I have a beautiful friend. She is the single-parent of two equally beautiful daughters. Her husband left when the second was born with special needs.
Coincidentally, my neighbor is a single father of two. His wife left him, choosing a life of drugs over a life of responsibility.
My guess is you will never hear the names of these two amazing individuals. You’ll probably never read their blogs or follow them on Facebook. And their faces will probably never be on the cover of a magazine. But I can tell you, without a doubt in my mind, they both work harder at life than I do.
This past Saturday, I got up early to do some work on a new book. In the early morning hours while the sun was still rising, I drove to a quiet location to write. Enroute, I passed a young man, significantly overweight, out jogging. He was sweating profusely. And I was inspired because of it.
His body-shape isn’t the type you’ll see on posters in the local fitness center. But here was a guy, up early on a Saturday morning, working hard to change his life while most of my neighbors were still sleeping.
One more story.
Last week, a colleague of mine led a funeral for a friend who had recently died of a drug overdose. The deceased was a young man who had been born addicted to heroin.
Through no fault of his own but because of the actions of his mother, he waged war against addiction every day of his life. Some days, he won. Some days, he lost. In the end, it took his life.
As my colleague shared his story, he summed it up this way:
Our lost friend will, unfortunately, be remembered by most as a drug addict. But that’s not the man I knew. Quite the opposite in fact. I will remember forever my friend as the man who fought endlessly against an addiction unfairly passed onto him. I will remember him as a man who worked hard to make the most of a bad situation.
Our world loves to glorify beautiful people. We look up to and praise those who have seemingly accomplished much in visible measures. We lift up as role models and examples those who excel in sports, write books, own the stage, or excel in business and politics. And I don’t want to look down on those accomplishments and those examples, there is much we can learn from them.
But let’s face it: Life can also be messy. And not everybody gets to live in the limelight as one of the beautiful people. Some people find themselves struggling to just tread water through very difficult circumstances.
Sometimes, the trials we face in life are a result of our own doing. Sometimes they are a result of a wrong committed against us. But there is little doubt we are surrounded by people facing unfair circumstances in every direction we look.
And many of them, those fighting to make the most of it, deserve our respect and our praise. But they are often overlooked by a society that often praises all the wrong measures of success.
So allow me today… in my own small little way… to recognize those of you who are working hard to make the best of a bad situation. We see you and we applaud you.
Here’s to those of you raising kids without the support of a responsible partner.
Here’s to those of you striving to overcome the cycle of poverty or addiction in your family.
Here’s to those of you working two jobs to provide your children with more opportunity than you had growing up.
Here’s to those of you working to change the unhealthy habits that have defined your life for too long.
Here’s to those of you who have been treated unfairly in the workplace and are working hard to start again.
Here’s to those of you battling a disease that seeks to destroy your body.
Here’s to those of you caring faithfully for a loved one who is nearing the end.
Here’s to those of you who have been knocked down by life, but are staggering to get back up.
We see you and we applaud you.
Not only that, we also thank you. Thank you for inspiring us. And thank you for working hard to make life better—not just for yourself, but for those closest to you. We need more people like you in our world.
About Joshua Becker
Such a great post, it is the simple and the ordinary that truly gives life meaning. It’s not about the circumstances you find yourself in, but what you do with those circumstances that matter.
Beautifully written. Thank you so much for reminding us that we all have struggles and others have overcome a lot more of them just to be where they are.
Beautiful post – maybe one of your “top 5” in my opinion! I, for one, don’t grow too much when life is going along well. It’s in the valleys that I grow.
Beautifully written.
So inspired by this …
What a lovely post. I have learned over the past several years that each one of us has something in our lives that we are dealing with. Regardless of the smiling faces we see on Facebook, every one has the ‘B’ side of life that we must deal with. It never hurts to be reminded of that when we are down and it seems everyone else is up. Thanks for a great post.
I know the struggles people can have in everyday life. For me it’s my “dancing as fast as I can” days with fibromyalgia. Few people realize the daily battles unless they have fibro. Other people have their own daily “dances”. Thanks for reminding us all to keep on dancing…and that we are not alone.
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for this.
Beautifully said. Thank you so much.
I have never commented on the internet but this brought me to tears. You wrote this beautifully and I wish others could see into the heart of an addict and realize they are so much more than their addiction. Thank you for this!
Very nice to read “we see you and we applaud you.” You mean YOU do and I appreciate that. Sadly, people do not see people trying to make the best of a bad situation. They believe that they deserve it somehow and that’s the only way they can live their lives… the fear that sh*t sometimes just happens is too much for them to live with.
I’ve always said I don’t have heros, but what I really mean is that I don’t aspire to be or admire those who are so obviously thrust upon us by the media. These people seem less deserving of my reverence because they are already being recognised and appauded by so many others.
These other unsung heros, who try so hard and achieve so much are who I have always admired. Their efforts may often not be ‘enough’ to triumph absolutely against the enormity of the situation in which they find themselves. They may never and probably will never achieve perfection. Their efforts are gargantuan and their rewards still great.
Recognition is lovely but in the struggle and growth this brings in character, there is often a dawning realisation that we don’t need wide recognition, fame and worship. Just a quiet appreciation from those who matter – including ourselves.
Thanks for the lovely blogs. You are an incredibly insightful person.
Thank you for this. I really needed it. I am fresh at trying to raise kids without a responsible partner, and I am feeling overwhelmed by many things. Feeling lonely (kids with dad for 5 days) horrible health problems, worry about my kids and how all this is affecting them, and against my better judgement wishing there was someone to hold my hand, someone that cares about me, someone to be in my team … (a weekend spent seeing nothing but couples!)
This was so lovely to read! Thank you x
You have me in tears, Joshua. I don’t normally comment on the internet, but I found your blog in 2014 when I was 19 and you inspired me to get rid of everything that was holding me back.
Now, I want to help others, and I am also writing a book :)
Beautiful
Dear Joshua,
This may be one of your greatest pieces. Touching, human. It speaks through our hearts. I have first learned about minimalist and living a simple life with purpose here at BecomingMinimalist and it has changed my life in countless ways. Hope you keep spreading such beautiful messages, I will certainly do my part in regards to them. If each one of us attempts to do something and help each other out in overcoming life’s many challenges, we will become better, happier, more satisfied and grateful, even through the most difficult moments. Best wishes all the way from Brazil, Roberta
As they say “It’s not how many time you fall, it’s how many times you get up”!
http://www.flareaforte.com
We have a 23 year old son battling alcohol and addiction. He is trying to pick up the pieces of what is left of his life. He is an amazing guy. We are so proud of him. Every day he gets up and makes a deliberate decision to fight urges and live a goes life. As his parents, we too are trying to make the best of a bad situation,by accepting him him back into our home and supporting his recovery. He has been clean and sober for 8 months. With the grace and mercy of God we continue to preserver.
Thank you for all of your inspiration.
Beautifully written! The world is full of so many ordinary extraordinary people, we should all strive to celebrate each other’s accomplishments and encourage each other.
Beautiful!!! This touched my heart so much. Thank you
Amazing article. They both have a lot of strength.
Thanks so much for a beautiful, thought provoking post. There are so many unsung heros in the world!!
Thank you!!
Thank you for this. I’m a little choked up after reading it, because it hit close to home. Just know that more than one of your posts has inspired me over the years, and I am ever so grateful for that.
Thank you so much for this! I’m in my 10th year of single parenting my daughter who is on the autistic spectrum. I homeschooled her until a couple of years ago and it hasn’t been easy. Since she’s been in school she is doing extremely well but keeps narrowly missing out on the prizes and recognition. Every single day is demanding for her and no-one but she and I see what she’s dealing with.
I think I may send the school a link to your article next prizegiving and suggest they also consider the pupils who are succeeding in trying hard consistently.
This was a reminder to me that while we may never be ‘seen’ in the world – beyond our family, friends, and workplaces – we matter and we do make a difference. That is where we should start and continue to make a difference because ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ and trying to be seen is not as important as those around you, every day.
We all have a story. Many stories are behind closed doors. We are all special and important.
Cried my eyes out reading this. Seems sometimes like I try so hard & at my age now especially, I get so, so very tired of the struggle. This helped me feel like maybe I’m not a complete failure after all.
Love this. So true.
I love this! Thank you
Thank you for these beautiful words. This piece went straight to my heart.
excellent words!
I so appreciate the message of this article, but would invite you to consider different language when discussing addiction. I don’t believe anyone would “choose” a life of drugs over their family. No one wants to be an addict. It is a very real and serious disease, and while it is hard on the loved ones, the addict pays an incredible personal price, especially because others don’t see it as a legitimate condition.
I had the same thought, Kate.
I also very much appreciated this article, to help me see that there are other who are struggling in their own ways and in ways different from me. I have never met anyone who chose drugs over family. Addiction is a powerful affliction, and while it hurts everyone who loves the addicted person, that person has a great amount of hurt, as well.
How touching! Thank you for writing this. I am glad I have stumbled upon your blog. Through this I am also remembering the people I know who are in challenging situations and I am inspired to make it through my own battles as well. Thanks!
Thank you. I needed this. Towards the end when you mentioned those of us who had been treated unfairly in the workplace and were working hard to start again…
That’s where I am right now. I finally said Enough and left…
Beautiful and truth-filled. Minimalism has allowed me to “quiet my brain” and tune in a bit more to the struggles of others. Where I used to assume much and empathize little, I now am able to invest time and energy into other people’s lives in order to show my love for them.
just been to my friends funeral this week whos been so ill for 18yrs no more tesrszand pain for her, she had swollen body as her body fought medication to keep her alive, not pretty but she had a great attitude and so she inspired many, the tributes and messages proved she was well loved and respected, we raised our kids together had some tough times but God is faithful and i appreciate more and more all the people he placed in my life and His goodness, possessions apart fron necessaties are just things, thanks Josh for reminding us about whats important
love Jacqueline xxx
I have a friend, a very good one, going through a tragic time. It’s very much evident that someone he loves dearly has been caught in the crosshairs of drug addiction. He’s such a great father, and it’s something I commend him for routinely, because, given the scenarios he has been forced to confront in his life, which to some may seem like a never-ending story of bad luck and misfortune, he finds a way to prevail carrying a torch well lit to lead his children through a world that can feel so dark to them too often.
I very much enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing.
I appreciate this blog or post or whatever it’s called. I keep picturing that guy jogging and I feel happy for him. Although I have no weight issues or anything like that (mines more of a health issue), exercise usually makes me feel better. But, I am complicated. So thanks for the thanks. ????
Perhaps next time you could remember an often overlooked and oft ignored group, that of parents who have had to bury one, or more, of their children. Continuing to live is, in and of itself, a never-ending nightmare of adjustment, pain, relapse, guilt and only few moments of happiness scattered throughout…
First, let me just say that I am grateful for your post. It came on a day when hopelessness had creeped in and had started to smother me. That said even in the beauty of your post that started to help me breath again a sadness filled my heart. Why you may ask? For those of us who have become an inspiration to others by trudging through a set of horrible circumstances, we , well at least I, don’t want to be an inspiration to anyone. I want to be normal again. I want to be selfish and not inspire anyone as they mournful look at my twisted diseased body. “Oh gee I don’t know how she keeps on fighting”. Well I don’t really have a choice. If I did I would choose to be able whine about silly things like jobs, rent, bad boyfriends and oh the horror of driving all the way to Gelson’s and they are out of envy apples. How dare they my day is ruined. I laugh as I write that it seems a million years ago. It has been 7 years since I woke uo with a kink in my neck that progressed to the twisted movement disorder that has suck every moment of joy out of my life. I so want to be back to work and back to friends and family and joy and picnics but I spend my days doing everything I can to stretch snd untwist. I am getting closer and I am hoping to start working again before my savings is depleted. You see it is not as easy as people believe to get disability benefits even when it is obvious that you can barely move so instead of wasting my energy fighting to get DI benefits I am fighting to get my life back. I know out there somewhere is the perfect place where I can be part of a team and have work family again. This disease may look weird but it does not effect my intelligence one bit. If this inspires someone know that I wish it didn’t. I really just want to complain about my broken fingernail
Cam have you looked into Feldenkrais? You can do a lot just with some DVDs at home by yourself.
So beautifully written. Thank you. This is what I’d like to see more of and this is what I’d like to teach my children. I talk to them about not making assumptions, about kindness and acceptance. I’d like them to celebrate our differences.
Beautiful and inspiring words that are a great reminder. Going to head over to a family member’s now and try and encourage two wonderful people who have been tiredlessely caring for their spouse and father who is soon to pass. Thanks for the post!
This beautiful piece brought me to tears.
Thanks Joshua for putting so much thought into your writings! I appreciate the content so much! I am so touched at the depth of emotion and authenticity of your posts. Keep digging deep, we readers appreciate the quality!
It is no mistake that you were to write and publish this blog post at this time. I believe it is all a part of God’s devine timing for my life as I am in the midst of my own struggle. This is just the encouragement that I needed to “just keep swimming” as they say. Thank you Joshua for being such a wonderful instrument for God. And to all who are also struggling: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. YOU ARE AWESOME!
I read this with tears in my eyes, as I had faced some hard times as of late. And I have wondered why I have had to deal with all that I do deal with.
This last month was a winner in the bad month category. Between fighting to make sure there was a roof over my head, being sick most of the month and having to plan an emergency move to then cancel it. As I had an 11th hour savior come forward to help out.
Your postings, and emails are something that has helped each time I read something from you. I don’t have a huge cache of money at hand, but I have followed more and more minimalist thought patterns. And those saved me this month, as well as gave others joy as I passed on things that were not as important as I once thought they were.
I was able to pack and with joy then unpack within a day each time. And this is packing for a family of four adults. I feel freer now that I don’t have the clutter in my life. And your money ideas will free me from the burden of debt. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
I’m so glad you gave a title that was ‘different’ than you typically offer, Joshua. I set aside extra quiet time to read and devour… and you did not disappoint. How is it that so many of us can relate to these words, reminding us of those who struggle and, as you put it, “work harder at life than I do.” What a profound realization that minimalism allows me to ‘take in’ the reality of other’s struggles, especially those that do not let up, in order to offer compassion, empathy and support, rather than drowning in materialism. I know from your support that I have used Things to avoid connection, and to keep the limiting belief alive that “my possessions cushion me from pain.” It actually helps me FEEL – less IS more! I can feel for myself and the feelings for others can open my world, rather than make it more narrow. I am now an addiction counselor because my heart grew larger when I began to practice minimalism. THANK YOU for this article!
LOVE LOVE LOVE, sometimes we forget we are not the only ones having a hard time. We are all together trying to survive in our own way =) much love grettings from Mexico
So lovely and thoughtfully written. In today’s world I believe we are all struggling with some sort of issue. Maybe not dramatic but a “something” that we all need to have the occasional pat on the back for a “hang-in” to a “nice to see you.” Thank you.
This so made me think of my precious brother and I feel overwhelmed to tell his story, he at 13 was top of his class in maths,science and IT, but sadly at just 13 on the 10th of December 1974 on his way home from the school Christmas concert his life would change forever. He was with our younger brother then 6, when my little cousin saw them at the local takeaway following the concert and persuaded his eldest sister then 13 to let him walk the rest of the way home with my brothers, he was only 4 and the only son of my aunt and uncles with 2 sisters. Before approaching a slight decline to where they had to cross the road he let go of my brothers hand and ran down the slight hill unable to stop himself and my brother unable to catch him he ran across the road and was hit by an uncomming car, to all my families horror, shock & disbelief especially my brothers my little cousin was killed. The heartache and pain at his loss was unimaginable and for my brother who at just 13, well let’s just say it didn’t take long until the decline in his life began to appear, his school work was non existent and he began to drink some years passed were we all tried to help him but he couldn’t bear the pain any longer and decided to move away. He seamed to get a little stronger and on a visit home met a girl whom he fell head over heals for and soon thereafter she became his wife. They had 2 kids a son and a daughter and for a time everything was great. Until at age 7 his only little girl was diagnosed with brain cancer, she smiled through so much but the strain was to much for my brother and he started drinking heavily once more. To all our horror and sorrow my little niece lost her battle and passed away at just 13. My brother fought hard the demons that had plagued him most of his life but this pain was one too many for him and eventually the demon drink won, my brother passed away just a year after the loss of his little girl. So this is why I NEVER pass judgement on anyone and to me people like my brother are the strong ones in this life as theirs is usually the hardest and toughest life of all.
In remembrance of my amazing brother.
This is perfect. It is a great reminder of what we need to think about. Thank you.
Thank you for your heart-warming comments. I have an incurable auto immune disease that I struggle with each day. I continue to work and do my best to hide my illness from family, friends and co-workers. I never thought I should be applauded, but I’m taking your applaud with a huge smile !
Warmly,
Frances