“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove… but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” —Forest E. Witcraft
This is a big week in the Becker household for Kim and me. Yesterday, our oldest, Salem, graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in Finance. We’ve been celebrating this week with extended family and friends. But starting soon, my son will begin his career and the rest of his life.
If you’ve been following Becoming Minimalist for very long, you know this blog (and our journey into minimalism) began when my son was just five years old. This week, he graduated college. So we’ve come a long way.
It’s a significant moment as a parent and we are full of both gratitude and reflection. This week is a reminder to us that time moves fast and doesn’t stop. And if we want our legacy to outlive our lives, investing personally into future generations—while we still can—is the only way to accomplish that.
I think, in part, some of our misguided pursuits are based on the same intention.
The philosopher, Ernest Becker argued that humanity’s greatest fear is “to die without significance.” Here is how he wrote it, “What man really fears is not so much extinction, but extinction with insignificance. Man wants to know that his life has somehow counted, if not for himself, then at least in a larger scheme of things, that it has left a trace, a trace that has meaning.”
As a result, most modern people in capitalist societies turn to wealth and possessions as their immortality projects.
But the studies paint a different picture. Generational wealth—no matter how much we accumulate for ourselves—rarely lasts into future generations. As Forest E. Witcraft wrote, “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…“
According to one study, around 70 percent of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation. And nearly 90 percent by the third.
In other words, many people think the best way they can live lives that matter 100 years from now is by accumulating wealth and power. But statistically, your wealth won’t last longer than 80 years—most won’t even last 40 years.
Wealth fades. Possessions wear out. Family businesses come and go. And Forest E. Witcraft was right all along.
The best way to live a life that will matter a hundred years from now, is to invest into the life of a child.
Certainly yours if you have them. But there are other ways to invest into people—your grandkids, nieces and nephews, the neighbor kids down the street, students you mentor or coach or teach, or children at the church or community groups you are involved in.
I sat down this week to reflect on what I have learned about loving and investing into children over the last 22 years.
And here’s how we do it well:
1. We make time for them.
Children don’t schedule appointments. They interrupt, they wander in, they ask for one more story. But presence is where connection is built. Show up. Leave work early. Listen. Play. Put your phone down and the to-do list away. Nothing communicates value more than undivided attention.
2. We model a lifestyle worth following.
Children may listen to what we say, but they will always watch (and learn more from) how we live. In fact, preaching one way of life while living another is the most efficient way to lose any and all credibility.
All the values we desire to be true of our kids and hope to pass on (integrity, kindness, humility, generosity, faith, work ethic) must first and foremost be the habits we embody.
It is not lost on me that this article is being written between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day (with both my mom and dad in town for the graduation). I am thankful for the lives my parents lived and the example they set for me—one I’ve tried to pass on to my own children. Their lives and example (learned from my grandparents) have been passed on to my children through me.
3. We teach and train.
We teach our kids how to brush their teeth, ride a bike, and clean their room. But we must be intentional in teaching more than that. Wisdom doesn’t transfer by accident.
We ought to teach them how to handle money, work hard, and value themselves. We teach them how to handle disappointment, how to treat others, live honestly, and not give up when life gets difficult.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking these lessons are just automatically learned because they grow up in our home. Take time to think through what you have learned and intentionally pass that wisdom down to them. As an example, after both our kids turned 18, Kim and I sat down with them and shared the ten most important financial decisions we had made as a couple—hopefully equipping them to do the same.
4. We love and give.
It’s easy to talk about the importance of love, but the action of love requires time, intention, and selflessness. Children need love that’s consistent and unconditional. It forms the foundation on which they can build their most meaningful lives. If we want to invest well into the lives of children—we must lay down our own pursuits so we can love and give well… and then love and give some more.
5. We release them into the world.
Eventually, the day comes when the child you love and have given yourself to moves on and is released into the world. No doubt this happens at different times and at different ages for different children. But we don’t invest into kids so they can remain with us forever. We invest into our kids so they have the wings to fly.
It’s a hard moment, but an important one.
If you want to make a difference in the world a hundred years from now, invest in a child. It might mean you add fewer zeroes to your bank account or advance a little less further at work—but it’s the most efficient and effective way to make a difference in the world—and the life of someone you love.
Congratulations Salem. I can’t wait to see what the future holds!
Congratulations to Salem! This post, like all your posts, is meaningful, thoughtful, worth reading and remembering. Our time and our full presence is always the most valuable gift we can give to others, and the children in our lives need it most of all.
Congratulations Salem!
Godspeed on your new journey.
What a wonderful thought-provoking and wise article, Joshua. Having spent my career teaching children and mentoring parents. I know how important it is to support families through every stage of their life together. You must be very proud of the family life you have created together with Kim and your children. Congratulations to you all on this happy occasion and especially to Salem. Best wishes.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and family. Congratulations to Salem. Godspeed as he steps into mid future. Exciting times.
Congratulations to Salem!!! Thank you Joshua for your inspiration. God Bless you and your family. And God Bless all who read this.
Congratulations Becker family, from India!
This article could not be more relevant and timely. Thank you!
Congratulations to Salem and to your family! Thank you for all of the great insights. While we stumbled through a bit, we did set a good example. It makes a difference. Best wishes on your next journey!
Sometimes, just staying safe yourself is a legacy.
Congratulations Salem and to you and your wife for raising such a successful family! I appreciate your emails, they are very thoughtful and helpful for improving our lives.
I’ve read with parenting that the days are long but the years are short. All those parent/teacher conferences, birthday parties, school projects, sports, and more compete with the other responsibilities of life. Some days are long. But then, there’s a college graduation and they’re off into their careers. Our son got his degree in computer science and is now a 2nd Lieutenant in the Space Force. We may have an empty nest, but also full hearts because we sacrificed and invested time and love into our son. That’s the best kind of generational wealth-a healthy, well-adjusted son or daughter. Congrats to Salem and the entire Becker family.
Congratulations ????
What were the 10 most important financial decisions that you mentioned you and Kim shared with your children when they reached 18?
Congratulations! Becker Family! And Happy Graduation!! Thank you for sharing such a joyful occasion with us! Salem .. wishing you all the success you can imagine as you step onto your new path! Joanne Green
Congratulations ❤️
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
Sing Praises+
Wow … this really hit home as we are grandparents ! Thank you, Joshua!
What a beautiful family!
Reading down list of suggestions for the meaningful raising of children I was amazed that at 19 with two babies I realized all you suggested was so very important.
If new parents take even 2-3 suggestions children will have such a better start in this life.
Wow! I started following you when your kids were in grade school! Congratulations Salem! Such a good picture of all 4 of you! Good luck Salem as you look for a job you can be happy in!
Thank you for sharing this great article!
What a beautiful and insightful article. I only wish I had followed these principles when I was raising my children.. So much wisdom here. I plan to pass this column on to my chidden when they start their own families. Congratulations to your whole family for this wonderful achievement!
Congratulations! I do not have children, but your advice is so good!
I do downsize for seniors moving from the “big house” to independent living. The accumulation of major amounts of stuff that makes no worldly difference is astounding. Some realize they need to let go and move on and others cling onto it and stuff their new (considerably) space with stuff they have not used for decades, if ever.
Matthew 6:19-21: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Congratulations, Salem!
Congratulations to Salem and the whole family for this landmark accomplishment!
Congratulations from South Africa. Thank you Joshua for your constant inspiration.
Thank you for sharing your life journey with us. Congratulations to Salem on his graduation — what a proud moment! And congratulations to you and your wife, Joshua, for being such inspiring role models. Today, I really needed this beautiful reminder of the power of presence and how leading by example is truly the greatest gift we can give our children.
Watching your child fly is such a proud and bittersweet moment. Thank you for this reminder to intentionally invest in the children God has given us and placed in our lives.