‘Golden handcuffs,’ defined, refers to special benefits offered to an employee as an inducement to continue service.
The meaning can be both positive and negative.
In a positive spin, companies invest significant resources in the hiring and training of employees. ‘Golden handcuffs’ (such as benefits) are intended to help employers hold onto employees that they’ve invested in and ensure that their best employees do not leave.
In a negative sense, the phrase is often associated with individuals staying at a job they are not happy in, but not willing to leave because the financial loss would be significant.
(The negative connotation is the most common use of the phrase in the English language).
Here’s the thing about golden handcuffs, and why the negative connotation is the most common use, most people wearing them don’t realize they’re wearing them. That’s why it works.
I have a friend in the Pacific Northwest who coaches unhappy, but otherwise successful businessmen and businesswomen. When she explained her work to me, she put it this way, “The thing is that most of these men and women can’t even imagine another way. They’ve become so accustomed to their salary and benefit package, they can’t see there is another way to live. They are not happy, but feel trapped in their own lifestyle. But there is always a way out.”
I have begun to move beyond the employer-employee relationship when using the phrase: golden handcuffs.
I see golden handcuffs as the proper term for anybody who has begun to embrace a higher standard of living that they see no escape from.
Lifestyle inflation has become the norm and stepping back from it is difficult—regardless of where you started or where you end. When comforts and luxuries become needs, lowering the floor of a lifestyle becomes increasingly difficult. We become bound to the lifestyle we begin living—even if we’re unhappy in it.
This lifestyle inflation may occur because of income or credit, but once a level of lifestyle has become realized, it is virtually impossible to willingly step away from it:
- It’s hard to imagine a 1,400 square ft home is sufficient, once you live in 2,000.
- It’s hard to imagine a vacation down the road can be just as enjoyable as a holiday in Europe.
- It’s hard to imagine a 2005 Honda Accord can get you the same place as a 2020 Lexus.
- And it’s hard to image a $20 purse can function as well as a $200 designer bag.
As our lifestyle inflates, so does our expectation. Walking away from it, in any and every sense, becomes unthinkable. Golden handcuffs.
Of course, it is also important to point out that the term “golden” misrepresents the deceptive nature of riches and lifestyle.
Whenever we throw around phrases like “rich,” “successful,” or “golden,” we immediately excuse ourselves from the label.
“I’m not rich.” “I’m not wealthy.” “I’m not part of the 1%.” Those phrases always define the other guy—the one with more money than me.
When we do, we immediately excuse ourselves from the conversation. And the deceptive nature of the golden handcuff lifestyle goes unrecognized.
- My life isn’t golden… it’s just middle of the road.
- My house isn’t too big… it’s just the size we need.
- My car isn’t too expensive… it’s what I deserve.
- I don’t buy things I don’t need… I need everything I own.
- I can’t be wearing golden handcuffs… I’m barely paying my bills.
When we fall into the trap of thinking lifestyle inflation has only affected “the other guy,” we fall into the exact trap the phrase golden handcuffs was meant to define. We’ve become so accustomed to our current lifestyle or standard of living, that we can see no other way to live.
And suddenly, we are trapped.
Golden handcuffs don’t have to be golden, sometimes they are silver.
And more of us are wearing them than we realize.
But there is always a way out.
Eve says
One of the happier times in our lives was when we had bought a few acres in the country, built a little house one weekend at a time and did without a well for a while after we could move to it. We had electricity but couldn’t afford much else. We had an old washing machine which I filled with rainwater caught in a drum and I hung clothes on the line. We ate from our garden for the most part. We drove an old pickup and hauled free manure from friends barn for fertilizer. Because of that experience, we have always lived a simple life. We save and buy a used car when we need one and our house is paid off which was the only debt other than a few medical bills here and there. At 78, life is good.
My BIL and his wife are wealthy and tied to their jobs to keep their wealth. They feel sorry for us but we are the ones who are blessed. There is peace and joy in a simple life. You can’t take a U Haul to Heaven.
Kathryn Haas says
Amen to that ??
Valerie Rogers says
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe — ‘None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free’
That applies to many aspects of life these days. I was never in the realm of big house or $200 purse, but suffer because of my own inertia to break free.
What traps us is lifestyle orpossessions we enjoy. That fondness becomes a weak point that binds us. It’s having the fortitude to break free of invisible barriers. Seems we must do without to make changes, face insecurities. There is life beyond it. Never too late to seek a creation beyond our current handcuffs.
Jovanna says
Do you think that most people assume that contentment is inherent in some people and not in others, like the color of our eyes? I don’t. I think it’s a learned behavior. And it’s hard. If it was easy, everyone would be content. I also think that the world has muddled contentment and complacency so that we feel guilty being content.
Angie says
Good pint Jovanna. I struggle with contentment vs complacency. I often feel quite content but then this little voice in my head creeps and telling me I’m not doing enough or I don’t have enough and I start to doubt whether I’m truly happy.
Beth says
I am feeling that way today!
Laurie says
I agree Jovanna. We are living in a twisted world right now. But, that should not affect out contentment. You are right, contentment is an active choice on behalf of gratitude and thankfulness.
Deb says
Do you think there has always been a struggle with contentment/ complacency, or is it because of social media that we have this struggle. My parents and all my aunts and uncles are gone now, but I often wonder if they felt the same way. They basically all lived simple lives, but did they feel they weren’t doing enough? Might be a good topic to bring up the next time the cousins get together.
Bridget says
Love your comments. I love my simple life but often wonder if something is wrong with me because of this. Everything I love is close by so I have no desire to go far. I’m blown away by the beauty of my adult children’s kindness and good character and the overwhelming blessings in my life. I’m sure nearly losing one of my son’s recently and my husband dying suddenly and unexpectedly has made me treasure what I do have even more. Thanks for you awesome posts. X
kim yeakel says
Deb
I think today’s culture (including social media and the growing popularity of ‘influencers’) certainly makes the idea of contentment seem much more of an issue than in past generations. I so often think of my grandparents; to me, they were the happiest couple I knew, and yet they lived very simply. I don’t think past generations were bombarded with the latest appliances, housing remodels, and interior design upgrades like we are today.
Mary Beth Cox says
Great post. It makes me think of these home shows where the families all seem to “need” walk in closets and huge bathrooms. They make fun of bathrooms the size we have… which is more than adequate. But when I was in the peace corps my bathroom was a concrete outdoor shower and a hole in the ground. I’m sad by the inflated thoughts people have of what they need and how that’s tying them in a bind… with their gold or silver handcuffs. And it’sa good reminder to me too… I loved that outdoor shower. Thank you for this connection!
Mark says
I walked away from a 6 figure income in 2018 at 56y/o.
The toll of the stress, drama and unreasonable expectations of the workplace was especially noticeable to me once I was out of the proverbial rat race.
The shift from 12- 14 hour work days to volunteering, starting a small business and becoming involved in politics has been a huge relief. We have focused on our lifestyle which includes our health! We are both very healthy and I can honestly say, I am truly the happiest I have been in my life. The universe gives us what we need. This article was what I needed to read today as a reminder of why I made the shift!
Today we continue our journey, have stopped a lot of unnecessary spending and continue to evaluate what we need to spend vs. what we “want” to spend.
Steven says
My story is very similar to Mark’s. I worked in large Insurance organisations for many years. Toxic culture but decent salary and benefits that locked you in – for example they gave you shares each year but they aren’t truly yours for 4 years and if you leave you lose them all….. so very hard to walk away and leave all ‘your money’ behind. I spotted a clause in my contract which said that I would lose my shares if I went to a competitor but could keep my shares if I retired. So I retired …… have not regretted it for a single moment. Have moved to a smaller house in a small town, am working a few days a week for a small startup for less than 20% of my previous pay check but am so much happier – being happy with just enough money is so much better than being miserable with too much money….
Jesse says
Interesting article. Sometimes, I think I am in Golden Handcuffs, however it is not for a lifestyle inflation as I live a pretty minimalist lifestyle and forever searching for ways to simplify more. I do it because I have two children who never got much from us in life because of our minimalist ideals. I think they are better people for it. However, we felt the greatest gift we could give was an education and planned so accordingly. Packed away all of the money gifts given since that positive test, so really has always been their own money. Also, because I was given the gift of the mindset for service to others but am in an industry where that takes an big emotional toll, so maybe it is my frame of mind and perspective. Always a work in progress.
Jeanne Phillips says
During my 30 plus year career in the oil patch I watched many of my co-workers succumb to the handcuffs. The oil industry has so many boom and bust cycles that I never trusted the big pay check would continue. Blessed to be able to retire 7 years ago at 56 in part because my husband and I are savers. Favorite car is a 1999. Now working on breaking the bond of saving stuff “just in case”.
Jane Smith says
Fantastic article. So sadly true for so many people. And in turn teaching the next generation the same thing.
Carol says
Thank you, Joshua. This is a brilliant article and it really jolted me out of my complacency. I would never imagined I was one of those in golden cuffs, and I can see numerous areas of my life where those cuffs weigh heavy. Time to get them off.
brittani says
This really hit home. The simple explanation really has me thinking, as I have recently had feelings similar to being bound in a life not authentic to myself. Thank you for sharing this.