Note: This is a guest post from
of Whole Motherhood.Doing nothing. The mere thought gives you a sudden twitch, right?
Me too, my friend, but despite the twitch, I would like to make a proposal: for one day out of each week, you do absolutely nothing. This doesn’t mean you don’t go anywhere, or just sit on your couch and stare at the wall. It means, simply, that you clear your calendar and make space for what could happen.
You remove any social obligations, you let projects sit idle, you turn off your notifications, and you simply take a day to just be.
Ever since my first daughter was born, I felt the pull toward a “do nothing” day. I went back to work part-time when she was only eleven weeks old, and when I spent time away from her, her demeanor and behavior was just different.
She wasn’t as settled, and neither was I. I could tell she was a happier kid when I was able to spend one day just being with her. So when we were able to be together on my days off, I tried to make it a point to have one day where we didn’t have a million places to be, if I could help it.
No agenda, no rushing around, no one else to please. Just me and her, together. Doing whatever we felt like doing, or getting into whatever adventure may come our way.
Recently I heard someone say if you want to see where your priorities really lie, look at two things: your calendar and your bank statement.
If you believe your priorities are what truly matters to you, look no further than those two places to confirm or deny your hunch.
The “Do Nothing” Day
Let’s do an experiment. Take a look at your calendar, and take an inventory with me. How much of it is work related? How much of it is spent in social engagements? With family? Doing hobbies? Self improvement?
And how much white space do you see?
We have become a culture that is severely uncomfortable with white space. We don’t like being left alone with ourselves, and that’s because it’s not always fun.
We then have to face our true feelings, our negative emotions, our relational drama, and figure out what to do with it. It is much easier to simply turn on the TV, check our phones, and continue numbing.
We are terrified of silence, of nothing on the agenda—who are we without these things to hold us up, to give us significance?
We pack our schedules full, hoping that will keep us from stopping long enough to notice our inner lives are in great need of attention. The essence of simplifying your life is recognizing you have intrinsic value by simply being.
You matter, your life matters, and you have worth. Period.
You matter without the stuff, without the outside approval and conferred significance, without the career, the projects, the friends, without anything.
Just. You.
It takes the absence of an agenda to really learn yourself. It takes quiet. It takes room. It takes time. But everything in the world is going to fight you for it.
Learning to be comfortable with a “do nothing” day isn’t going to come easily. It is hard work, but it is work worth doing.
So today, look at your calendar. What can you say no to, just this time around? If there is a colored notification on each day, which of those can you clear out? Which day can hold some white space, some possibility, some openness?
Here are a few tips as you consider your own “do nothing” day:
1. Set it aside, and make it known.
We make things sacred through our intentions and our actions. So set your intention—what day will it be? And then let some people close to you know, so they can support you in your effort.
2. Don’t stress about it.
Wake up, and simply resist the urge to immediately DO. It might take time to break this habit, but as soon as you remove all of your go-to distractions, you will instantly notice how often you rely on them.
3. Pay attention.
Depriving ourselves of our normal comforts for even a short amount of time can go a long way in teaching us what we really need. We are able to notice when we have an urge to check our phone, or make a call. We can get a better feel for our own patterns of behavior and the motivations behind them.
4. Listen to your heart.
If someone invited you to attend something, don’t simply give a knee jerk response. Stop, and wait. Is this something you would typically just say yes to because you feel obligated? Or is this something that would really breathe life into you? Notice, and respond with authenticity and vulnerability.
5. Spend some time in silence.
Our brains are constantly bombarded with information, images, and noise. We tend to assume our minds are like fortresses, and all this stimulation can simply bounce off, but that is not the case. Our minds are vulnerable, and everything we see and experience influences our thoughts and emotions. So for your “do nothing” day, set a guard at the gate.
Have you ever given yourself a “do nothing” day? What would be your ideal way to spend one if you had it?
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Hilary Barnett empowers moms to dream big on Whole Motherhood.
Liz says
I practise this with my husband every Friday. We unplug from the world around us and plug into each other.!! We have morning sex after breakfast and a shower, we drink wine at lunch and maybe go see a movie or have dinner out.
Then I go away to Mexico for 3 months every year for my “mommy Sabbatical “!! I work remotely and he comes to visit for a few weeks but the rest of the time is just for me! I’m here as I type on about day 65. It’s been life changing.
Nicole says
I love this! But, it is not a new idea. It has been around since creation. People were designed to need a break from work. I know many people don’t want to hear this, but it is a Biblical principle to take a “do nothing” day. I wish more of society would buy into it so as a society we could reap the benefits of such a day – I believe our mental health, and physical health, too, would improve.
Valerie Rogers says
This describes the majority of my days. The best days are those without human interference and obligation. What society considers normal – the rat race American syndrome – is actually abnormal.
Katherine says
Superb article! Love it, thanks for the support!
Ann Thompson says
Tomorrow will be my “do nothing day” where I will be open to whatever my spirit needs. Maybe a day taking time to meditate, practicing yoga, catching up on reading, a movie date with myself, a walk in nature, or time spent in a coffee shop catching up with a friend. It helps to ask myself, what would make me happiest right now. No lists or have-to’s. Just being.
Pepper says
I do this all the time because it is natural for me and because my life choices allow me to do this as often as I want/need. I do sometimes feel guilty when I see other people simply not having this option very often because of their obligations, but then I turn that guilt into gratitude and rest more peacefully and give more of myself and my time in joy and love to my cats and flower garden.
Christy Blocker says
Being extremely introverted I naturally live this way. I require a lot of white space and blocks of time to myself to not be stressed out. I work night shift as it’s more calm then. The other day my kids even said to me that they appreciate I don’t drag them all over to different activities after school like their friend’s have to do. I have twins in 11th grade and by the time they get home each day they just want to be left alone for a while and have time to just be. I think as a society people are on the go way too much and if they would just stop a little, many would find a much more peaceful life. Thanks for the insights.
Tom says
Like you, I know what it’s like to be basically introverted but, I work in a very busy, extroverted type of environment. Sometimes it’s extremely exhausting. I’ve found that when I come home from work, I just plain need to have “alone time” in order to get myself back in order. I think that “quietness” or “quiet time” (maybe some call it “stillness”) is really very undervalued in our loud and busy world.
Susan says
When my kids were growing up we had an electronics-free day each week to encourage them to explore the “real world” and learn ways to entertain themselves.
I have always taken mental health days from work when things are feeling too heavy so I can step back and take a breath. The kids went on to school and I got time to pause.
I recommend to everyone to make appointments with yourself on your calendar before it gets filled with other people’s requests.
Chloe says
It’s called Sabbeth.
Pwassonne says
My thoughts exactly, and I’m not even Jewish.
liese says
In my weekendplanning, it is my goal to have one weekendday blanc. So no social obligations, no stuffing it full with all kinds of tasks, just blanc and we’ll see what happens. Sometimes we call in on friends during the day “where you at?” and we meet up, but nothing is sheduled at front that day. I must admit that sometimes it’s not possible, but 3 out of 4 weekends look like this and I love them the most!
Jo Nathan says
Good thoughts. Not sure, though, how a day of doing nothing “changed your life” as the headline suggests. Seems a disconnect with an otherwise informational column.
joshua becker says
As someone who practices the same, I can attest it is indeed a life-changing practice.
Valerie Rogers says
Consider the concept and try it. It’s easy to attach negative connotation to “do nothing”, especially in this eager-beaver culture.