These days, there’s a lot of talk about finding your passion and doing what you love. And I think that’s important. We should take the time to identify the things in life worth pursuing and dedicating ourselves to.
But I don’t think finding joy in what you do is nearly as important as finding joy in how you do it.
This is something I learned from my grandma.
Growing up, my family attended church every Sunday. I remember, when I was young, hanging out primarily with my grandmother. Mostly, this was because she was working in the nursery… and I was bored in the service.
Every week, during the message, I would complain about needing the bathroom. After escaping to the hallway, I’d check the nursery hoping my grandma needed help. I would always find her there, sitting peacefully, usually rocking a baby to sleep. On a small black-and-white television, she would be watching the pastor deliver his sermon.
As I got older and I began to understand what was happening in the sanctuary, I grew to appreciate it. The words encouraged me and challenged me. Slowly, I began to spend fewer and fewer Sundays in the nursery with my grandma. And I began to spend more and more Sundays in the sanctuary with my grandpa.
He was, after all, the preacher on the stage.
But I’ll never forget the image of my grandma, rocking that baby, watching her husband on the small television in the nursery.
His sermons were being broadcast all over the country. Yet she just watched them faithfully, from right there in that small nursery, with a baby in her arms.
I’ve never met another woman so gifted at comforting and quieting a crying child—or relieving the nerves of an anxious mother.
My grandmother died on Christmas Eve, 2007.
Leading her Memorial Service was one of the greatest honors of my life. In preparation for it, I began to recall vividly those Sunday mornings sitting in that quiet nursery with my grandmother.
I can see now how she modeled love, humility, contentment, and joy in those moments. She never did receive recognition for her hard work. But she didn’t seem to mind. Because she faithfully served others in her quiet role, my grandfather was able to fulfill his.
We live in a world that exalts and honors those who clamor for attention. We praise and idolize those people who appear on magazine covers, climb the corporate ladder, or have ever-increasing numbers of Instagram followers. We place on a pedestal those who have acquired great wealth, fame, or power.
And many of us desire to achieve the same.
But there is an important truth for all of us that I shared the evening of my Grandmother’s service. It goes like this:
If you are content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.
We don’t always get to choose our life’s circumstances or the roles we are called to fulfill. Each of us are gifted in different ways and invited to pursue unique callings on our life.
Our greatest pursuit then, is to find humility, love, and contentment in the role we are best designed to fulfill—whether that role results in fame and fortune or not.
We find joy by focusing less on the “what we do” and more on the “how we do it.”
Serving quietly and humbly like my grandmother is no less important in this world than standing on a stage. And in that way, I may have learned just as much about life while sitting in the nursery as I ever learned sitting in the sanctuary.
Helen E. Aardsma says
This is a wonderful article; so needed in our mixed up world. Keep up the good work!
Jan Ramsey Brick says
Thank God for your Grandma’s beautiful soul. Because of her, we are all benefitting from your wise words.
I have neither but I suspect that fame and fortune are highly overrated.
Thanks Joshua!
John P. Weiss says
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5
Thanks for reminding us, Joshua.
Angela @ Setting My Intention says
Thank you for this beautiful picture of calling and contentment. I’m finding that Decluttering and simplifying is helping me to discover what I love, what I value, and how to be at peace in the world – something that your grandmother seemed well acquainted with
Tony W says
It is great that you Grandparents created great memories and a solid foundation for you as a child.
Sharon says
Fantastic post. Your grandmother was a wise woman who’s legacy is being continued. I’m reminded to cherish my role as homemaker, mom and widow to a wonderful man.
Nikki says
What a lovely, relevant article. Thank you for sharing the story of your beautiful Grandmother.
Colleen Lusk says
Joshua, thank you for this lovely tribute to your grandmother. This story resonates strongly with me because I am a minister’s daughter. I remember all the Sundays after church I had to talk to little old ladies and resented it. I wanted more attention from my dad. And yet, when I became a teacher, all those Sundays came rushing back. I discovered I could talk to my students, their parents, anyone, easily and with confidence. I also discovered I had a well of patience and compassion for others. Where did it come from? I thank my minister father for leading by example.
Twyla says
What a wonderful gift of service to others. Yes, it’s not what we do, but how we do it.
Erika says
Thanks for posting this! It makes me think of Psalm 131, one of my faves. I’ve struggled for years with my decision to stay home with my kids–I genuinely miss a lot of what I’ve given up, plus I have to fend off the messages of the culture: I should be making MORE money so we can have MORE and do MORE. But every time my husband and I reconsider the arrangement, we come down on the side of more peace and simplicity in our home, more connection between me and the kids. (A different kind of MORE!) It is a hidden life, in many ways, marked by small moments. I’ve recently come to joyfully accept that life can be about depth, it needn’t be about height or breadth.
Lyndsy says
Thanks for sharing your reflections Erika- that helped to articulate some of the emotions I’ve been feeling in my newfound role of being at home with my kids.
kddomingue says
I’d like to add to what Erika said. Staying home with your children is probably harder in some ways today than it was 33 years ago when my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home with children. We gave up a lot to make that happen. Our families disapproved and our peers thought we were crazy. We never had the Mc Mansion, expensive cars or fancy vacations. The kids didn’t wear designer tennis shoes or trendy clothing from big name stores. And there’s more pressure from more sources that bombard young parents now to have it all, to have and buy more, more, more constantly.
My children are 33 and 30. They don’t remember what they got for Christmas when they were 7 and 10 or 11 and 14. They don’t sit around complain about how we didn’t have a Mercedes Benz to drive them to softball practice in. Want to know what they remember, what they smile and laugh and reminisce about? How mom and dad coached the team. How mom always stopped to pick up their friends whose parents were working and didn’t have time and that we’d stop for an icee afterwards…..brain freeze! Picnics on a blanket on the yard. Going to the park. Camping trips 25 miles from home and the armadillo that tried to climb in the tent with us. Making Halloween costumes together every year. The chain stitch crochet red garland they made for the Christmas tree one year. Stringing popcorn. Baking cookies together and the time mom forgot to put the beaters in the down position and splattered chocolate cake batter all over the kitchen. The time we took an old papasan chair and some canvas and mom helped us make a coracle ( a small, round Scottish boat). The time dad helped us make……
What they remember is that we always had time for them. What they took away from their childhoods is that moments are more important than money.
I wish you well on your journey.
Lovelle says
Thank you to kddomingue and Erika for these comments. I’m about to give birth to our lil one this May and these are one of the decisions that I have been thinking/praying about lately.
DeAnna says
Beautiful!
Karen T. says
Erika, as a mom of grown children who made the same choice you’re making, and who occasionally felt the same worries that I was missing out and somehow not meeting my societal obligations as a modern woman who can supposedly “do it all,” let me encourage you. The MORE of a peaceful, close, connected family life is TOTALLY WORTH IT! I have never been sorry we learned to be content living only on my husband’s salary so I could stay home with our kids and effectively (not randomly, with whatever leftover energy I could muster after maintaining a career all day) manage our home life. And my kids have actually thanked me too! Be thankful you can make this choice (not every woman can — my divorced sister couldn’t), and enjoy it!
Erika says
Thank you so much everyone for these beautiful and encouraging comments! I love the images of the shared family memories and the wisdom from people farther along the path–and the expectation and pondering of those just starting out.