When is the last time someone helped you? Was it carrying the groceries into the house? Or taking time to brainstorm solutions to a tricky situation? How did you feel after they helped you?
Now think of the last time you helped someone. Did you hold the door for a stranger at the store? Did you do a family member’s chore for them? Did you volunteer at the middle school dance? How did you feel afterward?
Helping others is a benefit to us. In fact, according to studies, helping others makes us even happier than when others help us.
Carolyn Schwartz, a research professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, was looking for ways to support those with multiple sclerosis. She arranged monthly peer-support phone calls, and was surprised to find that those who offered support were helped even more than those who received the support.
“A newly emerging school of thought suggests that a simple, age-old principle may be part of both the prevention and the cure: Help others to help yourself.”
In your search for meaning in life, helping others may be overlooked. But “kind and helpful behavior causes us to feel that our lives are meaningful.”
When we think of things that matter and ask ourselves What really matters to me? we often keep ourselves at the center—it’s even in the question above: me.
But according to studies (and experience), when we look beyond me and begin asking what really matters, we find that helping others really matters. What may start out as a selfish pursuit—helping others so that I can feel better—will end up a selfless benefit, for everyone.
We feel good because we have helped someone else feel good. And it’s inevitable that we’ll want to do it again.
This feedback loop has been found in studies of helpful people.
“Since depression, anxiety, and stress involve a high degree of focus on the self, focusing on the needs of others literally helps shift our thinking. ‘When you’re experiencing compassion, benevolence, and kindness, they push aside the negative emotions,’ says Stephen Post, a research professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University. ‘One of the best ways to overcome stress is to do something to help someone else.’ Even better, feeling good and doing good can combine to create a positive feedback loop, where doing good helps us to feel good and feeling good also makes us more likely to do good.”
Additionally, when we direct our resources of time and money toward others, we begin to discover pursuits more valuable than accumulating material possessions.
Removing the trappings of possessions seems like a detour in the pursuit of helping others, but it’s more like a mathematical equation: (My money or time) – (material possessions and a full calendar) = external and internal resources to help others.
In a very real way, since helping others leads to happiness (and theirs), then reducing possessions and distractions can offer more opportunity for happiness.
You can read more about why this works, but if you want to jump to the benefits, here are a few ideas to get you started helping others.
1. Start small.
Give your place in line to someone at the grocery store. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk, or place their Sunday paper on their front stoop on a rainy day. Jump up to open the door, let the dog out, carry a package, or take out the trash for someone. Practice helping others every day.
2. Then move to helping others in larger ways, once a week if you can.
Buy a coffee or a grocery store gift card for the man without a home that you see every time you go to the local shopping center. Send an email to your child’s school staff, thanking them and cheering them on in their service to the students. Offer rides to people who need to get to the doctor or the store. Stop by a neighbor’s house to check in and ask if there is anything you can help them with.
3. As these things become second nature, try helping others as a lifestyle.
Volunteer a couple times a year at the soup kitchen—ladling soup, cleaning bathrooms, or raking leaves. Ask your local synagogue or church if there are any building or personnel needs you can fulfill a few times a year. Reach out to a nearby school to see if you can tutor students or run a coat drive.
Start by asking the question: “Can I help in any way?” That’s all it takes.
That, and a willingness to hear the answer and give your help. And happiness will be right around the corner.
You’re helping me. Thank you. I agree wholeheartedly.
Agree : )
Ah Joshua, this is an interesting conundrum. It is easy to get into a mindset where the very act of giving/ volunteering complicates one’s own goals in achieving minimalism or simplicity. The tools of the girl scout trade, storing supplies, sourcing low-cost and meaningful activities and equipment, the time involved in planning weekly meetings and weekend/ week-long camps, the management of other volunteers, keeping in touch with parents, and taking care of other people’s children alongside a busy working and parenting life. Let’s not simplify the act of giving too much – it has a cost and also needs to be balanced, otherwise the act of giving in and of itself can become problematic. I appreciate the sentiment in this piece, but I find the assumption that readers do not already give more than they can afford demonstrates a gap in understanding.
Minimalism has never been greatest goal in life. I’ve always dreamt bigger dreams than minimalism. If giving/helping others complicated minimalism in my life, I choose serving.
David Brooks touched on this in his book “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” The first half of our lives are often ego-centric. We chase money, recognition, possessions. But when we get to the top of our first mountain, the view isn’t that satisfying. So we climb down in search of our second mountain, which is how we become other-centric. We focus on helping others. And that’s where true happiness is found.
Excellent article! I agree 100% with showing kindness and helping others. It brings me tremendous joy.
I agree. I get so much joy, yes, joy, out of helping others in small ways all day long. And what is extraordinary is that when I reached the point where I do these small things without even thinking about it (because they have become second nature to me) they nurture my attitude even when I am not doing them.
One thing I have added is something that I am very excited about. I have ordered business cards that I intend to hand out to those working with the public, especially when they have had a bad encounter with said public. The cards say this: “Thank you! I wanted to let you know that I think you. are doing wonderfully at your job. Please always remember that it is only your actions and. your thoughts that matter in your life. And you are doing great today.” There is a picture of a bouquet of red roses on the front and I will tape a piece of candy to the back. I can hardly wait to get started because I am very tired of hearing that “someone needs to do something.” Yes, yes, someone does. Me.
Lauren, I love your idea! It’s beautiful ~ you have a good heart!
Find a way to volunteer around something you are passionate about and it will fill your heart. Animal shelters need lots of volunteers doing varied jobs, from walking dogs to office work. Find a shelter with a greater need if your local one has lots of volunteers!
CASA – Court Appointed Special Advocate ( for neglected and abused children) is a very special and important way to volunteer that can change a life!
What we do is more important than what we have!
Thank you for this gracious thought! So much today is about “me”. Jesus is our perfect example of stepping aside from ourselves and with His Love in our hearts, live for others….which also means taking care of self so that we have the anchor of His strength to reach out to any around us. May He help us to recognize our opportunities!
Amen to that!