“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” —Malcolm S. Forbes
The importance of learning how to be more confident in our lives can not be overstated.
It is, after all, a lack of confidence that causes our lives to be tossed to and fro by the sway of culture. From the very beginning, we see the harmful affects of low confidence on our decision-making process while the fear of rejection becomes an all too common presence in our lives. It causes many to adopt the values of the group and engage in otherwise undesired behavior.
Simply put, the need for love, belonging, and acceptance becomes stronger than the internal compass within us. And many unhealthy life choices begin to emerge.
In adolescence, this need for acceptance begins to show itself in substance-abuse, underage-drinking, dangerous sexual practices, or mischievous behavior.
As we get older, some of these habits remain… but new ones begin to emerge. The desire to find acceptance by impressing those around me with my possessions begins to motivate aspects of my life. And whether it be a certain home-size, vehicle-model, fashion-trend, or latest-technology, many of our purchases are made with a simple desire to keep up with the neighbors and not be regarded as “falling behind.”
Our need to impress and be accepted becomes more important than wise spending habits.
But self-confidence redirects our life. It begins to realign our desires with the unique heart inside us. It allows us to reject the trends of a culture built on consumption. When it is present in our lives, we begin to believe that we exist for a greater purpose than shopping on Black Friday. The need to impress others with our belongings is replaced by an internal desire to follow our heart and soul… and to embrace the desires deep in our soul is to reject the notion of shopping for acceptance.
To recenter your life, learn how to be more confident, and embrace a healthy view of self-confidence, consider these practical tips:
Stop comparing yourself. Reject the desire to compare yourself to others. When we compare ourselves to others, we always contrast the worst things we know about ourselves to the best things we know about others. The inevitable outcome always leaves us with feelings of inadequacy and despair. Become wiser. Tell yourself that you can’t possibly be making a fair comparison. And reject the idea altogether.
Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, your talents aren’t the same… and your deep-held values are unique. Throwing that away just for the sake of being accepted by others is one of the cruelest things that you can ever do. And it will always prevent you from fully living our life. Instead, champion the things that make you unique and find confidence in them.
Focus on the positives. Change your thinking. Focus less on the negatives and more on the positives. Stop dwelling on the negative messages of the past and begin centering yourself on the positive traits in your life today.
See past failures as learning opportunities. We’ve all tried and failed at some point in our lives. Confident people look back at failures and view them as learning experiences. In that way, failures can actually provide greater self-confidence moving forward. Learn from your mistakes and try again. Remember that it’s not over when you lose, it’s over when you quit.
Help someone. One of the most important steps to finding self-confidence in your life is to give yourself to others. Serving another person almost always results in the healthy realization that you are important in this world, that you have something to offer, and that the world is more beautiful because of your presence. See a need around you? Whether it be a need for time, finances, or a listening ear, meet it today. And the life you change just may be your own.
Begin realizing a life goal. Intentionally and specifically, begin working towards a life goal. Know that taking the first step is a momentum builder and can generate confidence in your life. There is a powerful difference between “I want to…” and “I’m beginning to…” So write the first page, run the first mile, or meet the first person. You know what you want to accomplish and you know what the first step is. Stop telling yourself it’s out of reach and take the first step.
Accept your weaknesses. While dwelling on our weaknesses leads to a lack of self-confidence, accepting them is an important step in developing it. First, it keeps us from unhealthy delusions of grandeur. It embraces that we are not perfect and forces us to live our lives in a healthy need for others. Secondly, it provides us with the foundation to accept failures when they arise. We are not caught off-guard when we fail. Instead, we are simply again reminded of our need for others to compliment our weaknesses.
Be known and loved. There is no greater key to self-confidence that being intimately known and genuinely loved by another. Allowing another human being into the deepest depths of our heart is one of the single most difficult acts in the world today. But doing it (and being loved despite of it) breathes life into our soul and builds confidence in our inner-most being… and this confidence continues to grow as the commitment to each other deepens. (On a related note, take a moment this week to better know and love your child… it’s one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them).
Intentionally working on how to be more confident will provide you motivation to pursue your passions. It provides the foundation to reject the claims of a consumerist culture. And it provides the incentive to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.
Si says
Inspiring thoughts from all. I especially liked the comment by DanielW, regarding complimenting or giving positive constructive feedback to someone (preferably something they have done, rather than what they possess or how they look) and how this can not only boost the persons confidence, but also yours in the process.
This modern consumerist world seems to breed a lot of negativity e.g. Jealousy, envy, debt, addictions etc…
I would like to believe there is a rebellion against consumerism rising, were the confidence to live richer more fulfilling lives without excessive or unessesary material wealth grows stronger!
I might just have to get a copy of Josh Beckers book on living more with less.
restposten fernseher says
Good post, adding it to my blog now, thanks. >
oxdevelopment says
Good article! You have 2 types of confidence, inner and outer confidence.
Outer confidence is based on everything that is materialistic. Like money cars…
Inner confidence is build overtime, this is what your build overtime. Through experience. It will take time to build this confidence. But once you have it you will never lose it.
Good luck and don’t be afraid to fail!
Thomas
DanielW says
These are some great tips. I personally think that whenever I compliment someone it makes not only the person feel better but also me feel great. I just know I made someone happy, which makes me feel more confident :)
Paula Greenlee says
Wonderfully written! Now to execute this plan!
Conal says
We are always concerned about the self esteem of our children, especially when they are teenagers, but we rarely concern ourselves, with our own self esteem. Perhaps, if we ensure ours stays in tact, it will naturally rub off on our kids.
Paula says
I agree. Although kids’ self esteem is important, there’s no denying that. But it seems once we reach adulthood it doesn’t matter if it’s not fixed, it’s too late and we’re damaged goods. But we’re not. We’re still important.
Jerry G. Hoover says
There’s a room for everything.. God relieves us from our everyday heartaches and mental stress so box-out all your frustrations! We can learn how to make choices thru life coaching. It creates life balances for a better living.
Terry A Hemsworth says
Why do people feel we need a higher entity to make us feel complete, happy, self-confident, worthy of another’s love and being able to give of our love and time? I used to feel less of all of the things I have stated when I “practiced a religion”. It was the people who I attended “church” with who made me feel less. I am a work in progress and will never be perfect ever in my lifetime . Even at my age. 50 plus .
positivemindset says
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Hambik says
I loved your post. I’m going to change everything. I’m not talking about not being who I am, I just want to get rid of my bad habits, and make a purposeful life for my self and being happy with the people around me. Again thank you…
Terese says
i found this blog just a few months ago. My mom passed away on Septmber 19th- she was so attached to her stuff. I never want to be that way – stuff doesn’t matter. Your blog has helped me through my grieving process and sent me on my own journey to become a minimalist. I’ve started by getting rid of (both giving and donating) a ton of stuff but I’ve only just begun – looking forward to 2015 and continuing my journey to become a minimalist.
Jeannie says
Me too Terese… I have only found “Joshua” a few months ago also!! My Mom recently went into a home and I had to do a big clean out… it is always difficult know what to get rid of and when it belongs to someone else. This blog helped me incredibly as I would have never thrown away or donated what I did!! I have learned a lot here not just about de-cluttering but just life experiences and taking care of ourselves and others and learning more each day what is ‘really important” in our lives of Family & Friends. All the Best of you Adventure!! :)