“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are no unanimous opinions. Beliefs held by 100% of the population are not called opinions, they are called facts. And other than the most elementary truths (2+2=4, the sky is blue), 100% belief in anything is becoming increasingly rare.
Change, by definition, requires us to embrace a new (or contrary) opinion. Whether we are seeking to change ourselves or the world around us, there is no transformation without the introduction of a new idea. And new ideas are almost always met with confrontation on some level.
For me, this occurred just hours after making the decision to remove our unneeded possessions and pursue minimalism. I made a phone call to my mom to tell her the news. She was less than excited. She had plenty of preconceived notions about minimalism—at one point even wondering aloud how we were going to eat if we stopped going to the grocery store.
We laugh about it now, but in the moment, it was significant. Only hours into my journey, I was forced to decide if I would succumb to the pressure of popular opinion or if I would pursue what my heart was telling me to be true.
To be fair, years later, I have learned to present minimalism differently and cut off many of the most common objections before they even surface. Nowadays, rare is the individual who argues vehemently against my understanding and case for minimalism. I have learned to promote the positives of minimalism rather than the negatives of consumerism.
However, on a macro-level, the objections refuse to slow. The stakes are just too high. There are businesses and economies and governments and personal livelihoods based on the pursuit of consumption and mass production. The introduction of any idea that seeks to tear it all down will be met with confrontation. It will require us to stand firm against the sway of popular opinion.
How then, in the case of pursuing simplicity, do we hold an unpopular opinion? How do we stand firm against the sway of popular opinion in this regard or any other? Whether we are in conversation with family and friends, attempting to live in a countercultural manner, or alone battling our own thoughts, here are some helpful principles to remember.
How to Hold an Unpopular Opinion
1. Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, and your deepest-held values are unique. Throwing that away just to conform to popular opinion is one of the cruelest things you can ever do. And it will always prevent you from living your fullest life.
2. Remember popularity and accuracy are not the same. As the proverb goes, “Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” Our desire should be to discover and hold the right opinions, not just the prevailing ones.
3. Count the benefits. Discover, remember, and focus on the benefits of your belief structure. Be able to quickly articulate to yourself and others why you hold the position that you do by embracing the positives. In the case of minimalism, whenever I explain my countercultural decision to others, I always highlight the benefits of owning less. It helps makes a stronger case for the lifestyle in both my mind and theirs.
4. Find strength in community. Unpopular is not the same as alone. From politics to religion to world views, there is no shortage of opinions available in our world. And almost certainly, while unpopular, there are others who believe the same as you. Find them. And discover greater resolve because of it.
5. Understand the counterarguments. Thinking critically and asking questions go hand in hand. Know your opinion, but work hard to understand the case and arguments against it. If you are right, you have nothing to fear. If you are wrong, you have everything to gain.
6. Hold opinions humbly. When discussing opinions of any kind, exercise humility with others and with yourself. We live our lives with certain assumptions and biases based on experiences. Sometimes these experiences lead us to truth, but other times they lead us away from it. Find the proper balance of humility and fierce resolve in all of your opinions.
7. Present your case boldly. I think owning less is a better way to live. Because of this opinion, I feel a responsibility to tell others and present the case for it whenever possible. Inviting others to a better way of life is an act of love. We must see it as such and stand firm in the face of opposition. This obligation remains true whether we are speaking of minimalism or countless other unpopular opinions.
Your life is valuable. It is the greatest asset you own. And it holds potential for great things.
Don’t slip into mediocrity by living your life based solely on popular opinion. (tweet that)
Jennifer says
“Inviting others to a better way of life is an act of love.” That was beautifully put.
Amy Pham says
I found your blog by accident and have been a regular reader ever since. Although your writing is about minimalistic living it has encourage me to face my fear – starting a blog when I feel my writing is not sufficient. Thank you so much.
Brooks Palmer says
I like the “Hold opinions humbly.” For me it helps to think that I’m right and the other person is right, even though I disagree with them. For them, they are correct. I’m not invested in getting someone to believe what I believe. I used to want to do that. But it exhausted me.
amy says
Ditto, Brooks.
Jena says
Yes, Brooks, but, when it affects your life and health… where do
you draw the line?
Annie says
Thank you Brooks for that thoughtful and beautifully simple comment. “I’m right and they’re right too, for them” just might get me through the holidays.
OldIowaGirl says
I don’t really talk about my life choices with anyone other than make a few comments on blogs or share one of Josh Becker’s pictures on my FB timeline. It’s obvious at family gathering as relatives arrive in new vehicles and they and their childen sit and stare at iphones that they are caught up in the “lifestyle.” If I were to bring up the topic of living with less I think they would look at me as if I were an alien.
Jena says
Iowa Girl…
I guess all we can do is set an example. And then be there for them
at the right time in their life.
Merf56 says
Oh my, me too! Both sides of the family. They are all caught up I. The ‘more’and the ‘new’ of life in the material sense! Good people and we love them but the constant eye rolling and comments about our downsizing our stuff is getting very very old. They think we are ‘crazy’ to want to travel extensively now that our kids are grown instead of buying new dishes and the fanciest new phone or gadget. We recently went to Africa for a month and instead of wanting to hear about it they all just wanted to tell US how terrible it must have been with all the poverty and bugs!! Lol! It does take a bit of courage and patience to be on a different path!!
Even our grown kids who are just married and starting out think we are ‘nuts’. My daughter is actually very angry that we are making choices to get rid of much of our stored stuff and our miscellany excess. She feels we should keep it all for her ‘in case’ she might want it when she and her new husband finally buy a house… I offer her everything we are discarding before it goes to goodwill but she says she has no room as their three bedroom apartment is stuffed to the gills. Mostly with junk from ikea and Target.
I feel guilty getting rid of some that she really might use that is valuable but our feeling is if she really wants it she could pare down her junk and fit it in…. She disagrees strongly :(
Our son is still living at home for the time being but he is quite amenable to parting with ‘stuff’ as he lives more in the moment and is not paralyzed by memories or future what ifs. At least so far….
But we are entering our 69’s this year and we are not going to be pushed anymore to live a life we do not want….. We are now in the process of living a lighter and more mobile one and we see we may have to weather some very difficult times with the family we love in order to do so…. We feel as long as we love them, visit and practice not getting drawn into a debate or getting on the defensive about our new way of living it will hopefully work out ok..
Merf56 says
Sorry about the typos! And we are both turning 60 this coming year NOT 69- lol!!
Jennifer @ kidoing! says
I just read this list to my children, 8, 5 and 16 mos (she just listened and ate her pears)! It was great for us to talk about. I truly believe independent and critical thinking make our lives better, although it is an uphill battle with family members who follow mainstream thinking. Thank you for this post!
Jena says
Good analogy. “Up Hill” Battle!
Jena says
What if your idea of life does not match that of your spouse.
Lisa says
I struggle with this too, Jena..my husband likes to acquire stuff, while I am beginning to look at excess stuff as a maintenance nightmare..we end up spending so much time and money cleaning, repairing, replacing..aughh, I am throwing stuff out and donating and he keeps adding…
Amy Pham says
Lisa, my partner is the same way. How do you deal with that issue when your husband keep buying when you are trying to get rid off things? because I sometime feel exhausted..explaining to him over and over again..
ren says
I feel like my family is on board, thank God. Boyfriend does hold on to more than I do, but I’m OK with that as long as its kept tidy. Ive been practicing old trick from waitressing job, always take something with you- if going to basement always haul something with, both trip up and down. Then put that item away.
Jena says
There are answers to the problem. I think someone would say that the answer is simple, but at the same time, its not easy.
If that makes any sense!
I think its all about learning to grow up in this life. Some people do not want to grow up. We all have issues where we do not want to grow up.
Maybe our spouses would be open to growing up in one
area of life if we were willing to grow up in another area of
life (for them)
I cant imagine what THAT area would be. But, maybe we
could trade. I’ll do this, if you do that.
Ok…
I will see how this works. :-( out in reality. :-)
Amy Pham says
Thanks Jena, for a thoughtful answer!
Vidhya Kannan says
I face the same problem with husband and in-laws. Initially, there was so much fight to make space by giving away. And if I made space, it is time for them it fill it in. So I am not focusing on finding space through mediation. I still hold my values of minimalism, and I try to buy only food.
BrownVagabonder says
Being a proponent of doing mini-retirements versus working for 40 years and then retiring, I always get lots of flak and opposition for my thinking. I have learned to just go with it. I listen to all the opposing views, analyze them to see if there is any truth in them and then go on to do my own thing. I have found it to be detrimental to my mental health to listen too much to the opinion of others. It causes me to doubt myself and that’s something I can do without. Thanks for the post!
Keith says
Thank you for your comment, it is very similar to my experience. I have had 4 “careers” over a 40+ year working life, the first one lasting 25 years. My wife 3, the first lasting 30 years.
We have lived frugally all our married lives and this allowed us to take mini sabbaticals when we had had enough of an industry, employer, etc.
Now my wife is self employed and loves her music teaching and I do part time dog walking. Pays the bills and we have a great time. It’s funny though…. none of the people we were tight friends with during our formal “career years” have stuck around.
AEW says
I love hearing about another minimalist dog walker. Cheers!
Lara says
This is a great list, Joshua. I have often referred to the general letter you wrote to the “family of a emerging minimalist”. It has been a struggle for us to convince my parents & in-laws that my children do not need any more stuff. It’s hard to communicate something when the gift box is already in your hands (despite the many pleas) and I’m thinking I need to be more bold in my request. I think you’re dead on about singing the praises of simplicity rather than listing the negatives of consumerism. No one wants to hear they’ve “doing it wrong” or they are “too materialistic to understand”. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to hear those thoughts when I was struggling with such things! I do think it’s important to communicate to our loved ones how much this process has added to our contentment and well-being…all without the addition of the latest stuff.
Baby steps, right? We have wonderful parents and I am confident that the message will get through on some level.
Thanks for putting the words out there that can change someone’s perspective—it has helped!
Lara
Keith says
Interesting comment Lara, thank you. We are dealing with a very similar situation but in reverse. We want to spend time, energy and money on mutual fun/memorable experiences and not on more stuff.
Even after 4 years the children and grandchildren are a bit perplexed but catching on…
Heather Fournier says
We also had to struggle with this issue with our parents & other relatives – we ended up writing a short letter telling them how blessed we were, how wealthy our nation is. We politely requested that instead of giving our children gifts, we would like them to make donations to the charity of their choice, or to spend time with our family. It was a tricky, difficult situation because we didn’t see eye to eye and they thought they were ‘denying’ the children, but now 20 years later we know it was the right choice to make. You have to do what you know is best for your family.
Debbie says
Lara, My parents never succumbed to worshiping at the pink palace ( Toys r Us). They purchased TAP college credits for my daughter, their only grandchild. As a single mother I can’t tell you how blessed I was to have her tuition, room, board ans books paid for.
She is now in graduate school and we still have some money for books left.
Janina says
That’s brilliant. That’s what I’m going to do for my grandkids, should I be lucky enough. Make them a birthday cake and buy them college funding :-)
Cathie H says
What a wonderful way to love your grandchild!
AGS says
There are several ways to handle this, and all of them require a lot of love, grace, humor, and patience! My mother-in-law always liked to gives lots of presents to the kids, and I have struggled with what to do with returning things that don’t fit, toys, and then sorting toys that aren’t played with. We have slowly shifted to having her pay for an activity for all of us to participate in that my husband I wouldn’t normally do: a trip on a ferry/ferris wheel, etc. And then a set of clothes (always needed in the preschool years) and maybe something else small. My father-in-law, by contrast, gives no gifts to the kids, and sets money aside for college. The kids are happy with both grandma and grandpa’s “styles” – but most importantly they are taught to be gracious and love the different ways that people are generous.
igor Griffiths says
Wel hello Joshua, I like to joke that happiness is an empty margarine tub.
Each Sunday I reconcile my weekly spending receipts which I keep in a margarine tub, if there are only the 2 essential ones, food and petrol then happy days!
Other than food and generating an income there is little else I really need to spend cash on.
igor
Siouxzy says
This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. It’s hard constantly feeling I have to fight others’ opinions, which has in turn led me to perhaps not be as open as I am by nature. Thank you for the advice.