My grandfather passed away over Christmas.
At his funeral, I delivered the eulogy. Here is a portion of what I said:
What can I say about this man? What can I say about a man I’ve always wanted to be just like? What can I say about a man who shaped my worldview and understanding of God more than anyone else? What can I say about a man I named my own son after?
He had a significant impact on my life. You can read my entire eulogy here.
During one of my last conversations with my grandfather, before he got sick on Thanksgiving, he made a statement to me that I found to be incredibly profound.
He said, “We live our entire lives under the shadow of death.”
While I didn’t tell him at the time, I found the statement to be deep and life-enhancing when understood correctly. In fact, merely hearing it brought about further resolve of my desire to live a minimalist life.
Consider its weight: We all live under the shadow of death.
That statement has been true in 2020 maybe more than any other year as local and national media regularly report death counts from all over the world and daily public service announcements can be heard over the airwaves asking us to act responsibly.
But death is not new to us—despite the unprecedented times we live in.
In fact, we live every day with the understanding that it may be our last. Not in a morbid, depressing way (shockingly so), but in the awareness and reality of understanding life.
Every time I get in my car to drive to work or the grocery store, I know, instinctively, something tragic could happen to me or another driver. I also know, full-well, that even if I don’t leave my house, a medical emergency could befall me or someone I love. I am not immune from a cancer diagnosis, a heart attack, a stroke, a brain aneurysm.
I have plenty of loved ones who unexpectedly received life-changing news, or were tragically stricken.
As grandpa said, “Life is lived under this shadow of death.” The reality of it surrounds us every day of our lives. And even if we don’t have a close, loved one who recently passed away, we almost certainly know someone who has.
Nobody escapes life alive.
But somehow it seems, human beings are able to both live with the knowledge of death and somehow function apart from it.
Death is inevitable. And yet, I am able to live wholly today, focused on the present and the future, as if it won’t happen to me today. I am aware of coming death, but not paralyzed by it. It is a fascinating paradox and ability of the human mind when you think about.
While the shadow of death does not paralyze me, in the quiet moments of life, the shadow motivates me and sharpens the wisest among us.
Only a fool lives as if their life will never end.
We receive one life to live, with a limited number of days and a limited number of resources with which to accomplish our purpose. Almost all of the resources we consume during our journey are limited: money, time, energy, space, focus, capacity, even the relationships we are able to pursue.
This reality of our finite nature is an incredibly important truth. It is one we should intentionally choose to focus on each day. Because when we do, it changes our actions, our motivations, and our pursuits. It changes us:
Because life is finite, we make better choices.
Because time is finite, we spend our days on things that matter.
Because money is finite, we spend it on pursuits that will outlast us.
Because our energy is finite, we choose carefully where we focus our passions.
Because our days are finite, we value relationships and love.
Because I live under the shadow of death, I will choose a minimalist life and reject the empty promise of consumerism and what this world offers. I will live for greater pursuits.
Life will end—indeed. And that realization should affect the decisions I make each day. But rather than causing me to throw in the towel and give up on life, this shadow of death will spark hope and resolve and passion to spend each remaining day of my life making the most of it.
About Joshua Becker
Hey Becker, I would say you are lucky to have a grandfather that gave you some pieces of advise as compared to others that never even saw their parents.
My condolences though.
Overall, grand dad is so correct.
We all live everyday knowing that we die in our sleep and are given another chance to wake.
One day we sleep and not wake, land it goes on till Christ comes.
Between, I’m loving this blog. Will need to bookmark so I can easily access it. 😊
Joshua my deepest condolences on the passing of your Grandfather. You were blessed to have him in your life, some
never experience that kind of blessing. Perhaps we experience
the beautifulness of your Grandfather’s soul through your reflections
that you share lovingly with your readers. Let the grace of his soul pour forth through your words. I pray that our Heavenly
Father brings you comfort and peace.
So sorry about the loss of your grandfather, but I have a feeling he was ready to go.
I have taken this course before, so I maybe have lifetime access, I don’t know. Hopefully someone will read this who can sort it out for me. I registered and paid the fee anyway, but don’t want to be paying twice for something. Can someone help me?
All participants have lifetime access and can log-in to the Uncluttered website at any time. You can even sign up to receive the weekly emails again if you want for free on the Course Resources page after logging-in (my.becomingminimalist.com/login). There is always a link at the top of this page called “Course.” Let me know when you see this reply… this isn’t the right place for this conversation.
Joshua Becker, I’ve wanted to say this for a while…I see Jesus in you.
Your grandfather left a great legacy, and you are well on your way to a great legacy. Prayers for you and your family as you deal with this loss.
Joshua, Kim and family,
I’m sorry to read about your loss. You are very blessed that he was with you so long and made a positive impact on your lives.
God bless you all during this time and always.
There are only few moments in the day I don’t think about death
I have just found you online and don’t know much… but it seems to me you are on your way to being as wise as your grandad has shown himself to be through you.
Thanks Jazpine.
Yes, “life to you and yours” at 99 years of age he has left a great legacy. Your son knows the love and value of his name, May you find peace at this time. Here in Australia we have lost many aged in 2020, my father passed aged 88 in February.
He will be missed greatly what a warrior for Jesus. We pray for your family.
Joshua, thank you, for your sharing of your Granpa’s passing…from what you have written of him through the years he is someone I am looking forward to meeting when I get to Heaven. May Jesus comfort your hearts, holding you close when the waves of grief wash over you. He understands and infinitely loves you and your family.
God bless you,
Jo
Over the holiday, I led a funeral where the family asked me to speak to that very topic. We indeed live in the shadow of death. But the next phrase in Psalm 23 says, “I will fear no evil for thy rod and staff comfort me.” We do live in the shadow of death, but fear of that death is not necessary because our God is with us. But when we know that we are no far from death, it can help us to live life fully. My prayers are with you and your family as you remember a life well lived.
What a beautiful tribute. My condolences on your grandfather’s passing. I lost my father and grandfather this year, and it’s been an experience that, while producing immense grief, has also produced immense gratitude. The finite does not have to defeat us if we do not seek the infinite within it. The infinite, for a person of faith, lies beyond. God bless you and your family.
So sorry for your loss. Sound like an incredible man. This was one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Thank you!
How MORBID this topic. If you live in fear of death you don’t really live
Hi GloriaAnn. Joshua is not saying we should live in fear of death, just with awareness that our life and all of our resources are finite. With this awareness, we are free to stop wasting time and energy and money and really pursue our passions. We’re free to stop making excuses and do what really matters to us. We can step away from the role assigned to us (“consumer”) and become what we were made to be: people who create, love, give, try, learn, etc.
Hi GloriaAnn. Joshua is not saying we should live in fear of death, just with awareness that our life and all of our resources are finite. With this awareness, we are free to stop wasting time and energy and money and really pursue our passions. We’re free to stop making excuses and do what really matters to us. We can step away from the role assigned to us (“consumer”) and become what we were made to be: people who create, love, give, try, learn, etc. This is the opposite of fear!
Joshua, I am SO sorry to hear of your deep loss. It is so evident how much you loved and admired him. He will live on through the advice and wisdom he poured into you all those years. May God draw very near to you and hold you close to His heart in every moment of overwhelming grief. Praying for you.
So sorry to hear about your grandpa. He sounds like a wonderful person! Thank you for a beautiful post!
Very well written… BRAVO! As the Bible says, “we are not promised a tomorrow.” We should live every precious, God given day as though it could well be our last!
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandpa. He was obviously a man who greatly influenced you. That is all we can hope to leave behind, the influence we have had on the world through the people we have met on the way. Also by the children we have created, not just just pro-created, but the people they are, influenced for good by us.
I thank you for the influence you have been to me, and many others, on our minimalist journey. Since reading your first book a few years ago, my home is now empty of all unnecessary items, and my husband and I are enjoying a much more intentional way if life. Thank you and Gods richest blessing to you, your wife and family.
My condolences on your grandfather’s passing..but what a wonderful eulogy you gave! Even though I never knew your grandfather I felt like I knew him after reading this! I never got to know either of my grandfathers as they had both passed before i was born. My dad passed when i was 10 (1970) and my mom passed in 1993. I still think of her every day and find peace in the thought she is no longer suffering. Peace be with you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. To mourn is a very heavy journey to take. What I have learned about death ( my husband died in 2006) is that love transcends time and space. Although I can not reach out and hold his hand or give him a kiss, he is still loved by those he left behind. I see him in the laughter of my adult children, our shared stories, sometimes tears that form when we share stories about him. He never got to see his children graduate from college, get married or have children of their own. He has missed a lot. But he is still loved and lives in our thoughts and memories. That’s one example that money can not buy everything.
You’re eulogy was spot on with me about living under the shadow of death. I totally agree with you about how we waste so much of our precious resources (time and money) on trivial pursuits. My condolences to you on the loss of your grandfather. This last year was a year we all wish had been happier.
Thank you for sharing. Take peace in knowing there’s another star in heaven shining down upon us.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I love reading your messages of hope and humble ways to enhance one’s life and that of our loves ones!
Hello Joshua and to your family. I am very sorry for your loss with your precious Grandpa Harold’s passing. My sympathies to you and your family. What a simply incredible legacy he has left not only to your family but to the world! You did an incredible job on his eulogy, so well done. Your love and admiration for him shine through as well as his powerful example of how a Christian is to truly live and love God (plus others) well. Although I have been a Christian for 40+ years now I have not been blessed with hearing his messages so I will look them up to listen to and share with others!
@ Cate Turnbull, Thank you, Cate for the idea to look up Granpa Becker’s sermons to listen to!
Blessings, Jo
@Cate Turnbull, my apologies to Joshua others for writing the wrong last name…Granpa Salem, not Granpa Becker. Humbly, Jo
What a beautiful testimony for your grandfather…. it was beautiful. I wish I could have met him, but I know that I will meet him in heaven and I have a feeling I will instantly recognize him and Beulah. My condolences to you and your family.
No doubt you and your family will miss your grandfather! It’s difficult to lose someone any time of the year, but it seems worse during Christmas. And for me, it’s especially difficult to pass to the new year without that loved one. May the Lord bless you with His comfort and sweet memories/stories of your grandfather to share with your kids and others. And it sounds like the world, in general, is all the poorer for his passing.From all you have described, your grandpa is dancing on streets of gold!!
Thank you Joshua for your words and an insight into your special relationship with your grandfather. I am reminded of David’s mention of walking ‘through the valley of the shadow of death’ in Psalm 23.
Our finite life. Reassuringly, our faith in Jesus brings us hope in both this life and the next.
My condolences and prayers to you and your family. What a wonderful man. He will reap wonderful rewards in heaven. God bless you too for the work you do to help people realise that life is not about materialism, that God does exist and there is an afterlife.
My condolences for the loss of your grandfather. My husband lost his grandfather to COVID two days before Christmas, I learned a colleague has terminal brain cancer, and there is just so much sickness and death close to us right now. Reading through the comments here – it really is a shadow that is with us all the time. Your essay helped me to remember not to despair and to focus on living each day with joy and compassion for others. I can’t thank you enough for this reminder today.
Thank you for this post. My father passed away last night from Covid and your words were so encouraging for perspective and outlook. Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss…🙏🏼
I’m so sorry for your loss. Xoxo
God bless you and your grandfather. I believe in an afterlufe that is filled with joy, beauty and love. I pray he experiences all of this — and much more!
Thank you for sharing. This has helped me more than anything I have ever read.
God bless you and your family. Melanie
When we lose a loved one, it reminds us that our time is short and only God knows the number of our days. It reminds us to use our resources – time, money, etc – in a wise way. Thank you for such a raw, yet affirming post.
My father passed away on December 17, 2020. He passed away at 1:00 PM in his sleep in a nursing home. Per his wishes he was cremated. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, we’re having a memorial service in when the weather warms up.
This article came at the right time. Very sorry for your loss. I still miss my Grandpa whom I lost when I was 16. I’m 61 now and still miss him. A dear friend lost both father and brother over the holidays. Her father after Christmas, her brother after New Years. I’m at a loss for words. I will forward your very eloquent essay to her. I know it will bring her comfort, as I too was comforted. Thank you.
I am so sorry for the loss of your amazing Grandfather. What a beautiful Eulogy to a man of great faith and quiet goodness. He reminds me of my own father who passed one year ago and was also at peace and ready to transition from this Earth. He almost became a Catholic Priest but chose to become a Dad instead, the best of the best. He shared his love and kindness with every single person he met, making their day a little better. And he loved your posts on FB. My oldest son gave his Eulogy and like you, aspires to be like his Pop. Blessings to you and your Family.
This is brilliant, Joshua – thanks for speaking the truth in love.
As we say in Greek in death of a loved one ‘ζωή σε εσάς’
which literally translates ‘life to you’.
Your powerful message is appreciated & 🙏 you for sharing this difficult time for you of having a beloved elder passing on.
It’s clear that we’re here on earth a short time in big scheme of things & leading a good purposeful life under God is more important than ever as we have too many distractions in today’s world & many times we don’t get to appreciate life fully.
More troubling this past year under🦠 lockdowns many states like CA have banned church services & any social interaction including with friends & family! So much for ‘One Nation Under God!
Joshua God Bless & Your family in these trying times.
I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather. It certainly does sharpen our focus on what is truly important. My dad died on 19 December. He was 76. With all the covid restrictions (we are currently under a province wide lockdown) and travel permits needed, we were not able to be with him. “Stuff”, possessions become even more of a burden when all we really long for is more time with loved ones. Whether that be family or friends. Thank you for sharing and the encouragement to live a more authentic life.
So sorry for your loss of your grandfather, but how fortunate you were to have him as long as you did and get to know him as an adult. It sounds as he was so much a part of your entire life, what a terrific relationship for you to have. My prayers are with you and your family as you will all miss him. God bless you.
My sympathy to you and your family. No matter how old we are, it’s hard to lose your grandpa. I enjoyed his sermons on TV and it was apparent that he was an authentic, kind, and caring man. Not your typical “TV preacher “—he was the real deal. I believe he has passed the torch to you, carried on another path, but still lighting the way. Thank you for sharing your grandpa’s life story.
“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.”
Loss of a significant loved one feels like an end of an era. They who have shaped you live on in you. My condolences.
These days, amid scare hysteria, we must bypass that to go on living lest we get busy dying. There’s no point in living if you don’t feel alive.
I lost my husband in August after a long, difficult illness. I’m still struggling with depression and grief. I’m in counseling. Some days I barely get through, some days are good. I just came across your post and I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell you loved your grandfather very much. Nothing I have heard or read (I’ve read a lot about grief) has touched my heart and soul as what you have written from yours. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are highly intelligent and I’m touch with yourself and the world. I’m going to read this again and again. I wish you peace.🙏
Praying for you and your family. I love your grandpa’s words…thank you for sharing it with your readers.
I’m so sorry to hear your news. This is such a beautifully written article that will stay with me for a long long time. We used to live minimally before having five children. We moved from country to country with just cases. We experienced ‘life’ and not ‘stuff’.
We have slithered terribly. You have made me realise today is the day to start. Not tomorrow. Life was much happier when we had a small apartment rather than this huge house – that attracted men with balaclavas and knives to us and caused lingering havoc to mental health. Thank you for your beautiful words. Huge hugs. 💖
Joshua,
I am sorry for your recent loss. Your grandfather sounds like an authentic, inspiring and giving soul.
This week marks the second anniversary of my mother’s death and the nineteenth anniversary of my fathers death (January is not a particularly fortuitous month in my family). This time of year is my annual reminder that I have more years behind me than ahead of me on this earth. It tends to focus my mind on making a deliberate choice of how to spend those years that remain.
I am as yet a failed minimalist with far more possessions than I need. However, as I have grown older the importance of “things” has faded into the background and the significance of experience and having a lasting positive influence on my wife, children and siblings has come to the forefront. While I don’t consider myself a particularly religious person, I believe my inner spirituality has become more evident. I spend more time searching for my “best” self, helping others in need and showing grace toward those who also struggle with the uncertainty of impermanence.
Thank you for sharing your personal loss and your inspiring thoughts with me at a time when I most needed them.
My sincere condolences to you and your family on the passing of your Grandpa. May fond memories comfort you and may God carry you through this difficult time. Thanks for sharing your Grandpa’s wisdom and your interpretation…it was very enlightening.
Powerful message
Thank you for a very inspiring eulogy. There are no words to take away the pain of the loss of a loved one like your grandfather. Should we all have been so blessed to have had someone like him in our lives. Sounds like you made him proud. A wonderful gift you gave me this morning.
Thank you, Joshua, for sharing this post. I’ve been retired for a year now, and needed to hear everything you shared. It sets me up to think about the new year and what I’m going to do with my time. The topic reminds me of Mary Oliver’s “What will you do with your one precious life?”
Your grandad sounds like he was the kind of man we all need in our lives. May peace be yours.
Joahua,there are times as a writer that you wish you’d written what someone else has. This is one of those times. Perfectly said. I could not agree more and I am convinced the losses I have experienced helped seal this attitude in me, too. Blessings to you and your family