Note: This is a guest post from Jennifer Burger of Simply + Fiercely.
There are many wonderful reasons for decluttering your life, but one that’s very rarely mentioned is healing a broken heart.
My name is Jennifer, and I’ve been a minimalist for nearly a decade. But before that, my life looked very different. I was a workaholic and shopaholic, and it was stressful and exhausting.
There were so many things that I wanted to do and be, and it came from a place of deep longing. As a little girl, I never felt like I fit in. I was a first-generation American, and I felt most comfortable in our family restaurant, curled up next to my grandmother, packing fortune cookies into tiny wax bags.
But at school, things were different. My round face and thick, dark hair set me apart, and I quickly learned to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Most days, I longed to be anyone other than who I saw in the mirror.
Then one day, I realized something exciting. With the right shoes and the latest jeans, I could fit in with everyone else. I begged my mom to take me to the Gap, and a new habit was formed.
Throughout my teens and twenties, I shopped compulsively. My clothes were like a suit of armor; with stiletto heels and designer dresses to protect me, no one had to see the shy, insecure girl hiding behind a very expensive closet.
Things only escalated from there. As I got older, I used owning and doing more to hide from all the pain in my life: my failing marriage, my dead-end career, and the loss of my younger brother.
I learned that the more I worked and the more I shopped, the less I had to feel.
But in the end, it wasn’t sustainable. I was exhausted and trapped in the gilded cage that I’d built for myself. I knew deep in my heart that something had to change, and somewhat surprisingly, it all started with decluttering my life.
How to Declutter Your Life
When I first discovered minimalism, I hoped for a functional wardrobe and an easy to clean home. I thought decluttering would be quick and easy and that nothing fundamental would change about my life.
Before long, I learned that this couldn’t be further from the truth. I quickly realized that decluttering is about so much more than letting go of old stuff.
Instead, it’s a profound act of introspection. For every old handbag or never worn sweater that goes out the door, there are thoughts and beliefs that need to be released as well.
This mindful approach is both the secret to effective decluttering and the unspoken benefit. Here’s are some tips to help you get started:
1. Get Clear About What Matters Most to You
My life was cluttered and overwhelming because I was trying to do everything and please everyone. Deep down, I was still that little girl who felt like she didn’t fit in, and I was desperate to prove everyone wrong.
I worked late, wore the most expensive shoes, and decorated my house like the stylish magazines that covered my bedside table. I thought that if I kept playing by the “rules,” I’d eventually feel better about myself.
But you know what? I don’t know who wrote those rules, but it sure wasn’t me. I was never going to feel successful or good enough by chasing other people’s dreams. Instead, I had to get clear on my values and priorities—and if you want to declutter your life, you need to do the same.
This step is an often-overlooked part of decluttering, but it’s essential.
Get out a pen and paper, tune out the noise, and decide what you believe. What are your values, and what kind of life do you want for yourself? This clarity will become the compass that will guide you through the decluttering process.
2. Evaluate Your Stuff Against Your Goals
The beauty of defining what matters in life is that it helps you see what doesn’t.
Slowly and systematically, I began to work through everything, from my closet to my to-do list. I questioned everything from this new perspective—what would help me create the life I truly wanted? And what was simply weighing me down?
3. Understand The “Why” Behind What You Own and Do
Once you’ve identified the non-essential, the next step is to let go—and this part can be challenging to explain. Even when we know that something isn’t adding value to our lives, it can be hard to let go.
I can’t tell you how many times I cried over something seemingly insignificant, like an old textbook or a silk blouse. I felt so silly— until I eventually realized that my tears weren’t for my physical possessions. Instead, I mourned for the hopes and dreams that my stuff represented.
I couldn’t let go of that old physics book because it was proof that I was once smart—and if I was smart, then I mattered. But without the evidence, who was I? A college dropout who never lived up to her full potential.
Decluttering my life meant facing stories like this time and time again. It wasn’t easy or comfortable, but I soon discovered that overcoming my limiting beliefs was the key to letting go.
The more I understood my relationship with my stuff, the more empowered I felt. I began to declutter with confidence, and something inside me started to change.
As I cleared the excess that had weighed me down for decades, I began to feel more like myself. And perhaps more significantly, I began to mend my long-broken heart.
I’ve been writing about minimalism for over five years because I know that decluttering your life is about more than letting go of old sweatshirts.
Instead, it’s about bridging the gap between who we are and who we think we have to be. It’s life-affirming, and I’m grateful to share this story with you.
***
As a shopaholic turned minimalist, Jennifer Burger is passionate about helping overloaded women clear their clutter and create space for joy. She blogs at Simply + Fiercely and is the author of Mindful Decluttering, a free decluttering guide that will help you clear your clutter.
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” – Mandy Hale
“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them, but still move on without them.” – Mandy Hale
Great article, Jennifer!
This hit home for me:
“Get out a pen and paper, tune out the noise, and decide what you believe. What are your values, and what kind of life do you want for yourself? This clarity will become the compass that will guide you through the decluttering process.”
Once we discover our Soul Purpose (which is closely tied to our values), everything else falls into place. We become crystal clear about how we should be spending our time and all of the material stuff fades into the background.
Decluttering is a fantastic byproduct of fulfilling your Soul Purpose and reaching your full potential ;-)
Jennifer, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we all have to learn the hard way the meaning of life and success. These are very profound thoughts and I am grateful that you shared them and now are on the new path.
Thank you, Jennifer, for this thoughtful — and thought-provoking — post.
Thank you for baring your soul, and helping others to see a pathway. This is the most important article I’ve ever read!
Oh my gosh! Your article made me want to cry! I never looked at my “stuff” in the way you described. I just berated myself for the mess.
I’m still not sure where to start but start I need to do. Thank you for your insightful and very personal story.
Thank you for this article. This hit home in many ways. I have discovered in decluttering that I have had to work through issues I have put away or wasn’t aware of. But this brings it to a deeper more authentic level and gives greater depth to my goals and my relationship with my possessions and habits. Issues have been raised that need daylight to see them and work them through. I have more work to do. Thanks for the guidance.
I am 58 years old, I have a house full of my own possessions and stuff that I have inherited from several family members who passed away. The memories of them are in my heart not in possessions. What I have learned is that we can’t take it with us… you never see a uhaul behind a hearse. I am going to declutter this weekend. It’s time to let go of materialistic things.
There are so many clever marketing tricks that companies use to make you feel like you need whatever product that they are selling. Minimalism helps avoid all of that and simplifies your life so much. Simple living and simple life is so much better than complex living and complex life!
I love this. My sister is a devoted minimalist and has guided me into the art of letting go. It is cleansing and liberating. We unpack so much of ourselves as we unpack and let go of the old stories in our closets and shelves.
Great article. How do I declutter relationship?
@Dee
I suggest bemorewithless.com – Courtney has a bunch for good tips on that.
In your heart. Release them in your thought. Thank them for their part in your journey. And, as a dear friend likes to remind me, “Stay in your lane”- focus on your own personal growth and purpose. Helps me to rid myself of visual reminders, as well- then you’re getting rid of more clutter!
Any thoughts on decluttering papers and memories? I tend to save every momento and every piece of paper. Help please.
This was such an interesting article…I cried while reading it. Thank you for sharing bits of your life, struggles and thoughts with us!
I am often thinking about decluttering : when I can’t find something, when I discover that I already had an item but that it was so well hidden I had forgotten about it…your way of seeing things brings a whole new light on my problem : maybe I do keep some things because they reflect who I wanted to be or who I would like to be again, as if life hadn’t had brought bad days since then…
I am now thinking about myself more than about what to throw away xD but that second step will follow, I’m sure!
Thank you for writing this article. It provides revealing and profound insight into how each of our pasts, including mine, really has effected our present. I will be reading it again to glean more truths as I begin my decluttering journey.
Thank you for this vunerable article. When we see what is true then we are free to make a choice. That truth you spoke about when referring to your old physics book, took me by suprise, then I cringed inwardly but now I can choose to off load all my old books, I didn’t know why I couldn’t let them go ..now I do and I can make a choice.
Bridging the gap between who we are and who we think we’re meant to be…. Exactly!
Jennifer – I can totally relate. Wearing expensive suits and shoes. Decorating and buying all the stuff I thought I was supposed to buy. It’s a journey but I’m so glad to be on the other side of it. There is a better way and I hope others can learn from my mistakes!
thank you!! im in process of this! I am 66 but it is never to late!!
Same here. By the time we reach our 60s, many of us have so much “stuff”. It’s time to let go.
I’ll be turning 70 the end of the year but 10 years ago I asked my two boys to put stickers on anything they want and they didn’t put a sticker on anything so now I live without the things they don’t want and I don’t have to dust as often all they want is what they can get for the house in any valuables that are left or not a total different generation and coming from a big family I have no antiques only what I’ve collected in my lifetime and I don’t need anything I’d rather give it away thank you
Wow! Thank you for the inspiration and for building my courage! Today is my 67th birthday, it could be my re-birthday! Many of us came from the “be the good girl” generation. It is time to be who we are and instead of who we think we have to be to please others!
Thank you for your honesty Marilyn. That’s about right :0)
Good points, such as clothes being armor – what we hide vs what we want to project. Media and advertising are fantasy, lies. Most of what we’re taught and believe are also lies. We’d be much more comfortable with ourselves, more genuine if we paid no heed to distorted outside influence.
I totally identify with this post, but in many different ways. I am 74 years old, still working as a real estate broker. I have a crammed pack house and closet because I tell myself, “I am so busy that I don’t have time to stop and get rid of excess!” The truth is my work and stuff help hide the insecurities with which I struggle. I am determined after reading this short, transparent article, that I will begin letting go of so many clothes and things that crowd my closet and home, and keep me from feeling free. When you have to pay someone to dust off your pretty things because you don’t have time, then you have too much stuff!!!
Cheryl
This hit me in exactly alllllll the right places, today!!!!!!! This helps me understand my hesitancy , and I’m 71!!!! It also helped me see that i’ve kept a fantasy life going that will never materialize, or was part of my past, not my future. Thank you soooooooo much. Am downloading the workbook; bookmarking the blog. Thank you, again!!!!!!
My husband filed for divorce and I just found out last week. This is EXACTLY what I needed this morning. I am also first generation and I had a very demading career, even though I didn’t think it was when I was in it. Now that my life falling apart has forced me to step back a little, I’m ready to figure out what I really “need” and “want.”
After all these years, I finally understand that I cling to things I no longer need, because my feelings are from memories of deprivation. I didn’t fit in and used clothes to stand out. My living space was never as nice as my friends. So I began buying furnishings I really couldn’t afford. I weighed myself down with activities that filled the empty places. At 71, I finally understand. Your article truly spoke to me and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Kris, I was going to do this Spring. for me to start fresh and create more space in my house. there are so many stuffs that I know for sure shouldn’t be in here or have been never used for years. My neighbors live in big places and I know the price and work that takes. So I am going for unfurnishing and just one or two seats in the livingC room. Th’at satisfying, GOOD Luck!
Thank you so much for this post! I now have a better understanding of the reasons I’ve held onto items for so long. Although I’ve never been much of a compulsive shopper, your reasons for holding on to certain items and how you felt when ridding yourself of them totally hit home with me.
This article really hit home on the very morning I needed it most. Thank you!
thank you for this piece. it spoke to me in so many ways.
Thank you so much for this personal sharing. I’ve found that the hardest things to let go of are things attached to my relatives; furniture, books, etc. Letting go of the past does me so much good. I am hoping to believe that the present is every bit as precious as the past. Decluttering does run deep!
Stephanie
She is so on the mark. Outward change needs to be accomplished with inward change…. and that is not easy. Believe it or not, I’m 84 and finally into who I AM! It’s exciting .
I wished I have got this in my teens. These are great stance and life affirmation and I will forward this to my friends.