“It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game ever starts.” – Addison Walker
This past week I sent an e-mail to a friend. I thanked him for helping me over the years and being a significant factor in Becoming Minimalist’s success. He wrote back, “If I have helped you succeed, I am happy.” It was a short e-mail response, but it communicated an important truth: Our greatest successes in life are often found in helping other’s succeed. Our most lasting and fulfilling achievements are often earned by helping others fulfill theirs.
This is foreign thinking to a culture that often sees the world as one giant competition. In their mind, there is a set number of winners and losers. And if somebody else wins, that’s one less opportunity for me. But I have come to realize the mindset of competition is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie – that one more success in another’s life equals one less success in mine. But quite frankly, this thinking is incorrect.
There is wonderful freedom and grace in realizing the size of the pie is not finite – that in reality, the pie keeps growing. Another’s success does not mean I have less opportunity. In fact, another’s success can actually be my success if I had opportunity to enable, encourage, and promote them along the way!
Consider how helping another achieve success (however you/they decide to define it) results in significant benefits in a number of directions:
- The receiver has reached a far greater potential than they could have on their own.
- The world has been bettered and has been given a life-giving model to emulate.
- The giver is remembered fondly and is often publicly (and privately) thanked for their contribution.
- A stranger is likely to be the recipient of the original receiver “paying it forward.”
- And the cycle begins again.
Now, just to be clear, I am starting with an assumption that our greatest joys in life are rarely found in the relentless pursuit of selfish ambition – that selfish desires always leave us lacking and searching for more. Some may think that line of thinking is too unrealistic, far-fetched, or old-fashioned. They believe that in a dog-eat-dog-world if I’m not looking out for #1, nobody is. But that line of thinking is short-sighted.
Inherently, we know we have been designed to live for something greater than ourselves. Our contribution to this world has to be measured by something more meaningful than the size of our house or the neighborhood where it is located. And our lives are going to find lasting significance in how we choose to live them… and how we enable others to live theirs.
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In my experience, not only does the circle begin again, it also often comes full circle. Some of the best business I have ever got has come back through people that I had initially helped for free. Linking people to other people who can help them, with no obvious payoff for me, is one of my favourite things to do.
“Our contribution to this world has to be measured by something more meaningful than the size of our house or the neighborhood where it is located.”
yes, Yes, YES!
The entire piece speaks to me, but this last line: “our lives are going to find lasting significance in how we choose to live them… and how we enable others to live theirs” is direct affirmation of the way of life that I practice and share. It is absolutely wonderful to receive the gift of your reflection today! Thank you :)
I liked it, tweeted it, and am sharing it. Life is like love…the more you give the more you have.
Thanks Denise.
Two phrases fit so well with this post, Joshua. “Serving” and “adding value.”
Fantastic post!
Thanks Kent. I appreciate that. Thanks also for sharing it. And thanks for all you do empowering educators. As the parent of two small kids, I appreciate it.
This. This is what life is all about. As far as I can tell, if you do this, the money will follow. You might not be rich, but you will have enough.
When I lived in Costa Rica, I saw this in so many people! When I had my baby there, I was amazed at the amount of help I was given from people that were strangers or that I barely knew. Right now I work as an in-home mental health practitioner. I don’t make much money but I didn’t get into this business to make a lot of money – I truly enjoy helping others live a better life. Hoping to get back to Costa Rica soon and pay it forward there. :-)
Thanks for sharing that Sherri. Your story is a great example. After all, most people who truly love their work didn’t get into it for the money.
There is so much joy available when you know you’re having a wonderful impact on someone’s life :) Whether that’s a friend, client, your special partner, a parent, a sibling or a child – it’s lovely. :)
There’s just no better way to improve our lives than to improve someone else’s.
I have been thinking about this topic, with relation to my life, and I realize I have been waiting for a major way to help the world. In my head, I am thinking that if I don’t do a lot, it’s not worth doing anything at all. Of course, reading this post, affirms it for you, that a little help for someone else, goes a long way. We are all in a web here, a little help here, could cascade down and potentially change the lives of several hundred people. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of even doing a little.
And thank you for clearly making that distinction. Most often, the world is changed one life at a time.
“Another’s success does not mean I have less opportunity. In fact, another’s success can actually be my success if I had opportunity to enable, encourage, and promote them along the way!
I think what you describe here (and in this entire post) is the original and true “American Dream.” Competition in life is not the same as competition in sport or game. In life, success actually breeds success amongst the actors. There is no finishing line and there is no “first place” in the game of life.
Hey! Always nice to run into another Frank (even on the internet)
Agreed wholeheartedly. From what I’ve seen the cutthroat win at all costs mentality has only appeared over the last hundred years or so, since the end of WWI, or maybe even WWII. Before that we didn’t see that mentality outside of the sports field, and what little there was was more good fun among friends than literally wanting to run the other guy into the ground.
I’ve had mobility problems my whole life. Stiffness in my legs, poor coordination, etc. Yoga has been like a gift from God. My long term goal is to become a certified yoga teacher. My brother who just graduated law school and is studying for the bar thinks I’m insane, but I’ll let him have his long hours and piles of money. I’d rather make enough to get by, and know I’m making a difference in others’ lives than have piles of money but no life.
This is exactly why I come here. Great advice and motivation to correct our “normal” way of thinking.
And that’s why we love having you come here. Thanks for stopping by Jarrod.
Many thanks for a thought-provoking article. I have forwarded to several friends.
Also, thank you for the website in general. I am enjoying becoming a minimalist and find the ‘load’ I have been carrying in this life is much lighter simply by not feeling the need for things and by redefining what is valuable.
what could be more fulfilling than helping others succeed!
Thanks for the article from Tel Aviv.
Love this post! I grew up in a very competitive, “it’s you or me…are you moving up or aren’t you” household. That line of thinking left me depressed for a number of years. Competing with others rather than celebrating their successes and joy only serves to steal your own happiness and satisfaction.
I have since learned to think differently and have never been happier. I now celebrate people’s joys and try to lift others up. Sometimes I have to continually remind myself to do this (which I guess is kind of sad), but when I do, I see the real joy in life.
So I guess the next time my family asks me when I’m going to become a REAL nurse (I work with adults with developmental disabilities in a community setting) I will let it brush off my shoulders and know that I am helping others live full, healthy lives, and that’s all that matters!
Thanks for the inspiration!
I echo a lot of what’s written here. I had a difficult childhood, one that I needed to find a way out of. I began to believe in the world I saw in commercials. They seemed above it all, in a better place, the happy world of consumer products. I got a business education in university, thinking money was the path to get there. I didn’t know it was an illusion, working all those hours trying to pay for things that I wouldn’t have time to use. They became part of the set of some lost dream that didn’t come true. The consolation prize was that I could win the approval and acceptance of others through my things. Then, I got sick. My income dropped and I had to adjust. That’s when I started to learn what is really important. Things can be a burden, earning the money to pay for them, acquiring them, making a place for them, maintaining them, disposing of them. Moments and people are what I care about. Minimalism is my path now.
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