I write these words for everyone in the world except for one person. This post is for the 7.52 billion people who are not the richest person in the world. In other words, Elon Musk, if you are reading, this is not for you.
To everyone else, I have some news:
Someone in the world has more than you, get used to it.
I once read a fascinating statistic about millionaires who lost their wealth. A survey was conducted of people who once had a net worth of $2 million, but now are worth less than $1 million. When asked how they lost half their fortune, 40% responded, “We started hanging out with people worth $10 million, and we lost our money trying to match their spending.”
The study, which I read years and years ago, has always stuck with me. It reveals an important truth:
There is always going to be someone in the world with more than you and trying to keep up with them is a losing battle. Because there will always be someone else ahead of you in the game.
- There is a co-worker in your office who has more than you.
- There is a neighbor down the street who has more than you.
- Someone at your church or community group has more than you.
- There is a family at your kid’s school who has more than you.
- And we all know there is someone on television right now who has more than you.
That is always going to be the case (except for you Elon).
Now, it seems to me there are only a couple of responses we can have to this reality:
1. We get jealous and envious and bitter that someone has more.
2. We accept it and decide to find happiness with what we have.
The clear choice for a joyful and happy life is #2.
But too often, we choose #1.
As a result, we spend much our time comparing our things to other people. We compare the size of our house, the year of our automobile, the brand of our clothing, our last vacation destination, the age of our retirement, or our paycheck with the person next to us.
Unfortunately, there is no joy to be found in these comparisons. Ever. Because there is always going to be someone with more.
There is no contentment to be found in comparing our stuff with other people. You may think that once you own a fancy house or nice car like so-and-so, you’ll be happy. But that’s simply not the case because there is always going to be someone else to compare yourself to… always a bigger house, a more prestigious neighborhood, or a fancier model car to own.
There is no end to the comparison game. There is always, always going to be someone in the world with more.
I fear making sweeping generalizations, but I am going to for the sake of argument.
If you are reading these words, your needs are met. You have clothes and food and shelter.
You may not have the most expensive clothes in the world, you may not eat at the fanciest restaurants, and you may not live in the biggest house on your block. But your needs are being met.
In fact, I may take this moment to declare another truth. Not only is there someone in this world with more than you, there is someone in this world with less than you.
There is someone in this world with less than you who is perfectly content and happy because they have chosen to be happy right where they are, rather than comparing their lives to someone with more.
There is someone in the world with more than you. But you have many reasons to be grateful. And you have everything you need to find happiness. So stop comparing.
Michael says
Joshua:
Amen, well said! Saw where your grandfather was a pastor in South Dakota. I imagine he learned to be content in the Lord and passed that legacy on to you?
Tena Turner says
I had an epiphany about this. I’ve been following the coronavirus outbreak, especially by watching Youtubes. Yes, we are all better off that Wuhan, China.
But when you watch videos like that, it shows you other options about all kinds of problems around the world. And if you really want to know how lucky you are, go watch a video about Hong Kong’s “coffin” apartments – the world’s smallest apartments. You won’t believe your eyes. I am never going to complain again.
Becky says
So very true. I’m fortunate as keeping up “with the Jone’s” doesn’t matter to me. I do want less.
Anita Keller says
About 35 years ago a new couple moved into the house next door. In the first few months they lived there, the put in a pool, bought a new car, and a camper and finished the basement. We were struggling to make it from paycheck to paycheck and I was jealous of them. How were they able to do all this when we found out later that we qualified for food stamps. The holiday season, they threw a party to get the new neighbors. It was then that I heard the wife say that they were in debt up to their eyeballs. We had no debt, clothes on our backs, food in the house and a healthy baby boy. I was never jealous of them again.
Debbie says
I know many people like that. Some have had to cut back on food. living on hot dogs and baked beans, and Campbell’s soup so I could living in a fancy house isn’t worth it.
Anonymous says
I agree with that statement. However, money does buy medical/dental care, food and shelter, and for many that
equals happiness.
Angela says
With respect many of us know this and more than appreciate what we have.
I used to work at a company where the lady that was my immediate boss was a very wealthy woman. Her and her husband were pleasant generous people but she didn’t like to think you might have something she didn’t.
I told her we were going to visit family in Australia, her expression told me she didn’t like it. On another occasion when we were talking about the work we had to do with our then fax machines, I informed her I was moving to bigger premises, I meant was moving my office out of a cupboard into a room. She thought I was moving house. She didn’t like it.
What I’m trying to say is, some wealthy people don’t want others to have more.
For my own part, without sounding boastful, I really am more than happy with the ample I have
Neita says
In my working career, I worked for a big corporation and made it up the ladder to where me and my circle of peers were making a nice amount of money. But I was in a horrible situation with my marriage and had to get out. I eventually had the strength to leave; with only the stuff that fit in my car. I had no possessions. Eventually I was able to buy my own home, a teeny place in a low-income neighborhood. I was embarrassed about it and never invited my co-workers over. I always thought that “one day” I’d have a nice, big house just like them, beautifully decorated, and go on wonderful trips for vacation. So I saved and saved for that “one day” so that I could fit in with my co-workers. Well, in my late 50s, I had the chance for a severance package which I took. I can tell you now that every.single.day (often several times a day), I give thanks for staying in my teeny home and not using my money to keep up with those around me. I can work a part-time, less stressful job all because I didn’t “keep up with the Jones”.
Becky says
You are so right. I have an early retirement early from a job and started working in another to keep going with extra income. The job got too stressful so I cut down the hours with flack from the manager and after awhile I realized that I would rather have less than deal with work that made me stressed and unhappy. I’m not sorry that I don’t have more when friends are still stuck working a job they don’t like, but they have more. It’s just not worth it too me.
Anonymous Please says
“If you are reading these words, your needs are met. You have clothes and food and shelter. ”
This is entitled.
A person could be reading this at a library because they are homeless and don’t have a change of clothes. If they have a place to live, they might not have any food in their cupboard or refrigerator.
They might have a a place to live but no money for the medication they need or their child needs. They might not have the money for the car repair or gasoline they need.
I grew up in a working poor home in Michigan with a severely disabled sibling. I had a roof over my head but didn’t have a winter coat that fit. I got the free lunch at school, which was my one meal a day on school days. On days there was no school, I got bologna sandwiches. I didn’t get the medical care I needed for my asthma or the orthodontic care I needed for my teeth.
As soon as I was old enough to babysit (age 11, and I watched the two-year-old next door), I was expected to pay for my own menstrual care products, shampoo, soap, etc. I earned $1 per hour. I’m 40, so this wasn’t that long ago. Small town, so low pay. My mother wouldn’t even take me to the store to get what I needed, so I rode the bicycle I had curb shopped from somebody’s free pile. I recall the time I didn’t have enough money to pay for the menstrual pads. A kind woman in line behind me paid the difference.
The result of not having enough to eat was an eating disorder. The result of not getting the medical/dental care I needed is lung damage and major tooth damage/problems. The result of not having appropriate clothing for the weather/environment was that as an adult, I overshopped at thrift stores, getting two or three coats to make sure I would always have one when I needed it.
I remembered the kindness of that woman. Now I donate menstrual care products to the school nurse at my kids’ public K-8 school in the largest district in our state, in which 75% of the kids qualify for free lunch.
joshua becker says
Of course there are some exceptions, I acknowledged that in the article.
Daniela says
I have a lot of empathy for what you experienced in your life…sending good wishes your way.
Nóirín Chaomhánach says
Some years ago I learned a valuable lesson. The house was empty for an afternoon and I set about one of my hobbies, candle-making. I have a solid fuel range and used it to melt the wax. Hours passed with me choosing different dyes and shapes for the candles, but I didn’t notice the time as the task took all my attention.
In the end I sat down and just enjoyed a table full of multicolored scented candles in all shapes and sizes. I realised that throughout the whole process I hadn’t once reflected on money problems, personal problems, worries or all the myriad things that would usually occupy my thoughts. It occurred to me that had I the greatest wealth in the world, not one thing would have been different in the way I spent my day. So I didn’t need that sort of wealth to be happy and content. I just needed to stay in the moment, be myself, get absorbed in a purposeful task and give it my full attention.
Now, whenever there are problems that won’t be fixed by dwelling on them, I lose myself in a task that I enjoy and remember that contentment is more valuable than any amount of money.
Valerie Rogers says
It’s called “being in the flow” which is the best place to be. When we immerse ourselves in creativity, we are away from that sense of time, and place (and our self). ?
Sandra says
Perfectly said. Thank you.
Carey Wentworth says
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Toni Lewis Clark says
This article is well said. I have many wealthy friends. I am blessed and humbled by how they give. It’s an odd feeling accepting a gift knowing that you can never repay monetarily in the same way. But my friends with more $, love me for the value I bring to the relationship. This was not an immediate understanding and not matured my just one wealthy friend but by many. I am so rich! My life is filled with wonder, and I find joy searching for the treasure that each person who chooses to be my friend offers.
Vaughn Bender says
If you have ever studied Mimetic Theory, this goes into how this process works that you talk about and how we get caught up in it. Mimetic desire operates as a subconscious imitation of another’s desire.
René Girard has written much on this.