Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Seth Riley.
Up until a few months ago, it seemed like everyone else in the world was getting what we’ve always wanted.
Every time we opened social media, there they were: taking some awesome trip, fielding the opportunities we ought to have gotten, achieving what we only dream of.
Meanwhile, we sat on our couches, missing out on everything. Even worse, it felt as if this cycle would continue forever. Given the constant advance of technology, it seemed pretty impossible that any of this overwhelm would lessen anytime soon.
But these days, there is a lot less to miss out on. Everything has been cancelled and, for a while, we’re all living the same shut-in life.
It’s hard, in the thick of this global tragedy, to see many positives. So many people are horrifically sick, and so many others are reeling from the sudden loss of their livelihoods. Despite the many encouraging shifts in society—the refocus on community, the renewed sense of our shared humanity—this is just a tough, scary time.
Yet, as with any sort of catastrophic event, there are small mercies even in the midst of the anxiety and loss. And, to me, one of the most life-giving positives emerging from this disaster is that we have been given a break from the constant sense that we’re missing out on life.
Now that our digital feeds are quieting down from the constant barrage of “everyone’s eating at cool restaurants, attending events, sitting on the beach, having the time of their lives, or buying that thing we’ve always wanted,” we’ve been given a precious opportunity.
We suddenly have the freedom to evaluate our lives with almost no external pressure to keep up.
All of the voices that tell us, 24/7, that we are not enough are, to a large extent, gone.
For right now, we’re all relative equals living very similar lives. The celebrities we spend our days idolizing are stuck in their houses too. They are in their living rooms as we are in ours. Maybe we go out for a walk. Maybe we have to run out to Trader Joe’s. But, the rest of the time, we’re all just at home.
For the next while, there’s nothing we’re missing out on. If you have your health, if you have a roof, and if you have people to love, you are incredibly blessed.
This is a rare chance to take stock. Through all of the anxiety, we still have the option to start practicing those values we usually ignore and, with all of the closures and cancellations, we have been given the blankest slate we can ever expect to receive.
Given the opportunity to clear the decks, to perform a hard reset on our lives, we can emerge from this tragic historical moment as better versions of ourselves.
But, to do this, we have to use this interim time well. We have to be willing to truly cut ties with our unhealthy patterns and to replace our taste for FOMO-driven distraction with something better. And, most important, we need to take a deep—and probably uncomfortable—dive into ourselves to root out those things holding us back from being who we are truly meant to be.
It’s often hard to make changes in our lives because we usually have the option not to. But, tragedy has a way of jarring us toward clarity. Now that everything has been paused, we have a chance to re-align our actions with our values.
So, what will we do?
We could begin with our families. We always claim that our families are our number one priority. Yet, how often do we put them on the back burner?
We could refocus on our creativity, finding ways to use our talents to bring life to the people around us.
We could make time to slow down, to enjoy the many blessings in our lives, to spend less time looking at the horizon and more time enjoying the things immediately around us.
Only you can know the right answer.
Life is precious, beautiful, and limited.
Start being the you that you have been missing out on.
***
Seth Riley is a writer and father of seven kids living in a 960ish square foot house. You can follow him on Twitter here.
kaleo says
Beautifully said, thank you. I’m really enjoying being at home, doing the mundane domestic things and new projects with a new sense of ease and appreciation for the incredible blessings in my life. A counterbalance to the horrifying news of the day, which, while important to be engaged with and wisely acted upon as possible, needs to be measured and put in perspective. I find it’s very much a balancing act right now. Maybe that’s what all this disruption and chaos is calling for–a reevaluation of values and then actions to put us in more alignment with them, as individuals, communities, nations, the world. It is so clear how interconnected and interdependent we are as a world.
Lori Rochow says
Thank you so much. If you don’t mind I am printing this and placing it in my bible. A true description of how I needed to SLOW DOWN, in everthing I do and focus on the most important.
Valerie Rogers says
No doubt life pores out at a much faster pace than fifty years ago. As society became more affluent it became more indulgent. Now, a society entranced with media, there’s just more visual stimulus and chances for comparison. With comparison comes competition. None of this is healthy. Currently there’s downturn, and probably won’t continue long enough to change collective psyche; they’ll be back to same busy beavers in few weeks, more than likely. But, nothing is secure. I hope some things were learned, remembered, that were positive.
Eve says
Thank you, Seth…..spot on article!!
I am retired and my husband newly retired…..our experience of peace, calm, Joy is healing and uplifting.
Phil 4:4-8
Linda says
I don’t understand why people can’t be happy for others who get to take trips or whatever. Really, folks, there is enough happiness and joy to go around. I choose not to envy what others do or have. I just enjoy what I do and have.
sheila says
linda… i feel exactly the same. what other people do and/or have that i don’t is irrelevant to me and my life. i’m not speaking for folks without a roof over their heads or those who are food insecure… i simply don’t get FOMO people who happen to be relative ‘have’s’ who are jealous or insecure of others who have/do more than they do. compared to most now and in history, the vast majority of us are one percent’ ers. don’t buy into value systems that aren’t your own.
Amy says
Thank you Kathy for the definition of FOMO. Though I didn’t know what it was, I definitely was living it. This article, in my opinion, is spot on. I homeschool my 3 children and for the first time in the 4 years I have been homeschooling, I have felt rest and peace. And it’s because of exactly what you said! Thank you for the encouragement and reminder.
Frances Michael says
FOMO means Fear Of Missing Out
SANDI says
Thank you Frances for explaining FOMO…. Sandi
Mickey says
This time has been a blessing. I was running on empty prior to Covid-19. I started early seeing where this was headed and having worked in a dusty space caused congestion so I closed my business early. Spent two days sleeping a lot. Now I am going through my stuff and shredding unnecessary things like old tax stuff.
I’m feeling like I’m not going full force and maybe I don’f need to, however, a once in a lifetime re-set button i need to take full advantage of and complete the projects for a less cluttered space and deal with the emotions of letting go. I hear everyone say “you’ll feel better”. I’m holding on to that hope. I have the day free as this is also my vacation now. My husband is still working. Finding balance to let go, relax, and just breathe. Will be reassessing many of the things I was involved in. This article was just what I needed to help me stay focused on my goals.
Helene says
I like the idea of a “once in a lifetime reset button”. Although we really had the control to do that anyway – bar mortgages and commitments.
Donna says
BRAVO SETH!!!! This is one of the best articles I have read. I agree with you 100%, especially saying that we think that EVERYONE else is having the time of their lives and we are not………so not true.
Thanks!
Peggy Thiele says
So..this “life” we are having now, is my norm. I’ve been home for the last 11 years living this life. I would tell my family members that it is hard being home…most of the time alone..although I have 4 dogs that keep me busy & happy. When I see everybody complaining or not knowing what to do with themselves, I feel better because I just thought I was a “spoiled brat-complaining”…so it’s not just me..it is hard. Finally I can relax now and continue on.
Ola says
I’d add one suggestion to the list of activities: learn something.
I’ve signed up for the Coursera class, “The Science of Well Being” and it has been great. While I’m normally a creative person, the early days of this caused me a lot of stress and anxiety, and learning felt like something positive I could do.
Thank you for the article. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.