A few months ago, my wife and I took our kids on a short weekend trip to the mountains. As we pulled out of our neighborhood and merged onto the four lane highway, we suddenly realized an important detail for the trip had been left undone.
Kim and I both assumed the other person was going to make the necessary arrangements. As a result, neither of us had accomplished the task. And now, the trip had already begun.
The problem would ultimately be fixed with a little extra time and money. But in the moment, our conversation abruptly ended. Tenseness ensued. And both of us stared silently out the windshield in disgust.
After a few short minutes, one little voice called out from the backseat, “Umm, are you guys ever going to talk again?” The silence had become unbearable.
I was reminded again how silence has become a difficult atmosphere in our society.
In our homes, we turn on our televisions. In our cars, we turn on the radio. When we exercise, we put on our headphones. Even when waiting in elevators or on hold with customer service, sound fills the void.
It seems we have become uncomfortable with the very presence of silence in our lives. We speak of “awkward silences” in a room full of people. We fear that brief moment when we meet someone new and aren’t quite sure what to say. And I remember being on countless dates growing up where any lapse in the conversation meant the entire relationship was doomed forever.
My family even pokes fun at me when I mute the television during commercials—as if the idea of sitting in quiet for 2 minutes is too long.
But in a world filled with noise, silence becomes even more important.
It is no secret we are bombarded everyday with countless messages.
Advertisements from every flat surface and frequency tell us what to watch, where to go, and what to purchase. Countless artists fill canvases, screens, and printed paper hoping to convince us of their worldview and beliefs. Political pundits from every aisle and experts from every imaginable field speak boldly about how we should proceed on the most important issues of our time.
Meanwhile, silence quietly calls for our attention. Because only in extended periods of solitude, can we rediscover our hearts and the voice of timeless wisdom in our lives.
The benefits of silence and solitude in a noisy world are significant and life-giving. In quiet moments of reflection:
- We remove the expectation and influence of others.
- We hear our heart speak clearly.
- We reflect on our past and chart our future.
- We find rest and refreshment.
- We break the cycle of busyness in our lives.
- We become better equipped to show patience and love to others.
While anyone can experience silence at any time by finding a quiet place to sit for an extended period of time, I have found solitude does not occur naturally in our noise-centered world. It must be intentionally pursued by each of us.
But for it to be pursued, it must first be valued and desired.
Be reminded of the importance of silence and solitude. Make its presence a habit in your life—both in small ways and in big ways. You’ve got nothing to lose. And your whole life to gain back.
I love silence..
as do I!
Noise pollution–it comes in many forms. The humming of machinery, the far off sound of traffic. It seems inescapable but when silence actually occurs, it is blissful.
Silence and solitude are something that I know that I need to carve out time for, but very seldom do. I guess I sometimes subscribe to the fear that it’ll only result in more ideas for me to pursue. However, I think there’s another part of me that is more realistic and knows there’s a chance it’ll do the opposite — and give me clarity on the ones I already have.
Am I the only one who is going to be singing Simon & Garfunkel for the rest of the day? :-)
: )
I just moved into my own place – its a small 500 square foot condo apartment. I am all alone in it right now and I savour the silence that permeates every corner of it. I wake up in the morning and there is no one vacuuming the floors or blending a smoothie. I sit up in my bed, and stare at the empty white walls in front of me. I haven’t put up anything on them to extend this period of silence (silence through minimalism).
I sit up after the alarm rings and I just stare at the walls for 30 minutes or so on weekdays, and longer on weekends. It is an odd feeling to be able to sit in bed, and stare at a blank wall and feel so good about it! I mean, it is just a rejuvenating experience for me. Liberating. I feel like I’m expanding – the more empty space I discover in my condo, the more I expand as a person. I have room to grow and to be.
I am so lucky to have this space to be myself in the silence. I love it! I wish this expansive silence upon everyone.
Well said! I too live alone in a small condo, and find the silence to be soothing. Hadn’t thought about staring at a blank wall. That idea I like and will try!
Hey sunny, Thanks for your comment. I have a small suggestion for you. Ensure that the wall directly in front of your bed (the wall that you face when you are sitting up in bed) is completely empty of fixtures, paintings, or whatever. So whenever you sit up in bed, or you are lying in bed, staring in front of you, you see Silence. You aren’t distracted by anything. No clothes, no pictures, nothing. This will start your day off with silent and distraction-free. Let me know how that works out for you!
Hi Joshua, silence and mental space is such a crucial factor for creating change in our lives and also for finding peace and time to think and just be. But the noise of day to day life in our society is deafening. So important that this essential but overlooked factor of a quality life is highlighted more. This is one of the reasons I love getting up really early in the mornings. Love the quietness, stillness and peacefulness of that time of the day. Food for the soul and always starts the day off well.
I like your site very much but thought you might like to edit what I think is a the double negative in the second sentence. Sorry to notice! We are also “muters”!
I agree with the sentiment. Reminds me a bit of a beautiful scene in Babylon 5:
“In here, Mr Garibaldi, you can not hide from yourself. Everything out there has only one purpose, to distract us from ourselves, what is truly important. There are no distractions in here. We can learn much from silence.”
G’Kar to Garibaldi, in a prison cell, in Babylon 5: “Messages from Earth”
Luckily, it doesn’t require a prison cell (although that might help). And given that ear plugs are a thing, I have hope that this view isn’t that rare.
As for silence in conversations … how was it?
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Silence is so unbearable for many people that you can use it to exert pressure in conversations. Just look at the person and say nothing. Many people fold quickly. Of course, it also puts a huge strain on the relationship when used this way.
BTW, another issue that might be interesting to write about is unresolved stories … I know it isn’t the point, but what exactly did you two forget? ;-)
Hi Dan,
I love your comment. I know exactly which scene in Babylon 5 you are talking about. I just watched it the other day when I was googling something about silence. I had to watch it 2 / 3 times because it was so profound… (G’Kar was a wonderful philosopher in the making.)
Speaking as an introverted, right-brain creative-type silence is a most welcome tool for us. It is in those times when the most inspired ideas come through.
But, in regards to relationships (not angry silence, just silence) it is the blessed moment when you can hear and take measure of the others persons soul. And I believe that a few moments of silence can be more insightful than hours of speaking.
Silence is also a tool to authenticity, enlightenment, etc. and too much underutilized in our Autobahn information highway culture. Thank you for the post Josh.
Moe
Amazing Dan !
I love peace and solitude. The older I get the more I find this to be true. So much in fact, that I intentionally accept invitations and such to ensure the balance of companionship in my life. I’ve always been happy with my own company. :)
Pure silence is one of the reasons why I love hiking so much. Deep in the woods, it’s possible to just exist and not feel like a captive of societal expectation and advertisements. There’s nothing to buy on a hike, which in turn means there’s no pressure or noise.
My husband and I love to just sit in the silence of the forest and let our minds wander. We often find that after these experiences, we’re able to have productive conversations about a problem we’re working on or make decisions for the future. Something about being alone, and silent, with our thoughts lets us discover new possibilities.