“Sometimes our stop-doing list needs to be bigger than our to-do list.” —Patti Digh
Over the summer, my brother convinced me to try intermittent fasting. He’s lost a fair amount of weight using the method, as have other people I know.
Now, let me be clear, this is not an article recommending intermittent fasting (or any diet technique). This post is about something bigger.
Back to my conversation:
My brother was recommending intermittent fasting. I’m not in a place where I’m trying to lose a lot of weight, so that wasn’t a selling point for me. But I continued to ask him questions because I’m always interested.
One answer he gave to a question of mine piqued my interest.
I asked him, “Seems like eating only a few hours each day would result in lower energy levels. Have you found that to be true?”
His response, which convinced me to give intermittent fasting a try, was this, “No, not at all. I have as much energy as ever. In fact, I often feel more productive during the day because I’ve cut out an entire meal.”
It was enough, at the very least, for me to give it a try. Three months later I’m still intermittent fasting. Again, not necessarily because I’m losing a whole lot of weight, but because I enjoy the lifestyle change (at least for now).
Because I have stopped doing one thing (eating breakfast), it has changed my entire morning routine—to something I prefer much more.
I used to spend a good portion of my morning cooking breakfast, eating breakfast, cleaning up breakfast, all while listening to the news. When I was finished, I would jump into some work projects—always a little bit distracted by the news I had just heard while drinking coffee and eating eggs.
But removing that one meal has entirely reoriented my morning.
Now I begin the day, because of the extra available time, with solitude, meditation, and faith reflection. That small change has brought new meaning to my morning.
The removal of one practice/habit sparked a significant change in my life.
As I began to reflect on how removing a meal has transformed my morning, I began to notice elsewhere in my life that this has happened.
When I first began this blog, I had two young children, was working full-time, and had just begun minimizing the possessions in my home, room-by-room. And yet, I felt compelled to write and document my journey (that was the original intent of this blog by the way).
To find time to journal our progress, I almost entirely cut television out of my life. Rather than sitting on the couch in the evening to watch a sporting event or entertainment series, I sat down to write.
The removal of one habit sparked a new one in my life.
Additionally, as I minimized my possessions and freed up time that was previously spent cleaning or organizing, I began going to the local gym to get my physical body in a healthier place.
Or, when I took on a 40-day experiment to not use my phone for anything but actual phone calls, I freed up countless hours in my week that were normally wasted scrolling social media or playing apps on my phone. In the time recovered from the removal of those habits, I became more attentive to the people and conversations around me.
It’s an interesting reality that happens every day (we always trade one activity for another) but we rarely actively and intentionally apply the principle to our lives.
The removal of one activity/habit/practice/commitment makes room for a new one to surface. Stopping one low-value action results in a life-enriching opportunity to add new ones.
How do we go about making this change?
1. Recognize the importance of having a Stop-Doing List.
Warren Buffett once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
He’s right. And that truth summarizes the importance of removing activities that do not contribute to our success in life (which I don’t confuse with financial wealth, by the way).
The first step to intentionally removing an action, for the sake of replacing with another, is to know it’s worth the effort.
2. Choose an action to remove that doesn’t add value.
I listed several examples above: television, phone games, possessions, even breakfast.
My opening story talked about removing breakfast—but that may not be appropriate for you (or even healthy).
Instead, think through your day or week. What is one low-value activity you could remove for a period of experimentation? Question everything.
Maybe it’s something you’ve never considered removing (I certainly never thought I’d skip breakfast for 4 months in a row).
Or maybe it’s something you genuinely enjoy (I certainly thought I liked watching television in the evening).
Question everything.
3. Remove one piece rather than the entire activity if that’s easier.
This doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing proposition. When I cut out breakfast, I didn’t cut out eating entirely. When I cut out television in the evening on weekdays, that didn’t mean I wouldn’t still watch football with my son on Sunday afternoons.
When I cut out games from my phone for 40 days, I didn’t ditch the device entirely
If you’re struggling to place an item on your Stop-Doing List, try thinking smaller.
Maybe cut out television on Mondays and Wednesdays. Stop checking email in the morning. Cancel just one social obligation. Or avoid just one time-wasting website during the week.
4. Commit for 21 days.
Add that low-value activity to your Stop-Doing List and commit to it for a short, 21-day experiment.
The 21-day experiment approach will further your resolve. “The habit change isn’t forever,” you’ll tell yourself, “it’s just for 21 days.”
Those three weeks will give you enough time to see what you think about your new normal, but it won’t seem overly excessive. If, after 21 days, you want to keep the new habit, you’ve basically already started it in your life.
5. Fill your opening with a worthwhile activity.
Remember the purpose of this exercise. Stopping one action results in a life-enriching opportunity to add a new one. So, don’t just remove an activity, fill that new time with something valuable and productive to the life you want to live.
Replace that removed habit with reading, exercising, solitude, writing, or art. Start a new hobby or pick up an old one. The choice is yours, just be sure to be intentional about picking something.
6. Don’t forsake rest.
Just to clarify here, I’m not talking about removing all aspects of rest or relaxation from your life so you can fill your life with even busier pursuits.
I’m talking about removing a low-value activity (however you define that) with a more healthy and productive habit in your life.
Rest and relaxation are still essential to intentional living.
7. Re-evaluate after 21 days.
After the 21-day experiment has concluded, reassess. Are you happy with your new habit or daily structure?
After a month of intermittent fasting, I could recognize that I enjoyed my mornings (and rest of the day) more without breakfast (who knew?). Now, that doesn’t mean I’ll never return to it. But it does mean, for today, I am happier and more grounded than I was before. And for that, I am thankful.
You may have a different experience, but you can always return to the way life used to be.
I just want to encourage you today, to try something new in your life, by intentionally removing something else. That is, after all, the very essence of minimalism.
About Joshua Becker
Need more inspiration to stop my brain from overthinking. To do lists are my go to. Do this for self care, do this for that person, do that because it feels uncomfortable to sit and breathe – the wheel of doing keeps spinning much longer than my energy can fuel me.
Im looking forward to a stop doing list. I wonder if this could help me to plan proper time to sit, to become more intentional and in time make a habit of putting myself first and tuning into me. In a world where everyone is expected to be busy, I imagine a “stop doing list” could include negative thoughts and mindsets or negatuve core beleifs as well. I inagine this could be life changing for me. So, thank you, your book and now this has helped me many times in the last decade, please keep writing, I love listening to what you have to say
I call this the “subtract before adding” principle. Thanks, Joshua. It is becoming more often my default.
When intermittent fasting, it is better to eliminate supper rather than breakfast. Bonus: you will sleep much better. You can move breakfast to a later time, say 9:00 am, and still have plenty of time to do your meditation, exercise, and reading beforehand. Then, eat the second meal around 2-3 pm.
Lisa K
owner,
Mountain Glow Lifestyle medicine
I much prefer skipping breakfast. That being said, this wasn’t really a post about intermittent fasting.
Respectfully, not for all of us. Happy that works for you but for some, going to bed empty or nearly empty causes insomnia. It can be easy to think what works for me works for all And, in fact, that wasn’t the issue here.
Sadly, I’ve wasted so much time on things that did not add much value, but I’ve made some positive changes in the last few months.
For example, I replaced the habit of watching tv every night with the habit of reading e-books, and I go to bed early, and thus get up earlier in the mornings. As a result, I feel less stressed and more content.
Your great article inspires me to go on changing my habits. I plan to do more decluttering, so that housework will take up less time. Instead I want to exercise more, and take up a new hobby.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,for most people,as your body has already fasted during the night,unless you work nights.Everyone is an individual.I have enjoyed reading your blogs,but don’t follow blind,or react to every key. A few principles I live by,is be kind to yourself and others. Love this beautiful planet we live on and respect the diversity of life.my minimalistic journey is still continuing,but appreciate I love colour and beautiful things.Sunsets,the changing seasons,Life can pass you by without living in the moment. God bless you and your family.
Thank you. This really illustrates the power of making a single small change. Lifestyle change can seems so overwhelming, but this shows that it doesn’t have to be. Very inspiring.
In response to the commenter claiming there’s only so long/ so much that can be said or shared about minimalism and you “can’t milk that cow forever” here’s some food for thought (although you probably won’t be back for more same ‘ol same ‘ol)
Happiness is another ideal/topic that’s often in the forefront and something many people strive for. Should that subject be tabled also as it’s been heavily pondered, discussed, and even debated…no longer worthy of various perspectives and ideas?
I appreciate Joshua’s insightful use of his platform and the fact that your comment was printed for all to read underlies the whole purpose.
I love the idea of cutting back low-value activities to be replaced by high-value ones. At the beginning of the lockdown, without even thinking about it, I stopped checking my phone first thing and instead started journaling and it was life changing. I’ve been struggling a lot with that lately and have started to pick up my phone first thing again. I think it’s time I put « picking up my phone when I wake up » on my don’t do list.
Hi Mari,
You are cracking me up girlfriend. I think there is a need to keep talking about minimalism/voluntary simplicity/frugality. I gravitated to this sight because it feeds something my soul needs. To speak and share ideas with other like minded people when we are inundated with a warped concept that if you are not what I call a “consumer cow” you are not accepted in society.
Living with Mother Earth in Mind instead of filling up the landfills with crap we don’t want or need is my idea of living. Simple changes we can all make that to me are exciting and living by example has it’s rewards, and it simply feels good when someone else “gets it”.
Rough crowd! ?
I enjoyed this article you wrote, Joshua. I never thought about things in the way you described. I’m going to give it a try! Thank you for always sharing new ideas! Love it!
Every day I tell myself, I’m not going to get sucked into the news— I donated, I’m voting, I’m doing everything a reasonable citizen can to get a competent adult into the White House— and I’m not going to scroll mindlessly through the internet. Instead I listen to audiobooks. I’ve “read” so many books this year— it’s been great.
I like this idea. I gave up TV at the beginning of the lockdown and don’t miss it at all. But I spend too much time on email and facebook. I think I will take 21 days off FB and see how that feels. I really want to start reading more books and FB is sucking away all my reading hours.
Don’t get me wrong, I really love you and your blog. And I really love minimalism. But. Saying that skipping the most important meal of the day can somehow contribute to minimalism, is not minimalist at all. Skipping breakfast is a criminal act against your body. And mind. It’s unhealthy and unhealthy ways should have nothing to do with minimalism.
I’m really sorry to say that, but I think you are actually running out of ideas when writing about minimalism. Thats why you come up such drastic ideas.
Therefore I have a question. How long can someone write about minimalism for it to be minimalist? Is it minimalist when you write thousands articles about it? Sorry, but I think it’s not. I think that a real minimalist has to stop somewhere, because otherwise they won’t be a minimalist.
Let’s take Leo Babauta. He’s repeating himself for a long while now. He said all the important things about minimalism whithin one year since starting his blog and now he’s just repeating himself. How can that be minimalist?
And don’t get me even started about The Minimalists’ duo. I stopped following them and even lost all my respect for them after they, first, bragged about quitting their six figure jobs, and then strarted begging for donations. So I have to work from nine to five and give them my money, so they can boast about how happy they are that they don’t have to work from nine to five anymore?
I liked your blog so far. But now I’m not sure anymore. Its been a while since I read something new about minimalism. Except of course that skipping your breakfast can somehow contribute to minimalism.
Maybe if I skipped all of my meals and died? Wouldn’t that be minimalist?
Sorry. I really love minimalism. But you guys can’t milk that cow forever.
My family abandoned “nightly family dinners” during Covid lockdown, and we’ve continued to forage on our own in the evening. We are together all day, we are tired and ready to relax and be alone with our thoughts and hobbies after being glued to screens for work and school. We still chat together throughout the day, so we still share information with each other, and I realized that the “pressure” society imposes about the importance of family dinners was what was driving us to have them. Now, all my kids happily either make sandwiches, nosh on fruit or yogurt, or warm up leftovers on their own when they want, and evenings are so much less stressful.
OK Mari, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Did you have too much caffeine yesterday?
As I’m sure you know, all humans are different. Not everyone can eat breakfast (or even drink a cup of water) first thing because it causes them to gag and feel as if they may throw up. Why? I don’t know. That’s just the way they react.
As for reading minimalist blogs, not everyone will go back to read from the beginning and some of us need a review of past ideas. Some past ideas may even be updated to fit the current situation. Anyway, maybe you’re past the point where you need to read any minimalist blogs. That’s OK, it’s OK to move on. When it comes to being minimalist, it’s OK to change and it’s OK to let go. Right?
At first, I read The Minimalists website (blog?), now I rarely if ever visit it (if they still have one?). I occasionally still visit others to look through and see if there’s anything I want to read. Becoming Minimalist is my main go to for now, thing is, that could change in the future.
I think of that song “Make Your Own Kind of Music”, maybe you’re to a place where you can now “make your own kind of minimalism”. :)
I wish you well on your journey.
If you hate this blog so much why are you still here?
Just because you have one view of breakfast does not mean its right for everyone. Breakfast is exacltly that breaking of your fast and there is not set time to do that. I have never eaten breakfast in the morning and only eat two meals a day and I am fit, healthy and the right weight for my height. Stop judging people by what you want to do in life and your own values. We in the western world live in free countries and we can do what we want within the law and can take on/or reject any ideas we want. But stop your moaning. Your comments shows you missed the point of the article entirely. I think this blog keeps reminding us to be mindful. If you are bored and angry go elsewhere for your inspiration.
A little perspective on your comment . You have probably bee reading the contents of Joshua’s column for dometime as have I. Sometime Rote makes things finally Sink In. Also each day for us seems repetitive but always there are new viewers who may turn to this blog who may have for any reason reached a desperate point or time or a sudden changre in life’s circumstances that they are one step from going Over the Edge & what you consider redundant just might be a new viewers Saving Grace. Remember, A little kindness goes a long way. We Are our Brothers keeper& maybe their lifeline too.
Thanks for the comment Mari. This wasn’t a post about skipping breakfast — maybe I should have mentioned that in the article. And this blog has always been about more than minimalism (which is why people keep coming back to it).
I don’t respond much but your comment about breakfast being the most important meal of the day is ignorant. It may be YOUR most important meal of the day but it is not for most people. Along the line of living simply and healthy, fasting is a great. Also do you know where the saying about breakfast being the most important meal of the day? The line “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day” was invented in the 19th century by Seventh Day Adventists James Caleb Jackson and John Harvey Kellogg to sell their newly invented breakfast cereal.
So advertising worked on you. There is so much data on the success of fasting out now you must have had your head buried in the sand if you haven’t read it. You do what you want to do, but please quit criticizing those of us who know how to do a little research and apply it to improve our lives and live simply and healthy.
I’ve loved your writing for years, but this article is one of my favorites!
Thanks Josh, great perspective!
Great Concept for everyday living in all aspects.
But on the brothers idea of intermittent fasting ? we’ve applied the one meal removal a day since lockdowns started in CA over 6 months ago but at the other end.
We didn’t think of breakfast since many nutritionists claim breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but eliminating dinner & thus applying a 12 hour overnight fast has worked for us. The intermittent fasting or nightly fasting for us is also easier at end of day. I lost 15lbs, spouse 10lbs, & neither considered overweight either.
I LOVE THIS‼️
What an AWESOME CONCEPT‼️ It’s time! It’s time! IT’S TIME‼️ ❤️??❤️
I’ve cut back a lot on TV. I now watch a movie over the course of a couple of days. I listen to more music and have gone on more zooms ( spiritual/political/social justice & animal rights issues), and then spend lots of time with my cat, who is simply amazing!
Perfect example Maria. Thanks.
Just what I needed to read this morning. Thanks!
This is so exciting for me. It makes so much sense. I immediately thought of 2 or 3 things that could go on the stop-doing list. I have sent this article to our kids and kids-in-law. I’ll let you know how it goes.
This stop to do listing article was one of the best ones I have read yet. Talk about simplicity this made sense all around.
Wendy
We tried a plant based diet for 21 days last year (Aug 2019) and to make a long story short…… at first it wasn’t a super easy transition but I started to notice that my chronic neck pain was easing. We decided to not go back to eating meat and dairy and within about 6-7 weeks my pain took a drastic change and reduced like 50%. It was like a light switch was flipped! I never thought 21 days would change my life!
I hardly ever watch TV anymore. It really was just not enjoyable to me. I have one program that I like and it’s one hour a week. It goes off the air completely in 6 weeks so after that there will be no more TV. It has freed up a lot of time for me. I also rarely eat lunch. I don’t really get hungry except for breakfast and dinner. That frees up a lot of time too although my 17 year old twins frequently have to remind me that they would like some lunch :) It really is amazing how much time you have when you intentionally choose what to do with it.
Just curious, I was just wondering why your 17 year olds aren’t learning to make their own lunches? After all, won’t they be considered legal adults when they’re 18?
I don’t know your situation, thing is, if they don’t have any physical or mental reasons to need a lot of help from you, shouldn’t they be learning to do as much for themselves as possible? It won’t be long before they’re adults.
Again, I’m just curious.
No problem with curiosity. One does have special needs and requires help. The other can make his own with no problem, but currently is trying to do all virtual school, has all AP classes and is overwhelmed with schoolwork and struggling with depression from being cooped up due to this virus so I just try to take care of it for now….but I frequently forget.
You sound like a great mom!
Thank you Christy for the response, you’ve helped with my curiosity. :)
I feel for your son and all the school work he’s keeping up with. If he’s not a homebody then I’d imagine it’s been really tough not being allowed to get out much during this pandemic. I hope he’s able to get help with the depression too.
I hope your son with special needs is holding up OK through all this and you as well.
I can identify with your comment about TV not being enjoyable, thing is, in my case TV isn’t enjoyable because of the commercials. Ugh! Otherwise, I usually enjoy certain programs. Also, when it comes to food, I’m on a low carb meal plan combined with intermittent fasting and one day a week is my liquid fast day as well as my relax and read day. It has helped me health wise. I have my daily routine list, otherwise I try to keep my life fairly simple.
I wish you all well through these “interesting” times.
I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that “this too shall pass”.