Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families and the Simple Families Podcast.
As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.
I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.
As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.
I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.
The kids of today need minimalism more than ever.
Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike. As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.
As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.
Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.
I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.
I have chosen to trade chaos for calm.
Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.
So what’s the secret? Minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.
Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.
I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:
I Choose Gratitude
I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.
I Choose Family
I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.
I Choose Health
I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food.
I Choose the Outdoors
I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time for kids, I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside.
I Choose Conscious Consumerism
I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.
I Choose Calm
By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.
What are you choosing for your family?
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Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families.
Lori says
In the days that Super Nintendo was popular, my kids begged and begged for that gaming system and back then it wasn’t just a no, we simply could not afford it. They had to pretend bc we didn’t have much for toys either. And now my 5 kids ages 23-35 said THANK YOU mom! When they’d hang out with older friends everyone sat around the tube. My kids said they couldn’t stand that and came home instead. Back then I worked outside tending gardens for a couple for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. They could bring one toy. That couple had a swing set that got well used and the owner loved the dirt patch sitting under a lone swing on a tree. We’d pack picnic lunches and on the hot days we’d splurge on a cold can of pop. My kids to this day loved it. The learned to pretend, to play hide and seek or sit beside me either planting or weeding. No one fought. Now I get to sit at the table and listen to their point of views from those days and no one negative thing was said….
Sarah S Vogel says
Today they call that tough love. But that was the best thing for them. I feel this generation is going to regret how they are raising kids. Less is more, it really is.
Peter Carey says
I’m confused. This article is pointing out the downside of consumerism and haggling iPads from car seats, but then has links to Amazon to buy those things.
Megan says
I am totally onboard with fostering a clutter-free childhood. I am curious to know more about what toys you have for your children that can “grow with them” as you say.
Jean | DelightfulRepast.com says
Love this article. You’re definitely on the right track! The family dinner is crucial; keep it up, no matter what.
Kaycee says
My family is currently transitioning to this lifestyle. It is a challenge with 2 small kids. It is a way of thinking and doing (or not doing). Over-riding the society influence that we are so pressured with today is so hard. I appreciate your inspiring words and wish you best along your journey.
Alissa says
Great Article! My question is how do you balance this minimalistic desire with other people buying gifts for you and your children? My daughter is young still so I can still get away with either returning things or donating them straight away. As she gets older though, how do you pass on the caring sentiment that came with the gifts while passing on the gifts? Open communication would be great but how do you communicate desires without coming across as presumptuous or controlling!
Jessica says
Honestly – we have gone to the mattresses on this one and it was hard and painful for a couple years but it was worth it in the end. You do, as a parent, have a right to ask your children’s gift-givers to give within moderation and stick to your guns if they won’t listen. (You may also have to pay the price, but for me, fewer toys clogging up my house was worth it) What’s worked for us was requesting 1-2 gifts per kid per holiday, focusing on quality and/or ‘bigger’ gifts over a million small ones, and thinking outside the toy box. One year I asked the gift-givers who struggle in this area to give my kids craft consumable stuff – new crayons, colored pencils, paper, paints, etc. The kids thought it was awesome. This year, now that I’m thinking about it, I might ask them to focus on the outdoors consumables – bubbles, chalk, that kind of thing. This past Christmas, I told them to give our 1yo a sleeping bag, since the other 3 have one and she doesn’t.
I probably am controlling in this way but I’ve decided I don’t care because it’s MY house and *I* have to live in it and clean it and make my kids pick up their toys in it, and my kids only play with the same 5 toys anyway. I think if you present your case politely and kindly, as well as making it clear that this is an expectation, not a ‘it’d be great if’, and then be willing to stand up for it if you have to, at the very least you did what you could. Velvet over steel.
Ava says
We’ve had to do the same with my children’s grandparents. We live in a 2-bedroom apartment so are able to use simple lack of space as a reason for not wanting too many gifts for our children, but it’s still a work in progress. I like the idea of asking for consumables as those usually need replenished a few times a year. We’ve also stopped having big birthday parties, so that cuts down on the number of gifts from friends.
Someone else asked about “sustainable” toys. All kinds of building toys have legs in my house – all shapes & sizes of wood blocks, and Duplo/Lego. Magnatiles are also a recent big hit. Dress up clothes & pretend play items like a doctor kit, play tools, play kitchen. A wood train set. Pretty much anything that allows for open-ended creation and imaginative play. My girls both love My Little Pony and while they are plastic toys based on a TV show, they get a lot of use and allow for imaginative play so I don’t consider them to be a waste. Board games are also great when children get old enough for them because they’re something you can play together as a family. The things that usually get tossed aside after the novelty wears off are electronic “learning toys” because their use is limited to what they’re programmed to do.
Sarah S Vogel says
Gifts in the form of experiences, such as a year membership to the local museum, YMCA, gymnastics or piano lessons, a movie theater pass, a magazine subscription or even a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa… you get the idea. These are the gifts that keep on giving. Worth more than just a bauble that is soon forgotten in the pile….
Sabrina Quairoli says
The key for me here is parenting with intention. We all are parenting, some parents had it placed on us and others choose to be parents. But all of us need to realize the habits we instill or allow our children to do will affect their lives when they are adults. Look at the habit and ask the question, “would this habit be beneficial to my child’s adulthood?” Great inspiring post. Thanks for sharing.
john says
I guess kids are not taught that for it is not part of the dominant culture of our society. It’s My Opinion Some Time It’s Matter Person to Person
Hurry says
Your article reminds me that “a decluttered home is a decluttered mind”. I have recently introduced “gadget-free days” in the house which applies to the whole family.
Natasha says
I actually didn’t like this article. Most of the articles here are great, and the substance of this was good… But the tone! So superior. It really turned me off. It’s not about being better than other parents by being minimalist, and that’s what this article left me feeling. The other end of competing by having the newest and most… And having the least.. is still competing. Let’s stop competing. I think it was mostly tone that threw me, but it really threw me.
Kate says
I found it judgemental of people who choose to parent a different way. I think it’s fine to draw by positive example but not to trash other people’s approaches. I don’t believe there’s a definite right or wrong for each child or family and each is free to find their own sense of balance.
caroline says
I agree with Natasha. I found this article annoying, and not because I don’t agree with a lot of the ideas in it.
Suzanne says
I have to agree, a little bit too much “I’m better than you” tone.