Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Allison Fallon.
It started about four years ago, my journey with minimalism. I was single at the time, living in Portland, Oregon.
Looking back, I don’t think I would have called it minimalism. But I would have told you that, at some point, I looked around my life and realized I had collected a lot of stuff and that I would never really be able to pursue what mattered most to me if I wasn’t able to let go of my physical possessions.
Actually, I would have emphasized, it wasn’t just my possessions, but the way I thought about them.
At first, I resisted this notion. I worried giving up my stuff would make me seem flighty and immature, and I especially worried that would mean I would never get married. I was in my late twenties at the time and I was convinced no guy would take me seriously without a good job and a house full of nice things. This was just one of the many toxic thoughts that was keeping me trapped.
Meanwhile, in another part of the country, my now-husband was on his own journey with minimalism. Though we didn’t know each other yet, he was realizing, like I was, that his physical possessions weren’t doing for him what he thought they would. And he was challenging himself to let them go.
By the time we met each other, we were knee-deep in questions about how life was meaningful beyond our physical stuff.
We were prepared, in this really beautiful way, to continue asking those questions together.
For the past several years, my husband and I have been experimenting. I say “experimenting” because it has been a process for us to figure out how much stuff is too much stuff, how much is too little, and where a healthy balance lies for us in each different season. But the most beautiful part of this journey is this: even when we’ve erred on one side or the other, the journey has been incredibly rewarding.
We’ve lost a lot of stuff along the way, but we don’t miss it.
Here’s what we’ve gained:
1. Peace of mind.
I didn’t realize how much I worried about my stuff until I let it all go, and suddenly I had mental and emotional energy again. It’s a similar feeling to letting go of bitterness you’ve been harboring for a long time. You don’t even realize you are holding it, and then you let it go, and suddenly realize—you’re free.
This is how it has felt to let go of my stuff. At first, the idea (like forgiveness) seems horrific. How could I give up these clothes, or these fancy pillows, or this box of letters?! They were so important to me. But then, I let them go, and after six months, I could hardly remember why I ever needed them so much. I found so much peace in letting go.
2. Impulse control.
If you would have asked me five years ago, I would have told you ‘impulse aisles’ were designed for people just like me. How I said it would have been important, too (“just like me”) because I assumed that I was just the “type” of person who didn’t have control over her impulses. Little did I know that having control over my impulses wasn’t an issue of personality or temperament, but of discipline.
Ever since I stopped buying stuff, the most amazing thing has happened. I have walk-away power. I can walk into Target, or to a grocery store, and only buy the things I need, or walk out empty-handed if they don’t have what I was looking for. I know that sounds simple, but it translates to a sense of control over much bigger areas of my life as well.
3. Health and happiness.
I’m actually healthier and happier since I’ve lived with less stuff. Probably because I sleep more, work less, and feel less stress about money.
4. Freedom to pursue my dreams.
In the past few years I’ve been able to pursue the things that really matter to me because I’m not bogged down by things like car payments, a job I hate (but that pays my bills); and because I’m not so attached to my physical possessions that I’m unwilling to put them in a storage unit for a couple of months, or ditch them and get different ones later.
For me, this has meant I’ve been able to travel, write a book, develop friendships, spend more time with my husband, work on projects I care about, and spend time at a non-profit in my area that gives me joy and satisfies my spirit. What could this kind of freedom mean for you?
5. A more nuanced understanding of “responsibility.”
I used to think I couldn’t give up most of what I owned—and I certainly couldn’t quit my full-time job—because it wouldn’t be “responsible.” But as I began to give up my possessions, I realized that I had a really skewed view of what responsibility was and what it meant. I thought buying a certain kind of laundry detergent was more “responsible” than buying another.
What I’m learning is that responsibility looks different for everyone, and that part of being responsible is knowing how to care for your spiritual and emotional self, which transcend the physical. What if part of being “responsible,” in other words, is listening to your spirit when it tells you, each morning as you drive to work, or as you look at the clutter in your house, that it is suffocating?
6. Extra cash.
I used to think I barely made enough money to pay my bills. I lived pretty much paycheck to paycheck. But it’s amazing how much room we found in our budget when we realized we could live without cable, internet, or gym memberships. We also share a car (that we own outright) and don’t have any credit cards.
The exact decisions we’ve made wouldn’t work for everyone, but what we’ve learned is that there is often room in our budgets we didn’t realize was there, and when we gave up the things we didn’t really want in the first place, we were able to collect invaluable experiences we never would have been able to afford otherwise.
7. Once in a lifetime experiences.
We’re always trying to curate experiences, so we travel all the time—to conferences, to weddings, to vacations, or just to visit friends. When one of us goes on a work trip, the other often comes. We love to try new restaurants, explore new places, and be generous with friends. We host people at our apartment in Nashville often, and sometimes even fly friends in. We spend money on classes, books, and experiments.
We take a small part of our paychecks each month and set it aside to curate experiences that will be memorable. We never regret spending money on experience.
8. Courage.
It’s amazing how scared I was when my life was centered around all of my stuff. I would actually have recurring nightmares about my stuff (which my dad, who is a clinical psychologist, assures me was about more than just physical stuff, but about what physical stuff represented to me). Regardless, I can hardly believe I created such a sense of security around physical possessions.
Since I gave up my stuff, I’m amazed at the sense of courage I’ve found.
Because my stuff does not define me, I am able to take more risks for things that really matter.
9. A developed sense of self.
For a long time I thought that what I owned said something about me, and maybe in a way, it does. But the way I felt like it said something about me was this: If I owned a couch from Pottery Barn, that meant I had really made it. When I could stop buying my furniture at IKEA, then I’d really be an adult.
Now, that thought seems so ludicrous to me (and sad, and demeaning). But I think what I felt was that what I owned was a reflection of my self-worth. And now, thanks to the fact that I don’t have a couch from Pottery Barn, and never have, my self worth comes from somewhere much deeper and more secure. You can’t put a price on that.
10. Better relationships.
It’s no surprise that with more courage, a better understanding of myself (my real self), less anxiety, more freedom and greater discipline that my relationships have improved dramatically. My friendships are richer and more satisfying. I fight with my husband less. I’m less likely to end up in a toxic relationship that steals all of my energy. It’s easier for me to let silly things go that don’t matter—because I understand what matters now.
My life isn’t perfect, but I’m happier than I’ve ever been, more satisfied than I ever was before. I would never go back.
***
Allison Fallon helps authors and aspiring authors write a book outline so they can reach their publishing goals.
Arkady Liberzon says
I like the way of life! I try to live simple life already 7 years. it is really good for me! Try and you will see!
The most important thing you must remember: The mind is everything. What you think, you become.
Linda Sand says
At age 65 we furnished our new apartment from IKEA. Apparently, that’s what grownup minimalists do. :)
Carolyn says
Linda, I am so happy to have read that.We are downsizing to a 16 x 24 foot cabin in the woods, and I want to do it in light woods and minimal as possible, with a Scandinavian feel.I can’t afford expensive furniture, and have always loved Ikea.I will be 54 this week.I must be a grown up minimalist too!
Merf56 says
Linda Sand, That’s what we plan to do when we move back across the country to AZ next year as well. ( we are 59 and 61)! No more rooms full of heavy ‘family’ furniture hauled around through a half dozen other moves. The vast majority is either going to ‘the daughter’ and her husband if they want any or to the thrift store! Light casual bright furniture we can move around without worry about our backs!!
It may not be the most ecological will admit, but I have used ‘used’ family pieces for 38 years so perhaps I can be marginally forgiven. Also we will be buying less pieces because we are planning to buy a smaller footprint house. I don’t have a lot of knickknacks and have always been minimalist in my clothing and storage but still you aquire a lot of stuff for entertaining family when you live nearby. Just reducing the glassware will be a breath of fresh air after our last summer pool party next year! I cannot envision 29 family members all visiting at once from across the country!! I will keep eight of everything and no more.
Judith Bruton says
An encouraging story as I am in the process of becoming the minimalist I was when in my teens and twenties. Something happened between then and now and I became tangled with meaningless possessions, and obligations. Recently my husband and I have been simplifying our material possessions to enable us to travel and move house readily. The feeling is liberating. It helps to read stories by minimalists to keep me on track.
LL in Prescott says
Lovely, gentle post from Allison. Thanks so much, Joshua, for searching reads like this out for the rest of us. I liked the progression of Allison’s story.
Jane says
Excellent and very interesting post, thank you. I am working on decluttering my home and it is going well. One thing I find more difficult is my craft stuff, being creative gives me great joy, but I am a craft butterfly and am always trying new things, then cycling round to my other craft interests, so this stock piles a lot of stuff, which I would not want to have to keep buying each time I need it. Not sure how or if I can declutter much in this area of my life. Does anyone else have experience of this area? Thanks
Mary says
Hi Jane,
I took your post to mean that you might not be ready to give away certain craft supplies altogether, as you are reasonably confident that you’d cycle back to certain crafts in time. My mum-in-law is part of a crafter’s guild, and the members take it upon themselves to share skills, tools, and supplies with one another. I have been given a stunning, airy, wool shawl created by a knitter from Finland (never seen this technique before – amazing!), as well as a beautiful purse, and a quirky doll, all created by her guild members. I am a minimalist, but these are works of art and have an honored place in my life. My mum-in-law said that it’s sometimes hard to “catch and release :-)” cherished craft supplies, but when she sees what a fellow crafter does with the raw materials, using a technique that she has never seen before, she really cherishes the knowledge that what she gets from the guild is ever so much more than what she gives. This generous group of artists also sell their work and donate the proceeds to charity. If you aren’t near an organized guild, maybe you can create one with likeminded people around you? The members of my mum-in-law’s guild take turns hosting meet-ups in their homes, so it can be done in a low-key way. They also organize meet-ups with other guilds that have members with unusual skills that are willing to teach their technique. The only way to use those supplies is to use them, if you know what I mean, and you honor your creativity when you are generous with what you make. Good luck!
Mary
Getting There says
I have conquered my craft area by limiting my supplies to one trunk. I sew, crochet, and do various diy projects. I had a container with extra fabric and mending projects. I set out to make a plan for the fabric and use it within 6 months otherwise it must go. Its easy to get carried away as a crafter. Set a boundary like one container or shelf, if it exceeds that area you know its time to prioritize.
Freda Holmes says
I’m in this situation now, as a lifetime crafter moving out of a house I’ve lived in since 1989! I’ve done every craft known to woman and have accumulated all the toys to go with each new endeavour. I’m moving into a much smaller space and am really struggling with getting rid of things like hardcover books on watercolour for example, in case I decide to get back at it. I’ve held onto my carving supplies; gave all my stained glass and mosaic supplies to my son because I knew I’d never have the space for that craft again. Books? Bird ID books from a dozen countries, underwater reef fish, coral, plants ID books, craft books. I’m so overwhelmed with this task and yet I have to begin right now!
arihant says
I really like and follow this always..
just wanted to ask.. what type of work is suitable for us minimalist spirituals.?
i have left a job as an Asst. professor undergoing certain set of realisations.
Jazzy says
stockboy/grocery clerk in a grocery store – little responsibility, lots of social interaction and a chance to help lighten heavy loads ;)
Neville Bendiola says
I enjoyed the read! Thanks for sharing!
BrownVagabonder says
I loved your point about ‘Courage’. I absolutely agree with that. The courage to live a different way from the people around you – the courage to repeatedly say ‘no’ to more stuff, more closet space, more house, more car, whatever. I have to constantly battle with my parents so that I can live a minimalist life – they came from nothing, so they want me to have everything. Weirdly enough, I am happy with a little. But it requires constant courage to keep on saying ‘No, I am happy with what I have.’ Thank you for this post.
Judy says
I always like reading your posts! :)
Tina says
The best thing I’ve learned is to not “stock up”. We’ve had free meals this week as I’ve cleaned out my cupboards looking for things to use up. I have no more than a month’s supply of anything. There is so little we need.
Sandra says
This is so true!!! I found that I actually save a lot of money by buying the quantities I need instead of buying large quantities with a lower unit price. I found that when I was constantly doing this, my grocery bills were larger every single week. It doesn’t seem to me that I was actually saving any money. And the space I have saved from not storing all of that stuff waiting to be used is fantastic! Buying the quantities I need has saved me money and space.
Judy says
I gained a greater sense of appreciation of my home when I gave up tons of my possessions. Rather than seeing “just stuff” I can actually see the architecture of the house.
Katie O'Brien says
Such a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing your story. I can absolutely relate with developing a sense of self once I detached from ‘things’ and ‘items.’ Keep shining your light! Love it!!
Alex says
I really like this post. It illustrates beautifully how de-cluttering your material world can give you a sense of liberation from all your issues around owning things. I’m trying to be more minimalist in my day-to-day life by keeping as few clothes as I need in my wardrobe, and only buying the bare minimum of food that I know I will definitely eat.
I’ve been through a process of de-stuffing my flat too, by giving a lo of things such as surplus clothes to clothes banks and charity shops. My policy is to repair t-shirts if the wear and tear is minimal, and to buy shoes that I know experience will last.
Thomas says
A very inspiring story! Thank you for sharing here.
Alejandra Sieder says
I found your page one day. That day my live changed. And my husband and me decided to change our style life (with to kids 5 and 8) . We live in Norway. We are latin people who have been living in diferent countries. And really after I almost passed away last year, I thought about change my life and I saw your experiences by “casuality”.
Thank you very much for share it! I have a question: Do you have pictures BEFORE/AFTER of your house or bedrooms or something? To have an idea how much your live changed with kids? I was looking in youtube, but I only saw Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus. They are also fantastic examples. But they don’t have a family with kids, so they don’t have pictures of a family. Share your experience with some pictures could be fantastic. Thank you. Alejandra
Tracey Martin says
Welcome to the minimalist family! Joshua’ s website is fantastic. All of the articles here are very inspiring! Another great blog with photos and youtube videos is Light by Coco. Also try Courtney Carver’s blog Be More With Less. Good luck to you!
Tracey