This past weekend was 78 degrees and sunny in Phoenix (apologies to friends and family and readers living elsewhere during the winter months). It was also a holiday weekend with schools closed on Monday.
But more important to me, this past Saturday, I drove my 15-year old son to his first official job. He spent 11 hours this weekend reffing games for a local outdoor soccer tournament (holiday weekend, remember).
To me, it looked like a pretty fun experience. Officiating a 4-on-4 soccer match for 7-year old girls isn’t necessarily the pinnacle of stress. But I’m sure he was nervous, nevertheless.
In fact, I know he was nervous. Or at least he was nervous enough to ask me to stick around for his first game.
So I sat down in a chair next to some parents. It was fun watching my son ref. But I had just as much fun observing parents watch their young daughters learn the game of soccer.
Most of the time, they sat quietly in their chairs or they called out instructions, “Go get the ball.” “Kick it the other way.” “Run harder.” You can probably picture it.
Of course, not all parents sat. Some stood. And still others were off pushing a stroller… entertaining a younger sibling… or throwing the football with an older brother. Lots of young parents, as far as the eye could see, supporting and enjoying their kids.
Watching their faces, I vividly recalled a life that once was.
You see, it wasn’t all that long ago, I was one of those parents. My son was younger, learning soccer, and we were the proud parents watching him learn the game for the first time. My daughter also, was once one of the 7-year old girls jumbled up on the field, trying to kick a black and white soccer ball into the net.
But not this weekend. Those days are no more.
This weekend was about watching my son work hard on a job and earn his first paycheck.
Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours, weekends, and evenings sitting in a chair watching my son play soccer. I can remember, at times, being out of town or having to miss a game because of work. I can remember being distracted at some games answering emails or texts. And I can remember, on at least more than one occasion, not really wanting to spend another Saturday afternoon on a soccer field.
But all those reasons to not fully embrace that season of life seem foolish to me now. I don’t have any idea what could have been so important that I thought I needed to be answering emails or texts on my phone. Honestly, I don’t remember any of the emails that I answered or the texts that I sent.
This past Saturday, I wish I could have it all back. I wish I had put the phone away. I wish I had cancelled the work assignment or the speaking engagement. I wish I hadn’t wanted to be somewhere else.
I wish I could go back, just one more time, and watch a little boy learn to play a game he loves so much. I wish I hadn’t missed a single moment of embracing and enjoying fully that season of my life.
I suppose that’s how it is with life. When we’re in a season—whether it be single, newlyweds, young parents, raising teenagers, empty-nesters, retired, or anywhere in-between—the beauty of the season too often escapes us. The burdens and the stresses distract us. And we too easily miss the beauty of the forest because we’re distracted by the trees.
Later that evening, I drove my son back home. We talked about work and officiating and handling coaches and parents. We talked about money—giving, saving, and spending. We talked about sports. And we talked about driving (he gets his permit next month).
Somewhere along the way, he became a young man.
I did my best to resist any distraction that would have taken me away from that car ride. There were important lessons about life he was learning that day and I wanted to be a part of them.
The season of life with my son may have changed. But my opportunity to embrace and enjoy this one has not.
Kallie says
Hello from Oz, my daughter calls me about her 11 year old son in desperation and I remind her “yes multiply it by three”, we laugh and I remind her to Enjoy this time of being a parent, as it passed too quickly with her and her two brothers.
Mary says
This article pulled at the heart strings.
Bravo! You have a wonderful way of weaving honesty and wisdom.
Thank you ?
Ann says
Dear Joshua,
This touched my heart. I’ve been there. Savor the moments now and remember that there are so many new memories to make. I miss my three “ little” boys, but I am enjoying the three young adults they have become. Conversations are often thought provoking and remembering stories with them is so much fun.
(They remember things in a much funnier way!)
I look forward to their visits and can be more focused on them while they are here. Enjoy the journey!
Monique says
Thank you for this honest and touching post.
As a mother of three boys (10, 14 and 16), I almost daily realize how precious my time with them is. But raising them on my own at this moment also means that sometimes I have to work when they are around. Nevertheless, I still see opportunities to cherish our time together even more… Thank you for reminding me in this beautiful way that this one moment (and this one, and this one) will never come back…
Love from the Netherlands!
Yolanda says
Muchas gracias por este artículo, me hace reflexionar sobre los tiempos q pasó con mí hijo y q muchas veces no son a plena consciencia, cada etapa debo disfrutarla. Saludos desde Santa Fe, Argentina.
Kim says
This got me. Yes, I can totally relate. My daughter is now 30, and is volunteering at Sundance film festival for her 8th year. I go to college gymnastics and swim meets, only to reminisce remembering watching my daughter in both of those sports. It even got better when she was in college to see her stories and experiences through her stories when we would meet up for coffee or lunch dates. There is a transition period, but, once you design what works for you and your young adults, the connection and experiences continue. Thanks for sharing your story.
Ruby says
G’day from Australia!
We are newly weds (3 months) but it doesn’t feel like it because we have been so focused on saving for our first home deposit. We’ve been saving for a few years now but now we are more frugal than ever as we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. We spoke just this morning about how we need to enjoy this time together.. after all, what use will the house be if we are so disconnected and focused on work that we can’t enjoy it?
Great article, will be a good one to read every now and then to bring us back down to earth.
Judy says
Thanks for the reminder Joshua…I need to live more in the season and be present :)
Crissa says
Brought tears to my eyes this morning.
We are new to the “empty nest” phase, navigating how to relate to our adult children.
I, too, wish I could go back to those days when my daughter played the same piano song over and over in preparation for the recital. My son worked to improve his baseball game.
But, I’m trying to savor the time I get with them now.
Kathi Whittington says
And THAT is why grandchildren are so wonderful!
John says
The days are long but the years are short when raising children. There’s a Trace Adkins video that perfectly reflects the eloquence of your post, Joshua. If you get an opportunity, watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYkzRYhlw_U