Note: This is a guest post from Julianna Poplin of The Simplicity Habit.
It wasn’t that long ago when a trip to the mall would mean hours scouring stores looking for the best deal and all the new trendy things I just had to have. Shopping, for me, was part-hobby, part-sport. It my idea of fun.
If I spent too much, I’d feel guilty and experience buyer’s remorse. There would be a sinking feeling in my gut every time I opened my credit card bill. But that didn’t stop me from continuing the cycle.
I maintained that pattern from my teenage years into my thirties.
But then, something changed. I had children and suddenly my time, priorities, and life began to look different. When my kids were little, I started on a journey to simplify my life—one drawer and one closet at a time.
It wasn’t easy. The process forced me to ask difficult questions: Why had I spent money on some of these things? What had I been thinking at the time? I felt careless and foolish for some of the decisions I’d made.
I decluttered my home. Somewhere along the way, my thoughts on shopping changed drastically.
Here are 5 ways my shopping habits changed after simplifying:
1. Shopping is no longer a hobby
Gone are the days of enjoying marathon shopping trips just for the fun of it. I no longer find myself in a store because I’m bored or can’t think of anything else to do. That doesn’t mean I don’t have downtime in my life, it just means I have found other things to do that are more enjoyable than walk through a department store full of things I don’t need.
I’ve come to a place where my desire to live simply and without clutter outweighs any desire I have to shop.
It isn’t easy to live simply in a consumer culture. We’ve been told shopping is a great way to spend your day or that the sale happening right now will never be repeated. Social media is filled with memes about moms shopping at Target because there’s truth to it. I used to be one of those moms.
But I’m not embarrassed to say that Target isn’t my happy place anymore.
After dealing with my clutter, I saw consumerism differently. My eyes were opened anew to marketing messages and the consumer traps I’d fallen into. I woke up and saw advertising for what it is: Companies trying to make money by making us feel like we need things that we don’t actually need.
Occasionally, I enjoy shopping with my mom and sister but only when I’m looking for a specific item or am trying to help them find something.
Shopping is no longer something I do for entertainment. There are better things that I can do with my time for both my bank account and my well-being. I much prefer reading, writing, or having coffee with a friend. Consider how your time could be better spent if you quit shopping for fun. What would you do instead? How could your money be better used?
On the rare occasion when I do go shopping, it’s for something specific. I often leave the store empty handed. I’m fine with that. It saves me money. The only time it frustrates me is when I feel like I’ve spent too much time looking for just the ‘right’ thing.
2. I have become extraordinarily picky
After simplifying my home, I have become more selective when I do buy things. Simplifying has resulted in me becoming more intentional in my purchases than ever before.
This is an artifact of sorting and decluttering so many items from my home. During the process I removed so many items I had simply settled for and never really used or loved. At the time, maybe they were on sale or I hated the idea of leaving a store empty-handed. But I felt the pain of regret on having wasted money on so many unnecessary things.
Clothes were the biggest offender. I’d convince myself I needed to be on trend or buy the latest style or color. I’d try on various pairs of jeans and simply settle for what was good enough. But in the end, they didn’t fit quite right or I’d have to keep pulling and tugging at them. They became more annoying more than anything and I didn’t feel like myself when I wore them. Life is too short to wear uncomfortable or fussy clothes.
Nowadays, I need to be sure I really love or need an item before I purchase it. The high of simply buying something new wears off quickly and the process of dealing with regret and mistakes feels terrible. So be selective in what you buy. Don’t settle. You’re better than that.
3. Buying gifts is a greater challenge
In the past, I rarely considered the potential impact of a gift on the person I was giving it to. If it was an item I thought they might enjoy or was their favorite color, I’d buy it. But after simplifying and decluttering, I’ve become much more intentional in my gift giving.
I don’t want to create clutter in other people’s homes. I want the gift to be enjoyable and useful. I never want someone hanging onto a gift I gave them that they didn’t like. (I know some people have a hard time giving things that are gifted to them).
I give much more thought to whether a gift will actually be useful to them. I have found that buying consumables or experiences as gifts helps considerably in my thought process. In those instances, I know the gift will not be something that adds clutter to their home.
Don’t be afraid to ask people what they want or would find useful. Let’s agree to stop giving each other clutter!
4. I have become more protective about what my kids receive from others
I am fortunate to have parents and in-laws who try to respect my need for simplicity. I know that is not always the case.
In my family, before holidays and birthdays, family members will ask me for suggestions on what to get my girls. My mom’s love language is not gift giving, she much prefers quality time. So her new tradition is to take my girls out on a date. They enjoy breakfast together and then shop for something I’ve said they need—usually shoes.
My in-laws, on the other hand, are gift givers. It is their love language and they enjoy seeing the girls’ faces light up at whatever toy they’ve purchased for them. Most years, I’ve been able to think of something fun they would enjoy—but I will admit it is getting harder as they get older.
I don’t want more toys in the house. They already have too many. I have one child who will easily declutter and one who struggles greatly to let things go. Even though I know it isn’t the intent, it is still challenging to not see additional gifts as a burden.
This is a big change in how I see the world.
When kids have more toys than they can manage, it creates problems. Things stop getting put back. They get stressed over ‘not knowing where things go.’ I either end up doing more picking up or we have ‘heated conversations’ over needing to take care of their things otherwise mom will take the things away. It is an unneeded stress for them and for me.
I am now a fan of experience-based gifts. The kids enjoy them and they don’t create more clutter and stress in our home. And this isn’t just about keeping clutter down, science tells us those experiences create far more meaningful and lasting memories than a plastic toy. It’s not always easy to get everyone on board with what you think is best, but a mom can try.
If you buy gifts for kids, don’t buy cheap junk just to bring a smile to a child’s face. There are other ways to accomplish that smile without adding the burden of clutter.
5. Shopping exemplified my selfishness
How you spend your money reflects your priorities and your heart.
When I would shop for fun and buy things I ultimately didn’t need or want, my priority was me. It was a self-centered experience focused on what I thought I was lacking. Marketing was aimed towards making me think about me more, which I didn’t need help with. That’s a pretty natural tendency.
My shopping habits were selfish, and it ended with me having a cluttered home. This can be hard to admit, but it’s true. And ultimately, it cost me more than it benefited me.
Once I was able to get outside of myself and my own desires, I was able to see how much true need there is in the world. Suddenly, the purpose for my money wasn’t just to make me happier.
Simplifying helped me see there are better and more important things I can do with my money than spend it on things I don’t need.
Wasting my money on silly things made me feel satisfied in the short-run, but it resulted in me feeling bad in the long-run. Choosing instead to be responsible by saving and giving brought me long-lasting peace and contentment.
My life and shopping habits have changed for the better as I decluttered and simplified my home and life. I no longer have the desire to window shop or buy things just because. Instead, I focus on what I already have. I choose to be grateful instead of dwelling on what I’m lacking.
I don’t miss shopping, not at all. I think about all the time I’ve gotten back to do other better things. Simplifying didn’t force me to stop shopping—it increased my awareness and changed my perspective so I no longer enjoyed accumulating more.
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Julianna Poplin blogs at The Simplicity Habit. She is a wife, mama, and professional declutterer who helps people create margin so they can say yes to the great. You can also find her on Facebook.
About Joshua Becker
I agree with every post listed. I’ve been having a difficult time shopping in ALL stores. I try not to buy in bulk (not food) but everything that has advertising. I tend to buy things to use in the future such as sewing and crafts. Maybe someday I can make or sew this or that.
I have gone through minimizing about three times and it felt as though I was doing it for someone else and not for me.
I really like minimalism in home decor, it seems so relaxing and that’s where I want to be.
Any ideas would be welcomed!
I am a Nana who is raising an autistic grandchild. I still shop at Target but only because I need inexpensive clothes for my grandchild because they come home almost everyday with black “washable” marker all over their clothes that never comes out in the wash. Pursuing my decluttering the best I can.
How I allowed myself to be suckered into the buying frenzy of “21 Days of Savings” in the ULTA cosmetics flier…I do not know. I dutifully read each of the half-priced offerings, even made notes about which day I “should” go, put the post-it note in my purse, went far out of my way to buy a $9 lipstick I don’t need in a color I hadn’t even seen….and stood there feeling like a fool when the clerk said they were sold out and I would have to be there when the store opened to get those bargains. I actually laughed at my foolishness as I walked to the car and vowed to never again fall for the manipulation I had allowed in my life. What a waste of my time and a foolish use of my money. I am left with a snapshot of myself navigating a bad decision, and a memory I will hold onto! I fell for someone else’s plan for my life and I felt ridiculous yet grateful to be reminded that I don’t want to live buying an unneeded sale product ever again. Next flier goes in the trash, maybe torn into small pieces.
Regarding #4: I have eliminated a lot of the plastic clutter by buying my son a booster pack for his trading card game, but only if he POLITELY says “No thank you” to the trinket the doctor or dentist is offering him at the conclusion of his appointment. The cards still add up, but at least they are used. My challenge, though, is what to do with the “camp identification” T-shirts that have to be worn for a week or two, but then have no specific purpose.
I relate to this essay so much – as a mom of two under 5 my priorities and relationship to “things” has changed so much – I don’t have time or patience to waste on objects that don’t serve me.
Yes to being picky! If I go to the mall looking for a dress, and can’t find exactly what I’m looking for, I’ll go home empty handed instead of buying something to just fill a gap. It’s actually so freeing to know I don’t HAVE to buy something just to have it!
Paige
I loved reading this article. It made me appreciate how my shopping journey has changed for the better especially around holidays like Christmas, Halloween and Valentine’s Day. Thank you for sharing. :)
This is a great post. This is so true,
Thank you,
Shelly
Minimizing is such healthy thinking. I keep learning from others for our home and my closet. Thank you.
With regard to children’s gifts. I once read a great suggestion by a parent. They only allowed their children to have 10 toys at any given time. If they were gifted with another toy they were allowed to play with that toy for a few weeks. They then must decide whether to keep that toy and give up another that they had, or give that toy to a worthy charity. The only exception the parents made were educational items and books, or artistic items.
I absolutely LOVE this post! Shopping is a hobby for so many. Myself ten years ago included. It was when I realized how much more fun (experiences) I could have if I quit that expensive hobby that made it easier to change for me.
I can so relate to how challenging it is trying to guide people that want to buy your child a gift..My daughter and I agreed on having one toy box, when that box is full, she needs to choose things to take to Goodwill (or give to someone) BEFORE she can open any gift she receives. It works for us.
Thanks for a great post!
Some very good points. I think owning less has really led me to want less. I can’t find a reason to just go shopping or browsing through a store. It’s been wonderful for my home and my finances– I’d like to think I’m doing my part for the environment, too.
I can relate, but I do also enjoy “leisure shopping.” What I mean is, I like going to estate sales and thrift stores. I find it amusing to think about when someone would have worn that outrageous shirt or how that decoration was displayed in their home. I shop secondhand for 95% of my and my kids clothing, and I guarantee I can’t find everything in one trip. My 12 year old is getting into fashion. She prefers jeans and black leggings for bottoms, which is great. However, she wants a few trendy tops. She pointed out flannel and was shocked to realize I knew what a flannel was (they were in style when I was her age, haha). I went to my favorite thrift store’s $1 sale day and bought her four flannel shirts. She can have fun with those shirts, wearing them for this school year. I’m not out a lot of money, and fitting in is important at her age.
I am a knitter/crocheter, and I find some great hobby supplies secondhand. Yesterday, I found a bag of two hand dyed sock yarn hanks in a bag priced at $2. They retail for $27 each on the seller’s website. That color tag was 50% off, so I paid $1 for two hanks of yarn. That yarn will amuse me for 40 hours, knitting two pairs of socks or a pair of socks and a hat.
I think it is possible to enjoy the experience of shopping without buying too much. You can still be picky… I did not get any of the other yarn the thrift shop had. Only the yarn that I knew I would use in the next month.
I do not go shopping just to buy things. Plenty of times, I leave the thrift shop empty handed. With three children and myself to shop for (my husband buys his own clothes, and about 25% of his are purchased second hand), I visit a thrift store about once per week. I might find three sets of pajamas that my 9 year old son needs on one visit, and on the next trip I might find the replacement bathroom rug I need. I also donate the things we’ve outgrown or no longer need, often combining a trip to donate stuff then look for what is on my “we need this” list.
Great post. I really related to your story. Very similar to my own journey.
The gift thing has been one of my biggest shopping changes, too—I used to never give “experience” gifts before, and now they’re my #1 preferred gifts, especially for my parents and parents-in-law because they already have everything, and it gives us a chance to all go do something together (so they can create memories with their grandkids!). It’s been pretty amazing to have all these beautiful times together with them that wouldn’t have happened without minimalism!
Another big change for shopping-wise is that I now shop at thrift stores for things, even though I don’t “have” to, financially speaking. I used to always donate stuff to thrift stores (and still do), but I never frequented them myself. Now, I love the double whammy of knowing I’ve done one more small thing to help reduce waste in the world AND scored a killer deal.
This post is definitely a keeper. Can definitely relate!
I can relate to this SO much! I’m a recovering mom-Target addict, and it is not an easy habit to break! But I agree, I’ve become much more particular about things needing to be a good long-term fit before purchasing them. Quite different from grabbing the first thing just because it’s convenient.
Your article hit the nail right on the head! When I think of all the times I shopped- just walked into the store and got an empty shopping cart just to hold my purse, then fill the rolling cart with so much “stuff” and put the total on my credit card bill! It would be like Christmas each time I got home and emptied all the bags! I’d forgotten about half the things I had put in my shopping cart. Now I’m retired and live alone. Just think how much money I would have in my retirement fund if I hadn’t felt that urge to buy everything and anything I needed! I’d find a pair of dress shoes, then buy the same ones in 3 different colors! Within 3 years they’d end up in my garage sale!! So wasteful! I’ve gotten rid of a lot of useless accent tables, pictures, etc. and now have only what I need in my house. My credit card is only used for essentials like prescriptions, and I have more cash in my bank account than I ever thought possible. I love my new UNCLUTTERED life!!
Great article but I especially needed #3. As i’ve started simplifying everything I own the gift problem keeps sitting on my shoulder reminding me to tackle this issue. If someone gives me a jar of jam for my birthday or Christmas I’m thrilled. I LOVE jam. If they give me something other than a simple food gift I feel overwhelmed. I don’t need another thing and I feel guilty that they spent their money. It’s taken me awhile to feel comfortable telling people I just don’t want to exchange. Recently a dear friend gave me a gift that I gave her awhile back for my birthday wrapped in the same gift bag I put it in originally. It was a blessing because it made me see I obviously gave her something she didn’t need. Thank you for your posting.
About gifts from grandparents: mine had a tradition that I consider really good. They would buy tabletop games for my siblings and me. A single gift, joint from all of them to all of us. And then we’d all sit down and they would teach us to play them. I have lots of wonderful, treasured memories about my grandfather teaching me to play Risk, or my grandmother and my sister competing over who can cheat the most in Monopoly. Discussing Scrabble strategies with granddad. Playing correspondence chess with grandmom.
Yes, games are things. But they give experiences rather than clutter, especially if you stick to classic games that are suitable for lots of ages. When we first got Risk, my sister played “with” granddad because she was to young to understand the game herself, but two Christmases later she kicked everyone’s ass at the game.
We still have most of those games. We still play whenever we get together as a family. And grandmom is still the undisputed TP champion.
I am so glad you shared this board game gifting from grandparents and that the author shared how a grandma takes the granddaughters to breakfast and shoe shopping. I am going to adopt these ideas. Thank you for sharing and helping me see how intentional gift giving can be for me as I like to spend time with others.
I’ve never been a big shopper, but I’ve gone through phases of feeling like I needed to buy certain things. I must admit that when I DID shop, I would find myself walking the halls of the shopping mall thinking of the various items I COULD buy myself. I COULD always use another wallet (in a dark brown color because my new purse is brown and I only have a black wallet). I probably SHOULD look for another pair of shoes because the ones I have don’t go best with the new dress I bought a while ago and still haven’t worn. Then I would get stressed out because shopping for shoes is very difficult for me given my narrow, skinny, long feet.
The thing is, the thought of needing most of these items would never cross my mind until I set foot in a mall. It was like the air in the mall contained some brain-jolting substance that made me want to buy things. I realized that the best move I could make was to avoid going to the mall in the first place. Plus, I never had the desire to spend an entire day looking through racks of clothing. It was exhausting.
For years now, I have mostly shopped specifically for the holidays and even those occasions are becoming fewer and fewer. I have even less patience than I used to when it comes to having to find something. I often think about how much money I’d be spending unnecessarily if I had the shopping habits that many people do. No thanks!
I am a much happier person being a “minimalist.” I put that in quotes because I have a long way to go to minimize everything in my life, but the most important thing is that I believe in minimalism and there is no going back.
I am just starting to learn better late then never