“I just don’t know what to do, Joshua. He never seems happy.” This statement by my friend grabbed my attention and I sat up straighter in my chair.
My friend is a few years older than me and, financially speaking, more successful in every way: more income, more cars, bigger house, more toys.
We were enjoying some wonderful food at a downtown restaurant and talking about marriage and parenting. At some point, our conversation turned to his elementary-aged son.
My friend’s face was showing visible frustration. “I don’t understand. He has a whole drawer full of video games, a bedroom full of action figures, and a whole entire room in our house completely dedicated to toys. But he never seems happy. He’s constantly telling me he’s bored.”
His attention began to shift. As is so often the case when it comes to parenting, he began thinking about his own childhood.
“When I was young,” he said, “my family didn’t have anything. I mean, Joshua, we were super poor. I only had three toys to play with, and I shared them with my three brothers. But we made do with what we had—and we had lots of fun. I don’t ever remember asking my parents to buy me stuff.”
I was ready with my response to this. I had spent years thinking about this topic and had considered the topic when writing Clutterfree with Kids.
“Maybe your son is discontent because he has too many toys,” I told him.
“Think about it this way. When you were young, you only had three toys. But more importantly, you knew that wasn’t going to change. You had three, that’s it. You were forced to make do with what you had and find happiness in it. That was your only choice.”
My friend was nodding, so I continued:
“Your son, on the other hand, is in a completely different circumstance. Whenever he wants something new, whether it be from a commercial or something his friend gets, he just asks for it and then he gets it. You allow him to keep looking for happiness in the next toy, the next game, the next purchase. Heck, you practically encourage it.
Maybe if he was required to find happiness in the toys he already has, he just might find it. But for now, he is able to live under the impression that the next toy is going to bring it.”
My friend’s face grew sadder because he knew that what I was saying was true. His own decisions were contributing greatly to the unhealthy relationship his son had formed with possessions.
This is a reminder all of us parents need: our kids need boundaries!
If we don’t give them a sense of how much is too much, they’ll just keep wanting more. And if we let them grow up without considering the downsides of overaccumulation, we could be dooming them to repeat the errors of excess that are so common in our world today.
Don’t you want to spare your kids the bondage that comes with having too much stuff? Start early to teach them that less is more! It’s one of the best ways you can show them your love.
Ruth Merrell says
We had our kids choose a toy to donate to charity when they got a new one.
Maria says
It is a fabulous idea to have toys library where you can borrow and return. It would be very different than renting “toys”, electronic devices. It is recreation, and entertainment that fit in for the family Things are changing fast in the public libraries, though.
s.simpson says
This is a great idea to borrow from the library
Tess says
When my son (now 31) was quite young, I overcompensated for my guilt of being a single mother and traveling a lot, by buying him most things he seemed to want. In fact, I would sometimes go out of my way to surprise him with things he hadn’t asked for, especially if I had just come home from another business trip. A very, very dear friend who was an early childhood education specialist warned me, saying “stop buying him all these things – you’re not doing him any favors and he’s going to grow up to be dissatisfied. Let him work at play.” I immediately stopped – and I also spoke with my son about why I was doing it. Even as a child, he expressed gratitude that I wasn’t burying him under more stuff. He helped to teach me the lesson I didn’t want to learn.
Blair says
I recently went through the process of getting rid of stuff from my 9yr old daughter’s room. I would spend so long helping her clean, only for it to be messed up soon after.
She helped me get rid of (shame face) EIGHTEEN trash bags of stuff from her room.
She has tidied her room every evening before bed for a month, and has been so proud of herself. Today, I was sitting downstairs, and heard her playing in her room, singing. My heart went pitterpat.
Mae says
So glad for you and your daughter.
Tina Avantis says
That is wonderful! And such a good life skill. 💚
Daniela says
Thank you for sharing. I have toys that I kept because my son doesn’let them go. He is in his early thirties. Blocks and
Pieces are still in a box. I’d appreciate your ideas.
Yp says
Make him take them off your hands if he wants them so much
Maria says
Sometimes it is kind of a sentimental thing that makes it harder to choose. Take some pictures or turn it into a keepsake can works too.
Denise says
Ok, as you posted this article, i find myself in the exact situation of making the mistake. And my son not being content anymore with the load of toys he has, always wanting a “new toy”. I messed it up, i admit, i had some (“legitimately”, in my own opinion) reasons to breed this vicious circle. But now is getting extreme. Is there any way back to fix the situation and make a 4 year old understand that he has to have less toys from now on (meaning reducing/donating from his toys) and also that he will not receive new toys any time soon?
Not to mention the stress this organizing of the huge load of toys brings me. :-))
I simply want to change this and i don’t clearly know how to start.
Thank you!
Joleen says
Involve your son in the getting rid of toys. Even at 4 he knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. Have a designated area that holds a certain amount of toys and say thats it no more can go here. Save some for rotation and REALLY pay attention to what he’s playing with. You’ll find more to get rid of and if you think if I take this away he’ll want it next week then save it out of sight out of mind for a certain amount of time maybe 2 weeks and if its not asked for say goodbye to it.
My daughter really wanted to save her barbies promising me she would play with them. Hasn’t touched them in a year and now they are going. She’s older and we did a huge purge a year ago. That’s why I waited so long.
Jessica says
Maybe teach him about kids who do not have any toys, and ask him which ones he hasn’t played with in a while that maybe another boy would like. Wrap it up and donate– decker and help a family in need, as well as your own.
Dixie says
We have 16 grandchildren and more to come. We decided a few years ago to open bank accounts (they are in our name) We put money in for Christmas and b-days. At age 18 they can take the money out. Very interesting, four of them could have taken the money this year, but talking to them individually they each asked if they could just keep the money in the account. We put $50 in per year. We told them yes, but we would not be putting any more money in. A hug, I love you and that will be the gifts after 18 yrs. They (the oldest each have $1000 in and everyone wanted to leave it in. It works, stress free! Told my kids when they started having kids ,we will not compete with in- laws, or anyone else. Love that the kids want to save it!