“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are no unanimous opinions. Beliefs held by 100% of the population are not called opinions, they are called facts. And other than the most elementary truths (2+2=4, the sky is blue), 100% belief in anything is becoming increasingly rare.
Change, by definition, requires us to embrace a new (or contrary) opinion. Whether we are seeking to change ourselves or the world around us, there is no transformation without the introduction of a new idea. And new ideas are almost always met with confrontation on some level.
For me, this occurred just hours after making the decision to remove our unneeded possessions and pursue minimalism. I made a phone call to my mom to tell her the news. She was less than excited. She had plenty of preconceived notions about minimalism—at one point even wondering aloud how we were going to eat if we stopped going to the grocery store.
We laugh about it now, but in the moment, it was significant. Only hours into my journey, I was forced to decide if I would succumb to the pressure of popular opinion or if I would pursue what my heart was telling me to be true.
To be fair, years later, I have learned to present minimalism differently and cut off many of the most common objections before they even surface. Nowadays, rare is the individual who argues vehemently against my understanding and case for minimalism. I have learned to promote the positives of minimalism rather than the negatives of consumerism.
However, on a macro-level, the objections refuse to slow. The stakes are just too high. There are businesses and economies and governments and personal livelihoods based on the pursuit of consumption and mass production. The introduction of any idea that seeks to tear it all down will be met with confrontation. It will require us to stand firm against the sway of popular opinion.
How then, in the case of pursuing simplicity, do we hold an unpopular opinion? How do we stand firm against the sway of popular opinion in this regard or any other? Whether we are in conversation with family and friends, attempting to live in a countercultural manner, or alone battling our own thoughts, here are some helpful principles to remember.
How to Hold an Unpopular Opinion
1. Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, and your deepest-held values are unique. Throwing that away just to conform to popular opinion is one of the cruelest things you can ever do. And it will always prevent you from living your fullest life.
2. Remember popularity and accuracy are not the same. As the proverb goes, “Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” Our desire should be to discover and hold the right opinions, not just the prevailing ones.
3. Count the benefits. Discover, remember, and focus on the benefits of your belief structure. Be able to quickly articulate to yourself and others why you hold the position that you do by embracing the positives. In the case of minimalism, whenever I explain my countercultural decision to others, I always highlight the benefits of owning less. It helps makes a stronger case for the lifestyle in both my mind and theirs.
4. Find strength in community. Unpopular is not the same as alone. From politics to religion to world views, there is no shortage of opinions available in our world. And almost certainly, while unpopular, there are others who believe the same as you. Find them. And discover greater resolve because of it.
5. Understand the counterarguments. Thinking critically and asking questions go hand in hand. Know your opinion, but work hard to understand the case and arguments against it. If you are right, you have nothing to fear. If you are wrong, you have everything to gain.
6. Hold opinions humbly. When discussing opinions of any kind, exercise humility with others and with yourself. We live our lives with certain assumptions and biases based on experiences. Sometimes these experiences lead us to truth, but other times they lead us away from it. Find the proper balance of humility and fierce resolve in all of your opinions.
7. Present your case boldly. I think owning less is a better way to live. Because of this opinion, I feel a responsibility to tell others and present the case for it whenever possible. Inviting others to a better way of life is an act of love. We must see it as such and stand firm in the face of opposition. This obligation remains true whether we are speaking of minimalism or countless other unpopular opinions.
Your life is valuable. It is the greatest asset you own. And it holds potential for great things.
Don’t slip into mediocrity by living your life based solely on popular opinion. (tweet that)
I have raised my kid without junk food in such a way that he doesn’t even ask for it. When all the neighborhood kids are having ice cream, he is the only one not having it.
This is a very interesting post, I think holding an unpopular opinion can be quite a challenge of a person’s character strength.
Thanks for posting, I enjoyed reading this :)
One challenge when holding an unpopular opinion is to not become (or at least appear) judgmental of others who do not hold that opinion.
Sometimes I wish I could “shake” people, but (un)fortunately, we all have to come up with our own “truths”, and only when we are ripe.
I try to practice understanding and humility despite the strength of my opinions. :-)
Nice post!
Reminds me of a famous poem by Robert Frost. Here is the last verse.
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
And so it is, that has made all the difference.
How do you make money as a minimalist? I’m not asking to be snide, I really want to know. If you’re traveling cross country and always seeing and doing, how to you support yourself and your family? I’m working on becoming less of a consumer and love this blog! =) thank you all!
Sure Lindsay, I can answer that for you. Almost all of my income comes from my writing. There is a small percentage of income that comes through speaking, but only a small amount. Also, my wife works part-time, so that helps. I actually don’t do a lot of traveling. I travel for some speaking opportunities and a few family vacations, but we’re never too far from home (especially during the school year).
But that’s just how I do it. There are minimalists in most every available industry nowadays. Getting out of work is not the goal.
I appreciate your thoughts here. Perhaps the one that attracts me most is #6-to hold your opinions humbly. I’ve noticed that when I focus on 1) caring about people, 2) listening to them, 3) sharing about my approach to life if people ask questions and seem interested – that the feedback I receive is different than if I come across as if I’m telling people that thier lifestyles or our culture is wrong.
I am 19 and this topic is something I have to deal with every single day. I guess most of the time people my age think I am weird for not buying new clothes all the time, not having the newest gadgets, travelling with just a carry-on rucksack, not owning a car, going everywhere by bike/bus etc.
The problem with this is that they don’t want to know about it and I think they don’t want to understand. They are so caught up with how they look, what they own, who to impress and where to live.
Point 4 in your article says “Find strength in community” – I really think this is (for me at least) the hardest of all (I guess living in a small village doesn’t make this any easier!)
At the beginning of our home education journey, finding a “community” was difficult. We, too, live in a small, rural village and home education was perceived as a threat. I was a founding member of two home education support groups that spanned almost ten counties and membership was small and the mothers (teachers) were craving support and encouragement.
Today, home education is national news and home educators are trend setters. We are everywhere. It is pleasant to know I am a “veteran” and laid a path strong enough for others to follow. Hang in there!
I Feel at times its me and a couple of friends against the world. Trying to buck the belief of more, more, more. I just found a local post of women who are organizing, becoming clutter free, etc. It’s helping me a lot.
What is unpopular now may be just right in the coming decades. As for myself and my small family, simple living is the way to go, no matter what others around us think. Living with less has been a blessing in so many uncountable ways – once you embrace it, there is no turning back.
“Owning less is a better way to live” it is very true. I watched the show “hoarders” and I couldn’t imagine how these people live happily. Less stuffs, less stress and worries!
I follow & share your blog regularly and my husband and I find a lot of inspiration in your writing, perspective and shared experiences. This particular blog couldn’t have came at a more appropriate time. Over the course of the past 1.5 years, my husband and I have sold or donated all of our belongings and quit a comfortable job & closed a business all to begin a cross-country journey focused on beauty, simplicity, growth and our family. This morning we began our move from Washington, DC to California. Following your blog this past year and a half has been most helpful. As you know, it takes time to let go of material possessions, paperwork, furniture. We didn’t want to throw it all away, but find good homes for our things! I love knowing my close friend has my husband’s homemade table and my neighbor’s daughter playing with my childhood train set. It makes me much happier than actually owning those things did! Instead, we’ve decided what we need based on the goals and priorities we’ve made for ourselves. After we arrive in CA we plan to continue on with our minimalist lifestyle and hope to inspire others to find the joy in their LIFE not their THINGS! Thank you for your writing!
Today, we gave up cable tv, when I told some people, I was met with blank stares, some managed to mumble, some were more honest, and said, that might work for you but not for me.
In the end a wise man’s words reminded me ” to convince a man against his will , is of the same opinion still”.
I figure it’s my journey, only I know how far it will take me, and the fruits and rewards are mine to enjoy.
When we got married, in 1975, we chose NOT to have a TV. (Read Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television and you’ll throw yours out, too. LOL) Actually, that choice was made because we wanted to live in the REAL world as well as change the status quo. Our families practically threw televisions at us. Our decision was a slap in their faces…literally. Since then, we have made other choices….home education, no banking, minimalism….that seem to be a direct insult to them and to our friends. Over time, we have learned and incorporated the points in this article and yet, the opposition remains. To walk a different path may be cleansing for us but is often a perceived threat to others.
When in a conversation about such topics with someone else and I begin to see their eyes glass over, get fixed, then fear begin to creep in and anger begin to blossom (or defensiveness), I take a deep breath, center myself and politely turn the conversation elsewhere. The seed is planted and that was the end of my job. :)
Love this. Though, I never try to “invite” anyone to my way of life. I’m open about my move towards minimalism and have actually received nothing but support. I have occasionally talked about how it’s benefitted me and my best friend adopted it herself, but I’ve never felt that I should evangelize it. I’ve found that a few posts on Facebook about how great it’s been for me has been enough to start a conversation with those who are interested.
Thank you for this post. I really fear the opinion of others on my new lifestyle, and though I am sooo excited about all the good things it gave me, I’m rather shy to share it and encourage others in my direction for fear of coming about as paternalizing and judgemental. Your words encourage me to stand my grounds, enjoy the good things and promote positive simplicity!
Well said , “positive simplicity”. reminds me of a quote I once saw, “Simplify to Create Serenity”
This is so intelligent, Joshua: “I have learned to promote the positives of minimalism rather than the negatives of consumerism.” Even though minimalism has the potential to change our current structure, something different and beautiful could grown in their place!
We don’t talk much about our lifestyle, but when there is conversation about a new store or restaurant or product and we say we haven’t been there or haven’t thought about buying the product, we’re looked at very strangely, at times bordering on contempt from those who just think we’re really out of it. The “Why?” question is hard to answer without others feeling judged because they judge their lifestyles against others – I think we all do that at times. People ask me where I shop and when I tell them I haven’t bought clothes in a very long time (except maybe new socks, underwear, or a new pair of running shoes), they are just baffled. I’ve learned to just smile and laugh about it. Sometimes it leads to good conversation. But I would like to know how to answer these questions/statements: “You are part of the reason the economy is not growing.” OR, “Don’t you realize that by living that way you are keeping people out of work and people from starting businesses?” OR, “If too many people think like you do, the entire economy will collapse. Will that make you happy?” Any suggestions?
Everlearning… I guess I would look at them in shock. Because,
that is what I would be. Shocked. I think it would take me a week
for a comeback, if any.
Thank you!
Hi,
Actually there’s a good post on this topic on Mr Money Mustache’s blog: he explains that if everyone became frugal, the economy would indeed collapse and then rebuild itself on better grounds…
My answer would be that in the perfect world where everyone would eventually become frugal, it would take such a long time for all the individuals of even the smallest country to catch up, that their economy would probably have time to adjust. But that’s utopia isn’t it?
I think that minimalist doesn’t mean the eradication of goods, services and all things paid for or acquired. I think that minimalism can mean a lot of different things to a lot of people, companies, countries, places, etc. It can mean designing the same product with less material, of higher quality and less environmental impact, minimalism can mean being more resourceful (compost and don’t buy fertilizer), minimalism can mean less gifts and more travel… I’d rather SMALLER businesses and more of them with quality items. People survived the depression and minimalism wasn’t exactly a fad then, but a necessity. Waste not want not!
That’s it! That’s actually everything there is to say! Thank you for this!
I’m so glad to hear someone else mention the “Waste not, want not ” phrase. That is how I was raised & have always felt very strong about not wasting anything. Unfortunately that is a concept most don’t relate to at all in our present day extreme consumerism , The flip side of not wasting ,turned me into a hoarder of sorts. Never wanting to throw anything away ,”just in case”, as the guys say. Fortunately I’m reformed.
I do not really care what other people do or compare myself to them. I am currently unemployed. This is the second time since 2007. Careers change.
I probably was a minimalist before I joined the website. I moved from an expensive town with high taxes to a more affordable town in 2005. I wanted to be able to survive on very little money. In 2007 when I was laid off I was not as well prepared as I was in 2013.
I have had many career changes on my path. I have learned to roll with them and not let my ego get tangled up with the reality of the present.
Fashion is so ugly it needs to be replaced every 6 months.
if you focus on style and utility you don’t need to buy so much and often. I’d rather go hiking at the weekend instead of shopping or doing cleaning.
being 6’6″ has a little advantage – there are neither fashion items nor sale items in clothing for me.
“Inviting others to a better way of life is an act of love.” That was beautifully put.
I found your blog by accident and have been a regular reader ever since. Although your writing is about minimalistic living it has encourage me to face my fear – starting a blog when I feel my writing is not sufficient. Thank you so much.
I like the “Hold opinions humbly.” For me it helps to think that I’m right and the other person is right, even though I disagree with them. For them, they are correct. I’m not invested in getting someone to believe what I believe. I used to want to do that. But it exhausted me.
Ditto, Brooks.
Yes, Brooks, but, when it affects your life and health… where do
you draw the line?
Thank you Brooks for that thoughtful and beautifully simple comment. “I’m right and they’re right too, for them” just might get me through the holidays.
I don’t really talk about my life choices with anyone other than make a few comments on blogs or share one of Josh Becker’s pictures on my FB timeline. It’s obvious at family gathering as relatives arrive in new vehicles and they and their childen sit and stare at iphones that they are caught up in the “lifestyle.” If I were to bring up the topic of living with less I think they would look at me as if I were an alien.
Iowa Girl…
I guess all we can do is set an example. And then be there for them
at the right time in their life.
Oh my, me too! Both sides of the family. They are all caught up I. The ‘more’and the ‘new’ of life in the material sense! Good people and we love them but the constant eye rolling and comments about our downsizing our stuff is getting very very old. They think we are ‘crazy’ to want to travel extensively now that our kids are grown instead of buying new dishes and the fanciest new phone or gadget. We recently went to Africa for a month and instead of wanting to hear about it they all just wanted to tell US how terrible it must have been with all the poverty and bugs!! Lol! It does take a bit of courage and patience to be on a different path!!
Even our grown kids who are just married and starting out think we are ‘nuts’. My daughter is actually very angry that we are making choices to get rid of much of our stored stuff and our miscellany excess. She feels we should keep it all for her ‘in case’ she might want it when she and her new husband finally buy a house… I offer her everything we are discarding before it goes to goodwill but she says she has no room as their three bedroom apartment is stuffed to the gills. Mostly with junk from ikea and Target.
I feel guilty getting rid of some that she really might use that is valuable but our feeling is if she really wants it she could pare down her junk and fit it in…. She disagrees strongly :(
Our son is still living at home for the time being but he is quite amenable to parting with ‘stuff’ as he lives more in the moment and is not paralyzed by memories or future what ifs. At least so far….
But we are entering our 69’s this year and we are not going to be pushed anymore to live a life we do not want….. We are now in the process of living a lighter and more mobile one and we see we may have to weather some very difficult times with the family we love in order to do so…. We feel as long as we love them, visit and practice not getting drawn into a debate or getting on the defensive about our new way of living it will hopefully work out ok..
Sorry about the typos! And we are both turning 60 this coming year NOT 69- lol!!
I just read this list to my children, 8, 5 and 16 mos (she just listened and ate her pears)! It was great for us to talk about. I truly believe independent and critical thinking make our lives better, although it is an uphill battle with family members who follow mainstream thinking. Thank you for this post!
Good analogy. “Up Hill” Battle!
What if your idea of life does not match that of your spouse.
I struggle with this too, Jena..my husband likes to acquire stuff, while I am beginning to look at excess stuff as a maintenance nightmare..we end up spending so much time and money cleaning, repairing, replacing..aughh, I am throwing stuff out and donating and he keeps adding…
Lisa, my partner is the same way. How do you deal with that issue when your husband keep buying when you are trying to get rid off things? because I sometime feel exhausted..explaining to him over and over again..
I feel like my family is on board, thank God. Boyfriend does hold on to more than I do, but I’m OK with that as long as its kept tidy. Ive been practicing old trick from waitressing job, always take something with you- if going to basement always haul something with, both trip up and down. Then put that item away.
There are answers to the problem. I think someone would say that the answer is simple, but at the same time, its not easy.
If that makes any sense!
I think its all about learning to grow up in this life. Some people do not want to grow up. We all have issues where we do not want to grow up.
Maybe our spouses would be open to growing up in one
area of life if we were willing to grow up in another area of
life (for them)
I cant imagine what THAT area would be. But, maybe we
could trade. I’ll do this, if you do that.
Ok…
I will see how this works. :-( out in reality. :-)
Thanks Jena, for a thoughtful answer!
I face the same problem with husband and in-laws. Initially, there was so much fight to make space by giving away. And if I made space, it is time for them it fill it in. So I am not focusing on finding space through mediation. I still hold my values of minimalism, and I try to buy only food.
Being a proponent of doing mini-retirements versus working for 40 years and then retiring, I always get lots of flak and opposition for my thinking. I have learned to just go with it. I listen to all the opposing views, analyze them to see if there is any truth in them and then go on to do my own thing. I have found it to be detrimental to my mental health to listen too much to the opinion of others. It causes me to doubt myself and that’s something I can do without. Thanks for the post!
Thank you for your comment, it is very similar to my experience. I have had 4 “careers” over a 40+ year working life, the first one lasting 25 years. My wife 3, the first lasting 30 years.
We have lived frugally all our married lives and this allowed us to take mini sabbaticals when we had had enough of an industry, employer, etc.
Now my wife is self employed and loves her music teaching and I do part time dog walking. Pays the bills and we have a great time. It’s funny though…. none of the people we were tight friends with during our formal “career years” have stuck around.
I love hearing about another minimalist dog walker. Cheers!
This is a great list, Joshua. I have often referred to the general letter you wrote to the “family of a emerging minimalist”. It has been a struggle for us to convince my parents & in-laws that my children do not need any more stuff. It’s hard to communicate something when the gift box is already in your hands (despite the many pleas) and I’m thinking I need to be more bold in my request. I think you’re dead on about singing the praises of simplicity rather than listing the negatives of consumerism. No one wants to hear they’ve “doing it wrong” or they are “too materialistic to understand”. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to hear those thoughts when I was struggling with such things! I do think it’s important to communicate to our loved ones how much this process has added to our contentment and well-being…all without the addition of the latest stuff.
Baby steps, right? We have wonderful parents and I am confident that the message will get through on some level.
Thanks for putting the words out there that can change someone’s perspective—it has helped!
Lara
Interesting comment Lara, thank you. We are dealing with a very similar situation but in reverse. We want to spend time, energy and money on mutual fun/memorable experiences and not on more stuff.
Even after 4 years the children and grandchildren are a bit perplexed but catching on…
We also had to struggle with this issue with our parents & other relatives – we ended up writing a short letter telling them how blessed we were, how wealthy our nation is. We politely requested that instead of giving our children gifts, we would like them to make donations to the charity of their choice, or to spend time with our family. It was a tricky, difficult situation because we didn’t see eye to eye and they thought they were ‘denying’ the children, but now 20 years later we know it was the right choice to make. You have to do what you know is best for your family.
Lara, My parents never succumbed to worshiping at the pink palace ( Toys r Us). They purchased TAP college credits for my daughter, their only grandchild. As a single mother I can’t tell you how blessed I was to have her tuition, room, board ans books paid for.
She is now in graduate school and we still have some money for books left.
That’s brilliant. That’s what I’m going to do for my grandkids, should I be lucky enough. Make them a birthday cake and buy them college funding :-)
What a wonderful way to love your grandchild!
There are several ways to handle this, and all of them require a lot of love, grace, humor, and patience! My mother-in-law always liked to gives lots of presents to the kids, and I have struggled with what to do with returning things that don’t fit, toys, and then sorting toys that aren’t played with. We have slowly shifted to having her pay for an activity for all of us to participate in that my husband I wouldn’t normally do: a trip on a ferry/ferris wheel, etc. And then a set of clothes (always needed in the preschool years) and maybe something else small. My father-in-law, by contrast, gives no gifts to the kids, and sets money aside for college. The kids are happy with both grandma and grandpa’s “styles” – but most importantly they are taught to be gracious and love the different ways that people are generous.
Wel hello Joshua, I like to joke that happiness is an empty margarine tub.
Each Sunday I reconcile my weekly spending receipts which I keep in a margarine tub, if there are only the 2 essential ones, food and petrol then happy days!
Other than food and generating an income there is little else I really need to spend cash on.
igor
This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. It’s hard constantly feeling I have to fight others’ opinions, which has in turn led me to perhaps not be as open as I am by nature. Thank you for the advice.