“The potential possibilities of any child are the most intriguing and stimulating in all creation.” – Ray L. Wilbur
Toys are not merely playthings. Toys form the building blocks for our child’s future. They teach our children about the world and about themselves. They send messages and communicate values. And thus, wise parents think about what foundation is being laid by the toys that are given to their kids.
Wise parents also think about the number of toys that children are given. While most toy rooms and bedrooms today are filled to the ceiling with toys, intentional parents learn to limit the number of toys that kids have to play with.
They understand that fewer toys will actually benefit their children in the long-term:
- Kids learn to be more creative. Too many toys prevent kids from fully developing their gift of imagination. Two German public health workers (Strick and Schuster) conducted an experiment in which they convinced a kindergarten classroom to remove all of their toys for three months. Although boredom set in during the initial stages of the experiment, the children soon began to use their basic surroundings to invent games and use imagination in their playing.
- Kids develop longer attention spans. When too many toys are introduced into a child’s life, their attention span will begin to suffer. A child will rarely learn to fully appreciate the toy in front of them when there are countless options still remaining on the shelf behind them.
- Kids establish better social skills. Children with fewer toys learn how to develop interpersonal relationships with other kids and adults. They learn the give and take of a good conversation. And studies have attributed childhood friendships to a greater chance of success academically and in social situations during adulthood.
- Kids learn to take greater care of things. When kids have too many toys, they will naturally take less care of them. They will not learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready at hand. If you have a child who is constantly damaging their toys, just take a bunch away. He will quickly learn.
- Kids develop a greater love for reading, writing, and art. Fewer toys allows your children to love books, music, coloring, and painting. And a love for art will help them better appreciate beauty, emotion, and communication in their world.
- Kids become more resourceful. In education, students aren’t just given the answer to a problem; they are given the tools to find the answer. In entertainment and play, the same principle can be applied. Fewer toys causes children to become resourceful by solving problems with only the materials at hand. And resourcefulness is a gift with unlimited potential.
- Kids argue with each other less. This may seem counter-intuitive. Many parents believe that more toys will result in less fighting because there are more options available. However, the opposite is true far too often. Siblings argue about toys. And every time we introduce a new toy into the relationship, we give them another reason to establish their “territory” among the others. On the other hand, siblings with fewer toys are forced to share, collaborate, and work together.
- Kids learn perseverance. Children who have too many toys give up too quickly. If they have a toy that they can’t figure out, it will quickly be discarded for the sake of a different, easier one. Kids with fewer toys learn perseverance, patience, and determination.
- Kids become less selfish. Kids who get everything they want believe they can have everything they want. This attitude will quickly lead to an unhealthy (and unbecoming) lifestyle.
- Kids experience more of nature. Children who do not have a basement full of toys are more apt to play outside and develop a deep appreciation for nature. They are also more likely to be involved in physical exercise which results in healthier and happier bodies.
- Kids learn to find satisfaction outside of the toy store. True joy and contentment will never be found in the aisles of a toy store. Kids who have been raised to think the answer to their desires can be bought with money have believed the same lie as their parents. Instead, children need encouragement to live counter-cultural lives finding joy in things that truly last.
- Kids live in a cleaner, tidier home. If you have children, you know that toy clutter can quickly take over an entire home. Fewer toys results in a less-cluttered, cleaner, healthier home.
I’m not anti-toy. I’m just pro-child. So do your child a favor today and limit their number of toys. (Just don’t tell them you got the idea from me.)
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I am slowly realizing that less is more. Since I moved to a bigger house – I have actually downsized my positions. I can not believe the amount of toys I have “accumulated” over the years (mind you my oldest is not even 4!). I have donated probably close to 10 garbage bags of toys (I could probably stand to donate another 10 – baby steps). And you are TOTALLY right! They are only allowed one toy in there room – each girl has a dollhouse – and it is there favorite toy and it will entertain for hours. It is a hard concept – but you are right – less is more!
I love your blog! I look forward to the pieces of wisdom daily!
I love this! My five year old is completely spoiled and we are a big part of the problem! She’s well behaved (for the most part) but everytime we go to the store, she gets a toy. She has two bins of stuffed animals…huge bins, and she doesn’t appreciate them because she knows she’ll get another one soon. Same philosophy for all of her toys. We’ve created this, now we have to undo it. Thanks for the encouragement!! BTW, we are telling her it’s your idea ;0) lol
So in respect to this minimalist idea, how do you feel about the idea of Toy Rentals? Talk about something that eliminates a child’s need for attachment right? Rent a toy for a month and then send it back.
FYI — some libraries have toys, grouped by age, available to check out, just as you would check out a book or dvd. Typically, these toys have some educational value and are not electronic. We’ve used them for trips to Grandma’s, were we can take something new and exciting with us.
Thank you, am struggling with this already with the triplets. The Occupational therapist tells my wife that the children should have more interactive toys and she goes right out to buy them. I don’t really know how to quell that yet, but it will be something we have to talk about.
- Charley
My parents instilled this in me as a kid. They taught me to appreciate the toys that I had and take good care of them. If I couldn’t do that, then I was taught to give them away so children who didn’t have toys could have something to play with.
I plan on teaching this to my children when my husband I decide to have them. It is so, so important and in the society that we live in today, I know it can be quite difficult!
I have found these ideas to be true as well. My 3 are adopted and we have had them for almost 3 years. While with their birth parents, they had nothing and then while in foster care had a few things that they loved and played with all the time. Brining 3 into the house at the same time really didn’t financially allow us to over buy toys ect. We have carefully bought them toys and book that they really wanted. My 3 seem to be truely more appreciatative of the things that they do have now because they came from nothing in the past.
I am a teacher and see so many children that expect new and expensive things on an almost weekly basis from their parents who cannot afford these things but still buy them anyways. My husband and I only buys toys for the kids on b-days, Christmas, and Easter. During the year if there is something that they really want, they use their hard-earned allowance money to purchase it themselves. My lillte one, who is very frugal with his money, has decided not to buy an item that he wants as he would rather save his money for the future. I am impressed especially since he is only 7 years old.
We also don’t watch TV in the house. During the week, our time is spent eating dinner as a family, doing homework, practicing spelling words, completing chores and playing outside. My kids go outside pretty much everyday to play ball, ride their bikes or scooters or just run around the back yard. When they do paly in the house, they use their imaginations that many kids do not even have any more.
I have had many friends and relatives question the no TV policy in my house. My husband and I do not watch TV either. And my reply is that I want them to be active, use their imaginations and I don’t want them exposed to all that crap on Tv (both Tv shows and commercials). My kids don’t ask to watch tv and occasionally we will watch a G rated movie as a family and eat popcorn. Too many people and kids are wasting their lives sitting on the couch in front of a talking box. We are out there living life instead of wasting it.
Couldn’t this just as well be about grown-ups? I’m trying to cut down on the number of my own toys. :-)
Much as I agree with this post, I think you basically just stated that kids are people!
This post is perfectly-timed for me! We have been working through Dave Ramsey’s ‘baby steps’ – and through that study (which we began about 2.5 years ago) I have also learned that our stuff has been controlling us. While it’s been slow going, I am committed to ridding our home of ‘stuff.’ The toy room is next on my list!
I’m a dad to two kids. Best job in the world. I agree with everything in the post. I also know that kids need “toys,” be they homemade, store bought, or hell, even a favorite rock and stick. Whatever the toy, or more likely, toys, I’ve always believed that a kid will do a lot better in life if they learn to cherish the toy they have. I see kids that have elevety friggin’ million toys and could care less about any of them…they just want the newest, flashiest, whiz bang toy they see on TV. I have no proof, but I think this attitude manifests itself later with friends, mates, and life in general. Want, want, want…newer, shinier…they don’t learn how to cherish…my two cents folks. BTW, I’m a fan and read every post. My wife just started a blog at http://getsimplifized.com. Many of your posts spark conversations that lead to inspirations. Please, keep up the great work here…I always look forward to seeing a new post in my Google Reader account!
I think in addition to considering the number of toys, you have to consider the kind of toys available to your children. We don’t have liscenced character toys in our house. Blocks and books seem to be the big hits around here.
But yes, we, too, have too many toys. I have gotten rid of some, but I need to continue the purge. We are blessed with room for a playroom in the house, but unfortunately having the space makes it easy to accumulate.
We also have very generous friends and family. Out of all that my son has, I think I have only purchased one or two items. I have made it clear to everyone in our lives about how we feel about having stuff for the sake of having it. It has taken some time, but folks are really coming to terms with it and have really begun to respect our decisions.
My motto is: If I don’t love it, I don’t want it. I am trying to pass that on to my son.
thanks for the comments everybody. generally speaking, child experts recommend toys that encourage imagination and creativity (lego’s, play-doh, blocks, dolls, etc.). these kinds of toys don’t do the “entertaining,” they facilitate learning and therefore, grow with your child.
on the other hand, toys that are purely entertaining (push a button, watch the train) don’t encourage creativity. they are also the first toys left to collect dust in the corner.
i think over doing toys puts an emphasis on “things”. i don’t have many things myself and my kids don’t either.
we have 3 kids. the older 2 are 9 and 11. they share a TV, and a computer. they have a few nerf guns that shoot soft darts. they have a football and a basketball. they have a few books. they share everything. they have matching wallets (one red, one blue) they keep their money organized and buy mostly taco bell and candy with it. they don’t even ask for toys at the store. we only get stuff on birthdays and christmas. they also share a bedroom too, which most people consider a hardship.
our baby, 7 months, has a very small toy basket. he has about 3 soft toys, some baby keys, a teething ring and a couple baby balls.
i actually feel sorry for kids who have their rooms crammed full of stuff. it’s impossible to keep organized. and sends message that everything will be handed to them in life which is usually not the case.
i never had many toys growing up, and we often donated to salvation army etc.
There is a lot of truth being said here, and not surprisingly it goes around the subject of your blog that less is more, I like it.
And it’s not just the number of toys, it’s the number of technological devices like cell phones and the likes, which in a sense, could be considered the toys. These things are slowly de-socializing people. Kids nowadays break up through SMS and instead of playing with action figures or dolls, they’re addicted to little cheap ass mini games on Facebook or any other video games in general.
Which reminds me, what do you say to a young boy when you give him a Gi Joe, action figure or doll?. You’d be surprised with all the gender stereotypes advertising has given us.
At birthday’s I have asked friends who come to their party to donate to a charity. They love it especially when the card tells them who they are helping! My kids still get presents from us and their relatives (about 5-very manageable). Also before their birthday we donate 5-10 items.
For birthday parties I usually invite some of their friends over to eat and play and celebrate with cake. I do not send them hope with goodie bags or gifts. It has been such a great experience for all of us – the kids don’t miss the gifts. Honestly, do you remember what your friends gave you at your party or do you remember the party? We still have a great time and add a theme to the party but it is scaled down and simple work for me!
Simplicity and helping others!
All true. A couple other benefits I see are – kids grow up not “needing” more stuff.. and kids place more value on the things they do get. To many kids are given too much stuff and there is little appreciation for it.
There is also the underlying reasons why kids get so much stuff in the 1st place that need to be addressed… such as substituting stuff for time/relationship with their children and competing with the Jones’.
This is a huge problem in our household! With the only grandchildren on both sides of the family, the influx of toys can be overwhelming. I have absolutely no problem paring down my personal belongings, but the kids (and the spouse) are another story.
Once a month or so, I force the kids to fill a grocery bag with things to donate. They whine about it, but I think even they realize that they have too much stuff, and after it’s done, they seem calmer and more appreciative of their belongings. It’s important to let them do the choosing. I learned the hard way that trying to do it surreptitiously creates hard feelings.
Another strategy we’ve adopted is going to the library regularly instead of going shopping. As avid readers, we’re prone to collect books. Checking books and toys out of the library provides the novelty of something new without the long-term commitment and keeps the house from looking like a Barnes and Noble.
Here’s another idea for Legos: connect with other parents of Lego-loving kids and build a lending library. Package up those Star Wars, Indiana Jones, etc. projects in zippered plastic bags along with the instructions and let the kids exchange them once a month or so.
Finally, stay far, far away from fast food restaurants that give out free toys!
Karen April 15, 2010 said in her comment “Finally, stay far, far away from fast food restaurants that give out free toys!”
When corporations engage in this activity (giving away collectable free toys) they are using Psychological Theory against children. At a certain stage of a child’s development they feel the need to collect things and put them in their correct order (some of us don’t outgrow it). If I remember my Nursing education at uni it was Piaget’s (sp.) theory of serriation (sp.).
It angers me when ever I see this psychological trick employed against children.
Sorry to get on my high horse
:-)
Such and wonderful post. Yes, it is so true that when children have fewer toys they seem to thrive in other areas of their lives. We’ve made drastic changes in our family’s lives over the past year or so, and have seen big changes in our children. They were great kids before, but since we’ve downsized our possessions, and stopped watching network television, their interests in other things have skyrocketed. They also get along with each other much better too. Now they love to go outside and garden, invent games of their own to play, and have a much greater interest in literature. Thanks for sharing this! :)
I forgot the .com at the end of my website url…ooops. I guess it’s a morning thing. :)
What a great post. I agree wholeheartedly with every single point.
I find that many building toys (Legos, Lincoln Logs, K’nex) and imaginative toys (Little People) are more fun when you have a lot. You can build far more complex structures and engage in more complex play. I’m glad my parents didn’t subscribe to this theory- building the same small Lincoln Log house over and over would have been so BORING.
What a great post! I agree with you and feel that, as parents, we should be very resourceful when choosing toys for our children. I like to feel confident that they’re age appropriate, developmentally stimulating, and mentally stimulating on some level. Fewer toys means more reading in our home.
Josh you are soooo right. We have done this from the beginning and our boys are 4 years and six years old now and all the benefits you list here we have. I will have to give the credit for this to my husband. It was his idea to limit the toys and chose the ones we bought very carefully and he helped me stick to it. We have legos, building blocks, misicellanous small toys, cars galore, ramps all things that build. I find it refreshing to see them given something from someone else and revel in it. The gratitude is wonderful.
I will add that periodically we sort through all the toys that are out and put about half of it away. Then we bring out toys we put away months earlier. Keeps the mix new and intersting. My husband even kept all the junk toys, you know the broken ones, and they love them!! They tear them apart and put the pieces togeter in new ways and just see maybe for the first time how something works.
Great post!!!
My rule of thumb when my kids were little was if it needed a battery they couldn’t have it. Now that my youngest is 10, that policy is out the window, but while they were young it worked wonders. I now have great well balanced kids who like to play sports, read and play musical instruments and most of all are creative!
true i have a younger brother that could benefit from this!
Interesting post, and I like your site overall, as it deals with a family trying to live a more minimalistic life, which is a challenge. Our daughter is 7 and, despite our best efforts, her toy collection keeps growing. At times, she says she doesn’t know what to play with! We keep her b-day party list to only a few friends, and I still cringe when I think of the additional stuff, wrapping paper, and boxes we’ll have to deal with. We’ve secretly been culling her stuffed animal collection, and she has donated a few herself. When we drop stuff off at the local Goodwill store, I emphasize the dropping off part, and that we’re not there to pick-up new stuff, even if it’s a bargain. We also remind her that their are kids less fortunate, and would love to have any toy that she doesn’t really play with anymore. Sometimes she finds fun in the simplest of things—like an interestingly shaped stone—that we might paint a face on and play with. That makes me smile! She loves to read, paint, and make stuff, but she also reminds us about kids at school who seem to have everything, and live in larger houses…
Recently I have paired down my daughter toys. 6 bags went out and I can see how she enjoys more her time with her favorite toys and she knows where everything is. She is only 3 year´s old and was full of stuff already. I keep taking little things out of our way. It´s great!
Love that TickleMe Plant!
Tickling a plant and watching it move can be more fun then any toy. We grew our first TickleMe Plant and my children were amazed and excited when it grew leaves that moved like crazy when Tickled! Growing a TickleMe Plant is a great way to excited kids about gardening and nature. Just search TickleMe Plant to order the kit to grow it.
See the video and pass it on if you know anyone that is a plant love and or has kids.
I love your perspective!! I’ve always felt a tiny bit guilty for the enforced limit I’ve put on toys in my house but I’ve seen many of the points you made first hand because of it. We moved three months ago and have about 4-5 boxes of toys that I’m never planning on unpacking. The kids haven’t asked for them. They don’t miss them and I want them to manage the toys that they DO have first. My oldest child could spend hours reading and my second born went through a whole sketch pad in a two week space of time.
So how, how, HOW do you convince grandparents, aunts and uncles to stop buying so much??? We buy toys at birthdays and Christmas, yes, but we put a lot of thought into each purchase and try to make it something that really fits our daughters’ personalities and abilities, and will be used for hopefully a long time. We also love to buy art supplies and other items that aren’t really “toys” with one main objective. But our girls are the only grandkids on both sides, so all the relatives plow them with WAY too many things despite our pleas to limit the madness. How do we get this to stop? Our house really is being taken over by toys. We spend more time organizing toys than anything else.
I second this! The only point I got going over Patti is that my son takes care of his own toys and will clean them away and put them in his room whenever we ask him to. Apart from that our boy is the only grandchild on both sides too, and to top it off the neighbours in our street are all elderly people with either no grandchildren or no male grandchildren, who insist on giving him birthday and Xmass and whatever-excuse-will-do-the-job presents. So my kid is getting untold amounts of overly bright and shiny battery operated plastic rubbish with hundreds of noisy buttons to push, and he – being not even 4 and a child of his age apparently – prefers those toys over the sensible building blocks or the sturdy wooden ones I get him…
I almost got physically sick considering the piles of toys he got last Xmas, when he turned 3 (yeah, birthday and Xmas combined didn’t help!). There must have been more than 30 toy items, and he was running madly from one to the other, not playing even 60 seconds with any one of them.
My minimalist side is definitely losing out against the grandparental spoiling, and my son has resolutely taken sides with the “more is better” clan.
I try to contain the damage, like he will only get a new car if he bundles up 5 to give away, but on the whole the policy is only being enforced by me, and I feel I’m losing the battle (Mmm, think I need to talk this over with my hubbie and arrive at least at a common strategy between us…)
My plan for the upcoming Xmas is to leave all the gifts except 2 wrapped – because I won’t be able to stem the incoming tide of presents whatever I do – , and from then on open 1 or 2 gifts a month, on condition that at least as many old toys go out…
Congratulations on all you aspiring and actual minimalists who are actually pulling this off! I’m still struggling…
I guess you read from my comment about having to reorganize toys that my child does not pick up after herself. On the contrary, she’s responsible for picking up her toys and plenty of other chores. What I meant was that, once every few months, we actually have to move boxes of toys out to the garage and bring another batch in. I can’t see her doing that on her own! Her closet only holds so much. We are even using closet space in our extra room but it’s still not enough.
I think I finally convinced my mom and sister to scale back when I pointed out that out my grandparents only bought one present for each of us on birthdays and Christmas, and that just because THEY can afford to buy out the toy store (they can’t, but act like they can), that doesn’t mean the children need all that stuff. Between that and them finally actually seeing the amount of toys that fill our garage — and are rarely if ever played with — they seem to have gotten the message. Too little too late.
I am overwelmed when i think of getting rid of toys i feel that i am being impolite to those who gave them to my son but oh my we are over run with toys and we just had another little one who will want toys of his own, help me.
I just found this site a couple weeks ago and have been reading from the begining. I too have a problem with having the only grandsons in the family. I finally convinced my parents that clothes (in the next size up) and books are the best, so that controlled some of the mess. My MIL is another story entirely-she sends things ALL the time. The worst was in Jan. when she came to help after my second son was born-she asked where some of the toys she sent before were–I had donated them just before Christmas because they were never played with! I told her they were packed so my son didn’t have too many out at a time-we do rotate the toys, so she still doesn’t know they are gone. If anyone has any ideas to help with gifts like this, I’m sure there are many of us who would love to try them.
my mother bought my son a poster for his room and swim trunks because i put my foot down and said no more toys!!!!! i donated a ton of toys she was upset at first but with the truth she doesnt want to buy him things because now she knows im serious about him not needing them, i packed up most toys and allowed him to keep out his favorites less tantrums mored creativity its great.
Fantastic post, I’ve got eight kids myself, and they all love playing games.
I couldn’t agree more, in fact I have been “toying” with the idea of asking people not to give toys to my son at his upcoming birthday party and suggest other ideas. I don’t know if it would be rude to put such a request on the invites or not but he already has far too many toys. It wouldn’t be so bad from what my husband and I buy but all of the birthdays and Christmases have brought the number of toys out of control.
I like the idea of boxing up toys and then rotating them in and out so that they all seem new when brought out. I also like the idea of donating 75% of them to charity too.
I took a stance a few years back that I will do 4 presents:
Something Warm
Something to Read
Something you Want
Something you Need.
It’s fun to watch older children getting creative as they try to fit their wish list into these categories. Within each, there is a book, a toy and a piece of clothing. (I also have a “no digital” gift policy for my teenager.) It’s a good lesson for my kiddos ages 3-19.
This year, one of the 4 gifts will also be handmade to encourage my creative side and teach my children the graciousness in receiving a handmade gift from a loved one.
For my daughters first birthday, I actually called the family and asked them not to spoil her. She is the grandchild on my side, and the 3rd on my husbands side. I was afraid at first, but most of them understood. She ended up getting 4 toys total, a box of books, and clothes. I would rather have an excess of clothes verses toys.
We have 3 children–the oldest is a girl, 5 then a son that is 2 and another that just turned 1. I never had lots of toys as a kid, and from what I experienced, you are right–me and my 6 brothers and sisters found creative ways to entertain ourselves. We haven’t given our kids many toys, but enough that I don’t feel I want to add to them this Christmas. They are only ever given toys on there birthday and on Christmas. In fact, our 1 year old hasn’t gotten a new present from us yet. His recent birthday, we gave him some toys that our older son got for Christmas and his birthday in the last 2 years, that he has out grown. Must say aside from keeping clutter to a minimum, it helps with the pocket book too! My only problem is, I absolutely love Christmas morning with all the presents under the tree and to see my kids faces gleaming with excitement. I keep pondering how I can keep that alive, while at the same time keeping toys to a minimum??? We thought of buying them a trampoline–one big present for all, but that still doesn’t bring the atmosphere that I am hoping to create! Any ideas???
nao quero pergunta nada obrigado.
I am excited to try this minimalist idea. My two daughters have way too many toys, and although I do give many away, they always seem to multiply; especially at the holidays. This year each daughter has asked for only one toy (I am so proud). I am going to give most of their toys away as they are outgrowing them. I am also going to try to downsize their wardrobes as they have way too many clothes and the needy could certainly use them. Thank you all for your wonderful advice and commentary! Love the website.
Oh, a topic dear to my heart as well. With five moves in four years, one overseas, we pared down a lot, and have a basic minimalist set-up with many parts of the household. (Like, I have exactly 50 articles of clothing, socks, undergarmets, gloves, scarves, and jackets included. I want to pare down to 30.)
MIL loves to gift, as well as my childrens’ uncles and aunts. I told them straight from the get-go what is okay to give: Legos, Dolls, wee figurines (like Schliech) and that’s it. If they act a bit unsure, I also say that if they aren’t sure what to give, a bit to her savings account is also a nice idea, and inevitably they brighten up at the thought of being a provider for her future.
My mother sends books (like I said, one move was overseas), and she and I discuss what books come. Often I can catch the book cheaper here (Amazon.co.uk or it’s already in the library) than she can buy and ship it. It takes a bit of coordination, but the bookshelves aren’t overfilled. She only fills 2 shelves with her things! What a lovely girl.
Now me, with my nine bookshelves…well…I need to be a better role model, let’s say.
Hi! I believe less is more with toys. An imagination has a chance to really develop when kids have to create their own play things.
Here is what my kids are getting this holidays:
http://ichoosehappynow.com/2011/12/01/cup-of-joy/the-count-down-for-christmas-now-has-begun-and-a-childs-perfect-christmas-gifts/
Thanks for the post.
Cheers,
Louise
Wow, I don’t even have kids and I love this!
I read this post over a year ago and over the following months, I proceeded to donate 95 percent of my two girls toys. There have been fewer fights between them and more imaginative play. Also my stress level went down next to a cleaner house.
“Do you rather people to give you toys or to play with you”. I asked my 4 year old a few weeks ago: “To play with me”. I think I am doing a good job inspired by your post. Thank you for it!
Thank you for this article!
I was at my wits end read this and it gave me the impetus to Freecycle all the unused toys that my daughter has.
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