There are a lot of important questions we ask in life: Who? What? When? Where? How?
But the most important of these is the one we ask the least often: Why?
Granted, why? is the hardest question to answer. But just because it can be difficult to answer doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be asked.
Why? is the question with the most potential and the greatest opportunity to spark new life going forward.
When I first began minimizing and removing possessions from my home, I found myself asking lots of questions: Where should I start? How will I ever get through my entire home? Where should I drop off these items? How will I ever get this old piano out of the basement?
Lots of questions.
However, as the process continued, I began asking myself fewer what?, where?, and how? questions. No longer wondering what process might work best for my family, I began asking myself more difficult questions, including:
Why did I buy all this stuff in the first place?
In the end, it was this question that brought the greatest potential and opportunity into my new life. It was this question of why? that forced me to uncover and evaluate the unseen, unhealthy motivations that were contributing to my over-accumulation in the first place. Once I knew them, I was better equipped to overcome them.
That’s what makes this question so important. Why? forces us to stand face-to-face with questions of motivation and impulse. It requires us to confront the reason behind the actions.
As a result, it offers opportunity wherever it is asked:
What is the first thing you do in the morning? Why?
What are the unhealthy habits in your life? Why are they there?
What worries do you carry? Why is that so?
What fears do you have? Why do you have them?
What struggle points do you have in your marriage? Why?
Do you enjoy your work? Why?
Are you getting ahead financially? Why not?
Are you content with your life? Why or why not?
Are you happy? Why or why not?
With each question, we journey deeper and deeper into our heart.
The what? and where? and when? questions may reveal facts. But the why? question uncovers motives.
And that is how self-reflection begins to emerge.
And it is self-reflection that paves the way for the greatest self-improvement.
The trick is finding agreement with everyone who shares the house. They have different ideas about why….
As usual you have hit the bullseye! I started decluttering three years ago after having to sell and empty my mother’s four-bedroom home filled with “stuff.” I only had two weeks and no one to help me. It was the definition of “Nightmare.” I vowed not to do that to my own children.
But what started out as a gift to my children ended up as a greater gift to me. I DID get to the “why?” sort of by accident…and it has changed my life. Understanding why I’ve held on to things I clearly no longer need and feeling the desire to continue to purchase things I clearly don’t need has been amazing. Just saying, “I don’t need this” is often not enough. But asking, “why do I need/want this?” works. If I cannot answer right at that moment, that is reason enough to pass on a purchase. I even went on a “No-Buy” month…then two…then three. Amazing what I haven’t “needed.”
I have friends who have attempted to declutter…and stall. I think it may be because the asking of “why?” is too painful or difficult. I had one friend ask me why I’m getting rid of so many possessions, do I think I’m going to die? It sounds so dramatic, and I’m not a dramatic person, but my reply was that rather than thinking about dying I’m thinking about living: Simply.
Thank you for sharing and your inspirational magazine and newsletters. They keep me on track…especially when there is a great sale on…whatever!
I do miss that rush of pleasure in making a purchase, but I have left a drawer in my dresser completely empty and a shelf in a closet completely bare. There is a similar rush of pleasure at seeing those empty spaces knowing I worked really hard to get them!
We just wrote a post about paper clutter and how this last gal conquered it and stays organized now. It is a relief all year, especially at tax time!!
Joshua, found you recently and enjoying your writing. You probably already know Simon Sinek’s book & TED talk “Start with Why”. A why question is about motivation as you point out.
Hi, Joshua,
I LOVE this email ! so insightful–it really got me thinking; I even made a “sign” (8 1/2 x 11) with the word WHY in caps ! :)
I don’t know how long you have had your email subscription, but I sure could have used it YEARS ago ! not to mention, practicing your minimalist philosophy; I could have avoided sooooooo much pain in my life–it is too painful to even think about it; I am thankful that I heard you on Focus and could not wait to sign up for your newsletter; better late than never, as they say (who are they ?)
thanks, again; I will be asking myself WHY a lot, and others, when appropriate.
In Christ,
J
Perfect timing for this post. I was doing some journaling this morning because I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and stressed with parenting an adhd adolescent boy, my marriage, our family rent house business, the clutter in the house, etc. And I was beginning the process of asking myself “why?” Why am I feeling like this? And taking the answer and asking “why?” again and again. And also asking, “what is MY part in this?”. Many times it’s my expectations of someone else. Or my fears.
Thank you for the timely article!
My biggest “Why” is Why can I not get rid of some of the things that I know that I should of. I have minimized much of my life. I am making great progress. I have stopped the spending, but there are certain items that I just can’t get rid of even though that I know that I should.
I am getting very frustrated at the blockage..
One example is my watch collection. I owned about 30 watches. I gave away about 10 of them and hardly wear most of the others and for some reason, I just can’t get rid of the others. It is not a matter of money, they are not expensive watches.
I see them everyday and just cringe
This article couldn’t have come at a better time—it’s almost spooky because I was journaling this morning asking myself this exact question: Why did I buy all this stuff in the first place? It’s not an easy question to answer—and those answers are sometimes painful to confront—but it’s the key to moving forward. I’ve gotten rid of things before but fell back into the same habits because I never got to the root of the problem. No more. As I go though my weekly decluttering tasks, I’m making sure that I’m not doing it blindly. Journaling the process and asking the tough questions is a tremendous help—and this comes from someone who once scoffed at the idea and/or value of keeping a journal.
I found minimizing the ultimate form of self expression …..it’s like journaling, crafting, creating and simplifying all at the same time, some times more enjoyable than others, very gratifying at all times.
The tough questions are answering themselves as I unfold the blankets of my life. Then I fold them back up and give them away, which is very rewarding and propels me forward to unlock another door, unfold and fold another blanket if you will. I started with the need to unclutter, then the need to discover, then the desire to move forward.
((Beautiful!)) XO
Wow I’ve read about minimalism for over 5 years and what you said was very new and helpful for me, thank you for sharing. God bless you on this new day!
I need to move a 3 bedroom home to a 2 bedroom apt. The task is overwhelming as I have 22 yrs of stuff. Where do I begin to rid myself of all the “stuff” I never needed???? 68 & doing it alone.
I did this at 65. I had two compelling reasons. 1) I was moving to another state and moving companies charge by weight. 2) someday I will die. (Don’t we all?). It took me five months to clean out my parents’ home when they passed, and they had lived in their house 26 years. It wasn’t lots of clutter—just “stuff” to make decisions about. Did I want someone to have to do that in my house if I died suddenly? I decided I would rather pare my belongings down to a minimum for my own peace of mind as well as for the sake of others. Now I have only what I need, and what makes me happy. Mind you I still own lots more than most people on this planet—I am very blessed. But I don’t have drawers and boxes full of things that someday someone will have to decide what to do with.
You are not alone! I just finalized this in the last few years. I took my time doing this, but the more I did it (even one tiny step at a time), the more I wanted to keep doing it. Be gentle on yourself. Read some books about it that feel good to look at and soothing to hear. Watch “Hoarders” (that show freaks me out so bad, that I automatically “hup to” and run around, getting rid of any little thing I no longer need…even if I just have one stack of paper that I need to get rid of…it’s the motivation that gets me crackin’). Surround yourself with others who have done it. Envision what you want for yourself when it’s done. See that beauty! XO
Very thought provoking blog.
I ask WHY do I have so much paper clutter?
I don’t know what to file away, what to shred and how long to keep papers for. Too much paper clutter. UGH!
My answer to WHY do I had so much paper clutter? Was the same as yours… I didn’t know what to keep or throw away, so I just kept putting off doing anything! Last June I finally got online to research what “experts” say I should keep. Then I started. Some days I had “Event” days where I spent 3-4 hours sifting through the papers. Other days I would spend 15 minutes shredding (usually until my shredder got close to overheating!)
Just keep going!
I recently realized how far I had come because this year’s tax prep has been SO much less stressful than normal for me. I didn’t have a stack (or several stacks) of papers that needed to be filed before I even began. I didn’t have file cabinets bursting from irrelevant papers. (And I kept more than the “experts” said I needed to keep.) I even started tax prep early because I wasn’t stressed out over the prospect of dealing with all this paper.
WHY deal with paper clutter? Less stress is an answer that motivates me.
It will take time, effort, and positive self-talk. But start, and keep going. You CAN do it! And you ARE worth it! :o)
One of my why questions has been generated through hanging on to items I set aside with the intention of selling them. A few weeks back I asked myself why I was doing that. I had been stashing boxes of clothes for over a year to sell, and every time I set out to bring them to consignment shops, or photo them to do Ebay sales, I’d cringe and stop. I simply didn’t want to put my energy in those directions. Why? I found out after finally donating them to a Woman’s shelter. Coming home to an opened up space once occupied by these, I could see possibilities for that same space…the time/energy spent in selling or negotiating consigning was suddenly apparent in a space to lay out my several art pieces that are in undone stages. They are all together now, and a sort of flow of energy between them inspires me to work a little on them, say, every other day now. It has been much more satisfying then the pressure to turn my unwanted items into money. The stifled creative fire is finding its way to light up again. All for the action of clearing a path/space both mental and physical.
I can relate to that. I’m finding it’s easier to go thru my stuff when I find those lovely pieces of unfinished craft works beneath a box. Once my spaces are cleared, I just stare at it for days with wonder and excitement the “new” space. And the creativity begins. Enjoy.
I relate to this, too. It’s hard to face the sunken cost of so many of our possessions. It’s definitely a question of where you want to spend your energy and the return on the investment of your time!
You said it so perfectly–the pressure! I can still do that to myself. And why?
For instance, I have one winter/snow skirt that was expensive and that has been an amazing outerwear item to keep me warm for three seasons.
But I’ve worn it so much I don’t think I can bear to wear it again.
Even though it’s still cute and in great shape. I’m ready to make space for a new one, yet I can feel myself cringing at the thought of “losing” that money I spent on it. And worrying about not finding a new one that is as cute.
I know that’s not good for me to feel.
So I’m reminding myself how well spent that money was (and if I divide out the amount over the months I used the skirt, the price was more than reasonable!)
More importantly, it makes me feel so much better knowing it’s going to be donated so someone who might not be able to afford an expensive skirt. Someone will get to enjoy one that’s still in great shape.
That’s a healthy/good feeling that keeps on giving (especially since I remember what it was like to have used clothes in my early years that were not so cute!).
XO
I agree and applaud you. We have so much more than we want or need and there are so many who truly need. God bless you.
Why did I subscribe to this blog? To receive the insightful questions and thoughts expressed by this very article. Thank you!
I’d like to pay off my credit card balances, $11,000, but not exactly sure just how to go about getting this accomplished when the majority of my payment goes to the interest I’m being charged. Do I consider debt consolidation? I’d like to get these paid within the next three years. Any suggestions? Thank you.
Get a part-time job and use that money towards the debt.
Hi TS – I did this with a public-interest salary and about $14,000 in about 18 months as follows:
Transfer any balances you can to 0%-for-a-year cards.
Freeze or cut up every card you have. If you have one that you want to set aside for emergencies while you’re paying off debt, fine, but do not use it for any spending.
Figure out exactly what you need to spend to cover your monthly cost of living without any extras. Can’t do anything about that money. The rest is what you have control over.
Set aside the minimum you need to cover reasonable fuel/transportation expenses.
Set aside $5 per day for spending however you wish. This was the key to longevity for me because I didn’t feel deprived – I just had to plan. I pulled out $75 per paycheck (2x/month) and put the stack of $5 bills in the back half of my divided wallet. I moved over $5 per day. If I knew something was coming up that would cost more (dinner out with friends, for example), I had to hold off on spending on little things to have enough for the special thing.
Pay the minimums on all balances due and put every additional cent toward your highest-balance debt account. Once that is paid off, move on to the next account. Eventually, everything will be at zero.
Make a budget and live within it. I really love You Need a Budget for the easy tracking and flexibility it offers.
You can do this, and you don’t need debt consolidation!
Even if you have 24% interest rates, if you can find $450 per month, you can pay it off in less than three years. Good luck!
You can do this, and much sooner! Someone close to me just paid off more than that this last year. It came down to really analyzing where everything was going (and why), stopping the non-essentials, finding a little extra work that could bring in any additional money, and putting every single cent toward the bills. Once a month. Then twice a month. There is a snowballing effect that is incredible to experience. It was amazing to witness the card paid off, the auto paid off, and this person ((never)) thought it would be possible to accomplish that so soon. Because too much of anything can make us simply feel overwhelmed and give up. So align with those who are doing the same, so you are supported in this, and so you receive more ideas on how to do this. Every. Tiny. Amount. Makes. A. Beautiful. Difference. XO
You may want to check out Dave Ramsey’s website. He has a great plan for getting debt free. It worked for me. I have ZERO debt. Paid of mortgage years ago. I paid cash for my Jeep Wrangler Unlimited in 2015 because I followed his plan. https://www.daveramsey.com/get-started/debt
Dave Ramsey has helped many get out of debt and stay that way. Google him.
This is very powerful! Thank you for your ongoing insights into living a great life.
When you ask this question, your soul opens up. As an INFJ I ask this a lot.
What is an INFJ?
Hi CR. It’s a personality type discerned by a test called Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). You can Google all the info.