“We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” —Helen Hayes
We live in the information age.
Computers provide the opportunity to process enormous amounts of information. The Internet makes the constant flow of information from anywhere in the world possible. Social media ties together information and relationships. And smart phones have made information and relationship accessible anywhere/anytime.
This adds many benefits to our lives: we are able to accomplish more, broadcast further, connect easier, and process quicker.
But left unchecked, this information age also has its downsides. Consider the fact that we are constantly, at all times, digitally surrounded by others. For the first time in human history, the possibility for relationship with others exists around us at every moment of every day… whether we are at work, in our homes, in our cars, in the grocery store, at our son’s baseball game, or on vacation at the beach.
With the click of a mouse, the push of a button, or the flip of the phone, we are immediately rushed to a place teeming with others. And they immediately rush into our minds with reckless abandon.
Left unchecked, this constant stream of relationship can have some damaging effects on our lives:
- It becomes easy to constantly compare our lives to others. Because Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Tik-Tok often only tell one side of lifes’ story, it becomes commonplace to compare the worst aspects of our life to the publicized best aspects of others. Add to that the fact that television paints an unreal, often over-glamorized view of the world, advertisements remind us of everything that we still don’t own, and technology changes at light-speed pace. And once you get lost in the comparison game, you enter a never-ending downward spiral. Reality has been replaced by fiction.
- There is a constant need to impress. It is human nature to hide weakness and champion strength. We so desperately desire to be well thought of and looked up to. As a result, when we are in the company of others, we try to look our best, put-together, and in control. We hope to impress others… often building walls to hide our true selves in the process. This new, constant stream of virtual relationship muddies the water. There is no longer any opportunity for down-time. We must always be “on-our-game” trying to hide our weakness and champion our success.
- It is tempting to overlook the people right in front of us. We live in a world where we can check to see what anyone else in our life is doing in real-time. There is no need to hear about it later. We can just check right now… and it will only take a second. Unfortunately, when there are only 2 friends in front of us but 200 friends online, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on the 2. This temptation to see what else is happening in the world is very strong. And it often comes at the expense of the people we are sitting with at the moment.
- The urgency of communication becomes greatly exaggerated. In a world where information is easily accessible and interpersonal relationships are always available, the urgency of communication begins to accelerate. Just because our cell phones allow us to be reached at any given point of the day (by voice or text) does not mean that an immediate response is necessary. Our lives continue. Unfortunately, because the world has collapsed around us, there is a growing sense that not giving an immediate response to texts/e-mails is rude. It is not.
- There is great opportunity to become overly-dependent on others. When the opportunity to be surrounded and validated by others is constantly present, the opportunity to rely upon those relationships to an unhealthy degree also presents itself. If we can receive feedback and praise from dozens of people at a moment’s notice, the ability to find personal satisfaction diminishes. We lose the ability to find security in our heart and soul – because the rush feels so good when we receive it from others.
- There is unlimited ability to ‘sell.’ When relationships are always available, there is never a moment in the day that we can not be busy selling something to somebody. In a world that spins on the foundation of the dollar bill, this can become very dangerous. Whether we are selling material products, intellectual products, or just ourselves, the opportunity to sell is always available. The store never closes. Customers always enter. And if we’re always busy chasing the next sale, there is little opportunity for contentment to take root.
- Silence becomes feared. When social media offers the illusion that all of our friends are at all times living in constant relationship, silence is feared. Silence begins to take on the meaning of “missing out” or “loneliness.” When all the world is achatter but you are sitting quietly, it can be a fearful thing. Unfortunately so.
- Our hearts are never searched and our lives are never evaluated. The constant flow of relationships and noise around us often distracts us from the most important thing in our lives: our heart and soul. The fear of solitude, the inability to disconnect, the lack of training in meditation, and the difficulty associated in looking deeply into our heart and soul means that we rarely do it. In a world where virtual relationships exist around-the-clock, the discipline to search our heart is rarely developed.
Despite the benefits, there is danger in constant relationship. We are wise to consider what they may be.
And we neglect time alone at our own peril.
lindajo says
As an elementary teacher I am constantly surrounded by children who require enormous amounts of attention, sometimes with all 30 voices chiming in at the same time. My job has me moving between classrooms and grade levels, so the expectations and personalities dealt with in each are different. I love my job, but at the end of the day definitely require quiet time. Many years ago I established a “10 min. of quiet” rule at my home. It is very simple. When a person enters the home after a day of work or school, they are allowed 10 min. of time alone with no one asking anything of them. Just that small amount of time to breathe and regroup made a great difference in how I related to my own family after a long day. With the prevalence of cell phones/emails now, I can see where I need to apply an “unplugged” rule to my day as well.
Connie says
This was spot on, thanks for sharing it.
Ishak Latipi Mastan says
Very well written. It gave a slap on the face! But like Jonathan Mugan said >>> “I should follow this guy on Twitter.”
Tali says
Your post resonates so deeply with me!! I feel like I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. I will be reading this post again and again and sharing it with as many people as I can. I love how you are not attacking technology but rather opening up the door to allow people to see just how much better our lives can be if we would only unplug a little bit more. I recently posted on my website about why I am not on facebook and you have beautifully articulated so much of what I wanted to say. I love reading your blog! Much love, peace and lentils.
Lisa @ Just here. Just now. says
I think this is so important. I’m super introverted to begin with, and I didn’t realize that the whole Facebook/Twitter thing was something that I found so draining. I’m still “alone”…yet, not really. I started doing Unplugged Sundays and I feel so much more connected (this time, to myself) and present.
Thanks for the great post!
Connie says
“Unplugged Sundays”-love it!
Uphill Struggle says
Thank you for this post – time alone is SO important! Solitude is great for reflection, personal growth, sanity and mental health. It concerns me that young people in particular seem to be becoming more and more uncomfortable with being alone.
Solitude builds confidence and self-belief. It makes you more resilient. A little bit of loneliness helps you to get to know yourself better and to like yourself, too!
Time alone is crucial to the building of self-esteem, makes you a rounded person, and balances out the constant stream of incoming communication in which we normally live. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t like your own company, how can you expect others to like your company, too?!
Jaymie says
It’s true. For me, my alone time is when I can get alone with my Bible and journal.
Often times, I found myself picking up my phone and responding after it buzzed.
Last night, I could feel God’s urge to finish Exodus, which I was only halfway done with, t like 2am. So I FINALLY turned off my phone so the huge desires to check it would go away and finished it. If I had made time for my phone, there is no way I would have finished it. Later when I turned my phone back on, it turned out just to be my friends tweeting.
Yan | Towars simplicity says
Thank you Joshua. This post resonates deeply with me. As someone new to blogging and twittering and everything else, I see danger lurking. I appreciate the timely reminder. I am currently working on a post of my own to explain why I intend to disconnect from several internet streams; I will make sure to link back to this post. You speak the truth.
Anita says
Excellent! You have put into words what is so troubling to me about “staying connected”. My how far we’ve come and not without a price! You’ve given me much to ponder and it all started with, “we are constantly, at all times, digitally surrounded by others.” I dropped out of facebook last year and I’m happy to say I don’t know (and have no interest to know) what a “smart phone” is. My struggle is with checking email when I feel restless. When I get in those spaces, I can feel myself being bound to it. I’m looking forward to finding peace in that place.
Faith | Minimalist at Home says
I wonder if part of this issue goes back to our personalities. I’m more of an introvert and I crave alone time. (Living in a household of 10, I also crave physical time alone too.) Therefore, I am not drawn to things like Facebook and being constantly attached to Twitter because it makes me feel very unsettled.
Do you think our personalities play a part in this or do you think it is more a factor of this digital age we’re living in?
Jenny @ exconsumer says
I’m more introverted too Faith, but I still check in on Facebook and Twitter regularly throughout the day. That said, I like (and need) having some time each day where I’m completely unplugged.
And if I’m face-to-face with people, I always leave my smartphone in my purse so I can be fully present. It’s always irritating to me when I’m with someone in person and they have their phone face up on the table, constantly checking it for…??? Who knows what.
Radiomom Rhetoric says
With a job in the “public” one wouldn’t guess I am introverted too…but I am. Maybe it comes from having to always smile big and be happy around people-and generally yes-I am very happy-but sometimes even that gets tiring. I also check Facebook -mainly while at work (where yes-it is OK and encouraged to interact with listeners) and when I leave, I rarely check it. I don’t have work emails sent to my smartphone because I figure when I am at work, then I can work. When I am at home I belong to myself and my family.
Completely unplugged is a definate MUST for me each day. Great post Joshua!