Have you ever noticed how “busy” has become the new “fine”? As in, when you used to ask somebody how they were doing, they would answer, “Fine.” But nowadays, everybody answers, “Busy.”
Sometimes, people say it just to sound important. But most of the time, the person legitimately means it. They’re busy. There are too many responsibilities and not enough time in the day nor energy in the body to accomplish everything they want to do.
Busy has become the default state for many of us. But is the state improving our lives? Certainly not.
Statistics indicate that 75% of parents are too busy to read to their children at night. A rising number of children are being placed in day cares and after-school activities. Americans are having a hard time finding opportunity for vacations these days. About 33% of Americans are living with extreme stress daily, and nearly 50% of people say they regularly lie awake at night because of stress.
This is a problem. Activity is good, but we can become too busy.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
While busyness seems to be the prevailing condition of the human spirit these days, it is not true of everyone. In other words, busyness is not inevitable.
Some people are not busy. They appear calm, collected, and in control… but still productive. They are enviable in the life they live. What do they understand about life that others do not?
Learning from the Differences
Over the past fourteen years of minimizing my possessions and embracing greater intentionality in life, I’ve given lots of thought to this question:
How do we unbusy our lives but continue to pursue a significant and productive life?
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot from watching others and embracing habits and practices in my own life.
There is a difference between busy and non-busy people. Here are some of the most significant differences I have noticed:
Unbusy people know their purpose.
Unbusy people have thought long and hard about the legacy they want to leave, the goals they choose to pursue, and the significance they wish to discover.
These purposes may change or evolve over the course of one’s life, but they provide boundaries and a road map for the way they spend their days and time.
Goals shape us and goals move us. When we become resolved in the goals we pursue, we are less likely to allow distractions to remain in our life.
Every day we are presented with countless choices of how to spend our time, our energy, our effort, and our money. The wisest of us recognize we have the power to choose (more on that in a moment). But more than that, we know what we should choose, because we are guided by our life’s greatest mission.
Unbusy people are adamant about saying no to things that do not align with their mission.
Of course, sometimes the choices are obvious (I was never good at hockey, woodworking, or automobile mechanics, for example). But the hardest work is done in the trenches.
Staying on mission is about learning to say no to the urgent requests, the popular requests, and the countless opportunities in front of us each day—even good things that we could do. This becomes easier to do, the more resolved we become about our purpose in life.
What is your purpose? What goals do you have for your life? On what mission do you desire to live? And what plan have you developed to help you get there?
Pursue those with your heart and your life. And learn to say no to all the countless opportunities that will distract you from it.
Unbusy people know they have choice in life.
One of the most life-changing discoveries you can make in the pursuit of an unbusy life is the reality that busyness is a decision we make. We are never forced into a lifestyle of busyness.
We control our days. Our hours and our schedules are determined by us.
Greg McKeown, in his book Essentialism, says it this way: “No one can take away your right to choose. You can’t even give it away if you want. You can only forget that you have the power to decide.”
Now, this reality that we always have a choice in life doesn’t mean that there aren’t some external demands that may be placed on our lives. Anybody who has parented a young child knows this to be the case.
But in almost every case, when you get down to it, it is a decision that we made to put ourselves in that situation. You may have demands on your time from a boss, but your choice to stay in that job is yours. A newborn baby may require your time for a period of time, but what pursuit in life is more significant than raising your child?
You are not a victim and you are not a martyr. You need to show up in your life. In fact, you are the only one who can. You always have a choice. Unbusy people understand this and walk in that reality.
Unbusy people say no to almost everything.
Unbusy people know they can achieve more by doing less. Seneca wrote, “Everybody agrees that no one pursuit can be successfully followed by a man who is preoccupied with many things.”
Warren Buffett is credited as saying it this way: “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”
Now, your definition of very successful may be different than Warren Buffett’s, but the truth remains the same. If you desire to be successful in your most valued pursuits, you need to say no to the less important pursuits that distract you from them.
Recognize the inherent value in the word no. Learning to say no to less important commitments opens your life to pursue the most important.
Overcome your fear of saying no by reminding yourself, What my family, friends, and world need most is the best version of me that I can possibly be, accomplishing the most good with the one life I’ve been given.
Unbusy people don’t get distracted by unfulfilling pursuits.
You can never accumulate enough of the things that do not lead to fulfillment.
If, by definition, a pursuit can never satisfy our soul and longing for meaning and happiness, it is a pursuit with no end—it will always demand more time and energy. No matter how passionately we pursue it, we are left empty at the end of the day.
I fear too many of our lives resemble this interaction. We search for happiness, fulfillment, and meaning in the wrong places. We have searched for happiness in a number of society’s greatest offerings and have found most of them lacking—or fleeting.
We have searched for happiness in a bigger paycheck… only to discover we immediately desired an even bigger one.
We have searched for happiness in a job promotion or recognition… only to discover the accolades don’t last.
We have searched for happiness in bigger homes… only to discover they are accompanied by burdensome mortgage payments.
We have searched for happiness in fancier cars… only to discover they get scratches and dings just like the others.
We have searched for happiness in alcohol and drugs and sex… only to discover the pleasure has disappeared by morning.
We have searched for happiness in large savings accounts… only to discover money can’t solve all our problems.
When a pursuit does not provide lasting fulfillment, we have two choices:
First, we can chase after it harder and harder, hoping it will eventually satisfy. Or second, we can reject that pursuit altogether.
Choose the latter.
The sooner we recognize these pursuits will never fully satisfy, the easier it is to unbusy our lives.
Surely, lasting happiness and fulfillment can be found somewhere. There is something deep inside telling us that pursuing happiness is not an entirely futile endeavor. We just need to start looking in the right places.
And the sooner we recognize that the pursuits above will never fully satisfy, the easier it is to unbusy our lives.
Unbusy people value the significance of rest.
One of the reasons many of us keep busy schedules is we fail to recognize the value of rest. Rest is essential to our bodies, our minds, and our souls.
Consider the benefits that rest offers: a healthier body, improved life/work balance, less stress, deeper relationships, better opportunity to evaluate life’s direction, refreshed outlook, even increased productivity.
Yet, despite all the proven benefits, intentionally setting aside regular time for rest is a practice that has become undervalued and underappreciated in today’s culture. We have become overworked, overstressed, and exhausted.
Yet setting aside one day each week for rest remains a practice that fewer and fewer people practice regularly (never mind the idea of taking a two-week vacation).
Overlooking the importance of rest is certainly not unique to our modern society. But our culture has made it increasingly difficult to take rest without specific intentionality.
Rest is not laziness. It is essential for our bodies and spirit. See it as such and embrace it regularly.
Take time for lunch. Find space in your morning to sit quietly before starting your day. Invest in solitude, meditation, or prayer. Find opportunity for breaks at work in between projects. Begin right away cultivating little moments of space and margin in your otherwise busy day.
I work hard to keep an entire day of rest as an important part of my life and weekly routine. But it is an upward battle that requires relentless intentionality—we live in a culture that has far too often underappreciated its value.
Schedule rest on your calendar. Then guard it at all costs.
The Miracle of Margin
If we are wise, we will take our lives seriously. We will seek to develop our talents and skills and grow in our abilities and potential to be our best.
We will realize, however, that this does not occur in a life that is burdened by an over-filled, cluttered, busy schedule.
As unbusy people, we will create margin in life by removing inessential pursuits. In so doing, we will live focused on the things that matter most.
Jane says
Why do you cite the rates of children in daycare as a bad thing? Socialization among other kids is important, as is having other adults in their lives. Women worked for decades so that today’s women can work outside of the home, should they have the opportunity. Women working outside the home can provide great fulfillment, but it’s typically only possible thanks to daycares.
Sarah says
Thank you! As a working mom, it’s really hard to keep reading this article when right off the bat I’m made to feel like it’s a bad thing that I work and don’t stay home with my kids.
Tiera says
I am not a ‘full time’ mum, but a part time parent, and I too noticed this detail. I felt I bristled a bit, and resonate with the concerns pointed out above about women working. I have felt guilty about after school care at times, but also really enjoy my job and the little one enjoys the hour or so those days they get to play with others and meet kids from other classes at school.
I don’t think the intention was to make parents feel bad about this choice. Rather I am willing to guess the intention was to note that balance of time spent ‘doing things’ if worth considering for wellbeing. I wonder if it was the intention of the author, but some clarification could have been helpful.
I agree it’s also a great place for young people to make friends and gain a sense of self separate to their parent. Knowing that, I also agree that likely too many activities for activities sake probably doesn’t provide space for a child to be bored, learn how to be alone, and learn how to interest themselves. As a counsellor of teenagers, I have noticed that being with oneself is a big challenge that underpins anxious thoughts and feelings.
Activities and after school care are often necessary for parents to both work and afford rising cost of living. I live in a place in the world where inflation is growing even faster than the USA and moving to a smaller place actually makes it worse rather than easier as resources are less available and jobs are few and far between, but housing costs more.
I appreciate the thought of this article, and it also to me demonstrates a lot of privilege. Not everyone has the choice to reduce work hours, for example, to have more meaningful family time. I am sure they would if they could. Not everyone has the job security or skills/education to say no to projects at work that fill more time and make them busy/stressed. They are technically choices, yes, but the article was a bit lost on me as it felt it considered a complex situation too simplistically to represent the nuances of decision making.
What this article did do though with its simplistic perspective was challenge me to consider what wealth I have in being able to have freedom of choice that others may not. I feel grateful I can make decisions based on my wants rather than needs. I wish this privilege was recognised in the future when it comes to minimalism.
Thank you for sharing.
Shannon says
This is such an important reflection. I have been working on becoming non busy for well over a decade.
I love the idea of a margin! We all need to make sure we have space in our schedules to just do whatever—be spontaneous!
My goal is to have deep connections and have fun! We need margins for that to happen!
Thank you for this!
Alana Stanton says
This is an absolutely perfect piece for right now, today! Thank you so much! See you in Atlanta in July.
The Stantons
Carole says
Thank you, I needed this right now as I try so hard to set boundaries. One of your best pieces so far
Kym says
I’m unsure how I feel about this article. I do understand what is trying to be said but I don’t know how to change my life with my circumstances. I am extremely busy with 2 young children (3 and 6 years) with additional needs and we attend multiple appointments weekly and can not just say no to their therapies. My husband works 80+hrs a week so is always working and burnt out. I also work 2 days a week and I don’t have a support system. Any advice??
Kym says
Kym I saw your his post thie morning waking up and checking Joshua writing. I enjoy their new post and refreshing . For you, I would add while I haven!t children of my own and wish to have but couldn’t!t due to an ovarian cancer and now in recovery . I see you doing this best to provide support and this is what I would have done in the same way. Stay grounded and that’s will get better. My hope is your kids know that you have been here all the time. I have been blessed to have my mom for so many years and helped me go through my chemotherapies and now very hopeful for my full recovery. My best to you.
Lauri says
On point! I appreciate this perspective as I am getting ready for what some could say is a “busy” season. Yet, I have peace in allowing myself to ease into it. Life is going to happen whether we participate productively or we participate passively. Being “unbusy” will allow me to participate productively without pressure and with fewer problems along the way.
Vickie Haberbosch says
I actually get more done when I focus on only three things a day. Those things may change based on the day, but only three things. I usually get those three things done, and they are usually important but not urgent. Balancing my bank account every week will show up on the list once a week. It’s important. Posting on FB will take place three times a week. Other than that, I’m not on social media. Writing is twice a week. If something comes up, it has to get in line on the list.
Shelli says
I love this article and am decluttering and purging a lot since covid. I started selling things I didn’t need or want anymore on Facebook market and have sold so many thing so easily. I have taken books CDs and DVDs to a local trade in store for cash. I have downsized file cabinets, book cases, dressers and the garage and used the money to buy the living room couch and recliner I wanted and I love. I keep the 7th day Saturday Sabbath every single week and enjoy sabbath school and church and potluck with my friends and then I rest at home or hike with friends. It is a day to worship and rest in the accomplishments of the week and all the God has blessed and provided. I am divorced with 3 kids so life can be crazy busy at times and hard but I work /playhard during the week and rest every 7 days no matter where I am . I have learned the power of NO but I am able to volunteer and be useful in areas I really want to be. I am no longer a people pleaser but want to be purposeful with my time and am very intentional about what I do spend time doing. This has been a 4 year journey to where I am now and this article is spot on. Life is full but not insane. Thank you for this insight and hope my testimony helps someone.
Brenda says
I have simplified my home completely, I’m very organized, I don’t shop, go to hairdressers, get my nails done, or do any of the things most women seem to do regularly. Yet, I am busy all the time with cooking, regular housework and a needy husband. I know I am slower because of age, but I cannot figure out what else to do to become unbusy, which seems to be an elusive dream. I am exhausted with the details of life. Nothing seems simple anymore.
Maria B. says
Hi Brenda! Reading this makes me sad for you. You should be able to slow down as you age. Most of us just don’t have the desire or energy to go at the pace of our younger selves. You are working very hard to keep up. Is your husband doing his share? If you are cooking, is he doing the clean up? Maybe he could do the grocery shopping, if he isn’t already. Can you order takeout once or twice a week so you can get a break from the kitchen
& cooking? Or, go out to eat once a week, if you can afford to do so. I think you are going to have to push back on your ‘needy’ husband so you can have the down time you’ve earned and deserve. While you are staying busy with the details of day to day living, how is your husband contributing?
Very slowly, begin to pass some of your chores to him. Maybe he can run some of the many & constant errands life requires.
Of course, I’m assuming your husband is not working full time anymore and is retired. If he is still working, you will need to work on simplifying even more. Maybe give cash, gift cards or checks, instead of gifts to your loved ones. Try putting some of your bills on auto pay – if they aren’t already.
Another suggestion if you have the means – is hire people to take some of the load off you. House cleaner, windows cleaner, landscaper, etc. I hosted family recently and ordered Chicken French from a local Italian restaurant. All I had to do was warm it up. It allowed me the time to clean the powder room, wipe the deck tables down, etc. I was still busy getting ready but I eliminated the cooking part. Can family pitch in more if your home seems to be the gathering place for many occasions? Ask for help in a nice but specific way and in a way that lessens YOUR workload.
Please bounce back to let me know if any of this resonates with you. I wish you peace & rest in the very near future!
Laura Wilcox says
I love your suggestions! Maybe there is at least one she will seek after. And maybe there is at least one the other readers (like myself), will seek after. Many times, wives take care of others and don’t take care of themselves, until they have a crises. I’ve been there and done that and am actively seeking a simpler life. Reading the Psalms has helped me so much when I’ve been stressed out.
Brenda says
Hi Maria! (And Laura Wilcox, too! ). I am 4 days late in replying so don’t know if you will ever see this. I just happened to check back to see if anyone else seemed to be in my category. ?
First, I want to thank you for your kind words, taking the time to write them, and all your suggestions which, sadly, do not apply to my circumstances. My husband is 82 and was in a bad accident in 2012. We have accumulated months and months of hospital and doctor visits since that time. So, he contributes nothing to the household chores. Nothing has affected his appetite, though, and I spend a great deal of my time doing the one thing in life I dislike, which is cooking. ?. My own eating needs are simple while he wants variety! I am a pretty good cook but I am slow at doing it and cannot whip up a quick meal. I feel like I spend half my time thinking of food, fixing food, planning food, buying food. I used to always cook in bulk and freeze for later, but recently my large freezer died, so I have had to adjust. I do still keep biscuits and sausage made so he can heat up his own breakfast before I arise. He cannot stand up but a few minutes and everything has to be simple.
I don’t have children and no longer buy gifts for friends or any extended family. For many years, my home was the gathering place for immediate family gatherings (brother, sister and their families) but that is no longer the case. We do go out to eat occasionally, but our finances are very limited, so not often.
Truthfully, I have simplified every area of life I can think of. I didn’t mean to sound depressed, as I’m not, but I do get weary.
However, the joy of the Lord is my strength, and I survive.
My hobby and relaxation has always been writing letters and sending greeting cards, and for many years I rubber stamped and made a lot of my cards. Recently, my right hand has become very painful with arthritis, or carpal tunnel, or SOMEthing and it is hard to write or chop and dice and peel for cooking. (A good excuse to quit?????). I’m sad about the writing because I love papers and cards.
Again, thank you for your time and all your suggestions. I would like to stress to everyone that becoming more minimalist has helped so much with what I can accomplish! I started in 2007 getting rid of all my excess and things I had collected in life (I love all things old.).
If I had advice for anyone, it is never to collect anything. It is so easy to bring it in, and difficult to get rid of unless you just donate it all.
Laura says
You are helping me to realize contentment within my unbusy retirement life……thank you.
Maria Bennett says
You know Brenda, after I wrote my comments/suggestions, I gave it more thought as to what your circumstances were. It occurred to me that your husband might be disabled or too sick/weak to help with chores and running your household.
You sound like a wonderful caregiver to your husband! He is a lucky spouse!
I had a few other thoughts that I wouldn’t be surprised you are already doing but I would like to put them out there. It sounds like you are very efficient which would help with your work load!
A suggestion is to try and always not waste steps. We have an up and down with the washer & dryer in the basement. I try to work upstairs when I’m up there to make my bed, change, brush my teeth, etc. I take advantage of the fact that I’m already upstairs for whatever reason. I also look around to see if anything needs to come downstairs before I head down. This helps, a ton, with returning some of the minutiae that we all have (such as receipts, pens & pencils, garbage, donations, etc.) to its proper place. I try and do the same thing when I’m in the basement. If I’m down there switching a load from washer to dryer, I’ll throw in another load – if there is enough for one. I’ll carry down things that need to go down when I throw in laundry. I may put some items away and straighten things out while I’m already down there and if my hands are empty, carry things up that need to be housed in another spot. I never waitressed but that’s what I imagine the best waitresses do. Don’t waste steps. This probably sounds petty but it matters as we age and don’t quite have the energy we used to.
Do you use a crockpot, slow cooker or air fryer? I know air fryers are not cheap but they sure do cut down on cooking and kitchen time. All can be purchased second hand if you have even one person that can put the word out for you… Utilizing a crockpot or slow cooker should also free up some time in the kitchen. I’ve made Chicken Cacciatore with chicken thighs, Italian sausage, pulled pork, meatballs, stews, chili, potatoes and more in our crockpot. The food prepping still occurs but you are not so kitchen bound. There are thousands of recipes available online and in new and used cookbooks. Again, maybe someone can help you locate a cookbook specific to crockpots. I’m sure your local library would help you print out some recipes as well.
Hope you see this and hope it helps! :)