“We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” —Helen Hayes
We live in the information age. And by that I mean, information is everywhere.
Computers provide the opportunity to process enormous amounts of information. The Internet makes the constant flow of information from anywhere in the world possible. Social media ties together information and relationships. Portable devices have made information and digital relationships accessible anywhere, at any time. And AI is producing more and more content at breakneck speed.
This adds many benefits to our lives: we are able to accomplish more, broadcast further, learn more efficiently, connect easier, and process quicker.
But left unchecked, this information age also has its downsides. One big downside I can see is that, at all times, we are digitally surrounded by others.
For the first time in human history, the possibility for relationship with others exists around us at every moment of every day—whether we are at work, in our homes, in our cars, in the grocery store, at our son’s baseball game, in the forest, running up a hill, or on vacation at the beach.
With the click of a mouse, the push of a button, or the recognition of our face, we are immediately rushed to a place populated with other people. And they quickly rush into our minds with reckless abandon.
Left unchecked, this constant stream of relationship can have some damaging effects on our lives:
1. It becomes easy to constantly compare our lives to others.
Because Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/TikTok often only tell one side of life’s story, it becomes commonplace to compare the worst aspects of our life to the publicized best aspects of others. Add to that the fact that television paints an unreal, often over-glamorized view of the world, advertisements remind us of everything that we still don’t own, and technology changes at light-speed pace.
And once you get lost in the comparison game, you enter a never-ending downward spiral. Reality has been replaced by fiction and today it is easier than ever.
2. There is a constant need to impress.
It is human nature to hide weakness and champion strength. We so desperately desire to be well thought of and looked up to. As a result, when we are in the company of others, we try to look our best, put-together, and in control. We hope to impress others—often building walls to hide our true selves in the process.
This new, constant stream of virtual relationship muddies the water and requires us to be on guard. There is no longer any opportunity for down-time. We must always be “on our game” trying to hide our weakness and champion our success.
3. It is tempting to overlook the people right in front of us.
We live in a world where we can check to see what anyone else in our life is doing in real-time. There is no need to hear about it later. We can just check right now… and it will only take a second.
Unfortunately, when there are only 2 friends in front of us but 200 friends online, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on the 2. How many times have you seen families, together in the same room with all the opportunity in the world to be focused on one another, but everyone is on their phones watching posts from strangers on the Internet?
This temptation to see what else is happening in the world is very strong. Almost impossible to avoid. Unfortunately, it often comes at the expense of the people we are sitting with at the moment.
4. The urgency of communication becomes greatly exaggerated.
In a world where information is easily accessible and interpersonal relationships are always available, the urgency of communication begins to accelerate. Just because our phones and watches allow us to be reached at any given point of the day (by voice or text) does not mean that an immediate response is necessary. Our lives continue. Unfortunately, because the world has collapsed around us, there is a growing sense that not giving an immediate response to texts/e-mails is rude. It is not.
5. There is great opportunity to become overly dependent on others.
When the opportunity to be surrounded and validated by others is constantly present, the opportunity to rely upon those relationships to an unhealthy degree also presents itself. If we can receive feedback and praise from dozens of people at a moment’s notice, the ability to find personal satisfaction diminishes. And this dependence on the approval of others is damaging on both sides—both when we receive too much positive feedback and when we receive not enough.
When we become over-dependent on social approval, we lose the ability to find security in our heart and soul—because the rush feels so good when we receive it from others.
6. There is unlimited ability to ‘sell.’
When relationships are always available, there is never a moment in the day that we cannot be busy selling something to somebody. In a world that spins on the foundation of the dollar bill, this can become very dangerous.
Whether we are selling material products, intellectual products, or just ourselves, the opportunity to sell is always available. The store never closes. Customers always enter. And if we’re always busy chasing the next sale, there is little opportunity for contentment to take root.
7. Silence becomes increasingly difficult and even feared.
When social media offers the illusion that all of our friends are at all times living in constant relationship, silence is feared. Silence begins to take on the meaning of “missing out” or “loneliness.” When all the world is chattering constantly but you are sitting quietly, it can be a fearful thing.
But there is great, life-changing power in finding silence and pursuing solitude. And if we miss it, we miss them.
8. Our hearts are never searched and our lives are never evaluated.
The constant flow of relationships and noise around us often distracts us from the most important thing in our lives: our heart and soul. The fear of solitude, the inability to disconnect, the lack of training in meditation, and the difficulty associated in looking deeply into our heart and soul means that we rarely do it. In a world where virtual relationships exist around-the-clock, the discipline to search our heart is rarely developed.
Despite the benefits, there is danger in constant connection with others—especially through our screens. We are wise to consider what they may be.
And we neglect time alone at our own peril.
Deleting social media from my life in 2016 was easy. I sort-of feel like a modern-day rebel too! I still enjoy reading some weekly newsletters (like John Weiss’s -see above reply!). But really just looking for more authentic experiences each day and not succumbing to society’s obsession with information about each other. I still have to work at not comparing my life/etc. to others. But it is much easier without social media in my face every day.
I recently was waiting at my orthodontist office with one my children and there was a TV and a radio going at the same time. I look forward to that 20 minutes of waiting time to sit and read, so I moved one of their chairs outside in the hall. One of the secretaries came over and said: “is everything all right?” And I said “yes I just needed some quiet!”
I went on a silent retreat because I was having unrelenting back pain. It still feels crazy to say that my pain went away after a few days of quiet and meditation. I now do 3-day-retreats twice a year. I find them invaluable. It’s like a defrag for my brain and body.
Your comments about silence are so on target. I see families out to eat but not having conversations with one another. They are on their phones.
Early morning silence is a practice that helps keep me calm. It centers my thoughts onto my Heavenly Father.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much, Joshua, for writing this truth!!
Very timely advice! I appreciate this a lot.
We are smothered by digital noise, selling products, pushing urgency, and spewing unreliable information. Kids scroll for hours, transfixed by TikTok influencers espousing superficial drivel. So much online content is repetitive, derivative, or AI driven. And so I escape to my library of books, long walks with the dog, my writing desk to craft stories, and conversations with my wife over coffee. Increasingly, I turn to the real world over its digital shadow.
Thanks for calling this out, Joshua. As an introvert my alone time is everything to me. I need it to process information, reflect on thoughts / feelings / behaviours, and it is essential for rest and self care. But in a world where we are always “on” I can actually feel a shift in myself becoming more and more hyper sensitive to things that never used to bother me. I notice the world seems louder, all the time and it’s harder to separate from it all. Unless you are living in a monastery or at a silent retreat it feels impossible to switch off. These days I crave silence.
I am so grateful for minimalism and mindfulness, and am learning to set my own pace in a world that is constantly striving to set the pace for me. The challenge is real!
I wholesale agree. I have sat countless times through family gatherings where EVERYONE is looking at their cursed phone.
Astute observations of our digital world with its clutter, distraction, and mental noise. Each point was pertinent and helpful!
Passing this article on, and implementing some device-time curating in my own life. Thankful for you, Joshua!