20 New Ways to Judge Others

Do not judge from mere appearances…” – Edwin Hubbel Chapin

For too long our world has made judgments about others on faulty criteria. As a result, we’ve championed, promoted, and followed some wrong people along the way. We’ve judged others on the color of their skin, symmetry of their cheek bones, salary package, neighborhood of residence, eloquence of speech, designer of clothing, or model of car. We’ve been focused on the wrong things. And have made some terribly awful judgments along the way – both personally and collectively.

Might I take a moment and recommend some new measurements? Some new measurements that are not external in nature, but are internal… measurements that weigh the very heart and soul of humanity. And begin to give us a far better sense of who to trust, who to follow, and who to champion.

20 New Ways to Judge Others.

1. Character in solitude. Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light.

2. Contentment in circumstance. Often times, contentment remains elusive for both the rich and the poor. It is a struggle for humanity no matter their lot in life. Rich is the man or woman who can find contentment in either circumstance.

3. Courage during adversity. Courage can only be revealed when it is required. And only those who have displayed it and acted upon it during adversity can lay claim to its possession. This adversity can take on many different forms, but courage will always look the same: action in the face of fear.

4. Faithfulness in commitment. Those whose words are true ought to be highly lifted up in our world today. Whether our word is given with a handshake, a contract, or a wedding ring, those who hold true to their oaths are worthy of commendation.

5. Generosity in abundance. To those who have received much, much should be given away. Often times, this abundance comes in forms other than material possessions. And in that way, we each have been given much… and each ought to be generous in our use of it.

6. Graciousness towards others. Those who routinely extend grace to others are among my greatest heroes. They have a healthy realization that this world is largely unfair, that people come from a variety of backgrounds, and that nobody is truly self-made… even themselves. As a result, they are quick to extend grace and mercy to others.

7. Gratitude despite circumstance. Those who can find enough good in any circumstance to express gratitude are typically focused on the right things. And those who are focused on the right things tend to bend their lives towards those things… and draw others along with them.

8. Honesty in deprivation. It is when we are deprived of something desired that honesty is the most difficult. Whether we are deprived of something physical or intangible (like a desired outcome), dishonesty is often used to quickly take gain of something. Those who show honesty during deprivation reveal how highly they esteem it.

9. Hope during heartache. When heartache cuts at such a deep level that simple optimism is not enough… only hope can emerge. When it does, it is undeniably from a source far greater than ourselves. And those who find it, discover one of the greatest powers in the universe.

10. Humility in accomplishment. Those who are quick to deflect praise in accomplishment ought to be first in receiving it.

11. Inspiration in relationship. We are all in relationship with others – sometimes in person, sometimes in print, sometimes in other ways. These relationships should not be used solely for personal gain but for bringing out the best in others. And those who inspire others to become the best they can be should be gifted with more and more and more relationships.

12. Integrity in the details. Integrity is found in the details. Those who show integrity in the little things of life will typically display it in the bigger things as well.

13. Kindness to the weak. It is usually the weakest among us that are in most need of our kindness… and yet they receive it the least because they have no way to immediately repay it. When kindness is only shown for the sake of repayment, it becomes an investment and is no longer true kindness. Our true measure of kindness is shown in how we treat those who will never repay us.

14. Love for enemies. Anybody can love a friend. Anybody can love those who treat us well… and everybody does. But it takes a special type of person to extend love towards those who treat us unjustly.

15. Optimism towards others. See the good in everyone. There is simply no way to bring out the best in others if you haven’t seen it first.

16. Perseverance in failure. Failure reveals much about our heart. It reveals our character, our humility, and our perseverance. We will all at some point face failure. And those who get back up and try again ought to be esteemed in our mind.

17. Purity in opportunity. While character is revealed in solitude and integrity is revealed in the details, purity is revealed in the face of opportunity. When dishonest gain (money, power, sex, etc.) presents itself, those who choose purity ought to be praised. Not only do they personally sleep better at night, but they make this world a better place for all of us.

18.Respect for authority. Authority brings order to a world of disorder. Certainly there are numerous examples throughout history (and today) of proper timing in overthrowing authority that oppresses its subjects. But in most cases, authority brings reason and order… and it should be allowed to do so.

19. Responsibility for mistake. From the weakest to the strongest, we all love to pass the blame. I can see it in my 5-year old daughter and I can see it in my government leaders. We are a people that are slow to accept responsibility for our mistakes. This is unfortunate. Because only those who can admit their mistakes have the opportunity to learn from them.

20. Self-control in addiction. We are a people that too often give control of our most precious asset to another. We fall under the influence of substances, possessions, or entertainment. When we do, our life is no longer our own. And those who retain self-control in the face of addiction ought to be recognized as unique and judged accordingly.

And when we all begin to properly esteem, champion, and follow those who lead from the inside… we will make far less mistakes in choosing who to follow.

Joshua Becker

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.
Bestselling author of Simplify & Clutterfree with Kids.

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Comments

  1. says

    Wow this is a great list to live by! I was just discussing with my husband why I feel like I don’t have many friends. After reading your list, I’m trying to find which areas I’m lacking in, so I can fix them, and hopefully gain more friendships and relationships. Thank you for this :)

  2. Valerie Barnes says

    As a parent, I can see this list as great discussion points with all of my children – middle schooler through adult. I also think that these would be excellent starting points for college application essays. I especially think that #7 is very difficult to teach children, despite the family dynamic, because there are so many outside influences that make embracing #7 (and #8 and #17) so challenging. Additionally, #19 is a tough one for children, who have a hard time understanding that mistakes are not usually (I hope!) deliberate. As an adult, I find #2, #12 and #20 characteristics on which I must work continuously. Mental or physical exhaustion create a very slippery slope! Thanks for putting all of this together!

    • Jen B says

      Bernice, I would think that one’s OWN character is the only place to look – or at least the first. Lead by example…do as I do, not just as I say… And OH how I struggle with that, especially now that I have three little ones providing watchful eyes and honest commentary! :-D

  3. AP says

    What a great post. You should know the time and effort you put into sharing your thoughts is very much appreciated. I am amazed at how often (especially at work) conversations revolve around gossip and passing judgement. It kind of makes me sick. We see human nature tends to take the easy road, make assumptions and pat ourselves on the back when we think we’re right and move on to the next self-gratifying observation. But herein lies the beauty of today’s message – rather than ‘judge the judger,’ why don’t I find as many of the 20 you listed and find the good in those individuals pass gossip/judge. My example may cause a change.

    This ‘article’ should be on the front page of newspapers and news sites. Could you imagine that? Rather than seeing headlines about a ‘celebrity’s new look’ or the media flavor of the week, it would be nice to see something like ’20 New Ways to Judge Others’ on yahoo’s homepage or on the 5 o’clock news. Yes, the world just might be a better place.

    Until then, I will continue to forward this message to as many friends and family. Thank you for this site and especiallys today’s post. – ssl

    • Laureen Young says

      I agree, the Ten Commandments were given by God to people like you and me; however without the power of the Holy Spirit our attempts to keep these Commandments are futile.

  4. Kelly Bernard says

    I rarely take the time to comment but I really, really like this post and it comes at a very relevant time for me. Thanks Joshua!

  5. DS says

    A great list apart from no 17 – I disagree with that one entirely. The people I respect the most are those who constantly challenge and question authority, and don’t blindly follow others. No need to do it in a combatitive or confrontational way, but independent and free-thinking all the same.

      • kj says

        I very much agree that #18 threw me off entirely. Every other point I could find agreement and value in, but I feel that if people lived by the other 17 points, #18 would be unnecessary, which means to me that authority is only necessary because a large portion of people are making bad, selfish or desperate decisions (including authority figures.)

    • Björn Engström says

      I think this point is all about perspective, and it is very easy to be subjective when allmost everyone has something bad to say about authority.
      If you live in for instance, Libya you can easily mix up Authority in general with the authority you dislike.
      But if you don’t have Authority you can’t have rules, if you can’t have rules there will be chaos.
      Very few thinks rape, murder and so on are good things, but often ppl have issues with minor rules that they disagree with.

    • says

      DS,
      I think you can challenge authority and still respect it and this is the higher ideal. Martin Luther King Jr. is a prime example of this. He respected authority in every situation – abiding by the consequences that authority brought to bare and spending ample time in prison and at the punishing end of both the baton and the fire hose. He never raised his fist against authority. He called for change and all the while stayed within the bounds of the law where his conscience allowed. When it did not allow, he broke the law and willingly paid the price. He stood for justice and stands in sharp contrast to the mobs of London of recent months.

      Just a thought. Great post Joshua!
      -Aaron

  6. Yogi Mat says

    I think you missed the point, all these faulty judgements are made out of convenience, not because the people making them actually believe them to be true. You are in a minority since you are prepared to go to greater lengths to find Your truth, but when you look to your neighbour and your neighbours neighbour you will see the problem, it is one of convenience. If you can make a case for a convenient ethical framework based on something other than idealistic rhetoric then you might be on to something, otherwise the dualling loops of the political power place will continue to hold sway. It would be great if truth were as convenient as deception, but the trouble is, it isn’t. God Bless.

  7. says

    Great list. You have pretty much described my husband! I am lucky.
    I think #14 needs further explanation.
    Loving your ennemy should not mean acceptance of wrong behavior. Too many people let themselves be abused in the name of love.
    How do you love the terrorists who flew into the twin towers? We can have understanding of their frame of mind and compassion for their painful ignorance. We still must condemn their actions and protect ourselves, no?
    As for # 18 my understanding is that authority is not only external but internal, discipline is having authority over oneself and is a good thing. Authority is absolutely necessary for life as a group to function: family unit, schools, countries,
    world… Even in the animal kingdom, there are very clear signs of authority.

    • says

      re: #14

      You don’t have to accept the behavior, certainly; but accept the person. Love the person despite his behavior because that person could be you (and actually, *is* you in a human context).

      I used this example the other day when describing what I believe “Love your enemies” means:

      Say your friend is being abused by his or her spouse. A compassionate response is to do everything you can to remove your friend from the abusive relationship, but without contempt for the spouse. You don’t have to accept the behavior of the spouse and you certainly want the best for your friend, so you don’t talk shit about the spouse, even when the friend might; to be truly compassionate you don’t feed into that hurt on either side.

      It’s hard to do, but I think it’s the best way.

  8. DS says

    @Sarah B R I disagree with that, authority is not absolutely necessary for life to function, as others have pointed out if we all followed all the other rules then authority would become redundant and unneeded. I guess while most of the points are fairly neutral and could be accepted by everyone, no 18 is a fairly political point and your response to it will differ depending on where you sit on the political spectrum.

      • Kenny says

        Being more used to “Rules are made for the blind obedience of fools and the guidance of the wise” – I have to say, thank you for the new, pithier, take on this !

  9. Carrie K says

    This was amazing! deep thoughtful and to the point. Truly excellent! I kept wishing that i was THAT kind of person :) Thank you for the motivation.

  10. says

    I only pray that my daughter will live by these rules. Her mother, I know, is not. To Michalya Todd; please live by these rules as I would have instilled them into you. I love you immensly and not allowed to see you because of your Mother. I will always be waiting for you.

    Love Always,
    Dada

  11. says

    While I think these are a strong basis for an ethical society, I’m turned off by the use of judgment in general. I think judgment has put us in the positions we’re in; the only real way to get out is to not judge at all, for better or worse.

    Just accept things as they are, but change the world with your own actions. You know?

    (An example off the top of my head: people that litter. Obviously, littering is a sign of ignorance on several accounts. I don’t judge the person for littering, I simply pick it up and put it in the trash.)

    • Kate says

      The 9 Ways We Participate in Others’ “Sins”
      By counsel
      By command
      By consent
      By provocation
      By praise or flattery
      By concealment
      By partaking
      By silence
      By defense of the ill done

  12. smibbo says

    You miss one thing I think is very important: the ability to accept defeat without self-recrimination. Sometimes things just don’t work out and all the perseverence in the world won’t change that. All too often people hurt themselves by being afraid to let go. Whether its a loved one dying, an opportunity missed or a natural occurence inflicting devastation, there are times when on needs to accept the lack of control in life and move on.

  13. Torrey says

    First of all, amen! The qualities expressed here are not just metrics for “judging” others, but for judging ourselves. Well put.

    My only gripe with this post is that these are not “new” ways to judge people. I have inserted Bible passages that speak to these qualities so that we might “give credit to whom credit is due.” There are a plethora of other verses that could have been inserted, but only a few were chosen. I hope none will deny themselves the riches of God’s Word where true wisdom is found.
    _______
    Do not judge from mere appearances…” – Edwin Hubbel Chapin

    “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment” – Jesus Christ (Jn. 7:24)

    For too long our world has made judgments about others on faulty criteria. As a result, we’ve championed, promoted, and followed some wrong people along the way. We’ve judged others on the color of their skin, symmetry of their cheek bones, salary package, neighborhood of residence, eloquence of speech, designer of clothing, or model of car. We’ve been focused on the wrong things. And have made some terribly awful judgments along the way – both personally and collectively.

    Might I take a moment and recommend some new measurements? Some new measurements that are not external in nature, but are internal… measurements that weigh the very heart and soul of humanity. And begin to give us a far better sense of who to trust, who to follow, and who to champion.

    20 New Ways to Judge Others.
    1. Character in solitude. Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light.

    Matt. 6:4 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

    Matt. 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

    Matt. 6:18 That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.

    2. Contentment in circumstance. Often times, contentment remains elusive for both the rich and the poor. It is a struggle for humanity no matter their lot in life. Rich is the man or woman who can find contentment in either circumstance.

    Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

    3. Courage during adversity. Courage can only be revealed when it is required. And only those who have displayed it and acted upon it during adversity can lay claim to its possession. This adversity can take on many different forms, but courage will always look the same: action in the face of fear.

    2Cor. 8:2 How that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their liberality.

    4. Faithfulness in commitment. Those whose words are true ought to be highly lifted up in our world today. Whether our word is given with a handshake, a contract, or a wedding ring, those who hold true to their oaths are worthy of commendation.

    James 5:12b …let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay.

    5. Generosity in abundance. To those who have received much, much should be given away. Often times, this abundance comes in forms other than material possessions. And in that way, we each have been given much… and each ought to be generous in our use of it.

    Luke 12:48b For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

    6. Graciousness towards others. Those who routinely extend grace to others are among my greatest heroes. They have a healthy realization that this world is largely unfair, that people come from a variety of backgrounds, and that nobody is truly self-made… even themselves. As a result, they are quick to extend grace and mercy to others.

    Gal. 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

    7. Gratitude despite circumstance. Those who can find enough good in any circumstance to express gratitude are typically focused on the right things. And those who are focused on the right things tend to bend their lives towards those things… and draw others along with them.

    1Th. 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

    8. Honesty in deprivation. It is when we are deprived of something desired that honesty is the most difficult. Whether we are deprived of something physical or intangible (like a desired outcome), dishonesty is often used to quickly take gain of something. Those who show honesty during deprivation reveal how highly they esteem it.

    2Cor. 13:7 ¶ Now I pray to God that ye do no evil; not that we should appear approved, but that ye should do that which is honest, though we be as reprobates.

    9. Hope during heartache. When heartache cuts at such a deep level that simple optimism is not enough… only hope can emerge. When it does, it is undeniably from a source far greater than ourselves. And those who find it, discover one of the greatest powers in the universe.

    Rom. 5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
    Rom. 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
    Rom. 5:4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

    10. Humility in accomplishment. Those who are quick to deflect praise in accomplishment ought to be first in receiving it.

    Matt. 18:2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
    Matt. 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
    Matt. 18:4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

    11. Inspiration in relationship. We are all in relationship with others – sometimes in person, sometimes in print, sometimes in other ways. These relationships should not be used solely for personal gain but for bringing out the best in others. And those who inspire others to become the best they can be should be gifted with more and more and more relationships.

    1Th. 4:9 ¶ But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
    (This type of love puts the best interest of others first)

    12. Integrity in the details. Integrity is found in the details. Those who show integrity in the little things of life will typically display it in the bigger things as well.
    Luke 16:10 He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

    13. Kindness to the weak. It is usually the weakest among us that are in most need of our kindness… and yet they receive it the least because they have no way to immediately repay it. When kindness is only shown for the sake of repayment, it becomes an investment and is no longer true kindness. Our true measure of kindness is shown in how we treat those who will never repay us.

    James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

    14. Love for enemies. Anybody can love a friend. Anybody can love those who treat us well… and everybody does. But it takes a special type of person to extend love towards those who treat us unjustly.

    Luke 6:27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

    15. Optimism towards others. See the good in everyone. There is simply no way to bring out the best in others if you haven’t seen it first.

    Titus 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.

    16. Perseverance in failure. Failure reveals much about our heart. It reveals our character, our humility, and our perseverance. We will all at some point face failure. And those who get back up and try again ought to be esteemed in our mind.

    James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

    17. Purity in opportunity. While character is revealed in solitude and integrity is revealed in the details, purity is revealed in the face of opportunity. When dishonest gain (money, power, sex, etc.) presents itself, those who choose purity ought to be praised. Not only do they personally sleep better at night, but they make this world a better place for all of us.

    1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

    18.Respect for authority. Authority brings order to a world of disorder. Certainly there are numerous examples throughout history (and today) of proper timing in overthrowing authority that oppresses its subjects. But in most cases, authority brings reason and order… and it should be allowed to do so.

    Heb. 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

    19. Responsibility for mistake. From the weakest to the strongest, we all love to pass the blame. I can see it in my 5-year old daughter and I can see it in my government leaders. We are a people that are slow to accept responsibility for our mistakes. This is unfortunate. Because only those who can admit their mistakes have the opportunity to learn from them.

    Gal. 6:5 For every man shall bear his own burden.
    Gal. 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

    20. Self-control in addiction. We are a people that too often give control of our most precious asset to another. We fall under the influence of substances, possessions, or entertainment. When we do, our life is no longer our own. And those who retain self-control in the face of addiction ought to be recognized as unique and judged accordingly.

    Phil. 4:5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

    And when we all begin to properly esteem, champion, and follow those who lead from the inside… we will make far less mistakes in choosing who to follow.

    • Cecilia says

      TORREY……my favorite Quote is
      “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
      ― Epicurus
      You can see not all of us believe in your god…don’t judge..We are still good people. The only difference is we we are good because it is right not because we have a fear of judgement in the after life..

      • Audrey says

        Hi Cecilia! Just wanted to add that I believe in God and I choose to do right because of who I am. I have never feared God. I know he loves me whether I do right or wrong.

    • Tom says

      Sometimes it is better to not say God or Jesus right off because for some people it just put’s a bad taste in their mouth. I also believe in Jesus Christ as my way of life but have come to find out that if it is said like the way the minimalist put it down the line people start to wonder, well this works so well I wonder where he got his info and then it is up to us to tell them where it came from. For some people they like to take things for a ride before they buy it and that’s OK let us be here to guide them into the best ride they can get in life that being a life with our Lord and Savior at the wheel. Thank you for the Bible references that was nice too.

  14. Mark in VT says

    This is a great list. But I imagine even it’s
    author cant profess perfection in all these areas.
    I do believe they are Christian but also common sense ideas. Ideas put into action, become reality however. I’ve met you a couple of times but I really never was able to chat. I am returning to Jesus, and found this by accident (almost). I don’t agree with everything you say,
    but thus is very good.

  15. Mark in VT says

    Joshua,
    Something we do( besides discerning needs
    From wants,) it’s zero out the checkbook if it’s got 10 15 dollars, knowing your direct deposit Is the next day. To make this Short, in a year or
    Less it’s very easy to have 7 or 800 extra in your checking. it works, and you don’t miss it. The Checking account has not been low enough to zero out. I’m sure you have thought of this but just thought I would share
    Mark

  16. Cathy says

    Great post! I do, however, think #20, requires further clarification. Addiction to many substances, i.e. alcohol, drugs, is a disease. Judging someone who is battling a disease, however misunderstood this disease may be, is perhaps the most judgmental and least compassionate thing of all.

  17. Omotola Gbolahan says

    Amazing thought- provoking post you got there.
    Challenges all the philosophies of our phony civilization while still managing to instill a lot of faith based teaching without sounding Pharisaical.

    Confidently woven, expertly written a masterclass.

    PS: was wondering if you might turn this into an eBook laden with graphics and pictures to be available as a download on this site. This is the best I’ve read online by a mile in years. (I’m a web Junkie!)

  18. Kirbert says

    As soon as I got the gist of the message, I started looking for the one I’ve been championing for years. Sure enough, it’s there at #8. I don’t word it quite the same way, but I have been flabbergasted many times by people who claim they are honest except where there’s money involved, then all bets are off. The cashier accidentally gives you a nickle too much change? Well, you’ll give that back — but what if it’s five bucks? Just exactly how big an error must be in your favor before you decide to just keep it? THERE’S where you separate the honest people from the crowd. Being honest when it costs you nothing doesn’t count; it’s when it hits you in the wallet that your character is revealed.

  19. says

    I recently forgave those who had abused me when I was younger. It was something I had tried many times to do before -and failed to do. But finally I feel a sense of freedom now I have finally forgiven

  20. says

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  21. Fiona says

    Cathy’s comment above is spot-on. I was going to share this list with friends on Facebook until I got to #20 — and that one is so far off base, I can’t share the rest, as good as it is.

    Addicts have problems with their brain chemistry that no amount of “willpower” can overcome. It is not a matter of discipline as a non-addict understands it. This type of thinking is part of the stigma that keeps addicts from getting the help they need. Please do a little research, talk to some recovered addicts, and reconsider what you’ve written here.

  22. Nina says

    Fantastic work… You should be very proud. And to all those that commented that you were gonna share it until number ….. I say go with your first impulse, trust that others are smart enough to get the benefit from this fantastic work… Trust in your instincts, the part that upset you, may be just what someone else needs to hear.

  23. Vickie says

    Awesome list – #13 is something I learned several years ago when checking my heart motive about giving. I made a choice to give to people, organizations where I could get nothing in return but the pure joy of helping someone. It was life changing.

  24. Anne-Marie Meunier says

    Thank you for this very insigntful post. I am currently in knots about negative kids roaming around my own children. This has escalated into a very tensed situation with neighbours that i desperately want to defuse. Reading such a text inspires me to step back, TRY not to judge and jump to conclusion as to the neighbours’ motives, and refrain from fueling this bad vibe. I’ll have to read this again many times though, as it is harder said than done, but completely worth the effort. Thank you.

  25. Colleen says

    Wonderful, thought provoking post. I always take something away from your articles. I do not often comment, but needed to this time, as this article touched me on a very deep level. Please keep doing what you do. The humility with which you write is refreshing and helps you to be heard. ~Colleen~

  26. says

    I just discovered your blog and am making my way through your suggested posts. This one is outstanding and I wanted you to know that.

    I also ordered your latest book from Amazon and I’m about to head downstairs to begin a massive declutter project.

    You have a new faithful reader.

  27. patrea curry says

    thats all Scripture, did you know that? my life verse is Philippians 4:11-12
    12: I know what it is like to be in need,and i know what it is it have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. and i have learned THAT in my own life.

  28. cameron says

    “Judge” seems an unfortunate word choice. When I read the headline, my first thought was that we don’t need more ways to be judgmental about one another. Certainly, it makes sense to refine our criteria in regard to the relationships we maintain and the way we live our lives. Think I’ll continue to work toward judging others less rather than looking for new reasons to continue.

    That ‘judge not’ thing fits in here somewhere I think.

  29. Tdlais says

    Thank you. The list pulls together many truths about simplifying and strengthening out relationships. The Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments, the sermon on the mount. The Teaching of Budha and the Tao.

    In other words it represents the universality of goodness.

    Renee Armond published a rendition of “As you let yourself be healed”. In which she tied our own health to that if others. We are social spirits. Only in the past 50 years have we rapidly filled the geogrsphic gaps between us. There is rapidly becoming no more other but the paradox is that the individual is coming into focus. This is the true mystery.

    We are not humans having a spiritual experience rather we are spirits having to figure out the confines of the human experience. We can do this only with unconditional love.

  30. Kerry says

    It has been my experience that the most generous people are not those who have an abundance, (of course there are exceptions) but rather the people who have little. I think this is because they are moved with compassion because they know what it feels like to struggle, and so they give sacrificially. It may not add up to much, but like the story of the widow’s mite, they give all they have.

  31. Dana says

    I love your posts! However when I start reading the comments I always get bothered. It seems a lot of people take you writing word for word for factual truths that everyone should follow step by step just how you say.
    I don’t see it that way, I see your work as inspiring. For me myself to take as I wish and do in my own way. Parts of this post resonate very deeply and others not as much for my way of life. However all in all it’s a fabulous source of inspiration.

  32. Sandy K/ says

    GREAT POST! Very profound and thought-provoking. In the end, we will make far “fewer” mistakes (“less” is for quantities, such as “less milk” — “fewer” is for numbers, such as “fewer” glasses of milk) in choosing who to follow. This article really hit the mark!

  33. says

    Bravo Joshua,

    You have got my attention on this humid, muggy, day in southern Indiana. I find myself, wanting others to treat me this way, but often treating others the opposite. I will try to do better.

    Thank you

    Jim

    • Tina says

      I thought when I read this that you meant us to judge people on behavior not number of fancy possessions. I have a friend who is sick and watched who came to see her and who did things for her. Some people just made excuses and a woman mowed her lawn, picked up her mail, etc. One woman has not even been to see her. She has been in the hospital for two weeks but because she has no money I guess some people feel she is not worth visiting.

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