“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”
The speed of our world is increasing.
Technology and communication continue to improve. Information moves faster. And social media rewards those who never turn it off.
Expectations, demands, and accessibility continue to expand, but the number of hours in a week do not. As a result, our lives get busier and busier.
This approach to life rarely benefits us in the long-run because a busy life is an unreflective life. In fact, often times, we are so busy scurrying from one thing to another we don’t even have the space to realize our schedules have become overwhelmed. We don’t recognize how our overcommitted lives are harming us.
Even worse, we are unable to identify the hidden mistruths in our heart that are contributing to the problem. Consider these:
9 Hidden Lies that Keep Our Schedules Overwhelmed
1. Accolades will bring fulfillment. The thinking goes like this: The busier we are, the more we can accomplish and the more respect we can earn. And the more respect and accolades we receive, the more we can surely prove our worth and value to others. Unfortunately, if you are trying to find fulfillment in someone else’s opinion of you, you will never find it. You will always be left searching (and working) for more.
2. Money will bring happiness. We often get caught up in needless busyness because of our desire to earn and secure more money. Ever notice how often we are offered money (or the chance to win money) for our time? While it is important to work hard and provide for the needs of your family, it is foolish to think money is the quickest shortcut to better living.
3. I don’t have a choice. Many of us live over-busy lives because of the expectations and demands of others. In these cases, it is important to remember you always have a choice. Sure, there are seasons of life that require more of you and your time than others, but seasons always change. If yours hasn’t changed recently, you may need to revisit who is making the decisions in your life and where you can regain some of your control.
4. I’m more productive if I’m busy. Maybe you can be more productive for a short while, but human beings are not designed to work relentlessly without periods of rest. Countless studies confirm the importance of rest for productivity. Eventually, a lifestyle of busyness will detract from our productivity. And more importantly, your health and well-being. There are no exceptions.
5. I am needed. Pride is defined as holding an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance. And it leads to overwhelmed schedules because of the foolish thinking that follows it: “Nobody else can do what I do.” This pride affects the way we view our business, our work, our family, and our personal relationships. Left unchecked, it leads to a busy life and in the end, a fall.
6. Everything is important. Our world has a tendency to make everything appear urgent, important, and beneficial to our lives. As the speed of information increases, our minds are seemingly less equipped to filter all the information and opportunities. But the most productive among us realize nobody can accomplish everything. They are relentless in their understanding of mission and the reality that very few things are truly important. And they never sacrifice the important for the trivial.
7. I need to be busy to keep up with everyone else. It may seem, at times, the only way to get ahead in life is to outwork everyone else. But just because everyone else appears busy does not mean they are busy about the right things. Nor does it mean they are finding joy in their pursuits. Frank Clark perhaps said it best, “Modern man is frantically trying to earn enough to buy things he’s too busy to enjoy.”
8. Busy makes me look more important. Busy, in and of itself, is not a badge of honor. In fact, being busy doing the wrong things is actually quite unattractive. Just remember, in a society rushing to keep up with everyone else, those who find peace, contentment, and rest are the ones admired…and envied.
9. Quietness is laziness. Often times, people avoid dealing with life’s deeper issues by packing their schedule tight. Someone who is discontent with their life’s choices can escape the difficult work of addressing them by masking them with busyness. Quietness is not laziness. Quietness is hard, but always worth the effort.
Many of the lies we have been told since birth crowd out the things in life that matter most. Instead of enjoying the benefit of calm, intentional living, we hurry from one needless triviality to another.
Don’t ever get so busy chasing the wrong things that you miss enjoying the right things. (tweet that)
About Joshua Becker
I’ve had to move several times, and I’ve been homeless and had to put my things in storage a few times. I couldn’t afford to keep all the things I’d amassed, but I have a few treasures.
As for my job, there are some things I WISH I could hire someone to do–mainly marketing. But, I’m an author and only I can write my books, saying what I want to say in MY voice. Of course, it definitely beats working as an administrative assistant at an accounting firm helping fat cats save on their taxes. Especially since today I sign petitions against those very clients. Ugh! So glad I’m bi-polar and now 66. Just hope my Social Security doesn’t get cut and I don’t end up greeting people at Wal-Mart.
Nothing like a little adventure with cancer that taught me all of what’s talked about here. The world around me continued while my own world stopped for 6 months. Yet I am healthier, happier, “richer”, and much more influential today as a result. However, it doesn’t keep these issues from knocking at my door now and then…good to have such a great reminder!
I hear you and you are spot on. Maxine–another warrior ????
Oh, I need these reminders! This was so timely today–thank you!
Here’s another quote on busyness that I need to tape to my wall: “Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth.
We can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.”
~Joseph B. Wirthlin
I enjoyed a “minimal” lifestyle. I worked as an artist, lived in a small house, drove an old car so as not to have car payments. I kept my life free of stress, free of too many obligations, earning only as much money as I needed to live on and travel occasionally.
Then a degenerative, debilitating illness hit me. I became unable to work, unable to support myself, unable to afford my house. Had I lived a more materialistic lifestyle, I might have had some savings, or had a bigger house that I could have sold for a profit. I might now have reliable transportation. I might not be living below the poverty level now.
Sometimes obligations are good. Sometimes material things work in your favor. “Minimalism” is something that only works for the privileged. I wish I had known this thirty years ago.
I’m truly sorry. I believe no one way of living is correct, when it comes to money.. and only a life dependent on God daily can give any of us truly a full life. You are dependent on God daily to supply your needs. You are like the sparrow he speaks of. Again I’m sorry:( I pray you are able to find things to smile about and give thanks for daily.
“Minimalism” doesn’t mean you can’t have savings or a retirement plan. Be careful so as not to confuse living minimally and living with no security.
In fact, minimalism is helping me realize that I should pay down my debt, have money in the bank for a rainy day and ALSO have a plan for the future.
You can live a minimalist life where you have free time to relax and enjoy, yet also have the forethought to protect yourself in case you become ill.
Agreed. I am sorry for your situation, Breed7, but thank you for sharing. I do think it is so important for those that are trying to transition into living minimally to understand the difference as Maya stated. The way I’ve interpreted living minimally is to be cautious as to what I allow to clutter my life because it is taking time and space away from things of import, true value, and worth. In my case, I am far from successful at it, but it’s allowed me to not spend money on frivolous things, like a fancy car, and instead put what would be my car payment every month into savings/401k. The same with a house. Instead of having a house that matches my friends’ houses, we live in a smaller one, pay hundreds of dollars over our regular payment on a 15 year fixed and are working on paying it off well in advance of schedule while most of our friends are making the minimum payment on a 30 year. It’s making smaller, simpler, intentional choices to allow what’s important to matter.
Hey, my heart goes out to you.
Can this new way of living be a pearl of great price, in some way, however obscure now?
We are human beings on a spiritual journey constantly having to turn chaff into wheat.
I wish you godspeed for the journey within and without. ????
I have tried not to be busy….love it…I have to work…but tried to free schedule up…I like to veg…I don’t care if people think I’mlazy cuz I like to stay home…what’s wrong with spending time at home. That’s why we pay for a house…
I am doing my best to keep only what I need, each year, I been getting rid of items I don’t use all the time. Hopefully when my check out time comes, my family won’t have too many things to have to deal with.
Several years ago I was honored to receive little knick knack china articles that belonged to a hard working single woman who I met about 3 times. Upon her death, her entire possessions were dispersed. To this day, those who inherited the bulk of her estate would never know who I was, nor the pleasure and respect I felt receiving these gifts via my Mother In law who was one of her best friends. Since then I have had to sort my In Laws and Father’s estates and moved my parents several times as they and now Mum declines in health. Things that were important, things that were expensive, now surplus. I grew up to respect the value behind those things, but its sad to see them go into storage, and for what purpose? For the chance that one day I might get to unpack them again and put them somewhere to reflect on what was my parents & Inlaws treasured possessions? Don’t get me wrong, these treasures were special, but as time and life move on, will my child ever know the love,care and value that went behind the purchase and collection of such items? I’m not sure, but appreciate it may not be to her taste either. It saddens me to reflect as such, but herein lies a lesson.
I am in the same boat as Sally W…It took me about 2 1/2 years to clean out stuff from my Mothers downsizing, and other family members. Now when I walk into a house I see mostly “stuff & Dust collectors”. Now I can finally get to cleaning out my own stuff and then downsize and travel more. Happy to hear that other people are sharing the same stories. Thank you.
Several years ago my Mum asked me what I wanted for my birthday. “Nothing that gathers dust,” I replied. Same goes for Christmas. I’d far rather receive a nice bottle of wine; I write the donor’s name on the label and raise a glass to them when I drink it.
I really like the idea of the name on the label and toasting the person. Thanks for that!
My refrain for a few years has been: nothing that goes on a shelf. My children buy me movie tickets. ..and have to come with me! Or they take me out for coffee.
Love Love It. #9 nailed it. I often find myself feeling guilty when people ask me what I do with my time.
Ah, this post resonated with me. Recently, since I have so much going on during the week (Three commitments a week equals very busy in my life!), I have not been enjoying life so much. Every other day three times during a week, I have to rush off to do something. I’m thinking about eliminating my commitment that I go to every Saturday because of one thing during it I am not progressing in. Plus, my long term memory during the activity sucks, so there is that too. I’m going to talk to the instructor first to see if I am making the right move though. I’ll just explain my situation to them to see if they can offer me any advice or if it is time for me to move on. Wish me well.
However, I am the type of person who understands that being busy is not better because I have three commitments during one week. That is a lot! I value my relaxation time to sleep in, to shop, or to just relax at home doing chores that don’t overwhelm me entirely. Plus, if I get a job soon, I will have those three commitments on top of it. Yikes! :C So I am all for taking it easy throughout the day. Being less busy is a benefit and an advantage. You have to take care of yourself always and self care is important! You can’t do that being overwhelmed and busy all of the time. It’s just not possible. : (
Ok. You say to evaluate your life and make sure you don’t have anything that is hindering you and to clarify what is most important. I feel like everything I do is important to me. Fyi…I feel like I need more time. I’ve been feeling like that since day one of going back to work after maternity leave almost a year ago.
I have a friend I’ve been trying to help. She desperately needs to unclutter and divest her house of 30+ years of accumulating, yet she still goes to thrift shops/rummage sales and acquires more. I sent her the link to your posts and she says they’re great. However, she had a 2 weekend rummage sale (made some money – not that they need it) and boxed everything up to “save” for next year’s sale! If it didn’t sell this time, what makes her think people will want it next year, after sitting boxed in her smelly garage for an entire year. I figure if it’s stuff you’re putting out for sale, you really didn’t want it in the first place, so donate the leftovers and be done with it. After minimalizing, I have nothing left to donate in my home. Feels great. And I’m guessing when they sell their home she will drag all those boxes with her. Funny how she puts such a high value on stuff purchased at a thrift store. Just a thought – if your house burned down, would you feel a sense of relief?
No 9 is made so much more difficult to achieve when others regard quietness as laziness adding a feeling of guilt into the equation that you shouldn’t be sitting appearing to be doing nothing. Unfortunately others can’t see what the mind is doing, only you know that.
I enjoyed this! I am out sick from work today and have been stressed about the work I am missing. This has helped me calm down today. Thank you!
Thanks for the wonderful article.
Being a winner in a rat race, doesn’t change a thing…one remains a rat!!
Life is short, thus we need to simplify things within and around us…and yes, ask ourselves at the end of the day: “Why I do the things that I did today? ”
May we intentionally live a purposeful life!!!
“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”
One of favorite quotes. The problem I see, is that many people do not know what they really want (need) in life.
In my opinion, this is reason why many never make the one they want.
– James
I once asked my husband if he ever wished I was a working wife with a big paycheck instead of a stay-at-home mom. He replied, “Sometimes, but then we wouldn’t have the lifestyle we want.” I love that man!!
The other thing that doesn’t seem to get much of a mention is that many see being busy as being essential for serving God. In my Church I see so many over-doing it. For example; one particular female member is married with 6 children, she and husband (who is the Bishop for our ward) financially support all their children (ranging from 6 to 23), with her husband being the Bishop she is often left to do everything for the children as he is asked to go out and visit/see parishioners. she works 4 days a week, teaches seminary at 6am 5 days a week ( which takes her at least 2 hours to prepare each lesson and she often cooks breakfast for those attending) takes her kids to sport/dance class etc at least 5 days a week, helps with meals on wheels, personally cook for people in our ward, visits sick, volunteers to fill in for people who are sick and can’t teach their classes on Sunday, she cooks from scratch everyday, she sews, studies, and is an overall Wonder Woman. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bagging her out. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. But, I am not her. I am married, have 7 kids, study full time, work, cook from scratch, clean, etc etc but find I can’t keep up with her. I used to feel that I had to try to keep up. Now, I try to minimise/simplify my life. I get the dirty looks at church. I get the comments (when you are in service of your fellow man you are in the service of God). Finding a balance in church is one of the hardest things.
Loved this quote from you Joshua…
“Many of the lies we have been told since birth crowd out the things in life that matter most.”
This is a great article! We are at a really critical point in our lives right now trying to find balance & bliss in an overwhelming world. And we want to teach our 4 children about what is truly important in life. Like quality vs quantity and following their hearts to fufill their lives. And the best way to teach is also the hardest sometimes. by example. You helped us see some excellent points we had missed. Thank you for these stepping stones on our journey towards our next chapter.
Great post. I agree with pretty much all of it. I can especially attest to #8. We recently sold our house and quit our jobs to travel full time and to our old friends we are heroes to be admired. They tell us they envy us but the reality is we made a choice and if they wanted to they could too.
Nice post. I go to a competitive high school where it’s the norm to over-schedule with a difficult course load and after school activities/sports. Honestly we are all so anxious about college admissions that there doesn’t seem to be an alternative. For me, I take pride in my academic achievements but for many students it’s their parents pushing them. Most of the time I’m so busy I don’t stop to feel how overwhelmed I am.
It should be interesting when we all enter the workforce.
If you can find someone teaching the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course…. take it!! It teaches you so much about money management. It is the only way to make your life and cash work together in a sensible way.
My boyfriend keeps the tv on the whole day – to drown out the screaming neighbours.
Yes there is always a choice – plague or cholera?
You are so right. Minimum wage doesn’t make you happy. And just working for the expectations of others, I.e. landlords, neither.
I find the older I get these things are easier. Young people feel they have to pack everything into every minute of the day or others will think they aren’t productive.
Joshua, I want to thank you for this post. I am dealing with anxiety in my life right now due, in part, to an overwhelmed schedule. It was really eye-opening how many of the 9 hidden lies I identified with! Fortunately, after reading your post I felt a really wonderful sense of calm and the feeling that there was a clear forward direction towards making life simplier. This post is now tacked up at my work desk to remind me each day of these hidden lies.
Thank you.
This is why I never got a job.
It has taken me a long time to be able to endure quiet. I think that people who cannot deal with or handle certain situations need the loudness as a comfort, like watching the t.v. I know quite a few people who cannot turn off the t.v. I used to be one of them. I still struggle with being quiet occasionally, but I am getting better at it.
And #1, I think that is a huge issue for many people, especially with the advancement of technology. Now, at our fingertips, we have the chance to prove ourselves to the world.
Great post. Thanks for all the good reminders.
I love that phrase “Proving ourselves to the world”. Is THAT what Facebook is?
Lies told in this article:
1) “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”
We all make our lives everyday with our choices, from the mundane (e.g., reading this article) to the vital. What we do is our life. You can’t forget to make a life except in the same sense that your heart can “forget” to stop beating. The only person, busy or not, that does not make a life is a dead person.
2) This approach to life rarely benefits us in the long-run because a busy life is an unreflective life.
Bull. My life is very busy, with a salaried job I love, a wife at home (and kid on the way!), a church where I am involved in work bigger than myself, and a program of study I am involved in as a student. I am very busy, yet very fulfilled and reflective. Reflection is a learned skill. It is a way of life. It can and should become as natural and ubiquitous to the disciplined man as breathing.
3) Eventually, a life-style of busyness will detract from our productivity. And more importantly, your health and well-being. There are no exceptions.
While there is no exception that all people, everywhere, will eventually wear-out and die, I’ve never seen any evidence that a busy life is the reason. Though some health problems can be exacerbated or caused by stress, I personally know many busy people who have lived full, long, healthy lives. Their rate of sickness does not seem to be any more dramatic than the less busy.
4) Pride is defined as holding an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance.
No, it isn’t. That’s an excess of pride you’re thinking of.
There are more, but I grow weary of parsing this sanctimonious article so I’m stopping.
Because I know how to relax.
I have other things to do.
Because I’m busy.
And it’s all good.
I think SOMEbody needs a nap! :)
Careful there Ombudsman. What you call out as lies might just be someone else’s truth. You seem quite defensive about your lifestyle. But see, what I call defensive you might call passionate. See how that works? Now entering my 51st year, I have often thought about whether we can really have it all, do it all, be it all. For me the answer is no. One has to make choices. Nobody has more than 24 hours in their day. I couldn’t be the best wife-mother-employee-friend-neighbor-volunteer-sister-daughter-aunt-student-etc all at the same time. Something has to give. I would hate to think that you have to squeeze the important things like your wife and new baby into an already packed schedule. And if you don’t think rest is important, remember that when you ‘re awake at 2:00 am with a sick child. Good luck finding your balance. Remember, it’s not all about you.
Whoa, Christian brother. You are in need of more Scripture time. Love is the principle thing. Therein lies life.
Wisdom at its finest hour!!! I retired from the California Department of Corrections in 2002. After about a dozen years of service, I felt guilty that I retired on a comp injury before my 44th birthday. When you answer to an alarm for a living and retire on a work-related injury, there is no closure. One dozen years later, I am finally good with retirement, but it took a kidney transplant two days before last Christmas to make me realize how good I’ve got it. When I was a child, my father told me that if you don’t have a family, your work, your house and your car will be come substitutes. Yeah, I had my share of boyfriends until I met my second and FINAL husband. The money will come and go, but on my deathbed, I was ready to die with no regrets. Always, always, always KEEP the best people around you. They will see you through the best and worst times of your life.
“There is more to life than increasing its speed..” Gandhi
#8 — “Our world has a tendency to make everything appear urgent, important, and beneficial to our lives.”
This helped me to settle an important decision I was considering today. Thank you.
As Henri Nouwen stated – we are so fearful of not being occupied, we become pre-occupied. I am guilty of all them and would add one more – putting 2 daughters through college, but it really falls under No. 3
I had to scroll back up to view #3 again. Putting your children through college is definitely a choice. I think we do it out of love for them so they won’t have education debt heaped on their head as soon as they graduate. It’s giving them a clean slate start on their adult life. Very admirable. It is still a choice. Sometimes the students who have to pay their own way make the best decisions on career and get better grades. They grow up faster in those 4 years because they only have themselves to rely on. We are admonished in the U.S. for keeping our children as children longer than the rest of the world. I feel like I am very lucky because our child did not waste that education that we paid for and has been very successful financially. What of the parents who paid the price of a house for that education are in their retirement years and still paying a mortgage?
All very good questions. Both graduated – one is working on her phd (her expense), the younger is employed. Frankly – I don’t look at “financial success” as the basis for our decision. Rest assured, they knew the cost – both worked all the way through college- and both also knew even a relatively minor screw-up would put an end to it. I give my wife 100% of the credit. I would not have traded the experience for anything. Sometimes you just have to put others first and live accordingly. Can you be a “selfish” minimalist? I don’t know.
I grew up knowing my parents could never pay for my education, but my Mom told me I could do whatever I wanted and I believed her. I applied for every award/bursary I could find in my last year of highschool. I worked very hard for my degree and did the best that I could. I know my parents are proud. I plan to do the same for my kids.
#8. Looking busy makes you look important. My mother used to fold dirty laundry. She had a table next to the w/d and it had piles of neatly folded dirty laundry waiting to be washed. Busy! busy! busy! HOWEVER, as a child, I would see my mother watch soap operas, talk on the phone for hours, AFTER my dad left the house. I realize that I suffer from “being seen doing nothing” that stems from that childhood modeling.
We spent so many years working a 60 hour work week so we could afford all the things we thought we just had to have. Now we live a very simple life in the country living on just what we need and making do with what we already have! Great post!
Tracy – that is so true. I have told my children (ages 22 and 28) not to make the same mistake that their father and I made. We spent 20 years accumulating stuff, only to hit the age (for me it was about 45) where ALL I wanted to do was get rid of all the stuff and live simpler. In retrospect, my life could have been so much easier, and less stressful. I’ve gotten rid of a LOT already (including the compulsive spender husband – lol) but it seems the more I get rid of – the more I want to get rid. For me the process isn’t complete yet. In fact, tomorrow I’m tackling my basement – again.
Jill,
I’m right there with you. I’d like to “save” my son (25) from my mistakes, of working full-time for 30 years and spending weekends doing housework or yard work. I believed my own lie that I enjoyed yard work. I had so many flower beds. Why? I didn’t have to have ANY. I do love flowers, but I didn’t like weeding them, remulching, etc. I’d much rather have done any number of fun things than yard work. I liked being OUTDOORS, but would have preferred the beach to my yard. I made my own life more stressful by not taking the time to evaluate it. Now I’m retired and it still takes consciousness to not fill the time with stuff i’d rather not do or that doesn’t line up with my goals. I’ve been downsizing for several years, gotten rid of hundreds of items, and still have too much. Younger people, wake up and evaluate your life, your goals, and your happiness. Then make the necessary changes.
Gail
Great post. It’s so important to realize that we are the source of happiness. Happiness is a skill that anyone can master, and anyone can bring into their life at any time. And the point you made about believing that “I am productive when I’m busy” is so true as well. That saying is a complete lie, what we should really focus on is improving little by little each day. I’m talking about growing by just 1% each day, and rewarding ourselves for that progress in the process.
The picture was a great choice for this post and great content.
Great post!
“Unfortunately, if you are trying to find fulfillment in someone else’s opinion of you, you will never find it.” I need to put that on a Post-It and…well…post it in all my usual places. I decided in February to delete my Facebook account, and I really miss the occasional inquiries from others about how I’m doing, the frequent validation, the multitude of birthday greetings, etc. Admitting that I miss all that has prompted me to dig deeper and try to understand what I’m worth without all that.
I’m sitting in a quiet house, my daughter off to school, my husband working, and I have a few hours left before I head into work as a librarian. I could 1) do the dishes, 2) do book work, 3) write, OR I could sit in my overstuffed chair in front of the windows and watch the squirrels. And just do nothing. I am not yet too busy to do nothing, and that makes me smile.
Lisa Monique Kent, author of Peace Cottage
Getting past the “I am needed” lie is a tough lesson in humility, but it’s so freeing on the other side. That one kicked me in the teeth just recently, and it took me a while to get over it.
“4. I’m more productive if I’m busy.”
This is definitely not true, as I’m sure many of us can agree. It’s instinct to think that busyness always leads to productivity, but what we fail to take into account is the idea of efficiency.
I’m a designer, and I can tell you there are many times that I do my best work after I’ve walked away and taken breaks. Not when I stayed up late at night trying to “do more.”
The “todo” list is endless and will never be finished. I also feel that I do better work when I take a break or a quick walk and clear my head. I go into my office at 700am and lock my door… The madness begins at 900 am. I get more done and do it better from 7 to 9 than I do the rest of the day…
I need to find that oasis during the day and I know I would be more efficient and productive
Thank you for this post. I needed to read all nine, but number nine resonated with me. I need quiet time to recharge. It is in the quiet I find creativity and energy.
I always struggle with the point ‘Quietness is Laziness’. I have been taught coming from a Type-A personality family that you need to be busy, in order to show that you are accomplishing things and that you are successful. We were woken up at 5am, even when we were in middle school, in order to cram multiplication tables. We weren’t allowed to sleep in even when we were on summer vacations. We were berated when we took a nap in the afternoon, or asked if we weren’t feeling well.
I have been struggling with this all my life, and now that I am an adult and can control my own time and naps, I still feel guilty taking a nap in the afternoon or lazing around in bed on the weekend. I know I will eventually learn to meaning of laziness and incorporate it into my life, but right now, it is a constant struggle.
Thank you for the post.
Brown, that was SO my upbringing too! My parents were and ARE extremely critical of people who sleep. I never saw my mother asleep in her bed, ever.
Resting is taking care of yourself. Pushing yourself too hard creates health problems later in life. Leave yourself 20% open to face unexpected things that come up. I was once told by a wise person, “You are a human being, not a human doing”. My life and health improved when I lived by this Don’t feel guilty when you take care of yourself!
I feel #3 (I don’t have a choice.) is HUGE! We always have a choice… whether we’re conscious or unconscious to our choices is the real question. Living from a place of choice grants us so much freedom and we learn how to live free of all the societal {{have-tos}} or {{shoulds}} in life. Once again, beautiful article! Thanks!
work , tired take a nap, tired work for other
You don’t have to convince me, Joshua. I’m up for a good nap! :)
I refuse to pack my schedule full. I have 2 must do commitments every week and that is plenty. The rest of the time is left open for what my children and I feel like doing. After hearing that I have 3 children, a mom said to me “Oh you must be so busy” I said nope, I am not because I choose not to be. I learned a long time ago that busy is not always better.
Our family is the same way. My husband and I are pretty introverted, so we don’t have a problem saying no to things. People seem to think that quiet and simple is boring, and by not being busy, you’re missing out on real life or something.
At work,I always keep myself busy and refuse to take a break and every time I get home I’m tired.Slowing down and being mindful to what we’re doing is pretty important and efficiency comes.
Effectiveness is more important to me than efficiency
A system or task may be efficient yet not achieve my desired outcome of its not effective
Thanks for another insightful article. The pace of modern life can feel quite overwhelming at times and so it falls on each persons to identify what life means to them and live it accordingly. I suppose much of the issues people face is down to the fact that the politics of envy is making many lead inauthentic lives. When your life is lived trying to emulate others, you ultimately end up in trouble. We as a couple always strive to live a simple life and so, we don’t feel so stretched overall.
I agree with all this….except No 3. I have to pay all the basic bills…and no excessive spending…. so I have to work long hours….so…no we don’t always have a choice.
Hi Elizabeth! Many people struggle with the idea of choice versus have to when it comes to money… I did at one time, too. I actually really struggled with this concept a few years back.
But what I learned is that in all reality it is our choice to go to work to pay our bills. We’re consciously choosing to provide for ourselves and our families. To provide the life we feel is important for ourselves and those around us.
Sometimes our freedom of choice isn’t so much about changing the external circumstances but perhaps understanding why we do what we do and our perception of the circumstance in front of us. When we live consciously from a place of conscious choice we own our power and regain our sense of freedom in our lives.
And sometimes the options we have suck as well, but there is always a choice. You can choose to not pay your bills, not to work long hours, what we have to remember is that while we have the choice, there are consequences for every choice we make…which may make us feel like we don’t have a choice but in reality, we do.
That is very true.. We all have a choice, but the results of those choices may all suck. I am currently working 50-60 stress filled hours a week to pay for my SUPER-Consuming Life style… I have begun the long slow process of minimizing my life. I emptied my closet of about a MILLION articles of clothing, emptied my garage of endless junk and am making my way through the house.
I am trimming my cable bill, shoveling my own snow this winter and doing all the little things that can lower my monthly obligations. At that point, I will cut back my hours and hopefully regain my life.
Sounds like you have made some great decisions towards simplifying your life, Bob! Way to go, it’s not easy, but so very worth it!
“The Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferriss
Read the book Bob
Just a quick update.. The enthusiasm of starting this journey has somewhat worn off. The closet remains half empty and the garage is still clean. But I need to refocus on throwing something out everyday and not just when I have the motivation. Seeing all those wasted clothes go to someone who needed them was amazing, but now I need to make many more little steps and stay on point. It is harder than I thought
I have saved a few bucks by thinking a little more before purchasing an item that I probably didn’t need on the first place.
I need to attack my office. I spend a lot of time there and it is just full of stuff that I don’t need. I was thinking about getting rid of my desk and just have a table. The drawers of my desk are full of stuff that I don’t use but can’t throw out for some reason. The walls are decorated with stuff that I would never decorate in my home and the walls are filled. I am always impressed with people who have clean and neat offices. It is a much better environment to work.
The march continues…….
Bob has figured it out! The stress will lessen and lessen as you move away from consumerism. I know, as I am on the road to simpler living, also. I would never, ever want to go back to my old hectic lifestyle. Less really is more!
I think that both of your points are valid. Sometimes there are “no option” options — gotta work and gotta pay the bills. It does get wearisome. However, when looked at from the perspective of what that work-for-bill-paying actually buys, in the form of peace of mind and security and self-respect, that can bring some leaven to the long hours.
There are no few occasions on which I ask myself, “what am I doing and why am I doing it?” In short, what larger purpose is being served? If a larger goal or value is being promoted, then good, I can deal with some hassle and fatigue. If something no longer of meaning is being played through again and again, however, it may be time for some pruning.
However, “basic” bills vary from family to family…. My sister “needs” to pay for two cars payments for vehicles to get them each to work, but my husband and I both drive well maintained, but old cars that we paid cash for.
There are a million reasons why different folks choose different things as well. It does cost money to maintain an older car and maybe the stress of “never knowing” with an older car is worth paying the payment. I know I will never go back to an “older car” I need mine for my sanity. Just remember we can never judge others for their choices since we are not them.
I definitely agree and try not to judge. In our situation, my husband chose to learn about car maintenance as a hobby years ago so that he can now do the majority of the maintenance work and learned to purchase the necessary parts for much lower prices online. Our older cars are in excellent shape and have saved us a lot of money over the years. I have no safety concerns travelling in them with our two children.
Thanks Linda…. I love coming to this page and reading about others and their success’ and challenges… It is truly motivating.. Another “hurdle” to overcome is to get my wife onboard. She is a very neat person and loves the house clean, but just continues to buy more stuff. She agrees with me in theory, but has not yet committed herself to the idea.
So it is a little frustrating to be swimming against the tide in my own house…
Hi Bob,
My husband and I have very different styles when it comes to “stuff.” Over time, we’ve evolved to a few simple rules taht have helped us tremendously.
1. We each have a weekly allowance, which we can spend as we choose. All other money is “ours” and is budgeted. This gives him the freedom to buy something without consulting me, and it gives me security knowing he has a spending limit.
2. His home office and garage are his sole space, and he can do with it as he pleases. And I can shut the door. :-) Our joint space is tidy and mostly uncluttered.
I will say this…he’s getting into letting things go. We’ve made agame out of emptying a drawer or closet – everything out – and then each taking turns selecting something from the pile we wish to keep and put I back. It’s surprised him how much stuff is left in the pile that we have no use for. Makes for an interesting exercise.
Good luck!
Dear Writer,
Kindly note that your article is being used by a trainer named Johnny Alghoul & is broadcast online
Thank you for this article. To Elizabeth Lee I wanted to say that choosing to work long hours to pay the bills isn’t wrong, I don’t believe that this article is saying that working long hours is wrong, but simply to evaluate why you are working those long hours.
The only other thing that sort of perturbed me about this article, is the image placed at the beginning of a pristine lake in the middle of nowhere between inaccessible snow-covered peaks…the implicit message seeming to be: becoming minimalist will necessitate a physical withdrawal from your life as you know-it in some level…instead of changing our wrong thinking amidst our sometimes busy/full lives.
Perhaps it’s just my stage of life as a husband and father or four children 6 years old and under, but I might have identified better with a picture of someone driving a minivan looking contemplatively out their window (since this the car is really the only time parents of little ones have to time talk/reflect on life … said tongue in cheek, sort of :-). That said, parents of little ones can just as easily fall prey to believing these nine lies as others without children.
Again, thanks for this article.
The message in this article is like a bible to me. It reaches to the depths of how we are created.