Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Seth Riley.
Up until a few months ago, it seemed like everyone else in the world was getting what we’ve always wanted.
Every time we opened social media, there they were: taking some awesome trip, fielding the opportunities we ought to have gotten, achieving what we only dream of.
Meanwhile, we sat on our couches, missing out on everything. Even worse, it felt as if this cycle would continue forever. Given the constant advance of technology, it seemed pretty impossible that any of this overwhelm would lessen anytime soon.
But these days, there is a lot less to miss out on. Everything has been cancelled and, for a while, we’re all living the same shut-in life.
It’s hard, in the thick of this global tragedy, to see many positives. So many people are horrifically sick, and so many others are reeling from the sudden loss of their livelihoods. Despite the many encouraging shifts in society—the refocus on community, the renewed sense of our shared humanity—this is just a tough, scary time.
Yet, as with any sort of catastrophic event, there are small mercies even in the midst of the anxiety and loss. And, to me, one of the most life-giving positives emerging from this disaster is that we have been given a break from the constant sense that we’re missing out on life.
Now that our digital feeds are quieting down from the constant barrage of “everyone’s eating at cool restaurants, attending events, sitting on the beach, having the time of their lives, or buying that thing we’ve always wanted,” we’ve been given a precious opportunity.
We suddenly have the freedom to evaluate our lives with almost no external pressure to keep up.
All of the voices that tell us, 24/7, that we are not enough are, to a large extent, gone.
For right now, we’re all relative equals living very similar lives. The celebrities we spend our days idolizing are stuck in their houses too. They are in their living rooms as we are in ours. Maybe we go out for a walk. Maybe we have to run out to Trader Joe’s. But, the rest of the time, we’re all just at home.
For the next while, there’s nothing we’re missing out on. If you have your health, if you have a roof, and if you have people to love, you are incredibly blessed.
This is a rare chance to take stock. Through all of the anxiety, we still have the option to start practicing those values we usually ignore and, with all of the closures and cancellations, we have been given the blankest slate we can ever expect to receive.
Given the opportunity to clear the decks, to perform a hard reset on our lives, we can emerge from this tragic historical moment as better versions of ourselves.
But, to do this, we have to use this interim time well. We have to be willing to truly cut ties with our unhealthy patterns and to replace our taste for FOMO-driven distraction with something better. And, most important, we need to take a deep—and probably uncomfortable—dive into ourselves to root out those things holding us back from being who we are truly meant to be.
It’s often hard to make changes in our lives because we usually have the option not to. But, tragedy has a way of jarring us toward clarity. Now that everything has been paused, we have a chance to re-align our actions with our values.
So, what will we do?
We could begin with our families. We always claim that our families are our number one priority. Yet, how often do we put them on the back burner?
We could refocus on our creativity, finding ways to use our talents to bring life to the people around us.
We could make time to slow down, to enjoy the many blessings in our lives, to spend less time looking at the horizon and more time enjoying the things immediately around us.
Only you can know the right answer.
Life is precious, beautiful, and limited.
Start being the you that you have been missing out on.
***
Seth Riley is a writer and father of seven kids living in a 960ish square foot house. You can follow him on Twitter here.
I understand how tough this time is. Although tbh, I always wish for this situation, where we work and learn at home by ourselves because I don’t feel any pressure from school or from the crowd anymore, I really feel free when I spend time reconnecting with myself; I found that I am more confident to enjoy things that were taken away from me because of society’s expectation. And I do find that I love my family more; holidays were never good enough for us, not because the holidays are short but we always have fear of not finishing works. This pandemic really takes a stop on lot of things for good and bad; since my family, friends and everyone I know are healthy, it’s been good for me.
Thank you for Seth and Joshua for this beautiful article. At this year’s birthday, no travel or eating-out, even visiting my family was possible as we are on the mode for social distance, but I was so relieved that at list many family and friends congratulated me a lot . Meanwhile, I hope no more tragedy would come out.
Would it be possible, if I translate beautiful article for Korean largest minimalist community in Korea and my newsletter I will link your website as the sources.
Stay safe! – love from Korea.
Well-said Seth!
Whether during worldwide difficulty, or during calm, oh that we would all be continuously introspective as you point towards.
Much appreciated article!
Beautifully said, thank you. I’m really enjoying being at home, doing the mundane domestic things and new projects with a new sense of ease and appreciation for the incredible blessings in my life. A counterbalance to the horrifying news of the day, which, while important to be engaged with and wisely acted upon as possible, needs to be measured and put in perspective. I find it’s very much a balancing act right now. Maybe that’s what all this disruption and chaos is calling for–a reevaluation of values and then actions to put us in more alignment with them, as individuals, communities, nations, the world. It is so clear how interconnected and interdependent we are as a world.
Thank you so much. If you don’t mind I am printing this and placing it in my bible. A true description of how I needed to SLOW DOWN, in everthing I do and focus on the most important.
No doubt life pores out at a much faster pace than fifty years ago. As society became more affluent it became more indulgent. Now, a society entranced with media, there’s just more visual stimulus and chances for comparison. With comparison comes competition. None of this is healthy. Currently there’s downturn, and probably won’t continue long enough to change collective psyche; they’ll be back to same busy beavers in few weeks, more than likely. But, nothing is secure. I hope some things were learned, remembered, that were positive.
Thank you, Seth…..spot on article!!
I am retired and my husband newly retired…..our experience of peace, calm, Joy is healing and uplifting.
Phil 4:4-8
I don’t understand why people can’t be happy for others who get to take trips or whatever. Really, folks, there is enough happiness and joy to go around. I choose not to envy what others do or have. I just enjoy what I do and have.
linda… i feel exactly the same. what other people do and/or have that i don’t is irrelevant to me and my life. i’m not speaking for folks without a roof over their heads or those who are food insecure… i simply don’t get FOMO people who happen to be relative ‘have’s’ who are jealous or insecure of others who have/do more than they do. compared to most now and in history, the vast majority of us are one percent’ ers. don’t buy into value systems that aren’t your own.
Thank you Kathy for the definition of FOMO. Though I didn’t know what it was, I definitely was living it. This article, in my opinion, is spot on. I homeschool my 3 children and for the first time in the 4 years I have been homeschooling, I have felt rest and peace. And it’s because of exactly what you said! Thank you for the encouragement and reminder.
FOMO means Fear Of Missing Out
Thank you Frances for explaining FOMO…. Sandi
This time has been a blessing. I was running on empty prior to Covid-19. I started early seeing where this was headed and having worked in a dusty space caused congestion so I closed my business early. Spent two days sleeping a lot. Now I am going through my stuff and shredding unnecessary things like old tax stuff.
I’m feeling like I’m not going full force and maybe I don’f need to, however, a once in a lifetime re-set button i need to take full advantage of and complete the projects for a less cluttered space and deal with the emotions of letting go. I hear everyone say “you’ll feel better”. I’m holding on to that hope. I have the day free as this is also my vacation now. My husband is still working. Finding balance to let go, relax, and just breathe. Will be reassessing many of the things I was involved in. This article was just what I needed to help me stay focused on my goals.
I like the idea of a “once in a lifetime reset button”. Although we really had the control to do that anyway – bar mortgages and commitments.
BRAVO SETH!!!! This is one of the best articles I have read. I agree with you 100%, especially saying that we think that EVERYONE else is having the time of their lives and we are not………so not true.
Thanks!
So..this “life” we are having now, is my norm. I’ve been home for the last 11 years living this life. I would tell my family members that it is hard being home…most of the time alone..although I have 4 dogs that keep me busy & happy. When I see everybody complaining or not knowing what to do with themselves, I feel better because I just thought I was a “spoiled brat-complaining”…so it’s not just me..it is hard. Finally I can relax now and continue on.
I’d add one suggestion to the list of activities: learn something.
I’ve signed up for the Coursera class, “The Science of Well Being” and it has been great. While I’m normally a creative person, the early days of this caused me a lot of stress and anxiety, and learning felt like something positive I could do.
Thank you for the article. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.
As part of our noonday devotion a day or so ago, Mr. Truelove and I discussed how sorry we are that this has happened at the expense of lost lives, illness, lost livelihoods, fear, and exhaustion for health care workers, but…
We are enjoying our restructured days–cycling, cooking more, shopping less, piddling around tweaking this or that in the house and yard, going to church and a few meetings and classes online. We confess that we were indeed shoppers because we subscribed to BritBox to entertain us in the evenings.
I think this is a brilliant post. It put all into one space the conversations I’ve been having with my daughters about how this time will change ours (and other people’s) perspectives in future. This post just says it all. My husband and I have realised that we rarely had a day when we had nothing planned, even though we are retired. Doctor, hospital, dentist, opticians, hobby days at friends, volunteer work plus shopping, lunches out, going to the allotment etc just meant every day was taken up with something. This will change and we will make sure that we don’t just say yes to when others decide when we will do things, even health appointments can be planned better so every day isn’t busy.
We have time now to make our own bread, cook long slow meals that taste delicious and sometimes just sit and be.
What is FOMO?
Yes, what is FOMO? I looked it up after reading the article. Would have helped to define it in the first sentence of the article.
Obviously, Colleen, you and I are not victims of FOMO bc we didn’t know what it was in the first place!
F- FEAR
O- OF
M-MISSING
O-OUT
F- FEAR
O-OF
M-MISSING
O-OUT
Thank you!
For months prior to this crisis, I have felt overwhelmed with the many things that fill my time. I attend 2 scrapbooking groups, am in an online family history writing circle, am writing a family history book, tai chi classes, make crafts for market stalls and numerous coffee dates. Basically I have trouble saying no. When all this began, I was overcome with a feeling of calm. I am nowworking on my priorities.
My 17-year-old is missing the end of her senior year, all the goodbyes, the last months with these friends and teachers, lots of fun activities,…but we get her to ourselves before she goes off to college, much more than I ever could have hoped. I’d wave a magic wand, get rid of this virus, and bring back her normal life if I could, but we and her brothers are loving the time to have her close.
Oh, I didn’t realize this was a guest post. Thank you, Seth. Beautiful ?
Than you, Joshua. Beautiful.
*thank
I feel this so hard. My country is in lockdown for the next three weeks so I’ve been forced to evaluate my life and what I REALLY want from it. I’ve not had the time to sit down and think about what I really, truly want to do with my life so I have cherished this opportunity to reconnect with myself and my family. Like Sheila mentioned, we’re not “trapped at home”. We’re safe at home.
xo, Victoria
“Life is precious, beautiful and limited.” Yes, yes, yes!
(I heard a doctor offering the perspective that we’re not trapped at home, we’re safe at home.)
I’m spending this time focusing most of my attention on creativity – writing, photography, movement. It’s been a really nice time to be honest apart from the uncertainty and anxiety.