I write these words for everyone in the world except for one person. This post is for the 7.52 billion people who are not the richest person in the world. In other words, Elon Musk, if you are reading, this is not for you.
To everyone else, I have some news:
Someone in the world has more than you, get used to it.
I once read a fascinating statistic about millionaires who lost their wealth. A survey was conducted of people who once had a net worth of $2 million, but now are worth less than $1 million. When asked how they lost half their fortune, 40% responded, “We started hanging out with people worth $10 million, and we lost our money trying to match their spending.”
The study, which I read years and years ago, has always stuck with me. It reveals an important truth:
There is always going to be someone in the world with more than you and trying to keep up with them is a losing battle. Because there will always be someone else ahead of you in the game.
- There is a co-worker in your office who has more than you.
- There is a neighbor down the street who has more than you.
- Someone at your church or community group has more than you.
- There is a family at your kid’s school who has more than you.
- And we all know there is someone on television right now who has more than you.
That is always going to be the case (except for you Elon).
Now, it seems to me there are only a couple of responses we can have to this reality:
1. We get jealous and envious and bitter that someone has more.
2. We accept it and decide to find happiness with what we have.
The clear choice for a joyful and happy life is #2.
But too often, we choose #1.
As a result, we spend much our time comparing our things to other people. We compare the size of our house, the year of our automobile, the brand of our clothing, our last vacation destination, the age of our retirement, or our paycheck with the person next to us.
Unfortunately, there is no joy to be found in these comparisons. Ever. Because there is always going to be someone with more.
There is no contentment to be found in comparing our stuff with other people. You may think that once you own a fancy house or nice car like so-and-so, you’ll be happy. But that’s simply not the case because there is always going to be someone else to compare yourself to… always a bigger house, a more prestigious neighborhood, or a fancier model car to own.
There is no end to the comparison game. There is always, always going to be someone in the world with more.
I fear making sweeping generalizations, but I am going to for the sake of argument.
If you are reading these words, your needs are met. You have clothes and food and shelter.
You may not have the most expensive clothes in the world, you may not eat at the fanciest restaurants, and you may not live in the biggest house on your block. But your needs are being met.
In fact, I may take this moment to declare another truth. Not only is there someone in this world with more than you, there is someone in this world with less than you.
There is someone in this world with less than you who is perfectly content and happy because they have chosen to be happy right where they are, rather than comparing their lives to someone with more.
There is someone in the world with more than you. But you have many reasons to be grateful. And you have everything you need to find happiness. So stop comparing.
Great post, Joshua! This is an excellent reminder. Thank you!
Yes – thank you Joshua.
If you have what you truly want, need and value you can be satisfied. If you are purchasing, building and aiming to please or impress others (family, social standards, colleagues, friends) you will never be satisfied. Good article!
Well said.
Spend more time in the developing world! That will help get over the western obsession with more and more and more. So many things that people get used to & take for granted. Just start with water. Clean water that you can drink from a tap, water coming into your residence through plumbing, just that is something that everyone should have but billions don’t.
I really needed to read this today! This can be especially hard when it’s your lifelong best friend who has more than you! I don’t begrudge her the financial stability she and her husband have. They worked hard, made great choices. But my life turned into a string of setbacks, most of which were not my making (think divorce, being widowed, health issue after health issue). My bestie has been there for me through it all, but sometimes it still is hard to accept your own life in comparison to others.
But, as Sir Thomas Mallory said: “Enough is a Feast”. I need to focus on all the intangibly good things in my life, instead of what others have. When I really sit down and think about it, for most of them, for one reason or another, I wouldn’t want their life anyway.
Great article and reminder for me. Not sure who said this (I tried to research withinconclusive results): comparison is the thief of joy.
So SO true!!! I loved this article!
I also think a lot of people may find themselves jealous or envious of others because they see people or a family with less and see how happy they are. Things do not bring happiness. Happiness is within yourself and by giving of yourself. After my February luncheon with a group that raises money for our Children’s hospital my goal is to do a second round if decluttering in my house. My husband and I spent 5 months decluttering our home and I know there is more I can free us from. One of the bes t things we have done together!
Great post. This also goes beyond possessions. A friend of mine would always compliment her children in a competitive and comparative style. “You were the prettiest one on the stage!” or “You’re the smartest kid in that entire class” or “You’re a better skier than all of them.” These statements were made in an attempt to build them up, and they may or may not have been true. What happens when they grow up and they suddenly realize that they’re NOT the best at everything?
My kids have been raised knowing that they are so loved, but that there will always be someone faster, prettier, and more intelligent than they are. The lesson is to do your best, be your best, and celebrate others doing the same.
This article made me feel better. *deep sigh* Thank you.
This is SO RIGHT ON! IT took me 30 years to figure this out. Life is so much simpler, peaceful and HAPPY when you don’t compare yourself to others. A friend used to tell me people typically compare their “insides” to other’s “outsides” or what they appear to be on the outside. Not always what we think either.
Stop trying to keep up with the Jones’… they’re poor…
Great posts. Nothing wrong with ambition. However sometimes the struggle for more leaves us a little spent and not being able to enjoy anything, nor see it.
I am in the process of minimalism for a while now. I keep finding these articles, about less, very inspirational.
My life is not easy at the moment and I am not referring to minimalism as the difficult part in my life, quite the opposite.
Recently I lost people close to me and without a job I feel stuck, unable to move forward and isolated. Surprisingly, these trails brought me closer to my faith than I could ever have imagined. Through minimalism, I have experienced that peace returned in my life. I learned to remove everything that weighs me down. By doing so I found a sort of peace and quietness and I was able listen and hear. I now feel I must endure this difficult part of my life, for it was meant to be this way. It was necessary to open my eyes. I can only hope that these hard times lead to the greatest moments in my life.
Joshua, I simply want to thank you for giving me the message of minimalism. Thank you for waking me up and providing me an alternative way of live. I found so much more by less.
1 Timothy 6:8 “So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.”
I keep it on a post it on my wall where I can see it always. Thanks for the wonderful post and reminder to be grateful.
Thanks for all you do and share. Always looking forward to the becomingminimalist posts.
By maintenance I mean we all make our own breakfast but everyone gets up from the table and leaves their plates and cups etc to get up earlier is impossible as we all get an average of approximately 3 hours of sleep a day. We need a solution here. Thank you
I totally feel you, and I understand. It’s because you think there isn’t enough time to clean up after yourselves because people who are more right brain than left brained… people who are labeled ADD ADHD, or just people who are more distracted than others have a warped perception of time.
We have to recognize this and then do things differently. When we do things differently long enough, we will realize that it doesn’t take as long as we think it does. And if you’re around people who have been there and done that then you could have the strength to do what it is that needs to be done, even though it feels counterintuitive
Because you’ve been doing things a specific way for so long it seems wrong to do it any other way.
Even though everybody has busy lives, and even though you can’t get up any earlier, it’s still very possible and completely doable to clean up after yourself, and to teach those to clean up after themselves. We all know people with us busy lives as we have, and maybe they have a special needs child or they have special needs themselves, and their house is clean. So it’s not our circumstances.
What I do is, I can’t Mississippi’s or elephants to show me that it doesn’t take as long as I think it does. And even after over 30 years of doing this, I still have to count Mississippi sometimes because my mind tells me “you don’t have time to do that!” So when I’m done eating, I count… one Mississippi to Mississippi, three Mississippi for Mississippi cleaning up my place, Not everybody else’s, just mine And I find that it took me 10 Mississippi’s sometimes things take 100 Mississippi’s that’s what 40 seconds more than a minute? There really is time. Tell yourself there is enough time, and make a commitment to “do it now” “it goes or goes” so if it leaves your hands, it goes where it goes, and “count Mississippi’s”. Things will change so rapidly, in your heart, mind and home… let me know how it goes.
I have general question. We’ve downsized our possessions to what we like and use BUT our bad maintenance habbits are killing us. Everyones super busy and tired and we repeat the same frustrating habbits and screaming about it we cant seem to change our maintenance habbits and it’s frustrating and wearing us down. Can someone offer advise and realistic ideas. We cant seem to get out of the hamster’s wheel.
Hello,
French frog is there.
Thank you Joshua for this post.
Yes, jealousy is a scourge and desire can consume you.
But I think we can all think out of the box.
I explain : I do not want become rich (more money) but I want to have more time (thanks minimalism!).
I use my desire to have more time (and space) to change and improve myself (I am not sure to be clear, but I think you can understand what I mean :-) ).
I am grateful for everything I have (especially health, love, family..). I think we can use this energy of desire such way she can be positive and not anymore something toxic.
If you are jealous, change your mind and look how to become different.
How to be wiser for example?
For me it comes down a bit like this:
If you can’t be with those you love, love those with whom you are …
Thank you for your work.
Bonjour de France!
Ah, more time? That’s an even harder task than more possions. There is no more time – and all endings are unhappy. Learn to love the journey.
Joshua, thank you for being who you are and always sharing your wisdom with us. I receive many posts dealing with living a simple life and minimalism, I can’t read them all. But when I get one from Becomingminimalist I always stop to read, whether it is written by you or a guest, (because I know you would not post it, if it wasn’t relevant). Keep up the good work.
Bravo! Well said. A good reminder to us all.
Thank you for all the work you do, yours is a great voice to have as guidance.
Great post. So true. Thanks for that.
The fantasy forms: Jeff Bezos reading and thinking ‘wait, he has better hair’
Thank you Joshua for sharing your thoughts and perspective with us.
It’s always a good reminder to be thankful for all we have; faith, family and friends. Those are our “true” treasures in life.
Hi, I chose minimalism, simple and healthy life style for me and my kids. I am perfectly happy with what we have and what we do. Now our wealthy family members are jealous of how we live. They are impressed by our energy and our equilibrium.
I will admit I am struggling with this right now. We live in one of the most expensive areas in the world at the moment due to our jobs, where your personal worth is judged on what you own, what you wear, what you drive, and the neighborhood you live in. It is difficult to swim against the constant tide of competitiveness, and everyone we know seems to have tons of money or rich families that can help them. We are constantly reminding ourselves and our kids this stuff isn’t worth it, and what true success means.
I am not so bothered by the stuff people have, as I have never been much into brands, cars, etc. But what does bother me is our current housing situation. We feel like failures because we rent a dilapidated house that is poorly maintained by the landlord, and rarely have people over because of the mold and disgusting carpet. Our friends all have very nice homes, and one family just bought a second vacation home. I so badly want to own a home of my own again, but it will never happen here. I am instantly jealous when someone remodels or buys a nice new place somewhere. Maybe because having decent shelter is a basic need, but it’s a daily battle to keep my envy for a nice house under control.
Gwinny, I never write in to comment, but I really feel for you. Having lived in the Bay Area for a while, my advice is to get out as soon as you can. No career is worth the living conditions you are describing. It is more than possible to have a good career outside of cost prohibitive cities and sometimes you can do it on one income. My in-laws still live in the Bay Area, and even though they are relatively young and make bettter than good incomes, I can tell you that they will never retire because they will never be able to buy a house or invest due to the amount of money they pay in rent. Unless you are both in your dream jobs, no job is worth your health, which is what is at stake living in a moldy house. There is a weird self-fulfilling mentality, particularly in these coastal cost prohibitive cities, that you couldn’t possibly advance your career elsewhere. Or that nowhere else could possibly as vibrant, alive, naturally beautiful…blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, and I haven’t found it to be true. I often remind myself that our lives are not a dress rehearsal. We only get one shot that we know of, and we owe it to ourselves and those we love to really understand what is important and what actually makes us happy.
I have a friend who lives in Toronto. He and his partner purchased a house there 23 years ago and have 2 years left. He has ALWAYS wanted out but his partner doesn’t. He wanted to move to a small town 15 years ago but didn’t know what to do about work and I told him that you end up becoming part of the local economy and you mould yourself in. I moved from Ottawa to a small town and I’m happy and employed and my expenses are very small and my housing is cheap since we bought a MUCH smaller home at a much smaller price. People have to let go of their fear. Small towns want to stay alive and relevant but just need people to choose them instead of the money a big city offers. They offer that because their standard of living is high and even now, they can’t keep up and the raises are few and far between because the higher the salaries go, the higher the standard of living goes. My husband works from home. Our son starts college next month so our dream of heading out to an even SMALLER town is getting closer. Right now, we have to stay so he can get to school. We live a 20 min drive from our town.
I’m terribly sorry too. I would recommend looking into the tenant landlord laws in your area -your landlord cannot have a place as you are describing. Mold too is very dangerous for your health and you need to have this addressed. My thoughts are with you…
“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
– Helen Keller
I’ve been thinking maybe comparison is a good tool, but we use it wrong. Comparison can also be used as a tool for gratitude if you shift the focus off who has more. ?️
Hellen Keller was quoting someone else—- that is actually ancient Chinese.
Thank you very much for this post!
I challenge those to keep up with my simple and minimal lifestyle! I have actually gotten friends to start minimizing their stuff. I love to also challenge myself to see how simply I can live!
You can always live so simply as to have much of nothing. I learned years ago, dishes were not needed. Empty containers that once held food purchased are about as much as needed. A few pans for cooking and two or three towels. A sleeping bag instead of a bed or blankets. Enough clothes for a week or even less. In other words living with enough to carry on your back may be your answer if trying to see how little you can live with.
I enjoy seeing less stuff around me. My ancestors lived with very little. I can make tea in a pot. I can eat noodles or rice with vegetables or an egg. And life will be OK.
LOVE this!
Thanks for the reminder. I try to keep a similar mindset to this, but sometimes we all need a reminder. Thank you.
Someone has more than me?
More free time? :(
More healthy? :( :(
More meaningful friendships / relationships? :( :( :(
Yeah ………………….
Oh, you mean material things? Who cares about that kind of stuff anyway?
Gratitude. Why is it so difficult. Perhaps we’ve grown up with such abundance that there is always more to aspire to? Jealousy, a deadly sin. I recall walking a neighbourhood once, marveling at big homes (BIG for me), loaded garages (vehicles parked outside because of junk), patio furniture plethora, boats , 4-wheelers, campers, plastic toys strewn everywhere. .. I said to myself thank God for that which I do not own!
Knowing that there are many who have less than me helps me to pass along items that I no longer use. Those items that are gathering dust or hanging unused in my closet could be useful in someone else’s life. It’s a great motivator to Declutter! Thank you Joshua.
Love this. Someone has more than you. Someone else has less for you. It’s time to be joyful about what we do have.
Thank you ! I SO agree !
You speak the truth and I couldn’t agree with you more. As I have adopted minimalism and hygge (Hygge-lism). I have gotten very good at replying with option #2. A funny thing has started to happen, I have become noticeably more happy and relaxed and the I have found that the comparison game has had its table turned. Coworkers who are better off than I, have started to emulate what I do to “try and keep up” so to speak.
Comparison is the thief of Joy!
Love it and so true! Thanks Joshua
My wife and I were successful and able to retire somewhat early (her at 56 and me four years later at 60). We have more than most in this country but the majority of people would never know it. We live below our means (very nicely but still below) and we prefer to hang out with people who are, let’s just say, more grounded. We always say that if there is something we truly want that our assets will not allow for, then we will go to work for it. Thankfully we have never found that “something” and I don’t believe we ever will.
Yes, us too. So glad we did.
We were never into chasing ‘stuff’.
It’s paid off
Love this!!! May I quote you? Kay
Almost certainly. Where are you hoping to use the quote?
Wow, so many great stories. I used to work as an LPN in a hospital. A few of my co-workers used to complain about things that were not perfect at the hospital. Some were valid and some were not. I always thought that they should go work in a third world country for a period of time. Perhaps upon their return they would realize how fortunate we are in so many different ways. Also watch a movie about the holocaust and you really are grateful for what you have. I have a roof over my head, a warm home, food to eat, and I drive an older car that still works great. I also have great neighbors. I am very thankful for what I have! Thanks again for the stories.
Amen! I live in one of the small original houses on a block of teardowns. I love this little house! Sometimes when you have less $ you become creative and resourceful:) i.e. since we did not have $ in the budget for new concrete front steps, we painted a “rug” on the front porch–looks great! So many people stop to admire it! I like our neighbors in the big houses, very nice families; and, hey, they have room to host the neighborhood Christmas party!
Great essay; thank you! The sentence about ‘someone has less than you’ is an important addition to the overall perspective you’re presenting, I think. (I also think that some of the comments here misunderstood your point; they reflect true poverty, i.e., not having essential needs met.) I’ve personally known a multi-millionaire (my client) who was anxious because he felt he didn’t have “enough.” I’ve known a part-time, self-employed math tutor (a friend) who chose a simple lifestyle far below what he otherwise could have attained who was completely content with having much less than his peers. The contrast between these two was a huge lesson for me. For me, the bottom line is that gratitude – in and of itself – is the key to contentment and a sense of abundance. It can be practiced and developed. To paraphrase the old saying: ‘the rich person is the one who is satisfied with what s/he has, and who knows that enough is enough…’
Joshua:
Amen, well said! Saw where your grandfather was a pastor in South Dakota. I imagine he learned to be content in the Lord and passed that legacy on to you?
I had an epiphany about this. I’ve been following the coronavirus outbreak, especially by watching Youtubes. Yes, we are all better off that Wuhan, China.
But when you watch videos like that, it shows you other options about all kinds of problems around the world. And if you really want to know how lucky you are, go watch a video about Hong Kong’s “coffin” apartments – the world’s smallest apartments. You won’t believe your eyes. I am never going to complain again.
So very true. I’m fortunate as keeping up “with the Jone’s” doesn’t matter to me. I do want less.
About 35 years ago a new couple moved into the house next door. In the first few months they lived there, the put in a pool, bought a new car, and a camper and finished the basement. We were struggling to make it from paycheck to paycheck and I was jealous of them. How were they able to do all this when we found out later that we qualified for food stamps. The holiday season, they threw a party to get the new neighbors. It was then that I heard the wife say that they were in debt up to their eyeballs. We had no debt, clothes on our backs, food in the house and a healthy baby boy. I was never jealous of them again.
I know many people like that. Some have had to cut back on food. living on hot dogs and baked beans, and Campbell’s soup so I could living in a fancy house isn’t worth it.
I agree with that statement. However, money does buy medical/dental care, food and shelter, and for many that
equals happiness.
With respect many of us know this and more than appreciate what we have.
I used to work at a company where the lady that was my immediate boss was a very wealthy woman. Her and her husband were pleasant generous people but she didn’t like to think you might have something she didn’t.
I told her we were going to visit family in Australia, her expression told me she didn’t like it. On another occasion when we were talking about the work we had to do with our then fax machines, I informed her I was moving to bigger premises, I meant was moving my office out of a cupboard into a room. She thought I was moving house. She didn’t like it.
What I’m trying to say is, some wealthy people don’t want others to have more.
For my own part, without sounding boastful, I really am more than happy with the ample I have
In my working career, I worked for a big corporation and made it up the ladder to where me and my circle of peers were making a nice amount of money. But I was in a horrible situation with my marriage and had to get out. I eventually had the strength to leave; with only the stuff that fit in my car. I had no possessions. Eventually I was able to buy my own home, a teeny place in a low-income neighborhood. I was embarrassed about it and never invited my co-workers over. I always thought that “one day” I’d have a nice, big house just like them, beautifully decorated, and go on wonderful trips for vacation. So I saved and saved for that “one day” so that I could fit in with my co-workers. Well, in my late 50s, I had the chance for a severance package which I took. I can tell you now that every.single.day (often several times a day), I give thanks for staying in my teeny home and not using my money to keep up with those around me. I can work a part-time, less stressful job all because I didn’t “keep up with the Jones”.
You are so right. I have an early retirement early from a job and started working in another to keep going with extra income. The job got too stressful so I cut down the hours with flack from the manager and after awhile I realized that I would rather have less than deal with work that made me stressed and unhappy. I’m not sorry that I don’t have more when friends are still stuck working a job they don’t like, but they have more. It’s just not worth it too me.
“If you are reading these words, your needs are met. You have clothes and food and shelter. ”
This is entitled.
A person could be reading this at a library because they are homeless and don’t have a change of clothes. If they have a place to live, they might not have any food in their cupboard or refrigerator.
They might have a a place to live but no money for the medication they need or their child needs. They might not have the money for the car repair or gasoline they need.
I grew up in a working poor home in Michigan with a severely disabled sibling. I had a roof over my head but didn’t have a winter coat that fit. I got the free lunch at school, which was my one meal a day on school days. On days there was no school, I got bologna sandwiches. I didn’t get the medical care I needed for my asthma or the orthodontic care I needed for my teeth.
As soon as I was old enough to babysit (age 11, and I watched the two-year-old next door), I was expected to pay for my own menstrual care products, shampoo, soap, etc. I earned $1 per hour. I’m 40, so this wasn’t that long ago. Small town, so low pay. My mother wouldn’t even take me to the store to get what I needed, so I rode the bicycle I had curb shopped from somebody’s free pile. I recall the time I didn’t have enough money to pay for the menstrual pads. A kind woman in line behind me paid the difference.
The result of not having enough to eat was an eating disorder. The result of not getting the medical/dental care I needed is lung damage and major tooth damage/problems. The result of not having appropriate clothing for the weather/environment was that as an adult, I overshopped at thrift stores, getting two or three coats to make sure I would always have one when I needed it.
I remembered the kindness of that woman. Now I donate menstrual care products to the school nurse at my kids’ public K-8 school in the largest district in our state, in which 75% of the kids qualify for free lunch.
Of course there are some exceptions, I acknowledged that in the article.
I have a lot of empathy for what you experienced in your life…sending good wishes your way.
Some years ago I learned a valuable lesson. The house was empty for an afternoon and I set about one of my hobbies, candle-making. I have a solid fuel range and used it to melt the wax. Hours passed with me choosing different dyes and shapes for the candles, but I didn’t notice the time as the task took all my attention.
In the end I sat down and just enjoyed a table full of multicolored scented candles in all shapes and sizes. I realised that throughout the whole process I hadn’t once reflected on money problems, personal problems, worries or all the myriad things that would usually occupy my thoughts. It occurred to me that had I the greatest wealth in the world, not one thing would have been different in the way I spent my day. So I didn’t need that sort of wealth to be happy and content. I just needed to stay in the moment, be myself, get absorbed in a purposeful task and give it my full attention.
Now, whenever there are problems that won’t be fixed by dwelling on them, I lose myself in a task that I enjoy and remember that contentment is more valuable than any amount of money.
It’s called “being in the flow” which is the best place to be. When we immerse ourselves in creativity, we are away from that sense of time, and place (and our self). ?
Perfectly said. Thank you.
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
This article is well said. I have many wealthy friends. I am blessed and humbled by how they give. It’s an odd feeling accepting a gift knowing that you can never repay monetarily in the same way. But my friends with more $, love me for the value I bring to the relationship. This was not an immediate understanding and not matured my just one wealthy friend but by many. I am so rich! My life is filled with wonder, and I find joy searching for the treasure that each person who chooses to be my friend offers.
If you have ever studied Mimetic Theory, this goes into how this process works that you talk about and how we get caught up in it. Mimetic desire operates as a subconscious imitation of another’s desire.
René Girard has written much on this.