A good story can entertain, motivate, and teach valuable lessons.
That is why it is important we pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves.
Stories can change how we see the world. But they can also impact how we see ourselves—especially if we tell ourselves the same ones over and over again.
I had a rule when my kids were young. Under no circumstances would they wear clothing that told an unflattering story.
You know the type. Most of the time, designers created them to be funny. They use brightly colored fonts on a t-shirt with sayings like: “Here comes trouble.” “Wild Child.” Or “Just a kid that loves to watch YouTube.”
And I suppose they are kinda funny to the adults in the room. I just didn’t want my kids wearing them. The last thing I wanted every time my child walked into a room was everybody greeting him/her by saying, “Oh, here comes trouble!” Or “Here’s Wild Child!”
If every time my child walked into a room they were referred to as “trouble,” it wouldn’t take long before they began to believe that story and act on it.
The stories we tell ourselves matter. And the stories we allow others to tell us about ourselves matter as well.
Too often, as adults we miss this fact. Or we get so used to the same stories over and over again, we forget that we get to write our own.
Somewhere along the way we adopted the story as truth. So we believe certain things to be true about ourselves:
- I can’t declutter my home, I’m just a messy person.
- I can’t get in shape, it’s not my thing.
- I can’t be brave, I’m a worrier.
- I can’t quit smoking, I’ve tried.
- I can’t be stable, my entire family is dysfunctional.
- I can’t achieve that lifelong goal, I’m just not wired that way.
In almost every one of the circumstances above, it’s not you that can’t achieve the change you want to see in life… it’s the story you are telling yourself that is keeping you from achieving that goal.
And you can change the story you tell yourself any time you want!
You don’t have to be a messy person.
You don’t have to be unhealthy.
You don’t have to be a worrier.
And on and on and on.
Those old stories don’t have to define you. Start telling yourself a new one!
You accomplish this in two ways: 1) The words that you use and 2) The actions you take.
I am a fan of positive self-talk. But I’m wise enough to know that you don’t just speak change into existence. Change takes work, effort, and discipline. But the first step is to change how you talk to yourself. That is why positive self-talk is so valuable.
Every positive change begins with these four words: “I can do this.”
So start there.
If you are a person who struggles with eating healthy and have always believed you cannot change, start each morning with one simple phrase, “I can do this.” Look yourself in the mirror and say it aloud, “I can do this. I can change my diet. I can be a healthier eater.”
And then follow it up with action.
How? By choosing to only eat fruits and vegetables every meal for the rest of your life? Probably not. But your first step in the right direction doesn’t need to be a large one. Change one meal. Go one day without sugar. Or change your order at the restaurant.
When you go to bed, remind yourself, “I did it. I ate healthier today. I feel better about myself. I can do it again tomorrow. I can become a healthier person.”
Almost certainly there will be progress and setbacks. When the setbacks happen, don’t fall back into the same old story of “See, I knew I couldn’t do it.” Tell yourself a new story, “I can’t believe I took a step backward! I was doing so well. I will start again tomorrow. I can do it.”
The stories we tell ourselves matter. Choose positive ones that foster the life you want to live and the person you want to become.
Linda says
Thank you! I’m trying to write a more positive story for myself. This was an article I needed to read today, as I sit here hearing those old negative stories replaying in my ego yet again.
Christine says
Thank you, I needed to read this today . . .
Martha says
Loved this! Am sharing it on my weekly roundup of articles/recipes to assist Weight Watchers on their journey. Thanks so much for this thoughtful, powerful post.
Linda says
As a WW member myself, I’m taking this article to heart.
Rose Water says
In my opinion, this is one of your very best posts. Thank you so much.
I grew up in an extreme cult version of positive self talk and I find positive self talk especially triggering. I can’t handle when people tell me that I have attracted the negative in to my life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I believe in unicorns and fairies and good people and taking care of our planet and each other. My heart bursts with love for so much good. I have also been horrendously abused for decades. I NEVER attracted abuse.
Your post here talks about changing a pattern. Changing the way you form or unform habits. And this, Joshua, feels like a solid footing for positive self talk. Thank you for not triggering me and for giving this a new spin on positive self talk.
I have also been extremely aware of the messages we send out, and have been ultra cautious about the words we have around us. Even phrases that come out of our mouth.
Thank you again.
Marianne Andreasson says
Thank you so much for this story.
Yordest Young says
This is not new information but it’s worth is never ever lost. Each time these things are published they may reach someone different and it may be the day that they read it and start the process, OR maybe it reaches someone who has heard it all before, but needs the reminder that day for whatever is going on at that moment in life. Comme moi. :)
Lisa says
So important! The stories we tell ourselves are often untrue. Thank you for speaking about positive self talk and change. We have the power to make this change. Keep up the great writing, Joshua! I am a big fan.
Linda says
This is absolutely true. Thank you for the reminder and action steps to make it simple.
We think alike.
Cindy says
This is great. Love it. Thank you.
Manoj says
Great short piece to remind self about story, by narrating example of T-shirts and what is written there , I believe yes it does go into head and we start behaving or acting like that. Have experience it few year back when decided to run marathon and changed the story in head to make it
Kay Manley says
So true! Words matter. They matter with children as well as with adults. Our narratives often need to be examined and rewritten.