Finding the perfect gift for loved ones seems more daunting than ever. Not because they need more, but precisely because they don’t.
There is a common phrase we use during the holiday season that you’ve almost certainly heard and have probably asked yourself, “What do you buy for someone who already has everything?”
Not that long ago, that was something you said about your wealthy boss or super-rich uncle. But now, in a society where human beings own more material objects than at any point in human history, “the person who already owns everything” is most of us.
As a result, finding the perfect gift has become more stressful than ever.
Most people nowadays, who are wrapped up in the whirlwind of consumer culture, have already bought all the things they want or need. They’re not waiting for Christmas morning to receive what they want, they’re just clicking to ship on Amazon and getting it delivered by the very next morning.
Santa Claus doesn’t come down the chimney on Christmas Eve anymore; he arrives in an Amazon truck every day of the week.
Gift-giving has become a game of guessing what unconsidered product might delight our loved ones, who, throughout the year, have already accumulated all the things they need and most of the things they knew they wanted.
This conundrum leaves us buying gifts for the sake of tradition, rather than need.
How do we give gifts in a culture where everyone already buys everything they want?
First, we need to resist the urge to let marketers and sales solve our problem for us. When we can’t think of what to give someone, too often, our impulse reaction is to scan the sales, the Black Friday ads, or walk mindlessly up and down aisles at Target hoping to let the store show us what to buy.
Relying on businesses to tell us what to give as gifts will only result in us gifting the gifts businesses want us to give. If you absolutely have to give a physical gift, think of the items you used recently that were genuinely helpful in moving your life forward.
But here are some alternative approaches:
Consider the charm of experiences. No experience is ever the same. Plus, they’re the gifts that result in connection, laughter, and growth. Whether it’s tickets to a local play, a promise of a home-cooked meal, or a voucher for a dance lesson, these gifts offer something that no store can stock – time spent together.
Handmade gifts come next, brimming with personal touch and thoughtfulness. Again, they are entirely original and unrepetitive. They stand out in a sea of mass-produced items—and can never be purchased on a whim during a late-night online shopping spree. A hand-knit scarf, a personal poem, or a personalized playlist can sometimes convey affection in ways that a purchased item cannot.
Another idea is to give the gift of your time. The most valuable gift you can offer someone is your time because when you give your time you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back. Offer to help your sister paint her kitchen, take your nephew out for a day at the zoo, or schedule an afternoon hanging out with your mother. It’s about being there for each other.
Another thoughtful approach is to consider a gift that gives back—gifts that contribute to a cause or charity. These gifts resonate with the spirit of the season, spreading joy beyond the immediate circle of giver and receiver and enriching the lives of others.
Each of these is an idea to help you think differently about gifts rather than just buying “something” at a store to fulfill an expectation.
But maybe the greatest gift you can give is the gift of not needing to exchange gifts.
First of all, if you are someone that already owns everything you need (and want), you can lower the stress level of your loved ones during the holiday by telling them not to buy you a gift this holiday season. Or, better yet, tell them you’d like to go out for a nice dinner with everyone, and that would be the best holiday gift anyone could give you.
Being clear and taking the initiative among your family this holiday season will provide the added benefit of allowing them to enjoy their season with less stress.
Sometimes, the best gift might be the gift of release from expectation. Suggesting a ‘no-gift’ agreement or asking loved ones to donate to a charity on your behalf can relieve pressure and refocus the holiday spirit on what truly matters.
And if you are in a family where the current holiday arrangement is everyone buying gifts for everyone else who already has everything, suggest a new idea this holiday season. You could try offering “no gifts at all this year,” but that might be a tough sell. Some intermediary steps are “giving gifts to only the kids,” “exchanging names,” or “just one gift to the entire family rather than each individual.”
Several years ago, my family decided to stop buying gifts for the adults. And have loved it ever since.
This holiday season, let’s redefine our approach to gifting. Let’s make it less about the items and more about the message they carry.
After all, almost everyone is buying whatever they want all year long already.
As we embrace a new perspective on presents, we might just find that the greatest gift we can give is a little more simplicity in a world cluttered with choices.
Zaheer Abbas Nathani says
One work around can be giving Amazon Gift Card to the person. This way you give the chance to the person of buying those things which he or she actually needs rather you guessing.
Dorothy opati says
Very insightful I intend to follow through the suggestions in this article,
Thank you.
Beth Dickinson says
I love you website! Always thoughtful and informative.
Barbara Roth says
This is the 10th commandment.
Rhonda says
Our son is now 21 and we decided when he was 19 as a family to stop buying gifts. I have decided to knit them new hats and mittens and just spend the day together remembering who this day is really about, Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
Candace Strickland says
This year, for adult couples, I’m giving safety items: fire extinguisher blankets, upstairs ladder for window escape, car fire extinguishers, personal safety alarms with strobe lights and ear piercing horn for each person who drives, large flashlights for vehicles.
Thea says
I love giving gifts and in the past 5-ish years I started to create Christmas Eve boxes for everyone with whom I’m spending the 24th. I took inspiration from the Icelandic tradition of gifting books and chocolate so my CEBs include a book, a tea or hot chocolate, a treat like cookies, and cozy socks or slippers from the dollar store. For financial reasons, this year all the books are coming from the library and lucky for me, my nearest and dearests will appreciate the quirkiness.
I stopped buying things for people years ago and instead focus on consumable gifts, experiences, or one-on-one time with them. Because of this, gift giving is one of my main love languages.
Alice says
I do the same tradition and enjoy it so very much! I’m with you!
Thea says
I was shocked the first year how popular it is! I think most people appreciate edible/consumable gifts. Look at how popular cookie exchanges are 😊
Pat Heck says
Our family gave up on gift giving years ago and instead each family brings a gift card for a family in need. It can be for gas, food, movies, a big box store – whatever they choose. They also choose the amount they want to spend. Then we find a family in need and make their holidays brighter!
JC says
I have given thoughtful gifts. I give because it’s Christmas. I don’t have a lot of money. But I spend a little bit on each person and the gift is something that they need and I make sure that it is the highest quality of its type.
My sibling (we are both in our 60s) does not like that I buy thoughtful gifts for my nieces, nephews, grand nieces, and grand nephews… her children and grandchildren. She has conversations with me that “the best present for all of them is cash” (one of them is 2 and one is 5). I don’t agree and I believe that she is only against me buying gifts because I’m thoughtful. Always have been, always will be. After a half hour lecture of how cash would be better, I said, “Well, I’ll just get each person a nice card.” She sputtered and then again told me that I didn’t have to get them nothing, but cash would be good. I told her, “Well, I’ll make everyone a loaf of my famous banana bread. Everyone loves it.” She gave up. Christmas can be wonderful for a lot of families, but for some, holidays are a constant struggle of power and control.
Karen says
Sorry to hear that your Sister may have some pent-up “Sibling feelings” going on here. The best gifts, I have gotten have been thoughtful gifts such as a tin of homemade cookies, a favorite book, a favorite magazine subscription, a wonderful small pound cake (I hate sweet potato pies, fruit cakes), a tape of favorite music put together by a thoughtful relative. Still use the tin, the book’s passages are still read. Children that young are getting an early message that money is very important and that the holiday season is a material gain time.
I would continue doing what you are doing.
Jeri says
We tried homemade gifts one year for the adults and had one complainer. We then tried gifts under $5 but had the same complainer say you couldn’t even get a nice pen for that. We finally settled on buying a gift for Toys for Tots but the rules were you had to buy a gift that the “10 yr old person” whose name you drew would like and you had to take a picture of the toy (or cut out a picture), wrap the picture in a box for that person to open. It was kinda cool to see what we each thought the other would like. And we tried to stay away from electronics.
Tracy says
We used to do mountains of gifts. Then we simplified down to one gift each (One year we gave each person a game of their choice. Last year we gave each person a large canvas photograph collage). We’re shifting our emphasis to playing games that make everyone laugh together. Last year one of the funnest parts of our celebration was when we were all throwing candy canes at once to try to get them into a jar in the center of the room. Everyone was laughing hysterically at the chaos and silliness.