“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” —Booker T. Washington
‘Tis the season for accumulation.
Over the next several weeks, new possessions will enter homes at an alarming rate. The new possessions will arrive in stockings, gift bags, gift wrap, and envelopes. And the new products will come in various forms: electronics, clothes, books, toys, jewelry, gift cards, video games, decorations, DVD’s, and cookware. In America alone, over $600 billion dollars will be spent on retail goods during the months of November and December.
Some gifts will meet legitimate needs. But most gifts during the holiday season are purchased to satisfy wants: another new doll for your daughter, a new video game system for your son, or a K-cup coffee maker for the parents. Worse yet, many of the gifts we give will satisfy neither needs or wants—instead, they will only satisfy an obligation.
When the gift opening is done, new toys will clutter kids’ rooms and new clothes will clutter our closets. Gift cards will line our pockets and holiday cards will decorate our refrigerators. New gadgets will be shoved into cupboards. And new electronics will be plugged into available outlets all around our homes.
Our houses will fill up with more and more accumulated stuff. Then, the weariness will begin to set in. It always does.
Possessions bring about that effect on us. They clutter our physical space and steal our mental energy. They take time to clean and manage and organize. We worry about them getting broken or dirty or lost. They cost us financial opportunity. The accumulation makes our home feel cramped or too little or designed without enough storage space. Eventually, our possessions wear out or go out of style. And in the end, they never bring as much joy to us as they do the models on the packaging.
We will spend $600 billion dollars during this holiday season. But in the end, we will be no happier than we were before. We will only be more tired, more burdened, and more distracted from the very things that do bring us joy, purpose, and meaning.
There is more joy in owning less than can be found in owning more. And it is far better to donate than accumulate.
Meanwhile, there are countless charitable organizations all around the world meeting very real needs. These charitable organizations are providing food and shelter to those without any. They are delivering clean water to entire villages without supply. They are protecting battered women and offering needed supplies to expectant mothers. They are placing orphans in loving families. They are offering educational assistance to those who need it most. And they are offering new opportunity for those who have had it taken from them.
These very real needs are all around us. They are across the ocean. They are in our cities. They are in our neighborhoods. And they live above us in our apartment buildings.
The act of donation is a win-win situation. For those with too little, needs are met. And for those with too much, freedom is discovered in our homes and in our lives.
It is time to shift our thinking on this issue. We have spent too many years and too many holidays chasing accumulation. But the accumulation of retail goods has not brought contentment or joy or purpose. It has not delivered on its promise. We have satisfied our wants, only to be left wanting more.
In the coming days, seek to break the cycle of accumulation in your life and in your home. Embrace the joy of donation by giving away your unneeded possessions. And discover again, It is better to give than to receive.
Linda Sand says
My brother-in-law receives lots of requests for monetary donations at this time of year. He collects all those requests until the family gathering then they all sit together and sort them out and people decide which they want given in their name. I think it is a wonderful way of celebrating.
BrownVagabonder says
I love it! It has such a ring to it – better to donate than accumulate… I have been giving up the hold that stuff has on me over the past few years, but it is a lifelong journey to stop buying things. I find I like donating time rather than money, as I know where my efforts are ending up that way.. Hopefully, in the future Christmas will signify time with family and friends rather than gifts and stuff.
nicole says
I hear and gather to myself the spirit of this thoughtful post. I delighted as began to read its important message about the danger of accumulation, and the encouragement to share what we own (but no longer need) through the active support of donation to those who do need. However, I do not agree that all of that flows logically to the closing sentence of the post…
I tire of the easy phrase, “It is better to give than to receive,” bandied about like a mantra with the premise taken for granted as an absolute. It is truly sad that we have thrown the baby of receiving out with the bathwater of consumerism. We have forgotten how to receive graciously and gratefully gifts given with heart and delight (gifts of time and presence… and even tangible gifts!). We have neglected to teach our children how to give genuinely *and* to receive with delight. These are lessons equally important, I believe.
everlearning says
First, thanks to Joshua for an excellent message. It’s painful and embarrassing to read what we Americans are doing during the holidays (and throughout the year). I’ve really come to dread the holiday season and am so thankful that our family gift-giving is very, very minimal, and almost always comes down to giving things that are truly needed.
Every comment to Joshua’s post was meaningful to me, but I had to respond to Nicole’s remark about learning to receive graciously. This is truly important. We talk often about giving, but what happens when someone wants to give to us? We must learn to be on the receiving end of another’s good will or expression of love and to be gracious about it. While my family knows I no longer want gifts for holidays and birthdays, there are times when they just want to buy me something. I’ve let them know the kinds of teas and coffee I like to drink, the types of books I like to read, that it makes me very happy when they donate in my name, etc. But if my daughter on occasion sees a pretty scarf (etc.) that she just really wants me to have, I will not insult her by saying I don’t need it, nor will I give it away two days after she’s gone. I accept it with her love.
And Bill’s comment, “I continue in my ongoing project to reduce what I have and to purchase only what I need” is what minimalism means in my life and it feels wonderful and freeing. It is also freeing to know that there is no “right” way to minimize and if I’m just not ready to get rid of a sentimental gift or family piece, that’s OK.
Tracy B. says
While it’s true that vast mounds of junk are given each Christmas (and I have received my share of it), I agree with those above that gracious receiving is important. It takes both a thoughtful giver and a grateful recipient to make a successful act of gift giving. There’s a healthy balance somewhere between “gimme, gimme” and “bah humbug, it’s all gonna be clutter”.
On the subject of gift-giving: yesterday, someone, thinking she was being thoughtful, announced that she didn’t want any gifts this year. That’s lovely, but suddenly saying that two days before Christmas meant that a) I had to take her gift back during the holiday rush and b) I couldn’t save the money, because it could only be exchanged. Maybe it would be great to put out the word that announcements of this type should be made early, so as to be truly considerate.
Recently, I walked through my house to look for gifts that I was still using and enjoying years later. It was eye-opening–there were far more than I might have thought. Some of them were things that I wouldn’t have thought to ask for or wouldn’t have bothered to buy, yet they are still adding value. It made for a very different way to see my household.
Zuma says
Aspects of minimalism that need to be addressed if we are to move forward are hurt feelings and our economic system. We need to be careful about how we rationalize consumerism with being a good person. We also need to look at how capitalism is THE cause of this consumerism we’re so sick of.
nicole says
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Joshua. I love how your examples are so filled with the love between the giver and receiver. There is a necessary caring on each end of the act of giving and receiving, and the receiving can become a gift to the giver. But as Zuma points out, it’s important to truly discern where this cycle becomes unhealthy again.
I believe that remaining aware and intentional in both the giving and the receiving in times of celebration, is a huge step towards that healthy balance, oui?
duey says
Beautifully said!
Lea says
So true. Booker T. Washington’s quotes always hit the nail on the head don’t they? Thank you for a well written and thoughtful post.
Seth says
It’s great to hear an objectively minimalistic approach to Christmas. It’s true that consumerism is taking over Christmas and many people’s lives. but I’m glad you understand that some material gifts make sense. Many people give novelty gifts that end up as clutter, but there is still a purpose for giving things that people desire, and need. Such as a new tackle box for a friend who fishes. They already have a rusty old one, but that will go to someone who needs a cheap tackle box on craigslist.
I loved hearing you speak at the LIFE 2013 conference, and you’ve really changed my perspective on everything I own. It’s great to hear a realistic, non-radical approach to minimalism.
Seth
Bill says
As usual, an excellent commentary and reflection for us all as we head into these days. I continue in my ongoing project to reduce what I have and to purchase only what I need – your blog inspires me to keep at it!
Jo Doran says
I don’t have to worry so much about gifts as we have stopped giving and getting gifts this past couple of years. But my mother in law just passed away and we had to clean out her small apartment. I had spent all summer donating my stuff and was making good progress on it when wham I just got as much stuff back in from her. Can’t wait to get started on the process again. haha. I can remember a time when I would have been pleased to acquire new things but not anymore. It is better to give than receive.
Jennifer @ kidoing! says
I love your writing Joshua. This piece resonates deeply with me as family members request I pick out *something* for my children. But they want and need nothing…I tell them. How about time with you? Silence. I’d like them to have something to open, they say. It’s made me sad.
On the brighter side, I have a box waiting to be delivered to a local children’s charity. And, my husband has just started taking my oldest two children to the food bank. They are 4 and 8 and do you want to know the best part? The last time they went, I’ve never seen all three of them so happy after coming home from the food bank. They’ve talked about their experience there every single day since and even want to spend their own money on buying food. As a parent, it’s so easy for me to see now that it all starts with us.
This holiday season we’ve spent more time with each other and with cherished friends than shopping and it feels great! Thanks for your writing. Merry Christmas!
Anna says
I’m in the same situation. I’m donating tons of items in my home but yet people say they are getting things for my child after I tell them she has enough. I said spending time was more important. My daughter who is 6 told me tonight how donating things to others asked her happy. I think including her in the gathering and dropping off process has really made an impact.
Anna says
**makes her happy, I meant.
Aqilah Norazman says
Hi Joshua, this couldn’t be more true. It’s rather unfortunate to see that in some parts of the world, group of communities are not even close to having what we take for granted today. This is the perfect time of the year for us to start giving more than receiving and accumulating.
It is said that we should all stop spending on things we don’t need with the money we don’t have. Perhaps we should all stop keeping the things we don’t need and give it to those who need it more than we do.
Karen @ Pieces of Contentment says
My brother and his family have just visited today, an early Christmas time together. There were small useful gifts exchanged for the children (family gifts) and charity donations made in leu of gifts for the adults – perfect.
Trevor says
I have to say I’ve been a casual reader of becomingminimalist for over a year now. But as of this holiday season this stuff is really hitting home for me now. After these past couple days following the facebook posts and articles here I feel that this site is the answer to the deep call inside of me to do away with the endless consumerism. I read a discourse or thesis or some grand argument by a brilliant Indian out of Delhi, I wish I still had access to it, but this person painted a picture of humans destroying the planet through endless want and consumerism, mainly how cities and technology will be the end of this planet. It was absolutely brilliant. Anyways I digress. I now consider myself an avid follower of becomingminimalist and am so very grateful for having stumbled upon this site a couple years ago. It’s taken that long to sink in, but I feel the lotus is starting to bloom now.