Editor’s Note: The following is a guest post by Mike Burns of The Other Side of Complexity.
For a number of years, my family has been pursuing a life of more focused simplicity. We realize life can be complicated. But we don’t want to just surrender to the complication. This is why minimalism has been so attractive to us.
On my blog, I document how minimalism has caused us to do all sorts of unique things:
- value and maintain clutter-free spaces
- get rid of 75% of our toys and games (it’s okay, the kids survived and they’re still smiling)
- cut our wardrobe by more than 50%
- eliminate paper clutter
- whittle my collection of hundreds of books down to 18
- keep only what would fit in a 6×12 trailer when we moved our family of 8 across the country
The examples above display how minimalism affects our physical “stuff.” But minimalism is about eliminating the unnecessary in order to focus on the most important. And it is a mindset that works its way into all areas of our lives—including our parenting.
Recently, I have been discovering how minimalism has made us better parents. And how it can improve your approach to parenting as well.
Here are 4 ways that stand out:
1. It causes you to take your parenting role more seriously.
If you’re like me, you consistently read material from people who value simplicity and minimalism. This steady diet of inspiration reminds us to prioritize and focus in the everyday moments. As parents, when we weigh the various activities and passions of our lives, our families will likely rise to the top. It is a huge responsibility and we should take it very seriously.
2. It reminds you to guard the calendar and say “no” to a lot of things.
Parents sometimes feel that we have to take our kids to every activity and enroll them in every sport. But, in case you’ve forgotten, you can’t do everything. We have to learn to say “no” to many good things so we can say “yes” to the things that are more important to us at that time. Manage your calendar well. You are the gatekeeper.
3. You begin to choose your battles more carefully.
When I say “battle”, I don’t mean to imply heated conflict. I’m referring to the issues that we “make a big deal over” as parents. I’m referring to those times when we have to decide if we are going to force our preferences about friends, clothing, music, movies, activities, language, and other things onto our kids.
Minimalists acknowledge that options are unlimited, but capacity is not. We have to choose what we give our time and energy to. In our effort to help our kids transition from dependent to independent, we have to learn to let go in appropriate areas. There are times to stand our ground, and other times when it’s not worth it.
If everything is a big deal, then nothing is a big deal.
We have to decide which things are most important in our relationships with our kids and let those drive our decisions. The secondary “clutter” issues can be very distracting, and may cost us more than they’re worth.
4. You become more focused in what you teach your children.
Truth is truth, right? But don’t let that deceive you. All truth is not equally important.
It is possible for me to pursue accurate information all my life and not find happiness and purpose. There are some things in life that are absolutely essential for my kids to learn above all else. I have to make sure that I focus my guidance on those things and help them to stand out amidst all the information that comes their way as they develop.
I have to get clear on the answer to this question: If my children only remember 1 or 2 things about what I teach them in their years at home, what do I want them to be? Then, emphasize those things in all that you say and do.
There are other certainly other ways that minimalism can affect your parenting, but these four stand out to me as the most significant.
For those of us who have children in our home, there is no denying that this is one of the greatest opportunities of our lives. And, as parents, we must do the hard work of eliminating the clutter that will hinder us from our super-important task.
Let’s do it.
Further Reading
Now the question is: How can domestic click here violence be prevented?
Don’t be swayed by excuses you hear from your abuser.
Although this does not necessarily have anything to do with the nature of the violation.
Great post, Mike.
As a young, minimalist father, I’m glad to have read this. I’ve always looked up for inspiration from Joshua in raising his family, now I’m very happy to have found your blog. :)
Thank you, Mike. Keep on!
As a teacher, minimalist and a dad I get to see on a daily basis the influence of parents on the development of their child.
‘I have to get clear on the answer to this question: If my children only remember 1 or 2 things about what I teach them in their years at home, what do I want them to be? Then, emphasize those things in all that you say and do.’
The importance of the above passage should not be underestimated. It’s not just the things you say, it’s also the things you do which children the values with which you hold strongly in your life (which are also likely to be the values with which you would like your child to grow up).
I make a big point of taking my 2-year old with me to fix the neighbour’s fence/broken bollard in the road, because I want him to understand the importance of COMMUNITY. In the house this week I felt so proud when my son turned the television OFF whilst I watched a seemingly dull, boring show. He knows, from our behaviour, that the television is not something that should be on 24/7 and that there are things in life for more fun and purposeful to do than sitting and staring at a screen all day!
Becoming a minimalist has made me prioritise what truly counts in life. Life is not just about an endless pursuit of Stuff, with which you feel every room of your life (and your childrens). Life should be about living purposefully, about flourishing and finding happiness in your health, your home, your family, your work and your finances, the five foundations of life.
If you want to enjoy reading an inspiring blog about how to live a simple,
frugal, debt-free, minimalist life then please check out the
http://www.thedebtfreeminimalist.com.
My latest blogs include:
Are you a clutterist? Take the 5-a-day challenge (and i’m not talking fruit!)
The duvet which made a difference (a tale of giving)
Is the iPhone such a smart phone?
A tale of opportunity cost (and the effects of compound interest)
What ever happened to the idea of a 15-hour week? (A tale of priorities and the value of time)
This is excellent. One thing I would add, however, is simply the fact that having less STUFF means having more TIME. And time = love in the eyes of children.
I loved the article and learned a lot. But your reply is also very helpfull: less stuff = more time = more love (in the eyes of) for our children. Wow, so easy and yet so true. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for this article. I needed it.
Thanks Mike. What a great thought-provoking post and a reminder about the immense value of being a parent and our influence in guiding and shaping our children’s lives. I like your comment about concentrating on a few ideas that our children may take with them through their lives. It’s a great idea to make that decision more conscious so we can reinforce it along the way rather than feeling overwhelmed with the volume of stuff we could teach them. I think for me it might be to teach my children about spirituality, the value of simplicity, and the importance of relationship skills – I’ll do some more thinking about it. Thanks again.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Minimalism is an attractive approach to me because it helps me prioritize relationships. One of the mantras that Jen (my wife) and I have repeated through the years is, “People are more important than things”. Reading your comments reminds me that I’m among friends!
Yes! Relationships are more important than things!