Note: This is a guest post from Randi Kay of Naturally Randi Kay.
In a world where time seems more precious than gold and making to-do lists are now on our to-do list, it can feel like every second of our spare time is called for.
In this scenario, the idea of making time for ourselves can feel overwhelming, or even selfish.
But what if there was a better way? What if this whole ‘self-care’ thing was not just another task on your to-do list? What if it was a part of how you operated? Or better yet, what if your self-care actually made you feel like you had even more time?
The term “self-care” has been commandeered by the wellness industry as of late and is often defined by activities ranging from lighting a candle to luxurious spa days. With this mentality, it can be hard to fathom “self-care” as a part of your everyday life. But the good news is that true self-care is more a way of life than something you include on your to-do list.
I define self-care as the act of tuning into your true needs and then acting accordingly. By this, I mean a) you take a moment to check in, b) listen to that wise part of yourself, c) and then act on what you hear.
That may look like items on your to-do list, such as getting a massage, going to therapy, or having a solid morning ritual. But the real magic happens when you bring self-care into your everyday life. And a great way to do this is to make tweaks to your current activities, or self-care power ups, as I like to call them.
Here are some examples of what it could look like:
Let’s start with taking a look at how you start your day. What are you listening to when you get ready in the morning? Is it some heavy news story or could it be some music that lifts you up?
How you start your day sets the stage for how the rest of the day will go. So why not jazz up your getting ready routine with things that bring you joy? Save the news and other information consumption for later in the day.
If you have a morning commute, this is a great time for a gratitude practice. Thinking or saying aloud what you are grateful for can put you in a wonderful mindset for taking on your workday or other commitments. There’s a lot of power in leading with gratitude.
Once you get going for the day, the next thing to consider is how you are going about your daily tasks. If you are sitting at a desk for hours at a time, take a look at how you are holding yourself. If you are hunched over and your head is jutting forward, adjust your posture to a more neutral position and get up and move around regularly. This little tweak alone can save your body from a lot of aches and pains.
In any task you do, notice how you are breathing. Turn your shallow chest breathing into deep belly breaths. This not only takes tension away from your neck and shoulders, but calms the nervous system and keeps the abdomen healthy. You are breathing anyway, why not make it therapeutic?
Moving to the end of the day, it’s common to want to relax and veg out with your favorite TV show. If this is something you choose to do, I recommend powering-up with some gentle stretching while you watch to make sure your body processes the stress of the day properly. This not only helps you stretch for longer periods of time, but it also nurtures your body’s needs.
Again, these are just some common examples, but the number of tweaks you can make are endless.
If you are having a hard time knowing what to do, a helpful exercise is something I like to call “This for That.” Think how you can sub out an unhealthy choice for a healthier one. More water and a quick walk in the afternoon instead of another cup of coffee. A mindful breathing break instead of a social media break. Or getting up and talking to your coworkers instead of sending an email.
You really don’t need more time for self-care. You just need to swap something out for it. And these power-ups can make all of the difference. Most of our body pain and life stressors were created by small and simple habits overtime. So the best way to heal them is by small and simple habits.
There’s a popular quote floating around the internet that states, “We are what we repeatedly do.” And while the internet can’t decide on who actually said it, no one’s debating its truth. Why not make sure what we repeatedly do serves us?
And remember, it’s not always about what you do, it’s how you are doing it. Changing how you do something can make that task less draining and less stressful, giving you more energy to do more meaningful things.
Imagine if you weren’t so maxed out by the end of the day. It would feel like you had more time and energy to play with your kids, gather with friends, or do other acts of self-care that you enjoy.
Embrace the small and simple. Let your daily habits serve you. And trust that you have all of the time in the world to be happy and healthy.
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Randi Kay is a Holistic Health Practitioner based out of Fargo, North Dakota. Along with her local healing practice, Randi produces the Simple Self Care podcast and offers mentoring and online courses at Naturally Randi Kay.
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If you would like to read more about Self-Care, Issue 011 of Simplify Magazine dives deep into the topic, featuring exerts from all over the world. Find the digital magazine here.
Which is the best self care activity according to you?
When you care about looks to make your appearance appealing to yourself in mirror. Which would make you feel that no one else is perfect than you is the best care.
Thank you for sharing. A very good reminder.
Dear Joshua ,
Thank you for your words of comfort that I think that it is great to have a person like you to help people to take care of their own compassion burnout an the intensive work to make it in this world.
We don’t need to do it all in one day and put pressure on ourselves to excitedly succeed in everything.
Thank you.
Marsha Walton
Nice Content Covered. I think One Should Practice selfcare on daily basis.
This is such a good point. It’s easy to put our own needs last when there’s a million things to do, but making a few small changes can really help us keep going. I love the gratitude practice – I write down 3 things I’m grateful for every morning. I also have begun my days with a 5-minute guided meditation, which really helps me clear my head (and my migraines have gotten way less frequent since I began meditating, too!)
A huge stress reliever for me is reading a good novel. When you read, your mind goes to a whole different world than the one you are currently in. You don’t have to physically go anywhere!You get to ” live” or observe a different life than your own for a time. When you return to your present situation, it often feels a bit lighter because you have ” been somewhere else” in your mind for awhile. If you can’t devote much time to reading, get a book with short chapters! Or for people in caregiving situations, read as the sick person is dozing, or read aloud a good book to them and share the experience!
I really loved the article by Randi. I have two 93-year parents
and they have become my full-time job. I do have a sister who
lives with me and we trade off on the constant tasks and still,
we are both exhausted. I will be more mindful of self care now!
Thank You!
Sending much love and positive energy to Anita. Taking care of a failing loved one is mentally and physically exhausting. Will keep you in my thoughts.???
I’ll share what self-care means to me. Anita, if you read my comment I’m sorry about all of the stress and demands on your time in your day to day. I can’t imagine how hard it might be. I too often go weeks without certain things like cuticles, nail care of any kind! And not because I am so stretched for time – but because it’s not always a priority to me to spend energy on.
To me, self care is about being kind to yourself. It doesn’t have to cost money or even take a lot of time. I am a parent but not caring for someone who needs 24-hour care, but to me it’s about prioritizing exercise (I am for 30 min of something)! Sometimes I get to the gym and take a class or swim, other times it’s a walk around the neighborhood. I try to prioritize eating healthy meals at home instead of going out to eat. I try to make sure to get enough sleep and drink water all day long.
I go through phases on these next few because I’m human – I try to make time to read for fun, take in a social activity. Self care doesn’t need to be commercialized – although it has – often it’s about how we talk to ourselves in our own heads. When you’re down on yourself and beating yourself up in your own head- stop and think about what you’d say to your best friend, if he or she came to you with whatever you just did. Say to yourself what you’d say to your best friend. Try it once. I promise it will change your day.
I’m guessing you’ve never been a caregiver for anyone with a serious illness. Finding time for yourself isn’t always so easy and some don’t have the money to spend. My husband has had a MI, stroke and now has lung cancer. It’s taken a toll on both of us. I’m trying to get to the gym and watch what I eat but then I’m forgetting to put cream on my skin and trim my toenails. The polish on my toes is from September and luckily it’s cold enough that I’m the only one who sees them. It’s not so easy to put on some upbeat music and change your whole day when you’re wondering when your spouse is going to wake up today and everything in the house falls on you to do. I’m exhausted.
Anita, I have not been an immediate caregiver, but I have sat alongside immediate family members while they are. If I can encourage you, the post was about finding “self-care power-ups” right where you are, not adding extra duties like going to the gym to your already accounted for schedule. Try to find self-care in your regular everyday activities, like checking the way you are breathing throughout the day, or even how you are sitting or resting. That was Randi’s point. When we see it as an extra task to add to our calendar, it rarely gets done. When we see it as part of our every day, we notice more and more ways to incorporate these power-ups into our life. Thank you for the selfless, incredibly difficult, work of caring for your husband.
Thank you for your comment, Anita, as I know many people out there can relate to you. I have been a caregiver at times, and I spend a large part of my profession caring for the caregivers to make sure they are able to show up for the ones they love.
And it is from this bigger understanding that I offer these suggestions because I know there are seasons of life that are very difficult. And so my hope was that this could open up the idea of making little tweaks to your life to make sure you are also being taken care of without needing to take a lot of time away from other commitments and ease the load a bit.
I did list some very general suggestions in this article, but Joshua’s comment did a very good job of articulating the purpose of these suggestions and perhaps applying some of them to your circumstance.
You are doing such important work, Anita. And I hope this community and the other comments can bring you some comfort and love.