Note: This is a guest post from Craig Stephens of Retire Before Dad.
The fundamentals of minimalism resonate with me today because of a period of my life when I lived well with few possessions.
In my 20’s, I left my career to go backpacking in Asia and Latin America. During the 14 months of bumpy bus rides and cheap hostels, I could practice minimalist travel with a lightweight backpack.
After a few months into my trip, I had reduced my backpack to less than 40 pounds by eliminating all the items I wasn’t using or wearing.
The backpack carried everything I needed and nothing else.
This period was among the happiest of my life.
Now that I’m in my early 40’s, a bigger home, parenting, and the proceeds of a successful career have led to the accumulation of more possessions than our family needs.
I’ve struggled to declutter unwanted items and failed to fully convince my family of the benefits of owning less.
I feel the burden of material objects every time I walk through our basement.
My wife and I envision a life where we are free to travel or live abroad as we wish. But with our current home and the possessions inside, we’d be hard-pressed to pick up and leave on short notice.
Though we’ve changed our mindset and made some progress in reducing the number of items in our house, we still face hurdles every day.
I am telling my story here, not because I have everything figured out. Quite the opposite.
I am sharing my story to highlight the obstacles I continue to encounter on my journey toward minimalism—a life I desire, but struggle to embrace.
Here are five struggles of this aspiring minimalist:
Unnecessary Timelines
Our family uses unnecessary timelines to justify keeping stuff in our home.
Each spring, our neighborhood organizes a yard sale. It’s a perfect opportunity to sell unwanted items and teach our kids about money and household decluttering. We encourage our kids to participate by selling toys they no longer play with and they keep the money.
But we’ve become too reliant upon the event.
The neighborhood sale becomes a reason to build up clutter in our basement and procrastinate removing it from our house. There’s always a pile waiting for the yard sale in the spring. Unfortunately, its construction begins in the summer.
One year, we were out of town the weekend of the sale. The pile sat untouched for another twelve months.
The same is true for a bi-annual children’s clothing consignment sale at a local church. Stacks of plastic bins full of kids clothing are always accumulating until the next sale.
Overall, organized sales are great for eliminating clutter. But they should not be an excuse to delay the removal of unwanted items from the home.
The best day to remove unneeded items from your home is today.
Parting with Items of Value
Parting with items that have a known value can feel like throwing away money.
For example, I kept two rare band t-shirts in my possession for 25 years because they were worth about $30 each on eBay.
I never wore them and felt no sentimental attachment to them. Yet, I failed to prioritize the time to sell the t-shirts online.
$30 wasn’t worth the time and effort to photograph, post, ship, and pay a sales fee. But since I knew the shirts were worth money and they didn’t take up much space, I kept them in my drawer crowding the t-shirts I wore.
Most of the clutter in our homes used to be money. The items we buy lose some or all their value the moment we purchase them.
Items that retain some value usually aren’t worth the effort to sell them.
Sometimes it’s best to let go and accept that the time it takes to extract value from something isn’t worth it. The donation may even become a lucky find for a teenager at a local thrift store.
That’s where my old t-shirts ended up.
Household Agreement
My wife understands the concept of minimalism and is frugal by nature, but she isn’t as eager to reduce our household items.
She grew up in a home where her parents kept everything and still do. In comparison to both of our parents, we’re already minimalists.
Our opinions on what is needed in our home differ.
This is especially true when considering the removal of items that might be useful in the future.
If an item might be useful in the next three to five years, she’d prefer to keep it handy in a nearby drawer. But if it’s unlikely to be used frequently, I prefer to store it somewhere out of the way or maybe even get rid of it. Why get rid of something you’ve already acquired if you may need it in the future?
Certainly, many items such as high-quality tools or kitchen appliances should be kept for future use. But items that pile up and might never be used, such as our growing collection of rainbow unicorn birthday gift bags, are probably not worth keeping around.
There’s a balance.
Additionally, we communicate our differences and are slowly finding a balance in our household. But I’ve realized my preferred level of household simplicity may never overrule the will of the majority.
Prioritizing Time
Knowing that the task is large, I’m hesitant to get serious about eliminating clutter from our house.
Closets, toy storage, and desk drawers are easy to clean and don’t take much time. But once the low hanging fruit is gone, I avoid attacking the real trouble spots.
I’d rather be at the pool with the kids, on a weekend family excursion, or working on my side business.
The benefits of decluttering are well-known. But setting aside the time to achieve those benefits is a challenge.
It’s an upfront time investment that pays dividends over the long-term. But I choose to do other things with my time. Without prioritizing enough time to remove items from our house, more stuff accumulates.
This goes beyond sorting through old boxes and separating items into donation or trash piles.
Selling larger items via online classifieds takes a lot of time and effort. Each piece needs to be photographed and posted. Then you need to monitor the listing, field inquiries, and set a time to complete the final transaction.
Each step takes time, cutting into weekend leisure. So I often choose to begin the selling process another day.
Instead of delaying the task, I try to remind myself that time spent minimizing possessions frees more time in the future and immediately creates a better living space for our family.
Family Gifts
Our children love presents and our parents love to give gifts for birthdays and holidays.
My mother believes it is her right to spoil her grandchildren. When I’ve approached her about cutting back on toys, she declares that watching the excitement of her grandchildren opening gifts is among her greatest joys in life.
It’s not the gifts that bother me, it’s the volume.
We are grateful to have generous and loving parents who bring joy to our children’s lives in many ways, gifts being just one of them. But the inflow is a struggle despite our efforts to make room for the next wave of toys.
Asking her to buy fewer gifts introduces friction in our relationship. Instead, we provide specific toy suggestions that are more likely to be enjoyed and come with fewer individual pieces.
Still, it’s hard to stay ahead of the volume, especially during the holidays. Our kids, ages seven, five, and three, quickly grow out of clothes and lose interest in toys. Inevitably, outgrown clothing and tiresome toys end up in bins in the basement, waiting for the next community sale.
To cope with excess toys in our home, we’ve implemented toy rotations, asked the kids to consign toys to the yard and church sales, and donated unused toys to charity.
Many of our struggles are a byproduct of the season of life we are in. In the past eight years, we moved out of a small apartment into a single-family home and had three children. These events led to dramatic inflows and outflows of stuff.
Now that we’re likely through the baby years, we can remove an entire category of items from our house. However, prioritizing the time to do so is more challenging as the kids become engaged in activities.
Though I’m nostalgic for the days when I lived out of a 40-pound backpack, my life today is far better thanks to the people around me. Our family life requires a lot more stuff than what a 26-year-old backpacker needs. But removing clutter and spending less time cleaning and organizing gives us more opportunities to enjoy each other’s company.
And just because there’s space, doesn’t mean it should be filled. As Francine Jay puts it, “You home is meant for living, not storage.”
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Craig Stephens blogs at Retire Before Dad to motivate both himself and others to be intentional with their finances. You can also find him on Facebook.
As a grandmother at the opposite end of life and engaged in the ultimate decluttering, I’ve become very aware of how much I’ve contributed to the clutter of my grandkids home and the teaching of bad habits with frequent gift giving and just buying things they think they want but don’t need, new fads. I’m trying to turn those mistakes into a learning experience – let’s save $$ for things you want to do – experiences, family fun and adventures – instead of a pile of stuff in the corner of your room that you now have to get rid of. Let’s plan those adventures! When my sons were young, we wanted to take a trip out of the country but didn’t have the money. Everyone started contributing weekly to a large jar. Amazing how prioritizing resulted in an extra $1, $2, $10 or more for deposit. Enthusiasm for saving money increased as the money grew and the trip became a real possibility. We took that trip, was a great family event partly because of everyone’s “sacrifices” to the jar. Now I give my grandkids money and something they really need (confirmed by parents) as presents. On their days off from school, they (between ages 6 + 12) also help me pack up my car with decluttering donations and carry them into the local SPCA Thriftshop to benefit the shelter animals. ???? Hoping they learn from my mistakes.
I had in-laws who gave toys that we clearly had no room for in our small apartment, despite our requests not to buy them.
As a grandparent, I always ask our children first, and respect their answers.
I embraced minimalism during the pandemic. I gave things away on Freecycle. The key to keeping minimalist is to eliminate items from coming into the house. I have also requested no gifts, and family has complied. I stopped exchanging gifts with friends years ago. We go out to lunch instead.
I have more time now that my home only has things I use. It’s much easier to keep clean as well.
If you have children with grandparents that smother them with gifts, instead of toys ask for either books you can read together or gift certificates to parks, amusement adventures or children’s museums, etc. to creat memories together as a family.
This is a fantastic read. Thanks!
Compared to our parents/grand parents we as a generation buy more now. Both in-store and online. . Our grand parents never had access to online shopping.
I have reduced/stopped online shopping without a purpose. Also reduced in-store visits to all my favorite stores…
If everyone embraces minimalism what will the stores sell in future ? It’s a good article
Very good advice, which I am going to start. I find myself “shopping” because I’m bored and buying things our family does not NEED. Great response.
I find it very inspiring to read.
Coming to a time in my life, where I’m too tired from work to overcome all the things I would like to. I have to admit, it will take more time to sort through things and get rid of them, than I first imagined.
My conclusion for my own struggle is: Don’t be too hard on yourself.
And I try not to buy new things unless it is crucial. And I make appointments with my children about gifts, including for the grandchildren.
Great article and appreciate the raw struggles with family over minimalism….especially regarding gifts for the kids on EVERY occasion. The struggle is real with those who enjoy seeing the kids happy and feel they are allowed to spoil them at the expense of overwhelming the household with clutter. I talk to new parents about this and recommend that they set up an account as soon as their child is born for those exact occasions that people want to buy buy buy. I tell the parents to explain that the money they spend on “stuff” could be better utilized towards their child’s education and future and break it down for them. The average child will receive a minimum of $50 worth of toys/clothes or whatever for any occasion someone feels they can buy for….birthday, valentine’s day , Easter, Christmas, thanksgiving (yes some people have turned every occasion into an all and out gift celebration!! ) So if they do that 5 times every year at $50 per “event” that is $250 per year/per child. Now times that by 4 people ( 2 sets of grandparents, parents and 1 other) and that is $1000 per year per child which adds up to $18000.00 by the time they attend post secondary, or are in the market for a car or possibly a house. I tell the parents that the children will benefit from that much more than a pile of toys shoved wherever. It can be a hard concept to sell to those who love seeing the kids’ excitement of opening stuff so it may take some further convincing. It also teaches saving, financial goals and budgeting for our kids….not to mention minimalism!! On a different note, like anything in life we must understand that we have to be patient with those who are not at the same stage as us in our minimalism journey. I continually remind myself that 10 years ago if someone had told me I had to get rid of everything I wasn’t using I would not have been happy with them!! lol My husband keeps everything and likely has a few of those 25 year old t-shirts (which I might add are worth NOTHING) so I started putting all of his “stuff” into one closet that is his only. The things left in drawers or laying around for years and just moved a million times from one spot to another. It didn’t seem like much when it was all through the house but when his closet was full and he couldn’t get to anything he went through it all and got rid of some of it!! Baby steps!! lol
Did you tell them that you have an account for each of them to savings and consider also to add it up for them?
My husband and I set up USAA accounts for each of our 4 granddaughters when each was born, the first one 20 years ago. They all have double the grandparents due to divorces and some are the only grandchildren those grands will have. We knew those children would receive more gifts than needed so each year we decided to deposit $100 on their birthdays and Christmas and give each a small gift. Needless to say, especially for the 20 yr old, those funds have grown tremendously. We have not missed the money and they cannot remember the toys etc. Long gone all those years ago.
So you can actually live in a vacant house. That is what is advocated. Living with all you need in a backpack is still an option. A perfect one. Each child can also have a backpack. Sleeping bags are great in backpacks. Boyscouts often had metal dish set too. In reality basic needs will work in a backpack.
I can totally relate to everything, although we kept Christmas simple. We actually bought used toys, bikes, etc for our kids that looked like new. (santa makes stuff, it does not come in a box). So, it was not a loss when we sold them at garage sales, or gave them away. (my kids manned the garage sales and kept the proceeds when they out grew the toys. But , if we had room in the basement of garage, many things were kept. My husband bought so many sleds at garage sales, all the neighbor kids came an borrowed them when it snowed. If you have room, don’t stress about it, but coming from someone who had a family member who worked at Goodwill, I feel pretty good about giving them my stuff if it is in good repair and looks nice.
I’ve always been curious about minimalists having more than 2 children. A third child (or more) creates more expense and dilutes parental time—not to mention world resources. The lists on how to streamline our lives and homes never mentions this. Just wondering…
Are you comparing children to things???? wow
Children are not comparable to things. They have a soul.
Children are not things, but in the west they consume a great many things.
This is one reason that I decided not to have any – for the good of the planet. Instead, I give my money to children in the developing world, who are already here and in dire need of assistance. This decision is obviously not for everyone, but humanity really needs to stop reproducing at such a terrifying rate.
You are missing out on the greatest joy in life.
I agree. I did not hear at all that you were comparing children to things. I’m not sure how they derived that. But with each additional life you bring into the world, each requires their own set of stuff. As a parent, I struggle with the accumulation of stuff I have collected from my own child, and I struggle to maintain a minimalistic lifestyle. It’s doable with one, but it would be very difficult (for me) with 2 or more.
Thanks for the comment and question Nancy. Children bring joy into the world, that is why they are not mentioned in lists on how to streamline life.
Oh! The best thing you can do for this world is to raise children—as many as you can handle—who will be a joy to us and contributing to our community in many ways!
Childless cheerleader for families.
LW
What you wrote is so true for so many people Craig. One suggestion that kept repeating in my mind as I read your words was, “Ask for help from a Professional Organizer.” There are several, myself included, who specialize in embracing minimalism. The 5 struggles you discuss are much more manageable with a kind, objective, professional assistant. Why not give it a try? Sometimes a little help goes a long way.
Janine,
I’ve never considered a professional organizer. I’m more of a do-it-yourself cleaner and organizer, so I don’t think it’s for me. If I prioritize the time to declutter, I’m usually satisfied with the outcome.
-Craig
Not a criticism but just an observation. To an outsider, American society seems – in general – very materialistic and obsessed with owning more stuff. I can understand how hard it is to be a minimalist in this context.
The other obsession many Americans seems to have is “how much money can I make from X?” (where X includes both work and hobbies). Reading through your article, the impression I get is that if you can’t sell your unwanted stuff then you tend to hang on to it. Would it not be simpler and easier to to just “pay it forward” by simply donating everything?
Sometimes or even often, I prefer to recycle some stuff rather than give or sell them because finally, when you give to someone else, it’s ok for you decluterring but it’s the opposite for the others. And thus, globally, the problem is not resolved. Too much objects on the earth.
A topic rarely evocated in minimalism is the environmental protection. It’s the priority. Of course, the both are compatible and less stuff equal less production and less pollution. It’s necessary to have a mind-opening towards others. Minimalism doesn’t have to be only a personal satisfaction.
Awesome article! Precisely the issues I have encounter specially when not everyone is on board with minimizing. I have learned to persuade my family to declutter instead of complaining about things accumulated. They are more likely to cooperate when they see the benefits it brings. We are more involved in church activities, our girls have learned to play instruments on their own, they draw and paint and we do a lot more things together as a family. Win/Win!
Love it! Unnecessary timeliness, prioritizing, and parting things with value go hand-in-hand. My #1 goal to decluttering is to create a peaceful safe haven for my family. Period. So, I make it a priority to get “things”, even those of value, out of the house, now. For me, the value of the clear space is worth more than the value of the item. And sometimes *gasp* that means the single sock is thrown away and NOT used for dusting or donated for textile recycling. Household agreement and family gifts are beautiful opportunities to learn grace, patience, kindness, and empathy. My kids are 12, 10, and 8. We graciously except gifts but kids have the tools and freedom to let the gifts go “to another family”, even days after receipt of the gift. Household agreement “is what it is”, but man, clear spaces and room to live sure is catchy!! Now back to prioritizing, we really need to sell the old, unused boat, motorcycle, and pick up truck that we’ve been talking about the last 5 years!
I have also struggled with letting go of things I might need in the future. Recently I started asking myself two questions when I was considering letting go of an item I wasn’t sure I would use again in the future. 1. Can it easily and readily be replaced if I should need the item again? and 2. can the item be purchased or replaced for less then $20? I found it’s been a whole lot easier to let go of items when I could define them in this way.
I follow the same method–if I rarely use it and can replace it for $20 or less, it goes. Two years ago, I did a thorough cleanout of my kitchen, getting rid of everything that I did not use or had no use of, filling six large storage bins (donated!) and two trash bags. Since then, the only item I had to replace was a muffin tin which I got at the dollar store. It’s a great method to help with decision making.
Great idea! I will be using this system next week:)
We are into retirement and downsizing for several years finding more stuff to donate to local charities (un used and stashed in garage or closets) we started out with very little decades ago, and like others over time, bought and piled up too much of everything it seems. Much was passed to us by parents or friends moving away. Used to have garage sales, but not worth the effort anymore. So many charities and group homes in my city.
Laura Ann,
We also have several convenient charities and thrift stores within a few miles. Some have drive-thru service! Every time I take a load I wonder what took me so long. Removing stuff always feels so good, yet I still procrastinate. I will say, though, after writing this guest post, I tackled a large portion of our basement which is now an open space for my son to play with his trains.
-Craig
Craig, I am at a similar point in my life. Before moving in with my husband, I could fit all of my belongings in a 300 sq ft studio apartment. It took 30 mins to clean and I had the rest of my time to pursue my interests.
Ten years later, we live in a moderately sized home with our two year old and the constant flow of toys and outgrown clothing that comes with parenthood. Feeling completely overwhelmed, I turned to minimalism.
I think the biggest struggle that I have is explaining the shift to our family. Our transition to less has left them asking…where is everything? To them, our home and our child’s toy bin looks spars. To me, I see possibilities over chores. I refuse to spend my life dusting “valuables”. I want to make a life that has value.
Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles.
Amy… It sounds like you’ve made a real change in your life. We had our three kids so quickly that we couldn’t pause to get control of the stuff. Now were slowly catching up. We recently gave away our dresser/changing table that we’ve had for 7 years. Felt good to remove it from my daughter’s room and find it a new home where it will be better utilized.
-Craig
This is so true. There is always an excuse to not work on the clutter. Great suggestions that I need to put in place today!