“It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game ever starts.” – Addison Walker
This past week I sent an e-mail to a friend. I thanked him for helping me over the years and being a significant factor in Becoming Minimalist’s success. He wrote back, “If I have helped you succeed, I am happy.” It was a short e-mail response, but it communicated an important truth: Our greatest successes in life are often found in helping others succeed. Our most lasting and fulfilling achievements are often earned by helping others fulfill theirs.
This is foreign thinking to a culture that often sees the world as one giant competition. In their mind, there is a set number of winners and losers. And if somebody else wins, that’s one less opportunity for me. But I have come to realize the mindset of competition is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie – that one more success in another’s life equals one less success in mine. But quite frankly, this thinking is incorrect.
There is wonderful freedom and grace in realizing the size of the pie is not finite – that in reality, the pie keeps growing. Another’s success does not mean I have less opportunity. In fact, another’s success can actually be my success if I had opportunity to enable, encourage, and promote them along the way!
Consider how helping another achieve success (however you/they decide to define it) results in significant benefits in a number of directions:
- The receiver has reached a far greater potential than they could have on their own.
- The world has been bettered and has been given a life-giving model to emulate.
- The giver is remembered fondly and is often publicly (and privately) thanked for their contribution.
- A stranger is likely to be the recipient of the original receiver “paying it forward.”
- And the cycle begins again.
Now, just to be clear, I am starting with an assumption that our greatest joys in life are rarely found in the relentless pursuit of selfish ambition – that selfish desires always leave us lacking and searching for more. Some may think that line of thinking is too unrealistic, far-fetched, or old-fashioned. They believe that in a dog-eat-dog-world if I’m not looking out for #1, nobody is. But that line of thinking is short-sighted.
Inherently, we know we have been designed to live for something greater than ourselves. Our contribution to this world has to be measured by something more meaningful than the size of our house or the neighborhood where it is located. And our lives are going to find lasting significance in how we choose to live them… and how we enable others to live theirs.
By the grace of God i will keep hoping that one day God will perfect my doing in one way or the other.
To say the truth, am getting tired of hardship here and am looking forward to anyone who can help me by showing me the road to success my God is reward him/her abundantly.
I have lived a full life of hardships, hardships that made me stronger! I am about to turn 40 in Nov. of this year (2016) and I see myself a survivalist.. NOT a victim and I am stronger, more confident then ever.. Surprisingly so, as for some don’t make it to where I am and I want to use my experiences to help those who can go the direction I struggled so hard to avoid. Mental illness, addiction, depression with sucidal tendencies, rape, abuse, self abuse… It’s strange.. I’m actually happy to have these lessons in life and say I’m surviving. Though I don’t have the first clue on how to become a leader. I am a single mother who can’t afford to go to school, whether it is time or money that is hard to find but I know I need to do this, for others, for my children but also for me! Though I need this to stay strong because even a survivors have their struggles. though the motive isn’t FOR me, the motive is to help others who are victims and show them that they are not.. But survivors and instead of being weaker and a fragile shells of themselves, show them just how much stronger they can be from their experiences and hopefully spread the message.. But how can I do this? I’m a mother who works to support my children off of one income. I have to work to support my family and it’s just me.. So the time I do have I try spending with my children so additional education can not be easily fit into the overwhelming schedule I already have or if I could find the time by sacrificing my income, I would not have the funds to afford additional education. But this is what I was meant to do! I know it, I survived for a reason.. But how do I change my direction in life when I have children I’m now responsible for? There was a time I could live in poverty or go without food and shelter to peruse a dream, but that is no longer the case.. So please, if you have ANY advice, I really would love to know so I can start changing the world one person at a time and eventually save more individuals throughout centuries of time.. I know.. I’m getting ahead of myself but why not p, dream big or go home!! Oh, I definitely plan to read more from you and yet to know if answers are already there.. But I’ve been sitting on this for a while now and very excited to start now.. Not AFTER my children are grown.. I believe strongly and maybe because of my life, but I live in the now because we can’t guarantee tomorrow will come!
To see something were negativity Had been found more prevalint…not likely of someone to speak good into the negative agains how others tryng to shape the idea maybe doint
Hi Joshua,
I agree with you. The finest form of happiness is found when we help others achieve their goals and dreams. I believe that happiness is a creature that exist through giving not receiving. And the purest form of happiness can be achieved when we give to others without looking for return or benefits.
Do you know how I make my life easy? By making other people’s life easy.
How can helping others impact a career path?? Please answer this, i need it!
EMM exists to provide shelter/housing, food, clothing and discipleship in the name of Jesus Christ to “the least of these.” Matthew 25:40. We are a Spirit led ministry in that as the Spirit of God directs us to help someone, we don’t question – we act, knowing and trusting that God will provide. With donations we are able to buy RV’s for the homeless.
https://everyonemattersministries.com/
Hi Joshua,
Your article, “Why Helping Others Succeed Can Be Your Greatest Success” reminded me of a popular article I came across on our site Wall Street Oasis (one of the largest online finance communities with over 4 million page views/month).
I enjoyed reading your article because you went in depth about the relationship between helping others and your own personal success. I can definitely agree that allowing others to succeed and helping them along their path can in the long run help with your own success.
Anyway, I thought your article had a great deal of discussion on stress which was similar to the article I read on the Wall Street Oasis.
If you’d like me to forward it your way let me know and I’ll gladly send it over.
-Jake
Wall Street Oasis
Thank you for sharing this great post! Doing something for others and make others happy is the best thing we can do in our lives. In my opinion there is no better feeling than help someone with something and see this true feeling of TRUE happiness in their eyes. I don’t know is there any better feeling, do you?
If we give more in our lives, it is sure thing that we will get more back.
Best Regards,
Silvija
Wonderful post ..Yes our life should be a meaningful one. We came to this world with empty hand, and will go with empty hand.
Whatever we have with us are taken from here, let us give it back to this world with lot of love.
Josh, the older I get the more I crave a sense of teamwork in this great country. The judgement, comparison, one-upping and back stabbing in our own society will be our own undoing. We certainly didn’t become a great country w such freedoms and privileges without teamwork! Raising four kids, I’m trying very hard to find a balance between teaching them how to succeed and stand apart from the crowd but to also embrace teamwork and community w an altruistic mindset. Becoming Minimalist is certainly helping me sort out what really matters in my life.
Eric, Joshua doesn’t have the monopoly on insightful guidance and I am sure he would be the first to agree., I found your contribution very insightful, thanks for that.
“I didn’t know it was an illusion, working all those hours trying to pay for things that I wouldn’t have time to use.”
Yes :)
Great article Josh and so many good points.
You ought to check out Adam Grant’s “Give and Take” if you haven’t already: http://www.giveandtake.com/Home/AdamGrant – solid read & well recommended from me.
Keep up the great work and talk soon!
Jeff
I echo a lot of what’s written here. I had a difficult childhood, one that I needed to find a way out of. I began to believe in the world I saw in commercials. They seemed above it all, in a better place, the happy world of consumer products. I got a business education in university, thinking money was the path to get there. I didn’t know it was an illusion, working all those hours trying to pay for things that I wouldn’t have time to use. They became part of the set of some lost dream that didn’t come true. The consolation prize was that I could win the approval and acceptance of others through my things. Then, I got sick. My income dropped and I had to adjust. That’s when I started to learn what is really important. Things can be a burden, earning the money to pay for them, acquiring them, making a place for them, maintaining them, disposing of them. Moments and people are what I care about. Minimalism is my path now.
Love this post! I grew up in a very competitive, “it’s you or me…are you moving up or aren’t you” household. That line of thinking left me depressed for a number of years. Competing with others rather than celebrating their successes and joy only serves to steal your own happiness and satisfaction.
I have since learned to think differently and have never been happier. I now celebrate people’s joys and try to lift others up. Sometimes I have to continually remind myself to do this (which I guess is kind of sad), but when I do, I see the real joy in life.
So I guess the next time my family asks me when I’m going to become a REAL nurse (I work with adults with developmental disabilities in a community setting) I will let it brush off my shoulders and know that I am helping others live full, healthy lives, and that’s all that matters!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Thanks for the article from Tel Aviv.
what could be more fulfilling than helping others succeed!
Many thanks for a thought-provoking article. I have forwarded to several friends.
Also, thank you for the website in general. I am enjoying becoming a minimalist and find the ‘load’ I have been carrying in this life is much lighter simply by not feeling the need for things and by redefining what is valuable.
This is exactly why I come here. Great advice and motivation to correct our “normal” way of thinking.
And that’s why we love having you come here. Thanks for stopping by Jarrod.
I’ve had mobility problems my whole life. Stiffness in my legs, poor coordination, etc. Yoga has been like a gift from God. My long term goal is to become a certified yoga teacher. My brother who just graduated law school and is studying for the bar thinks I’m insane, but I’ll let him have his long hours and piles of money. I’d rather make enough to get by, and know I’m making a difference in others’ lives than have piles of money but no life.
“Another’s success does not mean I have less opportunity. In fact, another’s success can actually be my success if I had opportunity to enable, encourage, and promote them along the way!
I think what you describe here (and in this entire post) is the original and true “American Dream.” Competition in life is not the same as competition in sport or game. In life, success actually breeds success amongst the actors. There is no finishing line and there is no “first place” in the game of life.
Hey! Always nice to run into another Frank (even on the internet)
Agreed wholeheartedly. From what I’ve seen the cutthroat win at all costs mentality has only appeared over the last hundred years or so, since the end of WWI, or maybe even WWII. Before that we didn’t see that mentality outside of the sports field, and what little there was was more good fun among friends than literally wanting to run the other guy into the ground.
I have been thinking about this topic, with relation to my life, and I realize I have been waiting for a major way to help the world. In my head, I am thinking that if I don’t do a lot, it’s not worth doing anything at all. Of course, reading this post, affirms it for you, that a little help for someone else, goes a long way. We are all in a web here, a little help here, could cascade down and potentially change the lives of several hundred people. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of even doing a little.
And thank you for clearly making that distinction. Most often, the world is changed one life at a time.
There is so much joy available when you know you’re having a wonderful impact on someone’s life :) Whether that’s a friend, client, your special partner, a parent, a sibling or a child – it’s lovely. :)
There’s just no better way to improve our lives than to improve someone else’s.
When I lived in Costa Rica, I saw this in so many people! When I had my baby there, I was amazed at the amount of help I was given from people that were strangers or that I barely knew. Right now I work as an in-home mental health practitioner. I don’t make much money but I didn’t get into this business to make a lot of money – I truly enjoy helping others live a better life. Hoping to get back to Costa Rica soon and pay it forward there. :-)
Thanks for sharing that Sherri. Your story is a great example. After all, most people who truly love their work didn’t get into it for the money.
This. This is what life is all about. As far as I can tell, if you do this, the money will follow. You might not be rich, but you will have enough.
Two phrases fit so well with this post, Joshua. “Serving” and “adding value.”
Fantastic post!
Thanks Kent. I appreciate that. Thanks also for sharing it. And thanks for all you do empowering educators. As the parent of two small kids, I appreciate it.
I liked it, tweeted it, and am sharing it. Life is like love…the more you give the more you have.
Thanks Denise.
What is the meaning of help?
The entire piece speaks to me, but this last line: “our lives are going to find lasting significance in how we choose to live them… and how we enable others to live theirs” is direct affirmation of the way of life that I practice and share. It is absolutely wonderful to receive the gift of your reflection today! Thank you :)
how can I get in touch with you, Joy?
helping others is the reason why we exist! from infancy, your mom. papa or caretaker totally looked after you. Today you are a successful business person! Italian must be more on others and less on ourselves, yeah!!!
Am happy to read this and am inspired by your messages. Hopping to communicates with frequently
“Our contribution to this world has to be measured by something more meaningful than the size of our house or the neighborhood where it is located.”
yes, Yes, YES!
In my experience, not only does the circle begin again, it also often comes full circle. Some of the best business I have ever got has come back through people that I had initially helped for free. Linking people to other people who can help them, with no obvious payoff for me, is one of my favourite things to do.
There’s nothing like helping people; it pays off. Thanks for sharing. For more insightful post on helping people: http://www.toptenthingz.com/top-ten-ways-to-help-others-leading-yourself-to-a-successful-empire/
Help me please to succeed :(
I need a house,money and job,I feel lost