Life never fully goes as planned. In fact, nobody escapes unscathed as the old saying goes.
But sometimes, the trials and pains of life throw us so far from the life we dreamt for ourselves, it is difficult to find our bearings.
For any number of reasons, within or outside our control, life unfolded in ways we never anticipated and we find ourselves navigating through a reality we never desired‚ or in some cases, we’d never even wish upon our worst enemy.
We were unexpectedly given a painful health diagnosis, experienced the loss of a child, lost a marriage we fought hard to save, felt the brunt of an economic downturn, or suffered firsthand the devastation from a natural disaster.
For whatever reason, the life we live today feels far from the life we imagined for ourselves. Maybe, living isn’t even the word we’d use to describe our circumstances—surviving might be the best we can muster.
Sometimes the present trials and circumstances are a result of our actions—but not always. Sometimes our circumstances are no fault of our own. And sometimes they occurred quickly, while other times they slowly built over time.
Regardless, they have become the life we are presently living.
If that is you today, living a life far from what you imagined, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not the only one suffering. You are not forgotten. I see you and feel for you and love you. And if that is all you need to hear today, then I hope it encourages you.
But I also want you to know that while life might not look like what you imagined, it still holds potential for growth, impact, fulfillment, and meaning.
If you are breathing today, life still holds opportunity. And you need to believe that. Because you’ll never take steps toward joy until you believe they are possible.
No matter your age, your health, your surroundings, or your circumstances, the rest of your life can be lived intentionally for your good and the good of those around you.
I’m not here to tell you the road will be easy. If it was, you would have already found it. But it does exist. So hold your head up high.
If your life feels far from what you imagined, here are some truths and practices to help you reignite hope:
Recognize and Embrace the Now
This present moment, no matter how imperfect, is your life and it is where your life is happening. There’s no joy to be found in thinking it is different than it is. So, embrace it as true. But remember, embracing the now doesn’t mean giving up on the future; it only means recognizing the value of today.
Understand the Power of Choice
While we cannot control everything that happens to us, we always have a choice in how we respond. This involves discerning between what is within our power to change and what we must learn to accept. But there are always factors we can control, our attitude for example. And that should never be overlooked.
Seek Joy in Simplicity
In difficult circumstances, the need to find joy in simple, everyday moments is even more important and can be incredibly grounding. Whether it’s the warmth of the sun, a conversation with a friend, a pain-free afternoon, the laughter of a child, or a good book, these simple joys remind us of hope and joy.
Cultivate Gratitude and Positivity
There is always, always, always something to be grateful for. Even when life is far from what we envisioned, there are aspects of it for which we can be grateful. Basing our expressions of gratitude on changed circumstances will never bring them about. We must look, purposefully and intently every day, for reasons to be grateful.
Work Harder at Connections
Human relationships are a great resource in times of hardship. Reaching out for support and offering it in return creates a network of empathy and understanding, reminding us that we are not journeying alone. But this is harder for us to do when we feel our life has become something we wish it wasn’t. Humility and love can bring you back. So make that phone call today.
Dissolve Envy with Encouragement
It can be hard to celebrate the successes of others when we feel life has treated us unfairly. Work hard to not allow jealousy or envy to take root in your heart or relationships. Work to dissolve it by cheering and encouraging others instead.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be gentle with yourself. Recognize that feeling overwhelmed or disheartened is a natural response to life’s trials. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend.
Try Something New
If the old foundations on which you built your life have fallen away, look for a new foundation. Turn to faith or lean into the support of a close-knit community group, neighborhood, or club.
Pursue Personal Growth
Every remaining day is an opportunity for growth. And while your life may never become what you imagined it to be, engaging in activities that promote self-discovery and personal development will help you begin to re-imagine what the rest of your life can still become.
The world can be cruel. And life will always be unpredictable and complex. Your present journey may not be the one you wanted, but it is yours. And you are still important.
Anita says
I had to wait a few days to comment on this. I cried the first time I read it and again each day. My husband died 02/10/23. People refer to grief as a roller coaster or waves hitting. They are fitting descriptions. Some days I’m deep in grief and other days I’m OK Grief support groups help me and the people are so kind. Some days I’m overwhelmed by decisions or indecision that is fatiguing in itself. I have started journaling again but this time on my laptop since my handwriting is sometimes illegible or tear stained. He was sick for a long time with one thing after another. He was ready to go and I knew that but the reality of it is so different. Coming home to a too quiet house is lonely and the darkness can be scary or a cocoon depending on the day. At 70 years old, I’m living alone for the first time in my life. Friends have dropped away so I’ve joined the Senior club in our town and a Meetup group where I’m participating in activities. I’m looking for another home since this one has had one problem after another in the past year like it’s grieving too. It is too much to maintain by myself even though I did all that. But he was at least here for support, decision making talks or a hot meal after a hard day. I have learned to despise the word “widow’ on forms but single doesn’t fit either. Through it all, I have so much to be grateful for. I have kids and amazing grandchildren who are close by and very busy so I don’t see them as often as I like but they have good lives and are grieving too.
Joshua this line means so much to me: I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not the only one suffering. You are not forgotten. I see you and feel for you and love you. And if that is all you need to hear today, then I hope it encourages you.
You always encourage us whether is in the Uncluttering class or through your podcasts. I’m grateful that you’re here.
joshua becker says
So sorry to hear about your husband passing Anita.
Zuzanna says
Thank you. Just thank you. I really needed to read that today.
Amy Hatfield says
That is an inspirational article that I will read every morning to get my positive fuel for the day!
Selene Ting says
Thank you so much for this reassuring message. We sometimes greet the new year with a heavy sigh, when we realize all we did is walk in circles. Our life is never how we’d like it to be, but if there’s hope and self-compassion, we can try anew. Instinctively, I’ve already tried to take the steps you mention, but not to a consistent degree. I’m hoping that with practice, I’ll do better for 2024.
María Elena Granados says
Thank so much for this wonderful article. It was very special in this day: God bless you¡¡¡¡
Sue Roberts says
Hmmmm. Almost feels like you’ve had the “inside scoop” on my life this past decade. I’ve lived this! Thankfully, because of my great love for the Lord, he has worked out all things for good in my life. I’m grateful for His hand on my life. Great article!!!
Cheli says
Thank you for exactly the post I needed to read today. Dealing with health problems has left me feeling drained and vulnerable. Your encouraging words are like a warm blanket and a big hug. Bless you for being you.
Catherine Sutton Blumberg says
Today’s message is so encouraging. My family and I are experiencing quite a few of life’s down times. These words help to ground me! Thank you.
Linda Bedard says
This is such a beautifully expressed letter. My life, today, is very good. My family and I have had plenty of ups and downs, but my husband and I are good at finding joy in the simple things and remembering that tomorrow is a new day. We have instilled that in our adult daughters as well. It’s harder for them to see the positive on their tougher days, but we know that’s part of the wisdom we learn if we’re willing to keep growing and evolving as we age.
I am so thankful for your newsletters. You often speak to things I already know, but they are so important to be shared and you are doing that. I enjoy sharing your letters with my friends and family as well. This one should be saved by all of us for those tough days, weeks, months…..
Thank you for sharing your philosophies lovingly with us, Joshua! You and your wife have a lovely perspective on life and you have learned how to live it. Blessings and love to you and your loved ones. <3
Stefania says
What a wonderful article. Well written and full of amazing information for anyone. A good reminder for those who are struggling or not. This is a keeper. Thank you so much!
Jean says
I didn’t think I’d be at this stage of my life with the passing of my parents and sister. I started to read this and was going to move it into my delete folder. Actually paused… and opened it a read the entire piece. This will be something I save and read over and over again. Thank you for this message of hope …