I took my kids to the eye doctor earlier this week—optometrist is the word if I wanted to sound smart.
While in the waiting room, I watched an event unfold. I thought I’d share it with you.
A young child emerged from the examination room followed by the doctor and I assume, the child’s mother. On the other side of the waiting room, sat the child’s father and older brother, I’m guessing somewhere in his early teens.
The older brother, as is typically the case these days, was playing on his phone while awaiting his turn with the doctor. The father flipped through a magazine. Pretty standard stuff.
As the doctor walked toward the father and son, mom and daughter headed off into the showroom to pick out new frames (that’s always the hardest part—picking out new glasses).
When the doctor arrived, the father put down his magazine and turned his attention toward the optometrist to get a summary of the appointment: Nothing to worry about, everything was fine. A slight increase in prescription was recommended, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The father asked a few follow-up questions. His eyes were locked in on the doctor absorbing as much of the conversation as he could.
His son, on the other hand, took a different posture. Throughout the entire interaction, the son continued on his phone—focused on whatever might be drawing the attention of teenage boys these days. He did look up briefly, but I assume only at points in the game that were not important. For the most part, he was involved with his phone.
I wanted to nudge him. I wanted to lean over to the young boy and whisper, “Put down your phone for a second. I know you don’t know the doctor, and the conversation taking place may not affect you, but that is a human being standing right in front of you. And THAT person, whether you know him or not, is more important than your phone.”
It was a memorable moment—the words I wanted to say—not because I blamed the child, or the father, or the doctor, or anyone else. It was memorable because the statement I wanted to whisper wasn’t just about the young boy. The statement was about me—about all of us really.
When my wife walks into the room, do I stop what I’m doing on my phone or computer? I should. Because she is more important than my phone.
When my kids walk into the room, do I stop what I’m doing on my phone? I should. Because they are more important than my phone.
While spending time with my extended family and loved ones over the Christmas season, together in the same living room, will I stop what I’m doing on my phone and be present with them? I should. Those people, after all, are more important than my phone.
But this extends beyond our closest family and friends, this same courtesy should be extended to every human being. A human being does not receive their worth on whether I know them or not. They are valuable, they are important, they are worthy of my attention—whether I’ve ever met them before or not.
I think that’s what struck so deep about the events in the waiting room that day. The young man did not know the doctor, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is more important than a game on a phone.
When I order my coffee, do I stop everything else I’m doing, put down my phone, look the barista in the eye, and offer a smile? I should. Because THAT person is more important than my phone.
So is the bank teller, the gas station attendant, and the bell ringer sitting outside the doors at Wal-Mart collecting money for the poor. THAT person is more important than my phone.
The waitress, the cashier, the stock boy, the young child in front of me at McDonalds, the UPS man, the gentleman pumping gas next to me, the doctor, the attorney, the co-worker (even the annoying one)… they are all more important than my phone.
There’s nothing wrong with phones. I appreciate all the positive changes they have brought into my life. But too often, they distract us from the people around us—both friends and strangers.
This season, let’s adopt an approach to life (and our phones) that directs value where it belongs.
The next time you have opportunity to direct attention toward another human being, keep this reminder in mind: THAT person is more important than my phone.
Dee says
This is put well. I got rid of all social media a year ago. I was being pulled to my phone while my husband was in the room. Now I can easily lower my phone when he walks in or say I’ll be done in 5 minutes. My marriage is more important than my phone.
We have a close favorite family member that is always on his phone the entire visit with my small kids. He’s in his 30s and thinks nothing of it. It is painful to witness. He does peer up now and then but it’s a condtsny draw. It like I invited more than him over.
God bless you for talking about real things.
Slackerjo says
I refuse to help customers who call while driving. I get rid of them pretty quick. I can’t troubleshoot when they are driving anyway and I don’t want to be responsible for them plowing into someone/something because they are distracted. They get mad, trash me in the customer service feedback but hey, at the end of the day, you probably are not spending the night in the hospital or jail or the morgue.
Brana Jon says
Thumbs up!!
Zoya says
Mr*
Zoya says
My Joshua, you writings are always on point! Real interactions are so important for a childs development and otherwise also –
Sharon says
I couldnt agree more and thankyou for the reminder. Me and my husband went out other fri night to one of our old haunts and were shocked to find that we were the only ones talking to each other. Everyone else was in small groups on phones in silence.
When they talk about memorable person, they are often described as they made everyone feel that they were most important person in the room. To give people your attention is a skill and a privledge xx
Peggy Herman says
Thanks for sharing a good message. I am working on reducing the time spent on my phone – deleted social media apps and I feel better.
Jennifer says
I agree 100%. I find it just plain old RUDE when people are having a conversation on their phones while checking out at the grocery store. The cashier is a human being providing YOU a service. They deserve to at least be given your full attention for the 5 minutes it takes to check out. Your conversation can wait.
Noel says
Yes! This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It’s common human decency and we seem to no longer possess it.
Martha L Nethers says
Thank you!! I was a grocery store cashier for 4 years and it was awful when the customer was on the phone. I passive-aggressively would keep asking them questions to interrupt their phone call. Not the manners of a good person, really but it is too common and at the end of a busy shift it is better than yelling at them and calling them rude.
laura ann says
Older people esp. over fifty set bad examples doing this. These are people we blocked on VOip. Some are retirees.
laura ann says
Can’t figure out why so many young and old are addicted to these smart phones. Even when shopping I see others talking to someone and wasting time in store. I am not a phone person of any type of phones, I use them to conduct business or make appointments. I hate chit chat. Texting is done only briefly to ask a Q or get info. on something. We use a computer for reading news, etc. and watching videos mainly educational. I have blocked people who waste time on useless trivia, several this year, hubby blocked two recently. The emails go into spam. If we meet them out somewhere and they Q us, we say we don’t have time to waste talking on phones.
Doesn’t really matter....it’s the message that counts. says
Laura, I completely agree with you. These smart phones, in my opinion are just making people dumb. How many have been totally engrossed in their phone only to walk into a car and get injured or killed, or the person who gets into a car accident. or how about the kid who walked right into an oncoming train, or another who walked right into an open hole in a sidewalk. These are dumb people. I guess you could call it survival of the fittest.
People don’t need to have their nose stuck into a phone all the time. But if they do, that can’t blame anyone but themselves if Mother Nature see fit to take them out.
Wally says
Right On Joshua!
T A Niles says
What if the teenage boy was engaged in an interaction with someone who needed his attention? He may not have been engaged with his phone, but with someone on the other end of the phone. Given that the conversation didn’t have much to do with him and his dad was engaged with the human standing in front of him, I would say that the assumptions made about the situation are simply that, assumptions. I’m not a fan of ignoring one’s surroundings while playing on the phone, especially when those surroundings include other people who may want to interact. However, I don’t have the antipathy that many seem to have to “being on your phone” while other people are in your environment. Quite often the people in your environment aren’t going to do much more than chit chat and make small talk. If you are engaged in a meaningful interaction on your phone, I say you stay with it until such time as it makes more sense to do otherwise.
Jb says
I agree. This feels overly judgemental to me considering the doctor was not being ignored and the conversation did not include or concern the teenage boy. While we should be aware of not ignoring people in lieu of bring on our phones, we also need to show grace more. Grace to let people NOT live up to these ideals we all seem to have. Everywhere I look people tend to react and opine about how others are failing. Others don’t concern you. Be concerned about your own phone habits but don’t shame a child for not living up to an ideal you have set for yourself.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comments and feedback T A & Jb. The article wasn’t about the boy, his father, or the doctor. The article was about me—and the rest of us.
Judy says
You would THINK the teenage boy would care about his younger sibling!!!
David Arbelaez says
I believe you missed the point of the post and may be projecting. The teenage boy may have been in a deep conversation with someone who needed his attention, but I’m going to guess that the odds are slim. Most likely he was playing a video game or mindlessly surfing the internet and social media. Phones are the modern cure for boredom and are destroying human connection and social skills. It is a crisis but many people are quite ambivalent about doing anything about it.