“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” ―Josh Billings
Children learn more from watching their parents than from listening to them – more is caught than taught. As parents, this puts great weight on how we conduct our lives. It requires us to be intentional about how we live. It requires us to self-reflect and evaluate if our lives match our words. And it requires us to be intentional about identifying the lessons we hope our kids will take from us.
Here then, as my two children get older, are the 35 Things I Hope They Will Say About Their Dad. They represent the 35 most important lessons I hope they will learn from my life.
1. “He loved us.” I could see it in his words, his face, and his actions.
2. “He loved our mom.” And was always faithful to her.
3. “He was honest” Both to us and to others. I never remember him telling a lie.
4. “He was spiritual.” He valued things bigger than this world and kept his eyes open for them.
5. “He worked hard.” He understood the value of a hard day’s work and wasn’t afraid of it.
6. “But he always came home on time.” He worked hard at his job. But he knew when to quit for the day.
7. “He cared about people more than money.”
8. “He was a good friend.” He taught me what that meant in a world that doesn’t.
9. “He helped others.” He looked for opportunities to serve—especially those who couldn’t help themselves.
10. “He was generous.” with his home, his money, his time, and his energy.
11. “He made us laugh.” It was always fun to spend time with him.
12. “He loved to read.” He read for work, for pleasure, and for self-improvement.
13. “He loved life.” He cherished all the moments of life—the big ones and the little ones.
14. “He always had great hope.” His hope was new, it was alive, and it was lasting.
15. “He had our best in mind.” We were disciplined, but it never felt motivated by anger, only love.
16. “He was proud of us.” He told us often.
17. “But he pushed us to improve.” He parented out of love and a genuine desire for us to succeed.
18. “He saw the best in people.” And sought to learn from them.
19. “He loved his family.” He cared for his parents and loved having everyone together.
20. “He was always good to mom.” His love for her provided a healthy model for my family.
21. “He had a smile every morning.” Each day provided a wealth of opportunity. And he chose to greet it with a smile.
22. “He lived within his means.” We were taken care of. We did fun stuff. We had nice things. But he knew where to draw the line.
23. “He was unselfish.” Life was always about more than getting the most for yourself.
24. “He was wise.” He had a healthy grasp on people, life, and situations.
25. “He was quick to forgive.” He knew that he had been forgiven much. And was quick to offer that same grace to others.
26. “He didn’t let culture dictate his beliefs.”
27. “I knew I could count on him when I needed him.” Anytime, day or night.
28. “For some reason, I couldn’t get away with lying to him.” He demanded honesty and I respected that. He could read me too well.
29. “He was always asking about my friends.” He wanted to know everything he could about the people I chose to spend time with.
30. “He knew how to rest.” He knew when and how to take time refreshing his body and soul.
31. “He dreamed big dreams for me.” Even when I didn’t believe in myself, he did.
32. “He loved eating meals together.”
33. “He treated his body well.” He knew the importance of keeping his body healthy – not for vain reasons, but to remain effective to this world as long as possible.
34. “He loved his job.” He worked hard at his job not because of the money, but because he believed in what he did.
35. “He knew the difference between want and need.”
And with this many life lessons to teach my children, I better not waste a single day—including this one.
Read number 10 too fast. Thought it said that he was gorgeous! ;)
As I read this, I try to remember it is never too late for the children, or maybe the grandchilden to say this about their Dad. Yes I agree this is what we all want.
Thank you
God I would hate to hear terrible comments from my children about me while in heaven. That would be Hell.
He listened to me and was interested in what was on my mind.
His questions helped me to know and understand.
This is an awesome list — beginning with the end in mind is always have I parented… makes today seem much more important to the big picture!
Thanks for this! (I’m a little jealous and wished I had come up with this myself) but I am thankful to have found it!
Thanks for sharing!
Jeff
http://www.thedadvibe.com
if only we could live up to these ideals
Really truthful
its feels like you know my dad and you were describing him…HE was greatest man in my life!
I love all your blogs and great to see something meaningful and life changing blogs .
Great post. I think a couple of people might possibly be missing the heart of it though. It’s not about Joshua’s list! I mean… It’s a great list. But the point of the story is that we need to live what we hope to instill in our children. Your list might look radically different than Joshua’s. If you want your child to be an activist, then you have to stand up for others. If you want your child to be scholarly, then you have to read and study. Our children will reflect our behavior, thus, we must be worth reflecting.
This is nice but it forces me to inquire about where the teaching exists with some of the realistic moments of life where dads get discouraged or and the importance of admiting failure. The reality that Dad may not be prompt and that being on-time and always optimisitic isn’t a condition of his love. A tall idealistic list of the perfect dad isn’t what our children need to thrive, it’s honesty and love in real moments of humble admission.
Great words. Made me think of my folks. My desire also. :)
My Father was a great Dad yet was missing a few or more of your “35”. I have no regrets about my upbringing because he and my mom did the best they could with what they knew and understood about raising children at that time, beginning in the 50’s. It’s my hope that my children can respect me and my deficiencies yet knowing I also did the best I could raising them. No child can brag that a Father had all 35 points but we can be grateful our Dad’s did the very best they could. I’m proud of my Dad and thats all I can be ….
I feel like this was an autobiography about my dad and I am crying right now
Beautiful.
I just lost my dad in February and I can wholeheartedly say each of these things about him. I was so very lucky to have him.
What about “he inspired me”?
I wish I’d had a father, a real father, my own father, the one who brought me into the world. And, if I had, I wish he’d been just like this one …
Beautifully written. Beautiful intention. Your children are very blessed.
x
I agree. :(
I Loved my dad. I love my dad. I can’t say he did everything on that list (he wasn’t a reader, he was more of a creator-art, jewelery, sculpture) but the key thing is I know he loved me more than anything and he loved spending time with me more than anything and he was always so proud of me even though I wasn’t class validictorian, an athlete, a genius. He loved me and was proud of me because he thought I was just the greatest thing and he and I were best friends. I miss him everyday and I’m in my 50’s now. He’s been gone 10 years. I wear his wedding band now. I love you dad.
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Nice advise. Peaceful mind is power.
Great list. I accomplished a few of these but not most. Thankfully my wife was strong enough for both of us.
Hear is another thing kids should say to there dad, “Great job dad (name) and I turned out AWESOME!!!”
My dad was all 35 of these things and about 100 more. He passed away many years ago but I feel truly blessed as I knew how exceptional he was back then. My mom and the rest of my siblings worshiped him. Miss him so much. ❤️
I think there are some great points on this list, Joshua. But I also think it might overlook non-traditional families. The second point assumes that dad is happily married. Unfortunately this is not always the case and some may feel excluded as soon as they see that point.
How about accepting imperfections and mistakes? This is a lot to strive for. I can find about ten things my husband can not tick off but he’s still a wonderful father, he’s just not perfect, but our children don’t need perfection.
It’s like your being rude to my dad comment peple WACH YOUR MANNURS