“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Unfortunately, many people view minimalism as only for the young single living in the city. Numbers of parents living in the suburbs think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children – as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Simplify, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist two years, I am continually amazed at some of the lessons my children (7 years old and 4 years old) have learned. Over the past two years, they have learned…
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did two years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did two years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were two years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied… and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff… not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
- Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
- Begin minimalizing your possessions first. Minimalize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
- Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed… they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
- Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
- Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
- Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
- (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
- Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
It was funny reading this because as I’ve continued reading your blog I was curious how embracing minimalism with children in the house would play out. Nicole and I don’t have any children yet, but we definitely want them (when we’re ready) and I wasn’t sure how we’d approach that when the time came. Needless to say I’m holding onto your article for future reference and much appreciate you writing it! :)
You are absolutely right – simplifying your life is not just for young singles without kids. I have two of my own and they have been part and parcel of this journey over the last few years. I think they can teach adults a few things about minimalism too :)
Not to counter your #2 point, which makes practical sense, but our family’s foray into minimalism began, ironically, with our children.
Anyone who has kids is familiar with that pre-birthday/pre-holiday exercise that I have come to call the “Thinning of the Accoutrements.” My wife and I would always go into our daughter’s room and try to make room for new toys (See point #7, above) by eliminating the ones that she had outgrown. It was easy to do as Ariel replaced Elmo and CandyLand replaced the Shape-O-Ball. Our daughter was always on board, too, saying things like, “Okay. We can give it to someone who doesn’t have any toys.” (Yeah, she really was that compassionate, even at age 2.)
One day I said to my wife, “Why don’t we ever do this with our things? We never replace what WE have, we just add to it.” Then I started thinking, why do I have 6 multi-tools, 12 flashlights, 7 coats, 5 tents, etc., etc., etc.?
So a year ago we went through EVERYTHING we own. It was a two week ordeal that eliminated about 80% of our excess. This year, we did it again but in much finer detail. We now have a LOT less “stuff” than we used to. Most went to charity. The neighborhood was having its annual Garage Sale, so we took advantage of that, too. (I can almost see Joshua shaking his head.)
I know minimalism is about simplifying… which, in turn, is about increasing the time you have in life to do the things you enjoy. But my experience is that there is an opportunity cost in adopting this life style on the front-end. Many hours went into going through, literally, everything we own, setting up for a garage sale, boxing/transporting things to charity, eBay-ing rarer items, etc. But once those things are finished there really is a lot more time as we don’t need to maintain nearly as many things as we had in the past.
And all this began with this simple task of preparing a toddler’s room for the bi-annual onslaught of materialism. Who knew?!
As an uncle, but not a parent, it seems to me like those with children might benefit more from a minimalist lifestyle than couples without children or singles. When your decisions effect more than just yourself, you can have a greater impact:
- You will buy many times less (toys for yourself and your children)
- Better food for more mouthes
- More people does not have to equal more square footage
Really, REALLY great advice. I’ve found that kids are typically really generous with their stuff – and when they have too much it overwhelms them and they don’t even play with the good toys. My only problem is a kid who is very sentimental. She wants to give, but cries thinking about who gave it to her, or when she got it, and those memories make it difficult for her to give even an unused item up. I’ve been photographing things for her to remember – that seems to help!
My parents are constantly using the excuse of still having kids (my younger siblings) as justification to not be able to live simply. They say they have certain responsibilites. Your post however is an excellent representation of how these responsibilities can be fulfilled while still pursuing a simpler life. You have explained it in a way I have been unable to. Thank you for the resource, I will be sure to share it with them.
Children are natural at being minimalist, we as a parent, relatives and peer pressure gets eventually for them to become future consumerist. I wrote similar thing in my last post, we all can be minimalist our own ways and what stage of life we are plays a huge role in it.
My wife and I were watching home videos yesterday, and noticed how there used to be so much stuff in the house. It was ridiculous! Granted, our youngest was a baby and was in a Jumperoo in the vid (those who’ve had one know how much space that thing takes), but I could point out all the things that were so unnecessary, and I’m glad we’ve gotten rid of them. We can actually walk, run, and roll around with the kids in our living room now.
Being minimalist with my kids isn’t my problem, it’s my wife. I just keep being an example to my wife and kids, and I can’t wait until we get ready to move next year. I can see a lot of things leaving our lives.
My children are very imaginative when it comes to toys. They can make do with boxes and tissue paper rolls and come up with amazing toys out of them. It inspires me to look for other ideas to make do with what I have, too.
The only problem with adopting a minimalist lifestyle with children is that other children seem to have embraced the consumerism at such a young age. I gave my 8-year-old emergency money because I didn’t believe she needs an allowance yet. She brings her own lunch to school. When other kids found out that her money was half what the other kids have, they taunted her. It broke my heart to have her suffer through that, but I told her that having money isn’t everything and that it doesn’t make her less of a person if she doesn’t have as much as the others. She took it in stride, but the mother in me wanted to protect her from these acts of cruelty for going against the norm. I just console myself that I have kids who will grow up without having to rely on things to boost their self-esteem.
minimalism really does work with kids. our 11 year old was raised that way. our almost 10 year old we adopted from china, so in a sense he was raised that way to. they would much rather walk to the park and play football or basketball then come home and order pizza than spend money on toys or things. when they get money, they almost always spend it on pizza, candy and movies rather than stuff. of course they know “mom will throw it out” so why bother?
When grandparents have asked what the children might like for gifts, generally at Christmas time, we have often answered that the children love to visit the zoo, discovery museum, etc, and that we like to purchase yearly memberships for these places. The relatives have been SO on board with that – they love sending the money, or part of the money for family memberships – they know that they are purchasing a gift that will really be used and enjoyed, not tossed to the side.
I have just found your blog and it is so good to read about other parents that embrace the same values as us.
That’s great advice in regards to young kids and teenagers, but I was wondering if anyone had thoughts about practicing minimalism with a baby?
When I look at friends or relatives who have one, it seems their house is instantly taken over by mountains of baby-related equipment, and I’m hoping to avoid that when the time comes.
Is there perhaps a resource or blog you could recommend that addresses that particular phase of family life?
….isnt that the core, that we do not KNOW how to spend time with kids?! I myself had to learn it; go from a busy work schedule (which also boosted my EGO and gave me a sense of social value) to sitting down and starring at an ant, repeating the word “ant” at least 100 times, and again pointing at it again and again and getting excited about that. Now, I realized that through my son I have come closer to living in the NOW, being present than anytime before. And I can enjoy it…. most of the time, BUT not all the time. Looking around at other parents, mainly mothers, it seems that scheduling playdates, doctors appointments and driving their kids to any possible event and hobby, is the major thing to do to run away from that presence which is often extremely uncomfortable.
Another thing that has helped me to live simple with a baby is living in Africa….WE DO NOT NEED ALL THESE SAFETY SECURITY GADGETS, people do not have them here and need them, and their children grow up to KNOW how to handle dangerous situations. READ the CONTINUUM PROJECT from Jean Liedloff.
BIG THANKS FOR THIS!
I would also counterclaim (as many already did) that simplifying actually means more to parents and while it may take more effort (as in coordinating more people’s possessions) also the benefits are even greater.
I started being more interested in environment, politics, agriculture, and food quality as I was pregnant with my first child. This is quite a natural path since you do want the best for your kid, and why not start with a better world :) Countering consumerism and getting rid of stuff was not yet given much thought (while I did see the connection there). It was a natural next step though, as piles of stuff started to grow around the small kid.
We are far from being minimalist yet, but have made some clear decisions in that direction and are slowly shedding extra stuff. Anything clearing space out makes living easier with a kid who loves to move around and move stuff. (We also found that our little one LOVES to clean and he also learned fast that things have predetermined places and tries to keep them there – much better than we manage.)
We did decide that we won’t move out from our 2 bedroom apartment just yet even though there’s a second kid coming. We will also try to keep our car (which means we need to find smaller baby seats because otherwise we won’t fit :) We do need to clear up more so that we’ll live comfortably. Sites like this are a great help in motivation – while having less stuff does eliminate need to clean as much, getting there does take a whole lot of cleaning…;)
camille: It all depends on what you choose. In US, people are used to having a huge amount of baby stuff. I laughed myself to near death when I heard you have electric baby wipe warmers. I mean, I live in one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world (Finland) but the idea of baby wipe warmer is absurd. First, baby wipes are already room-temperature, which quite appropriate, and second, you don’t need them. There’s a tap, the sink, and running water. And honestly, kids do not care if the water is quite cold (I’ve tested).
It is just a small sample but I think very descriptive of the problem. I have friends who raised their first child the first year by spending less than a couple hundred bucks. They had second-hand diapers (not disposable ones), the baby changing table was a towel on a floor, the had no car, no strollers (they did have quite a few different wraps and carry-on slings they used when on the move, and they did travel quite a lot), and no baby bed (the baby slept next to them in bed). These were not poor people, or cheapskates, but well-earning professionals who had decided what was necessary and what not.
Most toys are unnecessary. Our kid plays with any household equipment he gets, obviously also with his stuff sometimes, and gets the biggest kicks from non-stuff experiences – hanging out and playing catch with us, helping out with any household chore (you should hear the laugh and see the excitement when he helps in carrying laundry from laundry basket to washing machine, a few at a time) and just going out to play. We chose to have strollers and keep the car, had safety seat, got him his own bed when he was about 6 months, and had most clothes second hand (and most toys, now unused, as gifts). Add a milk bottle or two and you are done with all equipment you’ll need. We did not buy any “baby specifics” such as baby towels or plates unless we got them somewhere. When the baby starts to eat (4-6 months), plastic mug might be a good idea as it might get thrown. And something to cover up the kid when they start to eat real food.
It really takes just common sense, and possible abstination from commercials (and their evil variety, infomercials.) But a blog about the subject might be a good idea, to spread the word.
hey kl…..couldn’t agree with you further. and great idea with a blog….insecure new mothers need some other advice than the commercial driven baby major websites….(you know the ones, dont you?!)
my son started even from the beginning to eat with a normal plate and spoon, because he wanted it and did not like the plastic ones. by the time he was one year, he could eat alone with a spoon and started out with a fork. now, with 20 months he uses a normal spoon and fork by himself and he enjoys it so much. That I bought all this stuff on the baby lists I came across, was because I was insecure and scared and wanted to be perfect. Even our fancy stroller…honestly, I bought it for my own satisfaction….my son rode in it a few times and then decided that he wanted to just push it and walk on his own.
So, I would applaud you or anybody starting a blog about “the simple baby”….
Shelley September 15, 2011 My roommate read His Needs, her Needs when she was eagnged. The funniest advice was to practice good hygiene and to brush your teeth everyday. It was funny, but I guess some people don’t practice good hygiene!
Brilliant!
I adopted this approach in in raising my 4 children.
I was overwhelmed by the pressure to buy buy buy to sate my children’s happiness.
Money doesn’t = love.
My parents believed it did and now my whole parenting approach is completely opposite the thier’s.
My children are much happier with less,it means their choices are minimalised and easier to make.
Cloud, camille, and anyone else interested: http://thesimplebaby.wordpress.com/. (Thanks for the name!) I figured that why not, I could possibly have something to say. (As you can read from the intro post, I’ll most likely think about these things more towards the end of the year ;)
Anyone willing to contribute or share stories, please drop a line on the comment box. I will later get an email to match that I will put public on the site (I try to avoid spam so I won’t be using my regular one).
I am just starting to read and really want to have this lifestyle and I am feeling so overwhelmed. I did start last night just doing one thing and creating one bag to go but it is difficult to imagine the work required to get through the whole house. I have lived simply most of my life because of moving often and being single until I was 39 years old. Now I have a husband and two very young kids and haven’t moved in 5 years and the accumulation is astounding!! I have been obsessed with moving lately and I think it is solely because I think it would “force” us to begin this process. Any advice on staying calm and on track would be greatly appreciated!!!
rebecca,
just one bag at a time. no need to do the entire house in one day. small steps. juts pick one room and start there. and don’t feel bad about starting with the “low-hanging fruit,” – that’s the easiest place to start
I have been interested in this lifestyle for years now… but, I’m still working on getting there. I have a husband and 2 children (14 & 10). I just recently started purging one bag/box at a time. It truly makes me sick to see the money we wasted!!!! …and makes me think at least twice before I buy another THING. We’ve been together for 15 years. Neither of us has gotten rid of a whole lot of our accumulated STUFF. I am READY. We go to a cabin every year that merely has battery power and gas… no electricity… no clutter… only what we NEED. We ALL come home so happy, only to heave a heavy sigh from the burden of our things. I’m hoping that once I’m through my STUFF, seeing my example will encourage and inspire the rest of my family to follow suit. Any words of encouragement would be warmly welcomed and greatly appreciated!!!! :o)
My mom laughed in my pre-minimalism days when we had our first baby at the amount of stuff I thought we “needed” for a baby — she used to work as an OB nurse and they would ask the moms if they had a place for the baby to sleep, noting that an empty dresser drawer would work.
If I had it to do all over again, I would beg and borrow the absolute minimum to get the baby out of the hospital (car seat, clothing, blanket) and purchased NOTHING because the rest accumulates pretty naturally on its own between gifts and hand-me-downs. People, myself included, are pretty happy to pass all that junk along as soon as baby has out-grown it and as others have noted, a lot of it is completely unnecessary (even bad for you and I discovered with the baby wipes and the worst case of contact dermatitis/diaper rash that just seem to get worse the more we changed her — duh!) .
I have moved from cute things (outfits, toys) to useful things (diaper covers, slings) to monetary baby gifts. A lot less warm and fuzzy but a contribution to a college savings plan is a lot more useful than another little outfit or toy. Plus, now I just can’t think of much that I WANT to gift them.
I used to be a minimalst and saw little value in stuff. And then slowly, or maybe not-so-slowly, we accumulated tons of stuff in our marriage and then more with kids. I think once we had a house, the rest of the family began donating all their unwanted items to us. 4 kids later I began my minimalist rampage. It has been a year long process. I’ve reduced the number of clothes/shoes that each person is allowed to have (we can just do laundry more often, right?), have donated bags and boxes and trunkloads of items we just don’t need. I would estimate that 70% of my kids toys have disappeared and the amazing this is that they haven’t even noticed. I was fretting this week about getting rid of all the little people toys….I thought maybe I should keep either the bus or the plane, but in the end they both got donated. My kids would rather make a “car” out of a shoebox. My dad made sailboats out of cardboard boxes with each of them recently and they had days of fun with these….and then when the excitement wears off, it’s easy to recycle that toy. I love uncluttered spaces. When I feel that I don’t have time to sit and enjoy my kids, play a game or go to the beach because I’m too busy picking up the house, I know it’s time for another round of decluttering.
Great, I will be passing that website URL on to my daughter, who is expecting her 2nd child in the autumn.
I started out pretty minimalist, having been tipped off in an excellent little German book (I’ve meanwhile forgotten the title, unfortunately – it was 28 years ago!) about all that you don’t need… I thought that was brilliant. I had nothing anyway as a young, single mom and was grateful for all gifts and loans and not needing much.
However, more difficult was to stay with it. Everyone around me thought I needed stuff and we accumulated so much and totally lost sight of reality. Although I have to say there is much more rubbish to be had in Britain/US than we already had in central Europe!! Now it is worse than ever, we had nothing like a lot of the expensive junk available.
My wake-up call came when we were drowning in stuff after about 10 years and I gradually de-cluttered as my children got older and am now much happier. My daughters are actually all really good about not being influenced by brands and such, but there is such pressure from the society around us. Although my eldest daughter got off to a good start and was happy to do without a lot of things when she had her first child, gradually over the last 3 years she has also accumulated quite a bit through gifts and secondhand (though nothing as silly as a wet-wipe-warmer – gosh, how I laughed!). I think she would like to declutter a lot of them, really, so this website might help her to have the courage of her convictions.
If I were having my kids now, in my 40s, I would probably do things differently and be less influenced by others. I went to a baby store with my daughter and did not find one single thing I thought my grandchild might need. Not a single thing. The only thing we bought for him so far was a car seat, as you have to have those by law nowadays (my daughter travelled in a Moses basket on the back seat when she was small…). Otherwise, I find myself at a loss what to give when occasions come round, no needs and plenty of stuff. Sometimes I don’t give anything, just have him round to my place to play instead. He prefers that, I think.
Great article. It is actually much more beneficial when you are forced to live and explain the minimalist lifestyle to a young child who you love with everything you have. We must be constantly cognizant of practicing what we preach. Recently divorced, I found a small studio in downtown Seattle, and my 3 year-old loves it. Less stuff, more time to get out of the apartment, and an immediate cut in overhead, resulting in more liquid cash. Kids who grow up with parents who embrace minimalism, arguably, have a greater chance for understanding the simplicity of just being happy with what is in hand. How fun is “Movie Night” when it’s an actual event you plan for with your kids? Take your life back and spend more time with your children. When we’re on our death beds we’ll be smiling knowing we maximized our time with those we love.
Just wondering how you go with hand-me-downs and hanging onto things for subsequent children. We have 3 kids; boys – 5, 3 and girl 18mths with a boy due in a couple of weeks. We keep toys clothes books etc as the kids grow out of them so that the next can have them but this makes for a huge number of boxes stored in cupboards and garage waiting for a child to be the right age. Not too mention hand-me-downs from friends and family…any help on this one???
Hi, my husband and I have two small children (5 years and 18 months)… we are aspiring minimalists and have started our journey about 4 months ago… anyway, how we explained our new ways to our daughter was with questions to her… “would you like it if we did less clean up and more family time?”, “how would you feel if mommy didn’t ask you to clean up so much?”, ect… she has been great with it.. her toys consist of 3 smaller bins, one for horses, one for barbies and one for babies, she has some stuffed animals, a tub of dress up, one shelf of books, 2 coloring books, some paper, paints/crayons are in one zip lock baggie.. I have explained to her that if she gets anything more, she has to get rid of something… meaning we will never over fill her bins, ect. and if she gets presents and then don’t fit, she will give older toys to little boys or girls who don’t have toys. It’s worked great and I do find she appreciates her stuff a lot more. My 18month old has one “treasure box” of toys and it will never exceed that, but like today we went to a friends house and he was able to play with all sorts of different toys we don’t have, so you could tell he appreciated going to another little boy’s house for a play date :)
I’m just approaching to minimalism, and one of my doubts was how to become my whole family(two little girls, my husband and I) minimalist.
Your blog is an inspiration for me. I will continue reading it and trying to change our life for good.
Thanks!!
Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post. I like to write a little comment to support you.
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