I’ve often asked myself why we buy more than we need. I mean, when you really think about it, what would cause us to buy unnecessary things in the first place?
I think there are a number of reasons this is the case—some internally motived and some externally motivated. But one reason we should never overlook is our felt need for security.
Ask yourself, Am I buying too much stuff because deep down I think it will insulate me from the harms of a chancy world? And if so, what is that costing me?
In our society, too many of us believe security can be adequately found in the personal ownership of possessions. Of course there is a grain of truth in that belief. Certainly, food and water, clothing and shelter are essential for survival. But the list of possessions we truly need for life is quite short, and most of us already have these things.
The reality is, we have too quickly confused needs with wants and security with comfort. As a result, many of us collect large stockpiles of possessions in the name of security when we are actually accumulating comfort (or desired pleasure). We work long hours to purchase these things. And we construct bigger and bigger houses to store them.
We dream of a future that includes larger paychecks and sizable savings accounts. We plot and plan to acquire them because we think lasting security can be found there. If that costs us in other areas of life, such as our family and friendships, then that’s the way it goes. The cause of security seems so important that we can’t give up our pursuit of more.
One day I received an email that was gut wrenching to me. A woman wrote:
I’m a working mom of three young boys. I ran across your website while researching ways in which people have made a one-income household work for a family of five.
My husband and I have worked our tails off over the last fifteen years to advance in our careers. In doing so, we have accumulated a lot of material possessions. We didn’t start out materialistic, really. Over the years, though, we have engorged our lifestyle, including a large home and even a modest lake retreat.
Two weeks ago we overheard my eight-year-old son tell a friend, “Mommy and Daddy aren’t home a lot. We don’t see them very much.”
My husband and I stopped dead in our tracks. Our hearts broke. Is all of our stuff really worth it? Of course not.
We are trying to figure out the “how.” We are looking over our budget, trying to find a renter for our log cabin by the lake, and working to have my husband quit his job to be a stay-at-home dad. I am wondering if you have any pointers to help us along this path.
This woman and her husband felt that they needed to work. They felt that they needed more money and more things. They believed that their family wouldn’t be safe and secure and well provided for without the fruits of many long days on the job.
Until they realized that they were providing something very different from what their family really needed.
Michelle Spencer says
When my daughter was little, I HAD to work ( I was a single mother). When my son was born, I had the privilege of staying @ home. We never “measured up” to my husband’s families expectations. Things have never been important to me but he struggles with it. I can live without “stuff”, he likes bigger better cars and things. In fact, he owns WAY more clothes and shoes than I do. LOL
laura ann says
Michelle: Just about everyone I know incl me, has people in their lives they cannot measure up to, siblings, neighbors, even friends because people are always comparing which is useless and can drive people away from others because of criticism, remarks, etc. Older generations viewed the younger as wasteful, careless about spending, etc. Now, decades later, I view younger generations likewise. As long as we meet our debt and have what we want and do what we enjoy, we can weed most people who judge others out of our lives, yes, incl. siblings and former friends who are climbing the social econ. ladder. Let ’em keep climbing and be stressed.
Jane Broman says
When I read your article – I guessed your #1 reason – security. It is definitely a comfort issue — but also a hedge against possible future economic collapse. It is a carryover from the Great Depression when people lost everything in a moment. Our grandparents were savers and our parents were careful — now we continue in that tradition. The ‘I might need this someday’ worry, keeps my basement full. I have a mixer, a bread maker and a sump pump for the time when my current ones break.
A second reason is – status. It is internally uncomfortable to wear clothes that are not of the latest fashion or have people over when your furnishings are old. No one wants to look dowdy. And although I buy all my clothes second hand — I am often wearing something that has seen better days or is not quite my size. But I accept that.
The third reason is – sentimental. This is the hardest category for me to minimize. I have boxes upon boxes of letters, pictures and papers that I keep close to me. They are like a hug from the past. When I even consider the amount of energy it would take to reread all this plus run it past my husband, I am paralyzed. We have room for the boxes….but it still nags at me.
Thank you for your inspiration . I would never have gotten as far as I have without your encouragement.
DVB says
Agree about the sentimental. Still have a lot of that to tackle.
Crunchycon says
I agree with #1 and #3, especially. I tease my 89-year-old mother about her “Depression-baby-syndrome”; in truth, she is the granddaughter of a man who lost everything in ‘29. Those scars are deep and I confess to inheriting some of her tendencies.
And sentimental stuff—I continue to work on that too.
Susan Vogt says
About 35 years ago my husband and I had a related experience to the woman who wondered about her husband quitting his job and living on one income. We were in our late 20’s and were already committed to a modest lifestyle (somewhat determined by our working for the Church). Since I already had the steadier job, we decided that he would become the “stay at home Dad” for the near future. (He was the only male in our community baby-sitting co-op.)
It worked well. We had 2 children at the time but since we had not already accumulated a lot of stuff, it wasn’t difficult to continue on this path. As our family grew to 4 children and their “wants” increased, it became a little harder to hold the line on what we bought. But now in hindsight with them all sprung around the USA and the world we have regular internet conference calls during which we sometimes talk about how how they were raised. They say that although they sometimes griped that they didn’t have the lastest stuff their peers had, they are glad we provided them with a lifestyle of presence. Contact me if you want to know more about how we did it.
Daniel @ OneFawnPug says
I often think people may accumulate possessions as an outlet for boredom or frustration. With disposable income (or easy credit) available, and time or mindspace to fill combined with a lack of hobbies or non-career interests, it is much too easy to simply visit the mall and pick up some new clothes, etc. This habit with a lack of awareness of how much we already own (overflowing closets, stuffed garages) leads to more stress, clutter and ironically, frustration.
Tara says
I agree, a lot of shopping is due to boredom and lack of fulfillment in our lives.
laura ann says
Daniel: totally agree. And these are same folks who can’t fit car in garage, many rent off site storage units full of useless junk, and closets crammed, cluttered garage, etc.
Gina Bisaillon says
A few years ago I was in the market for a house. I visited a lot of homes. I had no idea how many people are hoarders. Sometimes you couldn’t get in the front door because of stuff blocking it. In one messy place the couple refused to let me see their bedroom. In another, the small children’s bunk beds were covered with stuff so I asked them where they slept. They took me by the hand and showed me a spot in the dining-room where there were two blankets on the floor. That scene has haunted me ever since.
Elizabeth says
my Partner recently quit his job as he could see the toil on me looking after our 8 wk baby. I feel so appreciative having the load shared and sleep.
I knew this was the best thing for our family when our 5yr old daughter asked ‘daddy do you have to work tonight’, ‘no’ he said and she replied ‘yay, I get to spend more time with you’ now that’s a response no salary could give.
He’s toying with how to earn some money whilst not impacting on the family again. (Pointers welcome too).
Yes, there may not be as much money coming in (I’m on maternity pay) but we have everything we need and a happy family…and not because of any material item.
SG says
We moved from a metropolitan city to an old farmhouse, with a barn and small acreage, in what our city friends call “the boonies”. We sold, thrown and even gave away everything we had and brought just whatever fits my husband’s Tundra, my Highlander and a small trailer full of my husband’s power tools. Both myself (an IT consultant) and my husband (a custom home renovator) was working full time and hardly see each other but now we have more time with a smaller mortgage and our goal to grow most our own food. I am still working full time but my husband now works fixing the farmhouse, so he is always at home. We may not be earning as much as we used to but then again we realize now that we don’t really need that much in the first place. It has been two years now, a big change for everyone but we never looked back.
Patricia Tomlin says
This is one of the most exciting paths I have been on. It is so freeing, I can’t believe it. My house is cleaner and neater than it has been in years and is easy to keep it this way. I know where things are when I need them. Every day I walk through my house and look around for something I really don’t need and give it away. It’s a daily process and it is fun.
Then there is the benefit of not buying stuff. When I’m in the store and think of “shopping” for something I might need, I stop and realize that I’d just be adding stuff. If it’s not on a list, don’t buy it.
I have also picked 3 things that I will not let myself buy in 2018. It has already saved me money. Wish I had discovered this simple lifestyle years ago.
Jane Broman says
What are the 3 things? Just curious.
Leisha says
I’m curious, too.
Corina says
My dad would always say if we could just quit eating we’d be rich! :-)
laura ann says
For women, it’s probably shoes, purses and more makeup?
Becky Livingston says
Yes, I agree with so much of what you’ve written. It IS fun to find things to give away. And that feeling I get when I’m with a friend who’s shopping, and for me there’s no indecision. The only decision I need to make is not to buy. There’s nothing I need. I really like what I have – in my kitchen, in my wardrobe, in my small apartment.
Tara says
I love the idea of looking around and finding one thing a day to remove from your house, I’m going to try it!
Tammy says
I feel my road to minimalism has been a work in progress that I truly enjoy! My husband and I lived in a spacious 4 bedroom, 2 car garage home on 15 acres in 2008. We loved this home because we designed it and did a lot of the work ourselves. Our last child of five lived with us and was getting ready to graduate high school. One day as I sat on the porch, I looked around and began to realize how big the house was. It was like seeing it for the first time. Ever since that moment my life began to change. We sold our home, moved out of state, and bought a small 750 Sq ft house on 1/2 acre. We are so happy and content! We have learned to want less and appreciate simplicity in our lives. Such a freeing experience, don’t knock it till you try it! :)
Ann Florian says
I was a stay at home mom to three boys. They are grown now and fathers themselves. Their wives are staying home to raise my grandchildren with some part time work. Having no regrets at this later stage in life is so worth all the long days I put in as a mom in little boy messiness. The family is the what we need to cherish and keeping together takes time and choice. Who is cooking dinner and sorting the laundry. It’s all important.
Gregory Gagne says
I know plenty of women who stayed home and now want a career to apply their hard-earned degree to; but being out of the work force for 15 years has presented a real challenge to getting a job. I think the decision to “stay home” is a bit of an antiquated argument and I think the discussion should revolve more around what’s important to each spouse from a personal standpoint, what’s important in terms of rearing children (assuming they want children), and then how can they work together as a team to accomplish all of the above. There’s plenty of woman that don’t want to have kids or can’t have kids; and there’s plenty of men who would be great at caring for kids full time. Let’s put this old discuss to bed as it really comes down to what works overall for the family!
Pablo says
Absolutely! It comes down to each individual and their lives. Only the family themselves can make that decision and know it is what is best for them.
Tony W says
I really believe many people buy so many things they don’t need to impress and be accepted by others. They enjoy the security of acceptance and may be neglecting the most important people in their lives along the way.
Patty says
I totally agree with this. Much of the “big home” buyers I think are buying because of the status and need to feel like they have “arrived.” So glad I found out about minimalism as I was on the same path before.
Christopher Howes says
… Bankruptcy is a first positive step toward Minimalism …no $$$… no Credit card…no boat…no trailer or tow bar. Start all over again. Life is always tough, so get used to it.
laura ann says
I just don’t see why houses keep getting bigger and families smaller, yet people keep buying bigger houses they don’t need. Few can get cars inside garage, left in driveway. Storage units rented for more junk stored. People so busy with their stuff, no time for family activities like in years past when parents did things as a family. Moms say they must work to keep up with their house payments, and to buy more stuff. Kids stay in their rooms playing video games and online with phones, social media. Total dysfunction as I see it.
April says
It’s such a shame for their kids but at least they figured it out. Better late than never, & hopefully still enough time to change the thought process in their kids minds that gets hard-wired in on how they’re meant to live their lives. Lead by example.
Marilyn Arias says
I lived in South East Asia here in the Philippines, Most of your article helps me a lot. My minimalism lifestyle still work in progress. My own less and live more journey started during pandemic back in 2020 when I started to work at home. My goal is to help our next generation here in our country about financial education and how to save money by owning less but live a fulfilled life.