure of the others persons soul. And I believe that a few moments of silence can be more insightful than hours of speaking.
Silence is also a tool to authenticity, enlightenment, etc. and too much underutilized in our Autobahn information highway culture. Thank you for the post Josh.
Moe
Amazing Dan !
I love peace and solitude. The older I get the more I find this to be true. So much in fact, that I intentionally accept invitations and such to ensure the balance of companionship in my life. I’ve always been happy with my own company. :)
Pure silence is one of the reasons why I love hiking so much. Deep in the woods, it’s possible to just exist and not feel like a captive of societal expectation and advertisements. There’s nothing to buy on a hike, which in turn means there’s no pressure or noise.
My husband and I love to just sit in the silence of the forest and let our minds wander. We often find that after these experiences, we’re able to have productive conversations about a problem we’re working on or make decisions for the future. Something about being alone, and silent, with our thoughts lets us discover new possibilities.