There are plenty of small, inconsequential realizations in life. Like the fact that the FedEx logo contains a subtle arrow in-between the orange “E” and “x.” It’s small and unimportant. But the first time someone mentions it, you wonder why you never noticed it before.
In contrast with the inconsequential, there are some realizations that come along and change our life forever.
They are not minor, they are significant. They don’t just change how we view a particular logo, they change how we view ourselves, they alter our worldview, and even how we choose to act within it.
For me, one of the most profound realizations I have made over recent years is the understanding that if I’m looking for a reason to be x, I’ll probably be able to find it.
I have found this realization to be true in almost every circumstance. As a result, it contains almost limitless opportunity to change my attitude toward the world around me.
To understand the significance of this realization, I’ll explain a bit more what I mean. Let me offer a specific example:
I have found that if someone is looking for a reason to be upset, they will almost certainly find it. Life isn’t always fair and if a person wants to be upset about a circumstance, a relationship, or a current event, they will almost always find a reason to support their desire. If you want to be upset with your spouse, there are probably a plethora of things you can find that would rationalize that emotion.
However, on the opposite side of the spectrum, if that same person started looking for reasons to be happy, they would almost certainly find those as well. There is always something to be grateful for in life. And if they began looking for reasons to be thankful over a current circumstance, relationship, or current affair, they are almost always able to find it. The same spouse that could provide opportunity to be upset is probably simultaneously offering opportunity to be happy.
This reality extends to almost every possible response toward life:
- If you’re looking for reasons to be scared, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be mad, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be encouraged, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be grateful, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be confident, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be pessimistic about the future, you’ll find them.
- If you’re looking for reasons to be optimistic about the future, you’ll find them.
If you are looking for a reason to be x, you will probably find it.
There is a scientific term for this reality. It’s called Selective Attention or Attentional Control. Selective attention is the act of focusing on something in particular while simultaneously ignoring irrelevant information that is also occurring. At any given moment, our brains are bombarded with sensory information: the car horn, the bird chirping, the newspaper rustling, the whirl of the espresso machine, and the words coming out of our friend’s mouth who is sitting across the table from us at the local coffee shop.
At almost every moment of the day, because our minds can’t possibly process all the information being fed to us by our senses, we subconsciously focus our attention on certain important elements of our environment while other things blend into the background or pass us by completely unnoticed. In the coffee shop example above, we choose to focus our attention on our conversation with a friend and allow the other noises to blend into the background—selective attention. We do it every day.
But this truth about selective attention extends beyond noise and sight. It also helps to explain the life-changing realization that we can almost always find reasons to support the attitude we want to keep.
The world around us is infinitely complex. Because of that, if you’re looking for a reason to be x, you can almost certainly find one—and even two or three or four if you keep looking hard enough.
The most significant opportunity this truth provides is the understanding that our response to life is almost always a decision we make and is less a reaction than we often think.
If you wake up tomorrow and decide you are going to be bitter and hate life, you will almost certainly find reasons to hate your life.
But on the other hand, if you wake up tomorrow and decide you are going to be joyful and grateful for the life you live and the day you have been given, you will almost certainly find countless reasons to reinforce your decision.
This is the magic of selective attention.
It is important to note that just because you made a decision to be happy doesn’t mean the bad parts and the unfairness go away. They still exist. It simply means you have decided to selectively place your attention on the things needed to reinforce your decision.
It is almost impossible to overestimate how significant this realization is. It has the power to transform our lives and how we view them at any given time. Our attitude is not a response to our present circumstances. It is a decision that we make—every single day.
This truth is life-changing. Where do you most need it?
Do you want to change how you view your spouse, your job, your family, your financial situation, or the outlook on your life? Choose today to look for reasons to be happy. Because if you’re looking for reasons to be happy, you will be sure to find them. There’s not a doubt in my mind.
You know how sometimes you’ve heard an idea before, but it doesn’t sink in until you’ve heard it delivered in a powerful way? That just happened for me. Thank you!
Thank you. Sometimes we need another perspective to gain some clarity.
Abby, I completely agree.
This is so true and well written. Thank you for YOUR good attitude.
A very needed and important article for our day and time of so much turmoil in the world. Thanks for a very important reminder.
This came at a great time for me. Thank you for reminding me this very important lesson.
Thanks for taking the time to share and remind us about the choices we have. Great reading to start the day!
Great thoughts….Thank you! —reminds me of a scripture verse–Philippians 4:8
Mark Twain said this a long time ago, that we are as happy as we make up our minds to be. Good thought.
Thank you so much for the reminder to focus on what is good in life. Life is so much better when we focus on the positive.
Liz Adams I believe that saying/quote you mentioned in your comment is attributed to Abraham Lincoln, not Mark Twain. To wit, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ✌️Food for thought.
This is fantastic. It’s a more profound way of saying–you can turn your attitude around. The power to be happy lies within each of us and that is groundbreaking.
Perspective means so much. I recently had to flip my negative perspective to a positive one and it has led to improved home life and work life. Some days it is difficult to keep in the right frame of mind but constantly reminding myself why it is important keeps me on track.
I thought of Philippians 4:8 here too. Secular research supports this as well – we just heard a related lecture at work from author of How to Have a Good Day. Excellent post – more like this please if you are willing! (And would be a great book topic.)
This is the reason that every night before bed, my 2-year-old daughter and I have a talk in her favorite rocking chair. Some nights I ask who she’s grateful for, and together, we rattle off names of family and friends. Sometimes I ask about all the fun things she did that day, and then together, we go through what her day looked like. And sometimes, on slower days, I do all the talking and tell her what I think makes her great and unique. From the very beginning of this whole motherhood thing, I knew I wanted to be able to show my babies how to have perspective of the world around them. Perspective changes everything! Great post – great reminder!
“If you are looking for a reason to be x, you will probably find it” – I think this quote is going on my moodboard right now. These are the words I need to remind myself on a daily basis. It’s so easy to focus on negative or annoying things and get stuck in this swamp. But no one wants to be unhapy, angry and disatisfied 24/7.
I can tell the same as the majority of people already said above me – this post came just in the right time. I have never heard about selective attention before, but I think it’s time for me to dig deeper and learn more! Thanks for sharing!
So true yet needed to be pointed out. A long time agi, while walking my second grade daughter to the bus stop, she told me: ” you know Daddy, you determine what kind of day you are going to have,” then she skipped onto the bus.
Kids have it all figured out!
This post reminds me of the book “The Power of Positive Thinking.” Negative things may happen in our lives, but we have the choice of how we can look at things. A positive mindset achieves so much more than a negative one.
Wow I didn’t even realize the effect of selective attention, changing your perspective can be really empowering if you want it to be empowering, or the opposite. It’s all in the mindset.
Tony Robbins teaches how to use selective attention to feel the emotions we want to experience through asking questions.
“What am I happy about today? Or what could I be happy about if I allowed myself to?”
“What am I grateful for today? Or what could I be grateful for if I allowed myself to?”
“How does that feel?”
I set a timer and go for 2 minutes straight on happiness, gratitude, love, excitement, forgiveness, and others.
Great exercise for changing your state!
Got to admit I didn’t know about FedEx!!
http://www.flareaforte.com
I didn’t either Lottie! I had to click on the link to check it out! But as they said, once you really notice it or someone points it out to you, then you can’t NOT see it!😁
I have always tried to live by the ‘bloom where you are planted’ motto. Selective Attention explains why it works so well!
This is a good reminder Joshua of remembering that we always have a choice of how we react.
Thank you Josh, What a great reminder of how powerful our thoughts can be.
I have a tendency to focus on the negatives, it feels like it comes easier (I blame it on my genes) but I really don’t like how draining these thoughts tend to be, often leaving me uninspired and dissatisfied. This message is really just the thing to be reminded of that my life is what I think. Thank you for the reminder Joshua
When I think of selective attention, I think of the physiological analogy in our bodies. When we cut finger, our natural instinct is to grab it and squeeze it. Why? When our nerves are carrying the sensation of pressure, they can’t carry the sensation of pain. Likewise when our thoughts are focused on gratitude, we can’t focus on the negative.
Good thought!
Amen!
Great article!
I use questions to focus my mind on what I want to experience – What am I grateful for today? What am I happy about today? Doing this every morning as part of my morning routine primes my brain to focus on what I do want to experience instead of what I don’t.
Thanks for sharing!
Well put Joshua! I thank God each day for what I am grateful for and focusing on the good, helps how I react to others throughout the day.
This is a great concept for looking at work, home,friends and family situations. I know some will try to knock down the search for happiness but we can all prevail more often than not. Your choice of a lead photo is striking as well!-Laurel
This really hit home today, so very true and one I need to practice daily. Thank-you for your perspective, written with clarity and simplified to make it an easy thing to think about.
I’m not trying to knock down the search for happiness, but unfortunately, for some people with mental health disease, such as PTSD, this isn’t always true. I can say that I am glad that the people posting on here probably haven’t experience true Major Depression. I do believe that a positive mental attitude makes a huge difference in life, but, for some of us, it’s not that simple. While the intent of this message is great, I imagine I’m not the only one who is left a little down-heartened – wishing it was that easy. Just felt I needed to bring up an often over-looked view point. Here’s to happiness and the many ways to find it!
I’m with you, cs. I suffer from depression, and it has been a lifelong struggle for me (I am 52). I was born with cerebral palsy which affects the way I walk. As I’ve gotten older developed arthritis too. Yay. Have had Major depression 3 or 4 times in my life, along with major breakdowns. Many many more smaller breakdowns as well. Mood disorders – oh what fun (NOT)! I know it is not that easy. I get down hearted too. I am an introvert, highly intelligent and highly sensitive to boot. This world can be so discouraging a lot of times. My life has never been easy. I don’t know your exact situation, but I want to say – you’re not alone in feeling like you do. I’ve been there too. It takes a lot of courage to keep on keeping on. I’m not always successful at it myself. Some days are good, some days are bad. But I’m still here, still working on happiness. Wishing you well.
The thing that I love about this post is the comparison that you made to being scared “If you’re looking for something to be scared of you’ll probably find it”. It’s so true and I just love the spin you put on it. Happiness is never unattainable, it comes from within and yes, it may take a while to reach that point of “happiness” but, anyone can get there with a bit of hard work and determination.
Have a great week :)
Chloe @ https://girllgonerogue.blogspot.co.uk/
You lift me up Joshua Becker… so amazing…
This is what i popped up on my page because of you…. I wanted a speaking career… but I moved state and it all got too much… but maybe you’ve just boosted me to give it another go now that I am settled…
It’s been a while since I spoke publicly about life choice, but something I read today just sparked a little interest in reopening speaking out…
I taught myself this after transplant – but here’s my guru giving is some articulation:
“It is important to note that just because you made a decision to be happy doesn’t mean the bad parts and the unfairness go away. They still exist. It simply means you have decided to selectively place your attention on the things needed to reinforce your decision.
This is the magic of selective attention…”
Joshua Becker.
I can’t make the CF go away, I can’t change the fact I’ve watched so many people die from it, I can’t change the fact that I am hoping a dear friend in the RAH won’t, I can’t change the fact that I could not have children because of it… and on it goes…
But I can and do DECIDE TO CHOOSE WHAT TO PAY ATTENTION TO … and yes, it’s magic.
You can wallow… or you can bloom… your choice…” Ruth Barker
Abraham Lincoln said, “A man is as happy as he tells himself he is.”
Thanks, Joshua, for this post. I think the key, to me, is this: “…our response to life is almost always a decision we make and is less a reaction than we often think.” It sort of relates to the “feelings aren’t facts” concept (that is very difficult for me to remember all the time, but is very helpful to me when I do).
What this article made me think about, or question, really, is why it’s so much easier to make the decision to find or feel the negative. Why is the CHALLENGE to find or feel the positive? Or is this just me, most times? Meaning: is this what defines us as either pessimistic or optimistic people? Whichever we do naturally? Some people seem to be naturally angry. Or naturally confident. Or naturally overwhelmed. Or naturally lighthearted. My “x” that I often have to tell myself to go find, for example, is what is NOT dying about Ashley right now.
And here’s another thing: it seems to me there are two different kinds of “x”-es — the kind you are finding without thinking (the natural inclinations) vs. the kind you mindfully/meditatively tell yourself to go find. And I feel like the latter is in direct response to the former. You exhibit x-1 naturally (e.g., my mom getting *angry* at a waitress because one of us is missing a side) and then you have to tell yourself to go find x-2 (e.g., my mom *finding perspective* that no one’s in actual danger of starving to death anytime soon — we’re all okay).
Thanks again — as you can tell, you really got me thinking!
Such a great reminder of the power of our thoughts. Changing our focus really can make all the difference. I think we have so much more choice over our lives than we give ourselves credit for. Something as simple as how we think can be so empowering.
Very great article.
I must share with my friends.
Worth-sharing articles.
Thank you for this! I have been reading God’s Power to Transform, and this reminds me of the part I have to play in my own transformation. I can, I will, I do believe!!
This is so right! When I focus on negativity, it presents itself. However when I focus on positivity, it does as well. I must say, it’s almost always easier to see the negative in things than it is to see the positive. Especially in this social media and technology age. Everything on the outside seems better than what you have. It’s tough but with good practice, positivity can be a real thing.
Thank you.
This is great. As humans, we seem to have an innate negativity biasis. We are all familiar with the concept of a downward spiral, but this is a brilliant reminder that the same process can take place in reverse.
This is so spot on. I think people generally underestimate the power of mindset, and putting in the effort to change it. A lot about life is perception, so perceiving everything as good or bad will definitely play a factor in how you feel. Great article!
– Shannon
The content of this article is not new to me…but the way you write about it, makes me think!! Maybe it is also because I’m older (and of course wiser) that makes me understand! Thanks!
This concept is a good one, however I recently lost my dad, my mom was subsequently admitted to a nursing home because my 57 year old husband was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s. I am in no shape physically, financially or emotionally to take on two dementia sufferers at home. Admitting my mom to The nursing home broke my heart and caused her great angish. I have suffered with depression most of my life so focusing on the happy parts is a constant challenge. I did read Rachel’s book. I am working on it.