Money Can No Longer Be a Taboo Topic

There was a recent survey, conducted by Chime, published this week that caught my attention. The headline finding is that there is a growing acceptance of frugality among Americans. Specifically, 61% of respondents say being frugal is more socially acceptable today than it was ten years ago.

That’s good news! Saving money is no longer something people feel ashamed about. I like to think our work and movement is growing and making a difference in the world. Let’s keep introducing friends and family members to the life-giving benefits of owning less.

But there was more to the study and article. And one finding from the survey really stood out to me: Money is still a taboo topic that people refuse to discuss with others.

In fact, at one point in the study, researchers found people would rather talk about their own digestive issues (or gossip about other people’s kids) before they would talk about their financial situation. This is a reality that is well-confirmed by personal experience and other studies as well.

Although there appears to be a growing shift toward openness in younger generations, 66% of Baby Boomers report feeling uncomfortable talking to friends and family members about money.

Money remains a taboo topic of conversation in American culture (and I’m assuming around the world as well). But at some point, we need to ask if our hesitancy to discuss money with our trusted friends is serving us well as both individuals and as a society.

One look at the stats and it’s hard to make a case that this reluctance should continue:

Americans now carry a record $1.21 trillion in credit card debt. And that’s just credit card debt! Our total household debt—including student loans, car loans, and mortgages—has reached a record $18.04 trillion. 

The average US household with credit card debt has over $21,000 in credit card debt and 11% make only the minimum payment each month.

Our finances weigh on us heavily. In fact, 77% of Americans report feeling anxious about money. And 70% of households are considered financially unhealthy.

It should be becoming clear to us: Money can no longer be a taboo topic in our society.

We are paying too high a price.

As in all cases, we need each other. If we are handling money well, we need to share what we’ve learned with others. And if we are struggling financially, we need to find enough humility to begin asking questions.

Of course, there’s a reason we tend to avoid conversations about money. Those who handle money well are nervous about overstepping their bounds in another person’s life. And those who need to ask for help feel embarrassed by their financial situation. In fact, according to the same survey that prompted this post, nearly a third of Americans say they avoid talking about money because they feel they should be further ahead. And another 29% say they’re flat-out embarrassed about their situation.

But those aren’t reasons to avoid talking about the money. Just the opposite, they are the very reasons we need to talk about money more. If you’re struggling to get a hold of your finances, you’re not alone. But avoiding these conversations only prolongs the struggle—and often makes the shame feel worse and worse.

If what you’ve been trying isn’t working, the problem won’t solve itself. You need to take an intentionally new course of action. Or as Albert Einstein is credited as saying, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.“

We need a change in our thinking, attitude, and approach. For the sake of your (and your family’s) well-being, talking to another person is the best way to find it.

In fact, according to the survey, people who do open up about money say they 1) get better advice, 2) build healthier financial habits, and 3) feel less ashamed. 

Isn’t that exactly what we need? Better advice, better habits, and less shame! But the only way we are going to find it is when money is no longer a taboo topic in our society.

If a financial conversation is something you know you need, I want to offer you three helpful thoughts:

1. Talking about money doesn’t mean you have to talk to everyone about money.

Privately approach a trusted mentor or friend or family member that you look up to. One that you can trust who will offer helpful ideas based in experience and love. Just one person is enough to start with.

2. Talking about money doesn’t mean you need to share every detail.

To start this process, you don’t have to share every detail of your income or debt. Sometimes a simple, “Hey, can I ask you a question? I don’t love the direction my finances are heading. Would you be open to me asking you some questions?” might be enough to begin a helpful and encouraging conversation.

3. Talking about money is more about listening than oversharing.

All you need to get started is genuine curiosity. To provide you with some helpful questions to ask, I have compiled a list of 10 Money Questions To Ask Your Best Friend.

*Of course, if you are a parent, another way to begin changing cultural expectations is within your own family by not treating money as a taboo topic. Let your kids hear you talk about how you navigate financial decisions, the lessons you are learning, and where you are going for trusted advice. Money is an important part of life and we should work hard to prepare our children for the decisions they’ll be making.

Make no mistake. I am saying this needs to be a societal shift. Money can no longer be a taboo topic in our culture. Not talking about it is not working for us—the statistics prove it.

If we want to get better as a society and as individuals, someone needs to bring it up. Might as well be you.