According to the National Retail Federation, the average shopper in America will spend $1,047.83 during the winter holiday season (mainly Christmas) on gifts and other seasonal items.
Keep in mind, this is not the only time of year we receive gifts. Most of us receive several presents for our birthdays as well. Not to mention, all the other gift-giving occasions throughout the year: Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Days, wedding anniversaries, baby showers, housewarming, graduation, recovery from sickness or surgery, thank-you’s, baptism, confirmation, other special occasions, and sometimes “just because.”
That’s a lot of stuff coming into our homes from well-meaning friends and family. Multiply those occasions by the number of people in your family and you’ve got a formula for a whole lot of stuff entering your home!
Now, I think gift giving can be a beautiful thing. And I would never want to hurt anybody’s feelings, if it could be helped. But if you’re determined to avoid over-accumulation of physical possessions in your home, then you’re going to have to manage both sides of the gift-giving traffic in your home.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Tell your friends you don’t need a gift.
If you let them know you’d rather get together in person, that’s better than getting yet another decorative candle or coffee mug you don’t need. Change the gift-giving expectation.
2. Request quality over quantity.
If requesting no gifts is going to be a tough sell with some people in your life, encourage them to purchase quality over quantity. This is especially helpful when influencing gifts given to your children. Two $25 gifts are usually less clutter than five $10 gifts.
3. Ask for consumables instead of non-consumables and experiences instead of material goods.
A fruit basket, a gift certificate to a restaurant, movie passes, a bouquet of flowers, show tickets—these are great gifts that don’t burden your home with new possessions.
4. Suggest donations to charities on your behalf.
It feels great to know that the money that could have gone toward a new sweater you don’t need instead went to a school scholarship that changed the life of a child.
5. Let people know what you actually need.
Even after minimizing, you may have some genuine need for new items in your home, such as a coffeemaker to replace the one that died last week. Let people know ahead of time what your real needs are; be specific. Gift lists can be particularly helpful for out-of-town family members, especially when ever-growing and changing kids are involved.
6. Purge guilt free.
As the value of the gifts you receive begin to reveal themselves, eliminate the unwanted ones without feeling guilty about it. You’ve expressed your appreciation for the sentiment—you’re not obligated to hold on to the object forever. Nobody wants to burden you with a gift.
We have four young adult children, one daughter-in-love, and a couple significant others. In the past, money was an issue for me with Christmas gift-giving. That’s not so much a problem now. But I stress out every year with knowing just the right gift for each one (because I want to do quality over quantity) And I do not want to add clutter to their lives. At this stage of their lives, there are things they need. But I am always at a loss. I don’t want to purchase things made in China because of their human rights atrocities. I like to shop locally when possible. But I still struggle with good clutter-free gift ideas. I’ve seen lists and suggestions, but they never seem just right for my 20-something kids. Last year we all adopted a family from our church who was in need. We will probably do that again. But even though we do that, and everyone SAYS gifts are not that important, there is always that underlying expectation of gifts. I appreciate your wisdom on this. But I still struggle!
We are seniors who have “downsized” and really don’t need anything or want “stuff”. Our daughter-in-law is a very thoughtful gift giver and sends restaurant gift cards or a tea or coffee sampler. She lives 2000 miles away, so we do facetime with her and the granddaughters. We send the girls Starbucks gift cards and aTrader Joe’s gift card for “mom”.She likes to get their holiday meal and treats there, so it is well appreciated and we know she will use it.
I’m giving 5 out of 7 nieces/ nephews money. I may donate to a specific charity my one niece started called Battle Buddies. It helps veterans with PTSD get paired up with therapy dogs. Only the youngest two get a gift but I’m thinking of an experience gift as they get older. I don’t get many gifts since I’m single with no kids. Only do a gift exchange with one of my sisters. Another sister helped me pay for my trip to Iceland earlier this year. I was very grateful for that. I’m the youngest of six kids but Christmas is all about their kids. I’m fine not having a cluttered home.
I agree with much of this and enjoy taking unwanted things to the goodwill instead of into our home! But personally I find people giving to charity “on my behalf” to be quite emotionally manipulative. The “good feels” that go with it are actually the person doing the giving (not the recipient, in my experience). Further, it feels like a negative message (we decided you don’t need anything but others do). Why not give money and let the recipient decide if they wish to donate it, and where? Realize I’m likely in the minority, as the principle of charity is obviously important. It’s charity by the giver that I’m focusing on here though. Anyone else feel this way?
It is a kind thing to tell the ones to whom you have given gifts that it is perfectly okay for them to pass along anything that does not work for them.
I agree with your thoughts about charitable donations. Unless you have specifically replied to someone about your choice of charity, it does not feel like a gift at all. It is them using you to feel good about themselves. Some people’s choice of charity would NOT be the recipient’s choice.
More than 50% of what goes to goodwill ends up in the landfill
Perhaps that is because people give their junk to thrift stores and they cannot sell it.
Sort of yea……it’s like “hey I gave them something, here ya go…merry Xmas/happy birthday!”
I can see what you mean. There is a proven dopamine rise from buying things which is why people can become shopaholics. The saying it is more blessed to give than to receive is because there are valid good feelings of donating to other people, giving to people in need, giving to your church or cause you believe in. I would definitely say the good feelings are on the gift giver in this. But yet again, it is following the saying It is more blessed to give than to receive so even though you are giving the gift of giving I think it still circles back that the gift giver is receiving the best gift, same as with giving a material possession.
I agree with you. Although the gift giver has good intentions, I’d rather choose the charity that I’d like, rather than the gift giver’s choice!
Another option to reduce gift buying, clutter, and stress is to have one or two larger items that relatives can go in on together. Two years ago, my mother, sister, and brother (and their significant others) chipped in to get my daughter a bike, complete with helmet, knee pads, a basket, and a bell. This year they are getting us a TV for our family room. Three families, one gift.
Before finding minimalism, one year I gave each family unit on our list a charitable contribution through our national church’s giving program. We gave several for children’s education and some for mosquito nets. I wasn’t sure if they would like it, but it was so well received! Since it was last minute, I made a postcard with pictures and information from the ministry along with the family’s name.
We have since stopped buying for adults and now give the children small, consumable gifts.
my adult kids now give me a great activity – we are doing a light up night drive and an escape room this year :)
that’s a dream. best wishes all year long.
We fill stockings with necessities: soap, tape, pencils, underwear… And this year I chose to give my kids a gift card for a certain amount of money to donate to the cause of their choosing so that they’ll have to investigate where and why they want to give it away. I think they’ll take it rather seriously and hope they truly understand what a privelidge it is to have their health, food, and a roof over their heads.
One thing I’ve never heard you mention is a gift exchange. For Christmas all adults in our family draw names so each person only buys for one other person. This has greatly reduced the holiday stress and cut back on costs for us.
This might be a good alternative for families that don’t want to completely stop buying gifts.
My kids are 6, 9 and 13… they get one gift from their two aunts (who are married and one has two kids around their ages), and gifts from their grandparents (my husband’s parents; we are No Contact with my family). I have been transitioning my own shopping from piles of gifts for each kid to one nice gift ($$ Lego set or doll accessory set or Hot Wheels toy) and an experience gift. We guide the kids on the experience gift. This year, those will be a trip to the roller skating place, a trip to Chuck E Cheese to play games and have pizza and a trip to the movies. We don’t go out much, so those are gifts to them.
I’m giving the gift of Penzey’s spices and handknit reusable mug sleeves to teachers. My mother in law asked for handknit socks, so she is getting a pair of those also.
I’m bookmarking this and sending to family next year. I feel the last few years the amount of presents received had calmed a little. This year, it seems, everything has gone back to the way things used to be. I’m speaking of gifts headed my way, my wife’s way, and the way of my kids.
When I visited back home for Thanksgiving, my mom said, “I got more this year. You’re just going to have to graciously accept it.”
Note: I didn’t bring up any topic related to presents or Christmas.
Apparently, I need to wear a shirt that says, “Remember: I’m a minimalist at Christmas time too.”
In a time of busy-ness I appreciate the organized thoughts that you have offered. I look forward each week to the voice of sanity in our crazy shopping world!???
Spot on! We are doing several of these suggested items for the first time this year, as I am so tired of feeling overwhelmed by STUFF!!
Thank You Josh!
Great ideas, definitely something to think about
Well….my husband and I are making donations to charities for our five grown children this year. Young grandchildren : small gifts. I am very nervous after years of uninspired giving. We are in our 70’s and feel good about this change in direction.
Our family has found creating a random list showing the one person each of us will give a gift to (as opposed to everyone gives to everyone) has greatly simplified gift giving and taken a lot of the stress and expense out of Christmas.
Love this article Joshua! We have adopted most of these as have many of our family members. It actually makes Christmas less stressful, more enjoyable and allows us to focus on the true meaning of the holidays.
While a bit off course of this topic, I increased my charity giving this year in an expected way. Based on something in your book, I took some old class rings, etc. to a reputable shop that buys old jewelry. I was amazed at the dollars he was willing to pay for meltable precious metal. I then put every penny into my charity budget and had fun finding new places to donate. Such a joyful experience from a reduction of unwanted items.
You have some great points here. I already practice a few of them, for instance…my sister and I never buy gifts for each other anymore. This started when our kids were young and we decided to just buy for them. Now that we are older and the kids are grown, my sister and I take each other out for a good meal on our birthdays and at Christmas we do something nice for each other. Like baking cookies or a day of house cleaning, etc.
I especially love #3 & #5. I’m going to start doing that!
Spot on Joshua. When I was a child, my parents would buy each of my siblings and I one toy type gift. The rest of our presents were necessary items such as socks, underwear, belts etc.. Times have changed and it just clutters our lives.