It’s easy and common to settle into the comfort of preference and routine. On some level, this is to be expected. Over time, we craft our lives around what we know we like, from the coffee we drink and the shows we watch, to even the ideas and opinions we hold dear.
And the more we do that, the easier those patterns become to repeat.
This familiarity in life isn’t inherently bad. On some level, it gives us a sense of security and identity—it makes up the people we are and the lives we live.
But there’s a danger when comfort turns into complacency. There’s a point where “I know what I like” can close the door on growth, new experiences, and even wisdom that others can offer us.
There is a subtle line where “I know what I like” begins to take away from joy and even a potentially more meaningful existence.
At all stages of life, but maybe even more the older we get, we would be wise to focus less on “I know what I like” and more on “What’s working for you?”
It’s foolish, of course, to assume that we know all things and have everything figured out in life perfectly. So on some level, this shift in thinking that I’m encouraging today is an invitation to humility.
But it’s not just about the fact that no matter our age, we can still learn from others. It’s about actively pursuing that wisdom.
It’s about intentionally moving away from “I know what I like and I’m not going to change” to “What’s working for you? And how can I improve life for myself and others by moving toward it?”
Think about it this way: Shifting from “I know what I like” to “What’s working for you?” is a small change in wording but a significant shift in mindset.
The question invites a dialogue and opens us up to learn from the experiences and successes of others. It’s an acknowledgment that perhaps there’s a different, maybe even a better way, to approach various aspects of life that we hadn’t considered before.
We can see this in small ways. Questions like “What restaurant do you like to eat at?,” “What movies have you enjoyed seeing?,” “What books are you reading?,” or “What hobbies are you currently enjoying?” can introduce us to new foods, new experiences, and new passions.
But the application of this mindset goes well beyond leisure activities. It can (and should) extend into more profound areas of our lives.
We can ask our friends and people we look up to questions like:
What’s working for you in your physical health?
What’s working for you in your personal finances?
What’s working for you in your relationships?
What’s working for you in your career?
Or imagine the insights we could gain by asking a friend, “What’s working for you in managing stress?” or “What worked for you in restoring that broken relationship?” These questions can uncover wisdom, advice, and strategies we might never have learned otherwise.
But to get there, we need to move beyond being content with what we like and how we’ve decided to live our lives. We need to purposefully desire to learn from others.
Adopting this approach to life doesn’t just benefit us individually. For one, it sparks a culture of sharing and community and deciding to learn from one another rather than argue with one another (and don’t we all need more of that these days). When we live wise and intentional lives, everybody wins.
So let me encourage you today. Think less “I know what I like.” Ask more “What’s working for you?”
And let’s all grow and be better because of it.
Brenda Lowe says
At 74 I have a lot of comfort in my life with my habits and routines. Many have been consciously chosen to sculpt my life in a particular way. And now I’m curious about all of it because of your words “when comfort turns to complacency” so I’ll be implementing the power question you suggest into all of it. First, I find it enjoyable to learn and grow but mostly I think asking what’s working for me with … will uncover the good, bad, and ugly and I can choose again. Isn’t is marvelous that as long as we’re breathing we can choose again! Blessings, Joshua. And, as you suggested in your Minimalism Class I took years ago, I still reset my kitchen and living room before going to bed each night because it’s working for me.
David Riley says
I just installed a whole house surge protector, not for surge protection but because it cleans up dirty electricity and ultimately saves consumption and money. I learned this this the hard way by buying 16 individual watt savers (surge protectors) on a internet whim.
My salvation was that I bought them from Amazon and got 16 for $67, not the one or two at $50 ish. Plugging one next to every 110v appliance and being sure at least each circuit had one. Then I waited, (recording daily meter readings) it was 45 days. It’s been 90 days now, 3 bills. I’m seeing 30-35% savings! Recognizing these watt stops could work with up to 250v, my quest became to engineer an inline outlet for the dryer, range and a/c. Even the furnace blower got attention. I learned that RVs utilized a park connection cord and some with a surge protector. They would work for the dryer and range but not the a/c or furnace. I excitedly bought a used 4 prong 50amp RV cord with a surge protector built in for $10.00 only to realize the requirements called for a 3 prong 30amp style plug. While shopping Menards for conversation items 4 prong to 3, I discovered a whole house surge protector. It mounted outside the breaker panel with 4 wires to connect inside at a cost of $155.00.
My search went to Amazon, netting one for $60.00 that installed like a breaker with one wire to connect (grd). Ordered yesterday, received and installed today. The billing cycle starts on the 5th and daily meter readings continue, I can’t wait!
John P. Weiss says
“We need to purposefully desire to learn from others.” What an important recommendation. We are all a bit self-absorbed. Some more than others. We can’t wait our turn to interject in conversations. We want to show what we know. And in doing so, we miss the chance to gain wisdom from others, in every walk of life. What secrets does the janitor know? Think of the uncommon wisdom truck drivers know, not found in books. Or the venture capitalist, or dentist. We can learn much from others, if we’d only ask questions, be quiet, and listen.
Michael W says
John, I absolutely love your reply and sums it all up so much. We definitely need to break away from self-aborstition. Swallow our pride and deflate one’s ego and learn from others. Guess what human race others are learning from you without you even knowing it most likely. Swallow your pride, deflate the ego and seek out from others. Invite some new dialogue. Namaste!
Jo says
As always, thank you, Joshua. God is using you to shine His light into the darkness.
God bless you today with joy and peace.
-Jo
Susan Maddalena says
I really liked this article. As a 70 year old, new to Minimalism, and extremely set in my ways person, I see “My Ways” aren’t harmful or extreme, but what your words should me is that they are holding me back for experiencing the newness of what could be’s. My new Mantra – “What’s Working For Me”!
Judy says
I hear what you are saying, Joshua! Great post.
Gena says
I love this. I am going to adopt this.
Carole T says
Sage advice, Joshua! 🙌
Paula says
These are great questions, especially as I age. It’s so so easy to get stuck in my ways.
Julia Kasdorf says
I drink two cups of coffee every morning. And sometimes a treacherous voice asks “do you really want/need that 2nd cup?” I know I use coffee to delay the end of my morning repose, but I’m not sure it’s truly working for me.
Darn you, Joshua!
Stan says
These are really good questions to ask oneself and trusted others. I’m going to work a couple into my next phone conversation with a good friend. Thank you.